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Leah Hawthorn

NATIONAL BUSINESS ETIQUETTE WEEK, JUNE 2 – 8, 2013

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123rf-Etiquette-300x195Protocol and etiquette are no longer relegated to the international diplomatic community.  Knowledge of business protocol & etiquette is necessary for anyone engaged in local or global business and exchange.  We must be an enjoy for the firm we represent, equipped with knowledge and understanding of business and social customs of the person with whom we are negotiating.  It is this know-how that will bring success.

TOP TEN BUSINESS ETIQUETTE TIPS

1.  Enter a room with confidence and authority.  You are in the spotlight.  Use it to your advantage.  Entering a room and quickly heading for the food or drink station is counterproductive.  Never suh into a room.  This allows you to see key people that you would like to meet and network with.

2.  Stand tall and keep great posture while networking.  If you slouch, or have bad posture, you look like you don’t really want to be there and you also look tired.  The correct posture will give you one inch in height and will lose you 10 pounds.

3.  Smile.  The first thing you should do while you enter a room, shake someone’s hand and small talk, is smile.  No one wants to talk to someone that looks uninviting.

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4.  Know what appropriate and inappropriate eye contact is for business.  In the U.S., direct eye contact is a sign of trust and confidence, and is a must while networking.  If you are doing business with other countries and cultures, research the eye contact in that country.  Some countries expect more eye contact than we do in the U.S. and some expect much less.

5.  Always give a firm handshake.  Make sure you give a smile and great eye contact while shaking somneone’s hand.  If doing business in the international arena, it is said that the American handshake toned down just a bit is worldwide and acceptable.

6.  Properly introduce yourself.  “Hello, my name is Brian Smith.  I am the new Manager for Time Travel Agency”.  Always say your name and who you are representing.

7.  Know what is acceptable and unacceptable to talk about in the business arena.  Stay away from politics and religion.  Small talk is an art and it takes practice.  Remember, if you are meeting someone for the first time, and they are not your best friend, knowing who you voted for and what religion you are might change the way they think of you.  It’s only human.

8.  Accept someone’s business card with respect.  Make sure you look at it before putting it in a respectable place.  Hand the business card face forward so the person you’re networking with doesn’t have to turn it around.  Always carry a business card holder or keep your cards in the side pocket of your jacket, easy to access.

9.  Cell phone’s should be turned off or on vibrate.  If you need to take a call, excuse yourself and step outside.

10.  Last, but not least, focus on the other person you are networking with.  There is nothing worse than to network with someone you don’t know and they have told you their life story and don’t ask you who you are or who you are with.  Make sure you take the time to let the other person sepak.  Let them know you care about what they have to say as well.  Ask them what company they are with and how they got started in their business.

True succcess isn’t attained by only taking the easy path; it’s achieved by walking through rough and bumpy terrain, even it it gets a litt painful and scary.

Social Media Protocol — The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

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I was on Facebook and LinkedIn several years ago after a long day at work and a big networking event afterward.  You have been there I’m sure; an evening event starts at 5:30 p.m. and ends at 7:00 p.m.— but not for you.  You stay an extra hour, leaving no stone unturned.

Even though I was exhausted when I got home, I wanted to connect through LinkedIn with the people I had just met before I forgot.  Of course it was late at night and I was tired. Here is what it looked like when I saw what I had written the next day:

“Hell John, It was gret meeting you tonight.  I look forward to meeting you for coffin.  Sincerely, Leah Hawthorn”.

I’m sure I made a great social media first impression!!  Never network in person or online if you are
too tired.  It WILL show.  Remember – we don’t drink and drive, so don’t drink and social media!  I’m sure a lot worse than “Hell John” could happen.

In today’s fiercely competitive business arena, etiquette and protocol intelligence will distinguish you from the crowd.  Having good social media etiquette can make the difference between you and another person who is just as smart.

People are connecting with, listening to, following and collaborating with each other at an amazing rate. Online networking is not new to most of us, and by now we have found that there is little difference in networking with people in social media and connecting with people offline.  The same protocol is recommended for both.  Project confidence, authority and trust for both social media and business networking.

Here are a few examples of how
Social Media Networking and In-Person Networking are the same.

First Impressions

Your Photo

Please DO NOT use the default graphic as your photo.  You know, that big white silhouette of no
one.  People want to see you.  LinkedIn – Professional photo.  Facebook – Social Photo is acceptable,
but be cautious.  A lot of people are using Facebook for business.  Any photo you post is forever.  You are branding yourself.

Eye Contact

Your Profile and Bio.

Let others know who you are.  Make sure your information is always up to date.  People are looking.  If you no longer work for a certain company or your position has changed, reflect that in your profile and bio.  Be Honest!  PYP = Proof Your Profile!!

Handshakes

The Limp Fish “Canned Invitations”

Avoid canned invitations as much as possible.  Set yourself apart from the crowd.  “It was great to meet you.  I would like to connect with you   through LinkedIn as well.

The Bone Crusher “People Collecting”

Some people like to collect people.  It’s not about how many business cards you collect; it’s about the relationships you create with other individuals.  You DO NOT have to friend people you do not know.  It is OKAY to de-friend someone who is posting things that show up on your page that you find offensive.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as Aretha would say!

TMI

I have a headache.  I am eating a Sardine sandwich.  I just woke up.  Really??!!  Too much is too much.  Excessive
game requests, gifts and” join my cause” on Facebook can get you into trouble. Some people don’t appreciate this part of social media.

Soft Skills Sell!!

Focus more on the other person.  It’s always a great idea to help someone out with an event or a request.  People are more likely to help
you if you help others.

Avoiding Certain Subjects

Religion and Politics.

Tread lightly.  Do you really want to brand yourself to the world with your political or religious views?  Once you put it out there, it is out there!
This goes for Facebook and LinkedIn.  You would NOT discuss politics or religion at an in-person networking event.  This is a simple Networking Protocol wherever you are.

Your Mother Was Right

Be kind.  Don’t personally attack other people.  Be professional.  Use appropriate language.  Do use proper spelling and grammar.  Be respectful of others, and be positive!

In the end, being a part of social media can be fun and is an incredible, effective business tool.  Don’t let it be a time sucker for you.  Tell yourself how much time you will give to social media every day and try to stick with it.  It will still be there tomorrow.  I promise.

I spoke with Tina Marker, social media guru and President and Founder of Windward Design Group LLC about the importance of etiquette in
the online networking realm. Here are four items she mentioned about social media protocol.

1) If you wouldn’t share something in a room full of casual strangers,
why would you do so on the Web?

2) “What happens in Vegas” . . . ends up on Facebook!
Need I say more?

3) TMI (too much information) “Status Update” does not
mean you should journal every detail of your day . . . and night!

4) Profanity has no place in public conversations . . .
keep it social.

In the end, being a part of social media can be fun and is an incredible, effective business tool.  Don’t let it be a time sucker for you.
Tell yourself how much time you will give to social media every day and try to stick with it.  It will still be there tomorrow.  I promise.

See you on Social Media!

 

 

The Art of “Thank You”

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What three words have a total of only 14 letters yet carry a great deal of meaning?  “Please” and “Thank You”.

How do you feel when you get your mail and there is a card, clearly not junk mail.  It is in a hand-written envelope with YOUR name on it.

You look to see if there is a return address.

There is, but no name.  Who could it be from?!
You tear it open, with great  anticipation.

And there it is; A BIG BEAUTIFUL THANK-YOU NOTE. 

It is from someone that you met for coffee last week. They asked for some help on a new project they’re promoting and you helped them.  What goes through your mind?  Wow! This person cared enough to take the time out of their busy day to write me a thank you!

You won’t forget that person, will you? 

It never gets old!

The art of sending a hand-written thank you was becoming extinct, but is making an
amazing comeback!  In 2012, people are wanting to Outclass The Competition.

An email is the least preferred way to send a formal thank you.  It, however, is a great alternative in
business if someone sends you a great article, or a “thought you might like to see this”.

If a close friend sends you a great piece of advice or a recipe, again, an email is appropriate.  Never send an email thank you for wedding, graduation or shower gifts.  Remember, going the extra mile with a handwritten thank-you note has and always will be the perfect way to make you or your company shine.

 

  • Send a thank-you note immediately within 24
    hours if it is to show appreciation for a business meeting, business lunch or
    an interview.  Address the envelope, stamp it and write your thank you when you return so it can go in the mail the same day.
  • Send a thank-you note within two weeks of
    receiving a gift.  If it is past the
    two-week period and you think that it is too late, it’s not!  Send one anyway, no matter how long it has
    been.  The person you’re sending to might
    think it odd that you haven’t thanked them in a timely manner, but it’s better
    late than never.
  • Send a thank you for wedding gifts within
    three months.
  • A phone call never ranks as high as a thank
    you note.
  • When sending a thank-you note for a gift,
    refer to the gift that was given you and how much you like it.
  • Put a date at top-left of your thank-you card, use a salutation, such as “Dear”, use a comma
    after the salutation and addressee’s name, use honorifics, Mr. or Ms.,  when appropriate, and use a proper
    closing.  For business it would be Sincerely,
    Respectfully, Very respectfully, Regards, or Best regards.
  • Please spell cheek yur thaank you noats,
    wither it is by emaail or a noat card.
    Handwritten thank-you notes should be written on a separate piece of
    paper before the final draft on the actual card.

 

I personally favor the 4 ½ X 6 ¼ Correspondence Cards for business.  Joe Bohardt, owner of The Mulberry Tree, 2600 Far Hills Ave # 109, in Oakwood, is an expert in the field of stationery, note cards and invitations.  Joe introduced me to the correspondence card that I have used professionally for many years.  Joe said that your personal stationery or correspondence cards should be your fingerprint.  That way, when someone receives your card, or stationery, they will know it is from you.

I recommend stocking two types of thank-you notes; one for business and one for
social.  Your business correspondence card for thank-you notes should reflect you and your business.  It is like clothing.  If you are in the profession where you need to dress in formal business attire, then your cards should reflect that.  I would recommend a white card with black raised in or blind embossed.  If you are
in a profession where you need to dress casual and artsy,
then by all means, your thank-you cards should convey that.
It is all about branding yourself.

 

Tip:  Stationery and boxed thank-you notes make a
perfect thank-you gift.

 

Now that I have preached the importance of Thank-You Note Etiquette, I better get
down to business.  I do believe I have gotten behind in my Thank-You notes.

 

 

As a thank-you for reading my Getting The Edge on Etiquette column, the first five people that email me from my website, with their address, will receive their very own Crane Blue Book of Stationery, The Definitive Guide to Social and BusinessCorrespondence Etiquette.

Thank you!

 

Recommended books: 

101 Ways To Say Thank You, by Kelly Browne

and

The Crane Blue Book of Stationery.

 

Chain Reaction

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The social life of a dining etiquette professional is a lonely one.  And let me tell you why.

It doesn’t matter what the event, the minute someone finds out a person trains dining tutorials they say, “Oh, no, and she’s sitting with us!?” As if the Grim Reaper were sitting down next to them, or, another classic, “Do you have to sit here?”

Unless I am teaching a dining tutorial, I am officially off the clock.  That means that I do not have a ruler taped to my side, ready to pull out to smack someone’s hand for picking up the wrong fork.  I promise!  Here are just a few of the great questions that I get when I train Dine Like A Diplomat.

 

What if I don’t like what I am served?  Do I have to eat it?

  • The answer is:  Remember when your mother told you to never play with your food?  Well, forget all that.  You are now allowed to play with your food!  If there is something on your plate that you do not like, move it around. If someone else has been kind enough to cook this wonderful meal for you, or is treating you to this wonderful meal, then by all means move it around on the plate.  Unless you are allergic, please try it.  You never know–you just might like it.

 

What if they are serving wine and I don’t drink?

  • The answer is: If you do not drink, just place your hand over the glass when the wine is being served to you.  The server will know to pass you by.

 

I always hear you aren’t supposed to toast with water.

  • The answer is: You can absolutely toast with water. Many people do not drink, especially if it is a business luncheon or dinner.  The days of the two-martini lunch are long gone.  I don’t know how those Mad Men got any work done in the afternoon.

 

What if I drop my fork or knife on the floor?

  • The answer is: Leave it where it is.  In better restaurants, the wait staff will pick it up. Quietly ask your server or wait staff for another utensil.

 

How do I know when it is okay to start eating?

  • The answer is: If there is a host at your table, please wait for the host to drink before you drink and wait for them to eat before you start eating.  If there is not a host, then wait for everyone at the table to be served and then you may start.  If you are sitting at a very large rectangular table at a large event, please wait for approximately 6 – 8 people to be served around you before eating.

 

What if a man wants to seat a woman in a business setting?

  • The answer is: A woman never expects a man to seat her. She seats herself.  However, if a man offers, she should accept with a gracious “thank you.”

 

What do I do with the napkin if I leave the table?

  • The answer is: The napkin goes in your seat when leaving for a moment.  If the meal is finished, it goes to the left of your plate.

 

Is there a right and wrong way to sit at the table?

  • And the answer is:  Yes! You enter the chair on your right side, and exit the same way.  Sit with both feet flat on the floor with good posture.

 

Two bonus tips:

  • If you need to go to the restroom, please, don’t tell everyone at the table!  No one wants to know what you are about to do.  That is the one time that you do not
    need to explain anything.  Just quietly say excuse me, get up, leaving your napkin in the chair, signaling that you are returning, then leave.
  • If someone has taken your fork, or your bread plate as their own, do not correct them!  Simply ask the wait staff to bring you a new
    one.

Example:  I was attending a business lunch.  It was round table-seating with 10 at each table, so you can imagine that the place settings were very close together.  I reach for my fork to eat my salad.  It is gone!  I look confused, yet ask the wait staff for another fork. Meanwhile, the person to the left of me is giving me the eyeball signal to her left.  I couldn’t figure this out.  Now it’s time for me to have some of that wonderful bread on my bread plate that, I know, I had because I put the bread on it myself.  I go to reach for my bread and it is gone!  The person to my left, again, gives me the eyeball signal to the person to her left.  Oh, yes, she had been taking all of my silverware and my bread plate.  Not because she didn’t know better, but because the person to her left had done the same to her.  We, in the dining etiquette world, call this the Chain Reaction. 

So, to wrap this up, don’t let a Chain Reaction happen at your table.  And, please, sit next to me –I don’t bite!!!  Bon Appétit.

Enjoy this hilarious video clip.  As shown, you should always wait for the host to start dining.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ysuIOfTM4&feature=youtu.be’]

 

Remember me?

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Okay, how many of you have been here?  You’re at a business event and someone is coming over to talk to you.  This is a person you have met not once, but at least twice, and should know their name.  You lean over to your colleague and say “What is the name of the woman in the blue jacket approachingus” hoping they will save the day, only to hear your colleague say “I can’t remember.”  Now, you panic!

Or, you’re in a restaurant, and a person that you used to know 15 years ago from the Ice Age, approaches you.
They look at you and just start talking.
No, they don’t say “hello, I’m Jane Doe.
We used to do advertising together.”
What they DO is say “You don’t remember me, do you?”  You nervously fumble and then the hot flashes immediately take over.  You can feel your face getting red.  To make it worse, they
say very slowly and condescendingly “J…a…n…e…?” and stare at you,
waiting for you to remember the name.   Then they finish it off with “D…o…e…”

 

If you’re wondering if the Jane Doe story is real, it is!

 

Here are a few Remembering names and protocol tips:

 

  • Never be a Jane Doe.  If someone doesn’t remember your name, come to their rescue immediately. Extend your hand, smile and say your name.
    Never say “You don’t remember my name, do you?”
  • If you can’t remember someone’s name, put him or her at ease rather than focusing on your
    own embarrassment.  Shake their hand, smile and say your name.  The other person will then say his or her name.
  • Use the person’s name in conversation.  Use it often.  Repetition builds memory.  “So, Terry, how long have you been in your current position?  It was nice to meet you, Terry.  Hope to see you again soon.”  Also, people like to hear their name.  It puts a personal touch on your
    conversation.
  • Use a personal connection.  If their name is Jane Doe, do you have someone close or related to you named Jane?  It’s a great remembering names technique.
  • Focus more on the other person than yourself.  Pay close attention when you meet them and when you say goodbye.  Again, use their name.

 

Just in case, my name is L…e…a…h…?  ——— H…a…w…t…h…o…r…n.

Enjoy!