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Getting The Edge on Etiquette

NATIONAL BUSINESS ETIQUETTE WEEK, JUNE 2 – 8, 2013

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123rf-Etiquette-300x195Protocol and etiquette are no longer relegated to the international diplomatic community.  Knowledge of business protocol & etiquette is necessary for anyone engaged in local or global business and exchange.  We must be an enjoy for the firm we represent, equipped with knowledge and understanding of business and social customs of the person with whom we are negotiating.  It is this know-how that will bring success.

TOP TEN BUSINESS ETIQUETTE TIPS

1.  Enter a room with confidence and authority.  You are in the spotlight.  Use it to your advantage.  Entering a room and quickly heading for the food or drink station is counterproductive.  Never suh into a room.  This allows you to see key people that you would like to meet and network with.

2.  Stand tall and keep great posture while networking.  If you slouch, or have bad posture, you look like you don’t really want to be there and you also look tired.  The correct posture will give you one inch in height and will lose you 10 pounds.

3.  Smile.  The first thing you should do while you enter a room, shake someone’s hand and small talk, is smile.  No one wants to talk to someone that looks uninviting.

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4.  Know what appropriate and inappropriate eye contact is for business.  In the U.S., direct eye contact is a sign of trust and confidence, and is a must while networking.  If you are doing business with other countries and cultures, research the eye contact in that country.  Some countries expect more eye contact than we do in the U.S. and some expect much less.

5.  Always give a firm handshake.  Make sure you give a smile and great eye contact while shaking somneone’s hand.  If doing business in the international arena, it is said that the American handshake toned down just a bit is worldwide and acceptable.

6.  Properly introduce yourself.  “Hello, my name is Brian Smith.  I am the new Manager for Time Travel Agency”.  Always say your name and who you are representing.

7.  Know what is acceptable and unacceptable to talk about in the business arena.  Stay away from politics and religion.  Small talk is an art and it takes practice.  Remember, if you are meeting someone for the first time, and they are not your best friend, knowing who you voted for and what religion you are might change the way they think of you.  It’s only human.

8.  Accept someone’s business card with respect.  Make sure you look at it before putting it in a respectable place.  Hand the business card face forward so the person you’re networking with doesn’t have to turn it around.  Always carry a business card holder or keep your cards in the side pocket of your jacket, easy to access.

9.  Cell phone’s should be turned off or on vibrate.  If you need to take a call, excuse yourself and step outside.

10.  Last, but not least, focus on the other person you are networking with.  There is nothing worse than to network with someone you don’t know and they have told you their life story and don’t ask you who you are or who you are with.  Make sure you take the time to let the other person sepak.  Let them know you care about what they have to say as well.  Ask them what company they are with and how they got started in their business.

True succcess isn’t attained by only taking the easy path; it’s achieved by walking through rough and bumpy terrain, even it it gets a litt painful and scary.

Business Casual or Casual — That — Is The Question!

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cartoon4620Last week my husband and I were in New York.  We were going to an incredible restaurant called “Del Frisco’s”.  This is a nice restaurant – white table clothes, great wines and a’la carte menu.  I wasn’t sure what the proper attire for this restaurant would be.  Yes, I know, I am an image coach and I should know these things, right?  But, what is proper attire in Dayton or California may not be acceptable in New York.

I called the restaurant and they said business casual.  When I heard my husband repeat it over the phone, I said, “Jeans”?  I said this because the difference between business casual, casual and weekend wear seem to be an issue everywhere.  My husband asked, “Jeans?”  They immediately said, “Of course.  A lot of people wear jeans in our establishment.”  I quickly realized that business casual in New York can mean jeans with a jacket, as I saw much of when I was there.

It seems there is always a question: What is the difference between casual and business casual for the workplace.  In the Midwest, if someone said business casual to me, I would immediately tell someone that khakis were appropriate with a shirt and no tie, or simply a shirt, jacket and khakis.  Women, well, we have a lot more options.

In California, you wouldn’t dress the same for business as you would in the Midwest or New York.  If someone said formal business attire in New York, you will probably find yourself walking into a sea of black suits.  Formal business attire in the Midwest may be a suit, but could be beige or neutral with some color mixed in.  Formal business attire in California – well, that’s another story.  It is extremely casual on the West Coast, so I would probably have to make that phone call before I showed up for an interview or meeting.  And remember, there is no shame in calling and asking.  Rule of thumb; Err on the side of formality and you will always be dressed properly.

Here are some guidelines for casual, business casual and formal business attire.  And I lean hard on the word “guideline.”   Proper business attire will vary depending on the business or your profession.  Proper business attire for an engineer may not be the same proper business attire for an attorney.  There is a protocol (rule) to everything, and this is a guideline for Business Attire — erring on the side of formality.

There is so much more that goes into proper dress.  Dressing for business internationally is an article all its own.  Accessories, makeup and hair are also another article.  There just isn’t enough room in one article for everything.  This may not be the answer for everyone, but it’s a place to start.  Let the comments begin.  Enjoy!

BUSINESS ATTIRE GUIDELINES:

CASUAL FOR MEN:  Open-collar shirt without a necktie or dress polo shirt with jacket – cotton trousers (khakis) with golf shirt – slip-on leather shoes (e.g., loafers) – jeans, sneakers and sporting attire, only if allowed by your dress code.

CASUAL FOR WOMEN:  Simple skirt, casual slacks, or khakis – pumps, low heels, or flats – sandals (only as appropriate) – blouse, knit top, or sweater, jeans, sneakers and sporting attire, only if allowed by your dress code.

BUSINESS CASUAL FOR MEN:  Sport coat with open-collar dress shirt or turtleneck – slacks with open-collar dress shirt – no necktie – slacks or cotton trousers such as khakis – dress shoes or loafers.

BUSINESS CASUAL FOR WOMEN:  Blouse, knit top, or sweater set – slacks or simple skirt – conservative dress – coordinating jacket (optional) – pumps, low heels, or flats – hose with skirts/dresses.

FORMAL BUSINESS ATTIRE FOR MEN:  Dark business suit – sport coat and slacks – crisply laundered shirt – necktie – dark socks – dark shoes.

FORMAL BUSINESS ATTIRE FOR WOMEN:  Jacket with matching skirt or slacks – jacket with coordinating skirt or slacks – conservative accessories – conservative jewelry – closed-toe-shoes – hose with skirts/dresses.

 

 

Airport Etiquette — Does it Exist?

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I was flying to Florida for business a few months ago.  Since I was going to a business meeting, I was in a business casual suit.  I made sure that I wore dress flats so my feet wouldn’t kill me walking long distances in the airports.  This is how my parents taught me to dress when I fly.  And most people do dress appropriate in public while flying, but it’s amazing the things you see before, during and after a flight! I am sure the people reading this are thinking the same thing.

If you travel frequently, you may have asked yourself this at one time or another: Is there airport and airplane etiquette?  Yes, there is!!!  Remember the day when flying was something special?  Boarding a plane in pajama pants, T-Shirt, flip-flops – unthinkable!!!!

Yes, with every decade, America becomes more and more casual.  Restaurants that used to require sports jackets, now will allow you to enter in denim – and I don’t mean dress denim.  I have even seen T-Shirts in some of these establishments.  Even understanding that we must move along with the times, and times are changing, I would have never thought I would have witnessed what I did a few months back.

I arrived early, as many of us do, so not to miss my flight when I saw it:  A pair of hot pants in the airport.  Oh, no – these were homemade hot pants.  You say, what does she mean by homemade?  They were old sweat pants that had been cut off barely below the buttocks.  This was someone who shouldn’t have been wearing hot pants in any situation.  To match her homemade hot pants was a low, low, low-cut top.  Now, to make matters worse, she sat down right in front of me, took her flip flops off so she could get a little more comfortable.  Oh, you think I’m done, don’t you?!  She was talking loudly on her cell phone most of the time.  I tried not to look but, again, she was sitting not more than six feet right across from me. Finally, after about 15 minutes, she told the person on the other end of the phone, goodbye.

Now, comes the scary part.  Did you know that there is a new cell phone holder?  Oh, yes, there is!  It’s called a cleavage holder.  She had one.  She put her cell phone right in her cleavage, and there it stayed even while standing in her zone line to enter the plane.

I really thought hard before I wrote this story.  But then I thought that this type of scenery at various airports is happening far too often.  Where does it end?  If you’re going to Disney, do you simply put on your flip flops, swimsuit and cover-up in order to save time?  When is it considered visually offensive?

Plane Rule: Do not bring your snakes on the plane

Here are a few Airport and Airplane Etiquette Tips:

  1. Attire:   Dress with respect to others.  Not everyone wants to be visually offended.
  2. Cell Phones:  If you need to take a phone call in the airport or on the plane before takeoff, please make it brief, or move to an area so you are not distracting to others.  Remember, other people may not want to know your latest business deal that just came through, or about the hot date you had last night.  Talking on cell phones in a public place IS NOT private.
  3. Be patient:  Wait until your zone is called.  There is no reason for you to hurry up and wait your turn.  They will call your zone.  Then get in line.  This keeps traffic moving at a comfortable pace.
  4. Where’s The Fire:  When you get on the plane, again, take your time.  I have seen people knocked in the head because someone was rushing to shove their carryon in the overhead compartment.  And the same goes when exiting the plane.  Pushing and shoving will not get you off the plane any faster.
  5. Seat Kicking:  Please don’t kick the seat in front of you.
  6. Walking in the aisles:  Be observant of others while walking in the aisle.  Try not to walk into people seated in the aisle seat, and they should try to keep their feet out of the aisle as well.
  7. Reclining Your Seat:  When reclining your seat, remember that there is someone directly behind you, and they might have their tray table down.  Recline your chair slowly.
  8. Help Others:  If there are friends or family members that have been separated, and you are traveling alone, help them out.  It just might be you the next time.  Offer your seat if it puts them together.
  9. Lend a Hand:  If you see someone is having trouble putting their carryon in the overhead compartment, lend a hand.
  10. Drinking:  Remember, alcohol is intensified when you are at high altitudes.  Don’t over drink.

 

I know there are many more areas that bother people when they fly.  I would love to hear what upsets you the most when you are in the airport or while flying.

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Theatre Etiquette

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I am a proud grandparent to an 11-year-old granddaughter.  Her name is Taylor.  Now, Taylor happens to be into acting and singing.  And, of course, being her grandparent, I think she is the cat’s meow when it comes to talent.  So, when she was given the leading female role in Oliver, I couldn’t wait to see her.  Theatre etiquette doesn’t just stop at The Shuster, or Victoria Theatre.  Theatre etiquette should carry through, even in a high-school or grade school performance.  My daughter had arrived early and saved my husband and me a seat in the theatre to see Taylor perform the role of Nancy.  We are approximately ¾ the way back.  The lights start to dim.  You know the feeling you get when the production is about to start.

Excitement!  Right as the lights dim, a woman, who probably had a child in the production as well, sat right in front of me.  Now that’s no big deal, you say.  She should be welcome to sit anywhere she likes, but she was a rather tall woman.  Not only was she tall, but she had tied all of her hair into the largest beehive bun that I have ever seen!  Why didn’t she simply wear a hat!  I had to lean to the left and right to see around her.  Okay, that, I can deal with, but still – really?!

The music starts and the curtain opens!  What does my beehived friend in front of me do?  She holds up her ipad to record the entire play.  Yes, ipad, not ipod, or iphone — but ipad!  I could not believe my eyes.

Here are a few Theatre Etiquette Tips to pass on:

  1. Cell phones are a no, no.  If you need to, set your phone on the lowest vibrate that there is, where you can feel it, not see or hear it.  Even the light from the phone can be distracting to others.  If you have children and baby sitter issues, try to sit where you can get out without distracting others if you have to take an emergency call.
  2. Please……try not to talk or whisper during a performance.  You and the person you are talking to are NOT the only ones in the theatre.  You can be heard.
  3. Be courteous.  If you have to leave for any unexpected reason, saying “excuse me” and “thank you” is always welcome.
  4. Don’t subject others.  If you are sick, and have been coughing, be kind and give your ticket to a friend who won’t do so.  If you happen to cough during a production, use a Kleenex or hankie to muzzle the sound, or excuse yourself if need be.
  5. Try to sit still.  I know you have been at a production, or even a movie, and had the back of your seat kicked. And if you are with a child, please share “no kicking the seat in front of you” before entering the theatre.
  6. Don’t wear hats or high hairdos.  Be aware there are people behind you.  If you are extremely tall, try to pick a seat on the isle or in the back if you can. Never pull an ipad out to record the performance, even if videotaping is allowed!  It has been done!!
  7. Singing along.  Only sing along with musicals if it is appropriate.  There are some musicals that the crowd should clap and sing along. There are some musicals where it is inappropriate.  In other words, follow the crowd.
  8. Dress appropriately.  You do not have to wear a tuxedo or ball gown, but the theatre is still the theatre. Dress like you are going to something special.  Flip flops, jeans and t-shirts are not appropriate.
  9. Drinking.  Don’t over drink at intermission or before the performance.  You don’t want to appear sloppy and you will want to remember the performance.
  10. Photography.  If there has been an announcement “no photography allowd”, flash or video, don’t do it.  There is always someone who ignores the rules and has to cross the line.  It is distracting to others.
  11. Be patient.  When entering or leaving any event where there is a large crowd, it may move slowly. There is nothing worse than someone bullying their way through the crowd to get in or out of the theatre, movies, or even an airplane.  Be courteous to others.  They want to get in and out swiftly as well.  Where’s The Fire??!!

 

To sum up Theatre Etiquette:  Have fun, smile and enjoy yourself.  There’s nothing like the Theatre!!  “I’m ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille”.

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Entertaining Doesn’t Have To Be A Dirty Word

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Entertaining is fun – really?!  Those are the words most people are thinking.  Of  course, everyone loves to be invited to a party in someone’s home, but to do it yourself –Unthinkable!!

It isn’t as scary as it seems.  I promise.  There is one key word to keep in mind, and  that word  is Fun.  Whether you are putting on a formal dinner or a cocktail party with heavy Hors d’oeuvre, fun is the main ingredient. 

Plenty of preparation for successful entertaining for both Formal, and Informal entertaining is at the top of the list.  This will help keep stress levels to a minimum.

Let’s do formal versus casual entertaining in your home.  Here are a few tips to make both types of entertaining a success.

Formal

  • Make sure that everyone coming to your formal dinner can eat the food that you are preparing.  Making a an incredible dinner with a fabulous salad, a beautiful beef tenderloin, red-skin potatoes and asparagus, ending with chocolate mousse sounds great to you, right?  Well, your guest, Alfred, can’t eat because he is a vegetarian and is allergic to asparagus.  Asking about food allergies and what types of foods your guest can eat is extremely important.  Believe me; I had Alfred at my table once.

 

  • Make sure the table is set correctly.  Are you dining continental or are you dining American?  As a Master Trainer for The
    Protocol School of Washington, I know the difference between Continental table settings and American table settings.   The difference is slight, but Alfred will notice.  (See PSOW Dining Map).    Having Alfred sit at your table and ask why the salad fork is on the inside, and he
    will ask    , could be embarrassing if your table setting is incorrect.

 

  • Keep centerpieces low to the table.  There’s nothing worse than sitting at a formal dining table and trying to talk around a huge table arrangement.  While the table arrangement might be beautiful, it’s nice to see the person that you are talking to.  If you are a person that does not believe in less is more, rather, More means a lot More, then make sure the table arrangement is tall enough that people can see under it.  You might see some of these arrangements at weddings.

 

  • Candles, Candles, Candles!  Presentation is everything and nothing sets the stage better than the glimmer of candlelight.  Not only should there be candles on the table, but there can be candles sprinkled around the room.

 

  • Music.    Music is part of the presentation.  Try to have some background music that is appropriate to the age group of your party.  Even better, if there is a theme, you can easily buy a CD to fit the occasion perfectly.  I had a formal sit-down dinner party for an engagement party.  They were getting married in Hawaii.  Yes, you see it coming.  I went out and bought a CD of beautiful
    Hawaiian music.  Wow!  Along with the Leis, and Hawaiian centerpiece, it really set the stage.  Theme parties are fun and easy. 

 

Informal

  • Map it out before you do anything.  Visualize in your head what you want to have and where you want things to go.  Once you put it to paper, it isn’t nearly as overwhelming, and you can start setting the stage a little at a time.  This works very well if you are having a pre-set buffet, or a heavy Hors d’oeuvre cocktail party.  You can use small crates and boxes or give your table highs and lows, cover with a table cloth and voila’ – a wonderful presentation.

 

  • Don’t be afraid to mix and match.  Be creative!  This is supposed to be fun.  Do you have a beautiful punch bowl that can double as your shrimp display?  What about those vintage nuts bowls for dips?  Don’t be afraid to mix and match napkins.  I am a firm believer that if you use real napkins, a ham sandwich display turns into Salmon and capers if you have real napkins.  You can collect these at vintage and antique stores for pennies.

 

  • Use real forks and glasses.  Yes, I know that Red Solo Cup is a great song, but purchasing real forks and inexpensive wine glasses will be worth its weight in gold.  There are so many places that sell inexpensive forks and sell $1 wine glasses. The forks usually come in a package of 25 or 50.   You would use the wine glasses for soda, water and wine.  The forks you can put on the buffet inside a napkin-lined basket.  Again, presentation is everything.   Buyer beware – once your guests see that you have these items, be prepared to lend them out.
    They will be calling you!
  • Music.  The same as for formal entertaining.  Background music and candlelight WILL make any party.  Additional Tip:  Don’t be afraid to move around some furniture to give your guests plenty of room to mingle.  You don’t have to remove every bit of furniture as they did to poor George Banks in Father of the Bride, but make sure to remove any excess furniture so that your home has a nice traffic flow.
  • Smile.  If you’re not enjoying your party, you’re never going to have another one.  So, space out the tasks, keep it simple and smile.  Your guests, even Alfred, aren’t there to critique you; they are there to enjoy your company.  Bon Appétit. 

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Take My Seat, Please

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When I was growing up, my mother and father taught me a lot when it came to manners and respecting others. One of my earliest memories is when we were visiting my Aunt Miriam.  Yes, you heard me right – Aunt Miriam; one of my favorite names.  My two brothers and myself were sitting in our own comfy chairs at my aunt’s house when in came several adults.  My brothers and I just kept sitting in our comfy chairs, only to hear my father say, “Give your chair to the adults.”  That meant, sit on the floor.  And we did.  When my father said move, you moved! No questions asked.  We were the children.

From that day forward, I knew when an adult entered the room and there was no place to sit, that the adult got the seat.  We learned to respect our elders.  In Japan, age outranks everything.  The elderly are held in the highest esteem.  I don’t recall ever seeing a child, or younger adult taking the seat of an older person, although, that was in the 60’s.  Wow – I am aging myself.

Flash forward about 25 years.  I walk into a relative’s house and there is no place to sit.  There happens to be a young teenage boy in a seat.  He does not offer his seat, and his parents do not ask him to offer it.  I sit on the floor.  Wow!! So, in just 25 years, I see a change, but keep in mind that this is not the norm.  Most men, children and young adults still offer their seat to someone older.

Five years ago, a woman using crutches, carrying her purse, was going into the local drug store.  It was obvious that she was having a bit of trouble.  I noticed a person walking in with her, only to see – oh, yes, you see it coming – he did not open the door for her even though it almost slammed in her face.  I was still in my car and couldn’t help her.

Around the same time, I went to one of Dayton’s finest restaurants.  I walked in to see men and women sitting at the bar, waiting on their table, while older women are standing.  One or two do offer their seats, yet some still stay seated.  I understand that it is 2012, and that women want to be treated equally, but we’re talking about women that deserve that bit of respect and courtesy, even in 2012.

Flash forward to last Saturday, the reason why I have written all of the above.  I took my grandchildren to breakfast Sunday late morning. Keeping in mind it is late Sunday and it is going to be busy and a 20-minute wait, I knew that I might have to stand and so would my grandchildren.  I saw two older people walk in together; one had a cane and the other with a walker.  There was a lovely couple in their mid 20’s, sitting in the waiting area.  Keep in
mind that the couple with the cane and walker had to walk right past them.  They DID NOT offer their seat to either person.  Instead, an older couple offered their seat.  I wish there was a funny story in this, but there really isn’t.  This bothered me so much I had to make this my next etiquette column.  Although, this really isn’t about etiquette, it’s about simple respect, courtesy and manners.

I realize that for the most part, people have, and do teach their children to be respectful of their elders, and men to be courteous to women.  There may even be reasons why they don’t offer their chairs.  Maybe they are not feeling well or have physical problems that aren’t readily apparent.

On the flip side, I have seen the kindness of men and women offering their seat to their elders. They are aware of their surroundings. To them I say, Thank You.  Your parents taught you well.

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Social Media Protocol — The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

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I was on Facebook and LinkedIn several years ago after a long day at work and a big networking event afterward.  You have been there I’m sure; an evening event starts at 5:30 p.m. and ends at 7:00 p.m.— but not for you.  You stay an extra hour, leaving no stone unturned.

Even though I was exhausted when I got home, I wanted to connect through LinkedIn with the people I had just met before I forgot.  Of course it was late at night and I was tired. Here is what it looked like when I saw what I had written the next day:

“Hell John, It was gret meeting you tonight.  I look forward to meeting you for coffin.  Sincerely, Leah Hawthorn”.

I’m sure I made a great social media first impression!!  Never network in person or online if you are
too tired.  It WILL show.  Remember – we don’t drink and drive, so don’t drink and social media!  I’m sure a lot worse than “Hell John” could happen.

In today’s fiercely competitive business arena, etiquette and protocol intelligence will distinguish you from the crowd.  Having good social media etiquette can make the difference between you and another person who is just as smart.

People are connecting with, listening to, following and collaborating with each other at an amazing rate. Online networking is not new to most of us, and by now we have found that there is little difference in networking with people in social media and connecting with people offline.  The same protocol is recommended for both.  Project confidence, authority and trust for both social media and business networking.

Here are a few examples of how
Social Media Networking and In-Person Networking are the same.

First Impressions

Your Photo

Please DO NOT use the default graphic as your photo.  You know, that big white silhouette of no
one.  People want to see you.  LinkedIn – Professional photo.  Facebook – Social Photo is acceptable,
but be cautious.  A lot of people are using Facebook for business.  Any photo you post is forever.  You are branding yourself.

Eye Contact

Your Profile and Bio.

Let others know who you are.  Make sure your information is always up to date.  People are looking.  If you no longer work for a certain company or your position has changed, reflect that in your profile and bio.  Be Honest!  PYP = Proof Your Profile!!

Handshakes

The Limp Fish “Canned Invitations”

Avoid canned invitations as much as possible.  Set yourself apart from the crowd.  “It was great to meet you.  I would like to connect with you   through LinkedIn as well.

The Bone Crusher “People Collecting”

Some people like to collect people.  It’s not about how many business cards you collect; it’s about the relationships you create with other individuals.  You DO NOT have to friend people you do not know.  It is OKAY to de-friend someone who is posting things that show up on your page that you find offensive.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as Aretha would say!

TMI

I have a headache.  I am eating a Sardine sandwich.  I just woke up.  Really??!!  Too much is too much.  Excessive
game requests, gifts and” join my cause” on Facebook can get you into trouble. Some people don’t appreciate this part of social media.

Soft Skills Sell!!

Focus more on the other person.  It’s always a great idea to help someone out with an event or a request.  People are more likely to help
you if you help others.

Avoiding Certain Subjects

Religion and Politics.

Tread lightly.  Do you really want to brand yourself to the world with your political or religious views?  Once you put it out there, it is out there!
This goes for Facebook and LinkedIn.  You would NOT discuss politics or religion at an in-person networking event.  This is a simple Networking Protocol wherever you are.

Your Mother Was Right

Be kind.  Don’t personally attack other people.  Be professional.  Use appropriate language.  Do use proper spelling and grammar.  Be respectful of others, and be positive!

In the end, being a part of social media can be fun and is an incredible, effective business tool.  Don’t let it be a time sucker for you.  Tell yourself how much time you will give to social media every day and try to stick with it.  It will still be there tomorrow.  I promise.

I spoke with Tina Marker, social media guru and President and Founder of Windward Design Group LLC about the importance of etiquette in
the online networking realm. Here are four items she mentioned about social media protocol.

1) If you wouldn’t share something in a room full of casual strangers,
why would you do so on the Web?

2) “What happens in Vegas” . . . ends up on Facebook!
Need I say more?

3) TMI (too much information) “Status Update” does not
mean you should journal every detail of your day . . . and night!

4) Profanity has no place in public conversations . . .
keep it social.

In the end, being a part of social media can be fun and is an incredible, effective business tool.  Don’t let it be a time sucker for you.
Tell yourself how much time you will give to social media every day and try to stick with it.  It will still be there tomorrow.  I promise.

See you on Social Media!

 

 

The Art of “Thank You”

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What three words have a total of only 14 letters yet carry a great deal of meaning?  “Please” and “Thank You”.

How do you feel when you get your mail and there is a card, clearly not junk mail.  It is in a hand-written envelope with YOUR name on it.

You look to see if there is a return address.

There is, but no name.  Who could it be from?!
You tear it open, with great  anticipation.

And there it is; A BIG BEAUTIFUL THANK-YOU NOTE. 

It is from someone that you met for coffee last week. They asked for some help on a new project they’re promoting and you helped them.  What goes through your mind?  Wow! This person cared enough to take the time out of their busy day to write me a thank you!

You won’t forget that person, will you? 

It never gets old!

The art of sending a hand-written thank you was becoming extinct, but is making an
amazing comeback!  In 2012, people are wanting to Outclass The Competition.

An email is the least preferred way to send a formal thank you.  It, however, is a great alternative in
business if someone sends you a great article, or a “thought you might like to see this”.

If a close friend sends you a great piece of advice or a recipe, again, an email is appropriate.  Never send an email thank you for wedding, graduation or shower gifts.  Remember, going the extra mile with a handwritten thank-you note has and always will be the perfect way to make you or your company shine.

 

  • Send a thank-you note immediately within 24
    hours if it is to show appreciation for a business meeting, business lunch or
    an interview.  Address the envelope, stamp it and write your thank you when you return so it can go in the mail the same day.
  • Send a thank-you note within two weeks of
    receiving a gift.  If it is past the
    two-week period and you think that it is too late, it’s not!  Send one anyway, no matter how long it has
    been.  The person you’re sending to might
    think it odd that you haven’t thanked them in a timely manner, but it’s better
    late than never.
  • Send a thank you for wedding gifts within
    three months.
  • A phone call never ranks as high as a thank
    you note.
  • When sending a thank-you note for a gift,
    refer to the gift that was given you and how much you like it.
  • Put a date at top-left of your thank-you card, use a salutation, such as “Dear”, use a comma
    after the salutation and addressee’s name, use honorifics, Mr. or Ms.,  when appropriate, and use a proper
    closing.  For business it would be Sincerely,
    Respectfully, Very respectfully, Regards, or Best regards.
  • Please spell cheek yur thaank you noats,
    wither it is by emaail or a noat card.
    Handwritten thank-you notes should be written on a separate piece of
    paper before the final draft on the actual card.

 

I personally favor the 4 ½ X 6 ¼ Correspondence Cards for business.  Joe Bohardt, owner of The Mulberry Tree, 2600 Far Hills Ave # 109, in Oakwood, is an expert in the field of stationery, note cards and invitations.  Joe introduced me to the correspondence card that I have used professionally for many years.  Joe said that your personal stationery or correspondence cards should be your fingerprint.  That way, when someone receives your card, or stationery, they will know it is from you.

I recommend stocking two types of thank-you notes; one for business and one for
social.  Your business correspondence card for thank-you notes should reflect you and your business.  It is like clothing.  If you are in the profession where you need to dress in formal business attire, then your cards should reflect that.  I would recommend a white card with black raised in or blind embossed.  If you are
in a profession where you need to dress casual and artsy,
then by all means, your thank-you cards should convey that.
It is all about branding yourself.

 

Tip:  Stationery and boxed thank-you notes make a
perfect thank-you gift.

 

Now that I have preached the importance of Thank-You Note Etiquette, I better get
down to business.  I do believe I have gotten behind in my Thank-You notes.

 

 

As a thank-you for reading my Getting The Edge on Etiquette column, the first five people that email me from my website, with their address, will receive their very own Crane Blue Book of Stationery, The Definitive Guide to Social and BusinessCorrespondence Etiquette.

Thank you!

 

Recommended books: 

101 Ways To Say Thank You, by Kelly Browne

and

The Crane Blue Book of Stationery.

 

Chain Reaction

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The social life of a dining etiquette professional is a lonely one.  And let me tell you why.

It doesn’t matter what the event, the minute someone finds out a person trains dining tutorials they say, “Oh, no, and she’s sitting with us!?” As if the Grim Reaper were sitting down next to them, or, another classic, “Do you have to sit here?”

Unless I am teaching a dining tutorial, I am officially off the clock.  That means that I do not have a ruler taped to my side, ready to pull out to smack someone’s hand for picking up the wrong fork.  I promise!  Here are just a few of the great questions that I get when I train Dine Like A Diplomat.

 

What if I don’t like what I am served?  Do I have to eat it?

  • The answer is:  Remember when your mother told you to never play with your food?  Well, forget all that.  You are now allowed to play with your food!  If there is something on your plate that you do not like, move it around. If someone else has been kind enough to cook this wonderful meal for you, or is treating you to this wonderful meal, then by all means move it around on the plate.  Unless you are allergic, please try it.  You never know–you just might like it.

 

What if they are serving wine and I don’t drink?

  • The answer is: If you do not drink, just place your hand over the glass when the wine is being served to you.  The server will know to pass you by.

 

I always hear you aren’t supposed to toast with water.

  • The answer is: You can absolutely toast with water. Many people do not drink, especially if it is a business luncheon or dinner.  The days of the two-martini lunch are long gone.  I don’t know how those Mad Men got any work done in the afternoon.

 

What if I drop my fork or knife on the floor?

  • The answer is: Leave it where it is.  In better restaurants, the wait staff will pick it up. Quietly ask your server or wait staff for another utensil.

 

How do I know when it is okay to start eating?

  • The answer is: If there is a host at your table, please wait for the host to drink before you drink and wait for them to eat before you start eating.  If there is not a host, then wait for everyone at the table to be served and then you may start.  If you are sitting at a very large rectangular table at a large event, please wait for approximately 6 – 8 people to be served around you before eating.

 

What if a man wants to seat a woman in a business setting?

  • The answer is: A woman never expects a man to seat her. She seats herself.  However, if a man offers, she should accept with a gracious “thank you.”

 

What do I do with the napkin if I leave the table?

  • The answer is: The napkin goes in your seat when leaving for a moment.  If the meal is finished, it goes to the left of your plate.

 

Is there a right and wrong way to sit at the table?

  • And the answer is:  Yes! You enter the chair on your right side, and exit the same way.  Sit with both feet flat on the floor with good posture.

 

Two bonus tips:

  • If you need to go to the restroom, please, don’t tell everyone at the table!  No one wants to know what you are about to do.  That is the one time that you do not
    need to explain anything.  Just quietly say excuse me, get up, leaving your napkin in the chair, signaling that you are returning, then leave.
  • If someone has taken your fork, or your bread plate as their own, do not correct them!  Simply ask the wait staff to bring you a new
    one.

Example:  I was attending a business lunch.  It was round table-seating with 10 at each table, so you can imagine that the place settings were very close together.  I reach for my fork to eat my salad.  It is gone!  I look confused, yet ask the wait staff for another fork. Meanwhile, the person to the left of me is giving me the eyeball signal to her left.  I couldn’t figure this out.  Now it’s time for me to have some of that wonderful bread on my bread plate that, I know, I had because I put the bread on it myself.  I go to reach for my bread and it is gone!  The person to my left, again, gives me the eyeball signal to the person to her left.  Oh, yes, she had been taking all of my silverware and my bread plate.  Not because she didn’t know better, but because the person to her left had done the same to her.  We, in the dining etiquette world, call this the Chain Reaction. 

So, to wrap this up, don’t let a Chain Reaction happen at your table.  And, please, sit next to me –I don’t bite!!!  Bon Appétit.

Enjoy this hilarious video clip.  As shown, you should always wait for the host to start dining.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ysuIOfTM4&feature=youtu.be’]

 

Remember me?

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Okay, how many of you have been here?  You’re at a business event and someone is coming over to talk to you.  This is a person you have met not once, but at least twice, and should know their name.  You lean over to your colleague and say “What is the name of the woman in the blue jacket approachingus” hoping they will save the day, only to hear your colleague say “I can’t remember.”  Now, you panic!

Or, you’re in a restaurant, and a person that you used to know 15 years ago from the Ice Age, approaches you.
They look at you and just start talking.
No, they don’t say “hello, I’m Jane Doe.
We used to do advertising together.”
What they DO is say “You don’t remember me, do you?”  You nervously fumble and then the hot flashes immediately take over.  You can feel your face getting red.  To make it worse, they
say very slowly and condescendingly “J…a…n…e…?” and stare at you,
waiting for you to remember the name.   Then they finish it off with “D…o…e…”

 

If you’re wondering if the Jane Doe story is real, it is!

 

Here are a few Remembering names and protocol tips:

 

  • Never be a Jane Doe.  If someone doesn’t remember your name, come to their rescue immediately. Extend your hand, smile and say your name.
    Never say “You don’t remember my name, do you?”
  • If you can’t remember someone’s name, put him or her at ease rather than focusing on your
    own embarrassment.  Shake their hand, smile and say your name.  The other person will then say his or her name.
  • Use the person’s name in conversation.  Use it often.  Repetition builds memory.  “So, Terry, how long have you been in your current position?  It was nice to meet you, Terry.  Hope to see you again soon.”  Also, people like to hear their name.  It puts a personal touch on your
    conversation.
  • Use a personal connection.  If their name is Jane Doe, do you have someone close or related to you named Jane?  It’s a great remembering names technique.
  • Focus more on the other person than yourself.  Pay close attention when you meet them and when you say goodbye.  Again, use their name.

 

Just in case, my name is L…e…a…h…?  ——— H…a…w…t…h…o…r…n.

Enjoy!

Don’t be a Double Dipper

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Ah, the infamous Buffet Line.  We’ve all been there, especially at many business events and Lunch N Learns.  But is there such a thing as Buffet Etiquette?  Of course there is.  “Manners” may not be the first word that jumps into your head, but it does exist and helps us look good while refraining from doing the don’ts in and after the buffet line.

A lot of the business luncheons and events that I have attended use buffets.  There are also some people who have objections or phobias about eating at a buffet, but they can’t refuse when the boss is buying.  So, the next time you have to attend one of these business luncheons and/or events, here are some basic Buffet Etiquette Rules to follow:

  • Be Patient.  There is always going to be that one person in front of you that takes their own sweet time loading their plate as if they were molding Devil’s Tower in Close Encounters.  Just take some deep breaths and know that you are getting your food quicker than if you were ordering it.
  • Don’t complain.  Complaining about the food, the movement of the line, or that they are not refilling the chafing dishes quickly enough, can come off as rude to the people standing next to you.  Complaining won’t move that line any quicker.  In fact, it may slow it down.   Don’t engage in Buffet Rage!
  • Use the serving spoons.  Please…….use the serving spoon.  And when you use the serving spoon, put the spoon or tongs on the plate below the chafing dish.  Don’t mix the serving utensil in with other food.   Some people may not like green beans mixed in with their mashed potatoes.  My grandfather always said, “Well, it all goes to the same place, doesn’t it?” but I don’t think a lot of people think that way.  Sorry, Grandpa.
  • Don’t eat in the buffet line.  This really needs no explanation.  There are so many things wrong with eating in a buffet line that there isn’t enough room on the page.
  • Don’t overload.  We’ve all seen this.  And it’s just so darn attractive, isn’t it?  Seeing a pile of food fall to the floor, awaiting the next person to come along and step in it is a real treat.  See Devil’s Tower.
  • To-go container.  Asking for a to-go container is a definite don’t!  I have seen people do so, taking two and three meals home with them.  Really?!!  A Buffet is NOT an all-you-can-eat bar.
  • Please & Thank You.  Three words with fourteen letters that carry a great deal of weight.  Please and Thank you are never used too much.
  • Tip 10%.  If you are in a restaurant where there is an opportunity to tip and it is a buffet, 10% is appropriate.
  • When to start eating. Wait until at least four people around you have been seated before eating.  In some cases, tables will be released to the buffet line.  In this case, most of the people at your table will be sitting down at the same time.  Try to be respectful and wait for about four other guests to sit down before you start to dine.  You don’t want to be the first one to the table and dig in as the others sit down.  You definitely stand out in the crowd when you wait for others to be seated around you.  Believe me, they notice!
  • Don’t Double Dip.  If you are at a casual function and there is a vegetable tray or chips with dip, please put the dip on your plate with a spoon and then dip.

Buffets are part of business dining today but just remember these tips and you’ll always Outclass the Competition.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1J3w4cS2MvM’]

 

Who Are You Looking For? (Eye Contact Matters)

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source: www.nataliedee.com

For me, going out to dinner is my favorite way to socialize with people that I know, and is a great way to meet new people.  My husband and I used to run into the same person quite frequently while going out to dine.  Like most people, we have our favorite spots and would see some of the same people over and over.

One gentleman – we’ll call him, John, would greet us with a friendly smile, saying hello and shaking hands.  Yet, John always seemed to need more.  He was constantly looking around during the conversation to see who was there that might be even more interesting to talk to.

“Hello, I’m right here!” is what I wanted to say.  John did this with everyone he met.  If I felt that way, I’m quite sure they felt the same.

Someone like John wouldn’t last long in the world of business networking.  People today are looking to form relationships with the people they meet while networking.  John would be known as a WIIFM – What’s in it for me!  Business men and women like to network with people who listen to what they say; not with someone who constantly gazes (The Gazer) around the room while they are speaking.  Now, everybody is a WIIFM at times, but – come on!!!   

More than 60% eye contact and you might look like this to the person you're talking to...

Your eye contact:

  1. Tells the other person you are listening.
  2. Actually makes you a better listener.
  3. Focuses attention on the individual and makes him or her feel important while you look confident and in control.

Rules to follow in any circumstance:

  • Make eyeball to eyeball contact 40 to 60 percent of the time during your conversation.
  • Less than 40 percent makes a person seem shy or lacking self-confidence.  Or, in John’s case, looking for someone better to talk to!!
  • More than 60 percent eye contact will make someone feel uncomfortable, as if they’re being judged and examined.
  • Eye contact is a sign of Trust.

Now – when John comes over to talk to me, I just ask him “Who are you looking for?”

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUQAeGkhsoY’]

No Littering Allowed!!

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Several years ago, I went to a networking event.  Now, this was a new venue for me so, I thought I would try it out.  As I walked into the event, John, we’ll call him, an extremely well-dressed gentleman entered with me.  To my surprise, he had a stack of business cards, about three inches thick, torn and bent and wrapped in a HUGE rubber band.  I took a double take, thinking he was going to put them in his pocket, but he turned to me, held them up like a trophy and said, “I mean business!”  And he kept them like that all evening, passing them out as if they were flyers at a hardware store opening, and this was a professional networking event!

Later, John, sat down at a table, with would-be clients, and said, “You need me,” and then tossed his business card to the person across the table.  I can’t be positive, but I think that may have been a wasted business card.

In the world of Business Card Protocol, this behavior is called Littering.

Business cards are extremely important for networking, yet forcing cards on innocent bystanders who may respect the importance of forming trust and relationships, may prove to be counterproductive.  The word will spread and would-be connections may run for cover if they see the same person packing a wad of cards, heading their direction.  Here are tips for making sure your business cards are received, respected and most importantly, retained:

 

  • Keep your cards in a case and/or side pocket for easy access.
  • Don’t offer your card early in a conversation.  When your conversation is over, simply ask “What is the best way for me to reach you?”   Almost always, the response will be, “let me give you my card.”  That is then your cue to offer them yours.
  • Present your card with the print facing the recipient so the recipient doesn’t have to turn it around to read it.
  • When receiving a card, admire and comment on their card.  Remember, their card represents them and they are proud of them.  Don’t write on the business card in their presence.
  • Last, but not least, never carry your business cards in a rubber band, and never toss them while networking.  You might as well be playing 52 Card Pick-up!

 

In the extremely dark comedy, American Psycho, notice how obsessive these four are about the perfect business card.  Enjoy!

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ux3vncNNLg’]

No, it won’t kill you to turn off your phone…

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It used to be impressive, very impressive, to own a cell phone.  In the late 80’s, when cell phones were two feet long and weighed about five pounds, it was impressive to see someone set their cell phone on the dining or conference table – you KNEW they were important!  Remember the 1987 movie, Wall Street?  Gordon Gekko walked along the beach plotting his next financial takeover on his huge cell phone – you KNEW he was somebody!

Well, guess what? It’s 2012, and everyone has a cell phone, I-phone, Droid or even an old flip phone.  Even ten-year-old Susie and 11 year-old Johnny have cell phones.  So, the next time you think about whipping out your mobile device at the dining table or during a business meeting, setting it on the table or checking it every 15 seconds to see if you’ve missed something, try to remember that the person in front of you is what’s important.  Impress them with your ability to focus on them.   Now, that’s Cell Phone Etiquette!

Top 5 Cell Phone Etiquette Tips

  1.  Always turn your phone on mute while in a business meeting, theatre, or while dining.
  2. Never set your phone on the table while in a meeting or while dining.  Doing so sends a clear message to the person you’re meeting with or the person you’re dining with that they are not important.
  3. Your cell phone conversation is not private.  What’s more annoying than listening to the intimate details of a stranger’s weekend while standing in line to get coffee or while in the restroom?
  4. Excuse yourself if you must take a call.  The call may be important to you, but you’re also important to the person with you.
  5. Don’t talk on your cell phone, play games or send text messages in front of someone who expects your attention including doctors, business partners, grocery store clerks or friends.
  6. BONUS TIP:  If the airline asks you to turn off your cell phone, do it.  Words With Friends can wait.
[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS2nZySpdhg’]