masculinity

I Am Secure In Carrying My Man Purse

1. I know the lyrics to most of Lady Gaga’s songs.
2. I know that my woman is an Autumn and not a Winter, as she so erroneously believes.
3. I can tell the difference between a green, a pink or a yellow based beige.
4. I have been referred to as being “snarky.”
5. I misunderstood and brought a tube of lube when some guys asked if I wanted to play cornhole.
6. I’m the one who decorates the house and picks the color schemes. It’s only because if my better half were allowed to do it, it would look as if a Serbian whore had eaten a Family Dollar store, washed it down with a blueberry Slurpee and then vomited the whole mess up in our living room.
7. I won’t watch football, baseball, hockey or basketball…but I will watch figure skating and gymnastics.
8. My mom calls to discuss her plans on interior decorating.
9. On that point, and not to cast any blame or anything, my mom wanted me to become a hairdresser. My grandmother wanted me to become a priest, so either way…
10. I pick out fabulous greeting cards!