In the last couple of weeks a few seemingly unrelated yet similar incidents occurred. We’ll start with this. “Just because he’s into all of the same nerdy shit as you doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate.” Powerful little tidbit muttered by a close friend this week who also pattern dates might I mention. I admit, I have a tendency to pattern date and be very selective. I have an ideal mental image of the person I’d like to see myself with and so when that surfaces I tend to over think everything and find myself pining over inevitably what turns out to be a lost a cause, still a learning experience none the less. I am not sure if any other women or men do this, but I tend to typecast who I date and if you don’t fit that mold you haven’t a chance in hell. Am I sabotaging potential relationships by this picky behavior, probably so but like everything else in my life the details matter. For me anyway.
Opposites Attract? Shit.
Earlier this week it was pointed out to me that the phrase “Opposites Attract” has real meaning to it. My question is what exactly is that meaning because I’ve not come across a shirt and tie that I could see myself with; this would be exact opposite of me a bro, a jock, a yuppy or whatever, you know the type. Is it the past that has scorned me (dated a few) or do I really just prefer the t-shirt and jeans type of guy? I prefer the t-shirt and jeans type of guy. A common thing I always hear among my circle of gal pals (blind leading the blind by the way) is that I need a man who knows what he wants and apparently they only come in shirt and tie fashion. This can’t be true? The evidence to prove otherwise may be lacking and that is the problem. I don’t think I’ve ever once been attracted to an opposite, whatever an opposite is. So these guys on dating sites that have screen names which reflect their favorite sport teams, wearing it as some badge of honor, are not my guy. Yet the search results lead them to me. How unfortunate. I’m pretty forthright with what I want and who I am and I’m continuously attracting not anything remotely close to what I’d envision myself with. Opposites are attracted to me and I not them. This presents a dilemma, one I am realizing has become more of an annoyance than anything else and certainly not flattering. As a professional who’s pretty successful does this put me in some category where shirt and tie is my only option? There’s a whole other fun side of me that certainly hopes not. I’m at a roadblock and thinking that perhaps I need to try on something new, perhaps an investment banker or doctor and see where that goes but really I think it would awkward and forced. The rich, the doting, I find it dull and not my thing. I don’t want the male version of me but do opposites really have to attract?
Dirty Starts Go Nowhere.
What did you say? I find myself thinking this all the damn time lately. Creepy and lame pickup lines have now been replaced with digital dirtiness, fabulous. Mobile devices apparently have given guys a right of passage to unsolicited and random premature dirty talk. I’m well aware that I have a great rack thank you for noticing please don’t comment further when I’ve never even met you, thanks. I guess I’m just not that starved for attention that I find this behavior flattering. This is why I tend to go with the shy guy because either they have great manners or they’re just too scared to say such things. I’m glad that some men have enough confidence to say whatever their big head or little head triggers them saying so but trust me when I tell you that unless you’re some heart throb it’s just gross and unnecessary. I attract a lot of this. Again with the opposites. Shit. Between Facebook pokes, Skype requests, unsolicited sexts and random inappropriate wall posts I find myself feeling like I’m surrounded by a pack of horny wolves who’ve forgotten the art of conversation. Is this really dating in 2011? What happened to slow paced getting to know you kind of stuff? The city is in heat and it needs to cool down a bit. Am I the only person out there who doesn’t budge for boob compliments? Those who do this are opposite of me and my character. Opposites don’t attract.
A Stunner in Heels.
And Chanel might I add. As I re-enter the world of being a skinny bitch, I find myself more confident. With that comes new digs and lip gloss called Sugar Shag. I have to admit there isn’t a doubt in my mind that confidence attracts but again, what exactly? I wonder sometimes if the things said to me while I am out or the way in which I’m approached actually works on other women. My friends tell me I have a tendency to be wound up to tight and blow too many people off. Perhaps I do, but again that mental image of what I want has only surfaced twice in the last 2 years and while neither worked out I’m still thinking my guy will fit that image, personality and gentleman like persona. It’s all pretty confusing. I admit that this weekend I got all dolled up (first time in a while) and it was really just for one person. To him, however I was invisible but to several others that was not the case. Bummed about that I was pissy all night and I don’t really recall how many exactly I gave the cold shoulder to afterwards but there were a few. Which brings me back to the theme in this stream of consciousness, is that mental image of perfection for me hindering me from meeting someone well, different? Is Mr. Right really Mr. Opposite? Why is different so uncomfortable for me? I’ve thought about this for a few days and the only real thing I can determine is that different sometimes tries to change you. I don’t want to be changed. I like being simple, having fun, enjoying time with friends and not feeling pressured to be something I am not..something more like my opposite. Gentleman wanted.
No one around me is really breaking the pattern yet they’re advising me to think outside of the beard box for a little while and get a taste of the opposite life. I’m not entirely sure that I am ready to give it a go but it’s certainly something I am analyzing, obviously. Last night I ran into a reader and invited him to sit and chat with my friends. He said he’d rather read about my dating debacles in my column. We were only discussing what I was going to write about this week for a short while but his statement got me thinking. All of this being single and dating talk really doesn’t do anything to help myself or my friends. I’d bet money that most guys I meet also fear they’d become a topic for my column. If you’re a douche your behavior may be mentioned but no names are ever dropped. If you’re that worried about it I’d suggest rethinking that behavior and lessoning the level of column worthy content then before asking me out. So, back to the curveball. I guess I really have no objection to trying something different or changing my approach because obviously my mental perfect image has yet to surface and pine out. The funny thing, some of the greatest guys I know who are my good friends are exact opposite of me and we get along great. So perhaps, there is something to it. I plan on doing some investigative research and will probably have a future column on this supposed “Opposites Attract” theory.
The juxtaposition of this column is at best a way for me to sort out my own chaos but as always I hope it triggers some provoking thoughts for my readers. If you exhibit pattern dating behavior, I’d love to hear from you and if you’ve stopped the cycle.