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J.T. Ryder

BeardCon: The Cutting Edge Of A Hairy Subject

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BeardCon Is Growing

 “He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man.”

~ William Shakespeare

 

A beard. It is an enigma that is constantly being defined and redefined. At times throughout man’s history, it was viewed as a badge of sexual virility, a symbol of wisdom and then, paradoxically, as a follicle folly ascribed to the slovenly and the shiftless. Biologically, it is described as a secondary sexual characteristic brought upon by an influx of dihydrotestosterone during puberty and is defined as a signal that a man is ready to sire offspring. It is sometimes viewed with fear and, in a wild pendulum swing of rhetorical reactions, a leisure left only to the vain fool.

Whatever one’s perception may be, there is one thing that can be said about facial hair for certain: There is no one that does not have an immediate, transcendent and wholly personal reaction to someone with a beard. Perhaps this is why, within recent years, clubs and competitions have been sprouting up here and there giving a focus and forum to those that celebrate the manliness of the beard.

Locally, that group would be The Gem City Gentlemen of the Gilded Beard, who created the upcoming follicle fest that has come to be known as BeardCon. BeardCon will take place on Saturday, October 6, 2012 at the Greater Columbus Convention Center located at400 North High St., Columbus,Ohio. The event features competitions in such diverse categories as Natural Full Beard, Styled Moustache, Fantastic Beards and even Best Costume and Best Team awards, plus seven more categories. There will be a variety of vendors aimed at those who are captivated by facial coiffing as well as discussion groups, demonstrations and the history and social significance of facial hair. This event is drawing groups from all around the country as well as a representative group from Canada and has all the earmarks of being not only fun and entertaining, but an event that stems out of a sense of community as well.

Recently, I was able to speak with several members of The Gem City Gentlemen of the Gilded Beard. Nate Stevens, Stephen Arthur Alexander Jr. and Thomas Smith are the integral persons responsible for creating BeardCon. As with the growing of facial hair, what started out as a shadow of a discussion grew in length and complexity as time wore on.

Nate Stevens

Thomas: The BeardCon is in its third iteration of our personal competition. The first one we did was in Dayton and it ended up being a bigger success than we had imagined. We repeated that in Columbus the next year at COSI (Center of Science & Industry). It’s the whole Dayton club (The Gem City Gentlemen of the Gilded Beard) that heads the statewide chapter and of the Beard-Con planning committee.

Nate: Yeah, so we have a annual competition every year and this year we decided to expand it and alter it so that BeardCon would be more of a convention rather than something like The Ohio Beard Championships, or whatever people were kind of seeing it as in the past. Like last year, we had a ton of vendors and combined with the space we had at COSI, people were saying, ‘Oh! It kind of feels like a convention!’ So, we have decided to go with that momentum and kind of embrace that this year and we will see how that goes. As far as the relationship is concerned, the core of us who started The Gem City Gentlemen of the Gilded Beard are the same people behind Beard Team Ohio and the same core people behind Beard-Con.

J.T.: How did you get all the other clubs and vendors from other states involved? Was Facebook an integral part of connecting with everybody and getting the word out to them?

Stephen: Oh yeah. I did most of that. I got a lot of the teams from around the country to come…not all of them, but a majority of them…just through Facebook. Actually, that’s all I used. I mean, Facebook is a huge part of our promotion.

Nate: The three of us all have different roles and we kind of have titles that we have dubbed ourselves with at the beginning of the club. Stephen is the Ambassador and that is his role is to constantly be extending these olive branches and making relationships with other clubs so that we are welcomed wherever we go and so people think fondly of us all around the country. I am the Speaker, so I write a lot of the stuff on our Facebook page, write press, manage our web site and stuff like that. Thomas is kind of the Doer. He makes things happen behind the scenes as far as logistics, contracts and organizing and scheduling things.

J.T.: If you all could do me a personal favor and get The Gem City Fake Mustache Society to quit, that would be great. It’s confusing to see hot women with moustaches. It really is.

Nate: (Laughing) Confuses you in your nether regions?

Thomas Smith

Thomas: Well, the women are huge part of what we do. They are probably one of the better parts of the competition, honestly. They are just so creative. I don’t think we would want to get rid of them.

Nate: The ladies of The Gem City Fake Mustache Society are members of our club as well. I wouldn’t say that we have absorbed them because they still go out and do their own thing, but we are definitely linked. Knowing their personalities, they wouldn’t take it if we just told them to stop so that we could prosper and so that you wouldn’t be sexually confused. (Laughter)

J.T.: Is there an equivalent in beardom of a ‘bad hair day’?

Thomas: Absolutely! Actually, I compete pretty frequently and I make it a point to travel to a lot of the competitions and there are just days that I cannot get my beard to do what I want it to do. That just honestly has a lot to do with climate and what you have done to your face.

Nate: Yeah! Everything from diet to humidity to sleep deprivation and all that kind of stuff can effect you in minor ways and they stack up on you.

J.T.: I can grow a beard quickly, but I can’t seem to get past that point when you want to claw your own face off because of the relentless itching. Is there a point when it gets better?

Thomas: There are stages of beard growth. It’s weird, but it’s kind of like having a child and you have to coddle it and nurture it as such. In the beginning, it is itchy and it whines a lot and you just want to tear your face apart and then you get to the point where it reaches its terrible twos and your beard makes you look like the most wretchedly disgusting hobo bastard. But then, it becomes and adolescent and you start to see some maturity in your beard and a little bit of wisdom and it starts to make its own decisions and defines its own pattern, and then when you get like a four inch beard, that’s a young man right there! That’s a hunter, a warrior…that’s a solid beard! That beard travels with you everywhere you go.

Nate: Then you have to hope that you raised it right, that it goes to college, gets a good job and that it makes you proud out there in the world! But seriously, we get that question a lot. Of course it’s going to itch for eight days and if you can’t take it, then I guess that’s your destiny. It takes a little bit of fortitude. You have to really want it.

J.T.: Do people with beards have derogatory names for those who are clean shaven?

Thomas: Baby face. It’s like, a clean shaven person is one of two things, and when you first meet them, if they are excited about the beards, then they are a prospect; they are future beardsmen. But if someone is being really rude to you, then they are a baby-faced ninny, and that’s the end of that friendship.

Nate: It’s like with anything; we don’t judge people because they don’t choose to have beards. Now, if they are an asshole, the fact that they don’t have a beard will become part of the ammunition you can use against them. Hate and love are born from who you are.

J.T.: Here’s a loaded question; Darwin and other anthropologists have equated the profusion of facial hair with virility and that the beard is indicative of the sexual prowess of the wearer. Thoughts?

Thomas: It’s challenging because, for European descendant males, it is definitely a defining attribute of manhood. You do not grow a beard until you are literally capable of sexually reproducing offspring. The two other aspects of a beard is that, as far as sexual prowess goes, when you can grow a big beard, it shows that you are mature in the aspect that you can foster a working relationship with something that takes a large amount of care and the other aspect is that you have the balls enough to grow a massive beard and no one can tear it off your face because you’re a badass. Have you ever had an instance where you can’t tell if someone really far away is a man or a woman? When a guy is coming towards you with a sizable amount of facial hair, you can tell it’s a dude from like a mile away.

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Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival Band Spotlight – Volume 2: Werking Hard On The Duck Farm

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Catch The Werks At The Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival

Music. It has always been with us. It has been our healer, our voice, our stories as well as our histories. It has been an invitation to dance, a call of the community spirit and a spark to inflame one’s temperament. The ambiguous moniker of “jam band,” while conjuring up images of searing light shows, the untroubled writhing of bodies and feverishly hypnotic rhythms held together by intensely introspective melodies, it is also a signal for a shamanistic release. In the final analysis, it is an uncompromising unity of spirit that not only surpasses, but supersedes and envelopes the music itself.

The Werks, a Dayton original if there ever was one, have found themselves in possession of the perfect potion to create the perfect storm of music, ambience and spectacle that has skyrocketed them into the pantheon of progressive musical groups. Formed in 2007 by Dave Bartoletti, Rob Chafin, Chris Houser and Chuck Love the group has run through various permutations, ending up with their current line-up of Chris Houser (guitar and vocals), Dino Dimitrouleas (bass and vocals), Norman Dimitrouleas (keyboards and vocals) and Rob Chafin (drums, vocals, samples and percussion). Through their melding of various styles of rock, funk, psychedelia, jamtronica and other musical elements, The Werks has created what they have coined “psychedelic dance rock.”

Recently, I was able to speak with  Rob Chafin, the band’s drummer, to ask him about the band’s role in the upcoming Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival, how they have dealt with the band’s dramatic rise in popularity as well as the role the fans play in creating an exceptional show.

DMM: With the audience being just as much part of the show as the band, do you feel that it more about a communal event rather than just being about the band?

Rob: Oh, absolutely! We feel that the audience and that connection that we have between the audience and ourselves is great. We feed off the energy that they throw at us and the more people that are getting into it, the harder we play. It’s a cycle. That’s what makes the improvisation at our shows so unique every time. The crowds and the energy of the room has a lot to do with that.

DMM: Do you think that the audience being a very active member in the band keeps everyone’s egos in check?

Rob: Yes. We’re all very humble guys and we’re all really down to earth. We like to talk to everyone after the show, just to say hi and to thank everyone for supporting us.

DMM: I don’t know if you can speak for the band on this, but what would one of your ‘dream collaborations’ be for a jam session?

Rob: Ones that have already happened?

DMM: No. One that you would love to have happen. It can even be one that you know could never really happen.

Rob: Is this with living musicians today?

DMM: Yeah…well, hell…let’s throw in the dead ones too.

Rob: (Laughs) Well, that would be broadening the list quite a bit. I think I’ll stick with the live ones. I think it would be pretty cliché to say Phish. I’d really love to jam with David Grohl.

DMM: Now that was more of a personal one, right?

Rob: Yeah, definitely. Oh, it would also be great to jam with Santana.

DMM: What do you think is one of the more oddball covers that you guys have done?

Rob: The Power Ranger’s theme song.

DMM: That would be cool! I’d actually like a recording of that.

Rob: Trust me…no you don’t (laughing). We like to have fun onstage and for everyone to have a good time, so sometimes we’ll throw in something weird. We do a version of Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine, so that’s kind of an oddball cover for us. We’re kind of all over the place, so you never really know what to expect.

DMM: Aside from the musical aspects of the band, are there other elements that you guys want to incorporate into the live performances that you haven’t gotten to yet?

Rob: I’d like to get even crazier with the lights. That’s my goal: to get the light to where we’re even wearing LED suits. It would be fun. We feel that the visual aspect is very important to the show as well. When you go to a concert, you’re not just listening to a CD, but you’re going to see a show. Sometimes, you have to rely a lot on the showmanship and the visual aspect of the show just as much as the music, but we have been very successful because of that. There is something to be said for that, that’s for sure.

DMM: With the Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival, are you guys going to be able to do a full set or is it going to be shortened?

Rob: Oh, it’s definitely going to be a shortened version of our usual shows. In a perfect situation, we would try and go for two or three sets, but I think that we are only going to be playing for an hour or an hour and fifteen minutes. It will be a quick little taste of what we do, as it is with any festival.

DMM: Is the band being recognized more readily outside of Dayton?

Rob: Dayton is definitely our home base, as is Columbus for me. I guess Columbus would be our biggest draw as of right now, but Dayton is where everyone else in the band is from, so there will always be strong roots in Dayton. Ohio in general is just great for us.

DMM: Now, you guys shot up in popularity incredibly quick. Are you all taking it in stride or are you still standing around trying to make heads or tails of it?

Rob: Everything in your life is relative. Every once in a while, you have to step back and take a look at the big picture. Sometimes, it’s funny. There are things that happen now that, if they had happened two or even three years ago, we would have just absolutely flipped out. Now, it’s like, ‘Oh! Cool!’ We’ve definitely been blessed with a lot of amazing opportunities and have met a ton of wonderful people who have helped us throughout the years.

After getting a “quick little taste” of The Werks at the Downtown Dayton Music Revival, make sure to catch them September 20th through the 22nd at the Werk Out Music And Art Festival being held at the Legend Valley Music Center in Thornville, Ohio. For more details about this and other upcoming acts appearing at the Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival, go to http://www.downtownrevival.com. To learn more about the Werk Out Music And Art Festival, as well as The Werks other upcoming shows, go to http://thewerksmusic.com .

 

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See all of our Downtown Dayton Revival Music Festival Band Spotlights

I Was A White Knight…Once

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The Memoir of Comedian, Nathan Timmel

 

“The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

            With a creak of the mail slot and a muffled thump on the foyer floor, comedian Nathan Timmel’s memoir, I Was A White Knight…Once, unceremoniously arrived into my life. I picked up the crinkly Fed-Ex package and opened it with a sense of mild trepidation. I gingerly opened the package and inspected not only the contents, but all the cause of these feelings of apprehension, wondering from whence they came. As I explored the possible causes of this feeling, a note fluttered out from between the pages of the book that explained it all. It simply said, “Hey J.T.: Thanks for taking the time to read this – I really hope you enjoy it!”

The trepidation, I realized, came from the nagging possibility that I wouldn’t enjoy it and that it may put me in the precarious position of hurting someone’s feelings, which is something that I try to avoid at all costs. I began to turn the pages while a section of my mind dealt with these possibilities. Imperceptibly, as the words floated by, those alarming arguments that were careening through my brain quelled as I became instantly immersed and enamored with the story of Nathan Timmel’s life. As I stood there turning the pages, I felt a sense of glaring honesty emanating from the narrative. Page seven slammed the door on any niggling  suspicions that may have remained.

Page seven was the beginning of Chapter Two, which was a mere two pages long, but held such brilliant imagery and was so incredibly well written that I not only reread it several times as I stood there, but I have revisited that chapter several times. The chapter is simply titled The Shadow That Shouldn’t Be and relates the account of Nathan attending swimming lessons inWaupaca,Wisconsinwhen he was three years old. One is left with the image of Nathan standing on the edge of the pool, his sagging, soaked swimming trunks dripping onto the rough concrete, a skinny arm outstretched, pointing at a rippling shadow at the bottom of the pool.

While most people would write about such an incident in glaring detail, wringing every conceivable emotion out of it and filling in the blanks with their own perceptions and hindsight, Nathan chose to write about it in the most honest manner: from the perspective of an overwhelmed three year old. The event is painted in that impressionistically hazy hue of all of our childhood memories that are filled with a frenzy of colorfully blurred activity and dreamlike muted sounds with a singular, sharply contrasted snapshot held in time.

The memoir takes us from Nathan’s birth and childhood during the tumultuous time period of the late sixties and early seventies up to the present. Nathan’s parents, young and college educated, married seemingly out of a sense of obligation rather than for emotional reasons. The arrival of Nathan was the inescapable bond that held the marriage together…for a while. Throughout the tales of dysfunction and the ostensible denials that, at once, held the relationship together and tore it apart at the same time, there’s one truth that comes through Nathan’s writing with glaring clarity: perception. Every single one of us, on some scale or another, had a shocking point in our lives when, in dealing and communicating with others, we found that what had been our ‘normalcy’ was, in fact, viewed as insanely dysfunctional or, at best, mildly odd. With no reference point, everything comes down to one perception from whatever point one is standing.

Throughout Nathan’s memoir, the honesty follows through. He presents things as they were, admitting to the things that he has no real clear recollection of or answer to as well as owning the consequences that his own actions have wrought. This is also not a ‘woe is me’ sob story, wherein Nathan tries to foist all of his mistakes and behavior on his upbringing, thereby absolving him of his own responsibilities. This is a glimpse into a life shaped by the experiences, surrounding and subsequent emotions (or lack thereof).

One of the things that I noticed while reading Nathan’s chronicle is that, while it is written in almost chronological order, it is interspersed with interludes that are anecdotal stories of a more recent nature, most of which pertained to his comedy tours in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as a story about a creepy Kathy Bate’s-esque style stalker that he had encountered. If you separate these interludes with the bulk of the memoir, they can almost be seen as being penned by a different hand. No, I am not casting any allegations of plagiarism. I am merely making an observation and one which may have more to do with me projecting my own perceptions about myself onto Nathan’s life.

When you read the interludes, they are written in a very conversational manner. They are very straightforward and contain a certain amount of humor to them. The rest of the memoir that deals with Nathan’s family, childhood experiences and his early travels from home to home, you will see a more carefully crafted account of events and emotions. It is as if there is a separation, a compartmentalization of segments of Nathan’s life; parts that have been boxed up and are carefully pulled out and examined in detail, yet from a distance. There is an accuracy in the accounts of his life that can only come from an observer and not from one who is actively in the fray. You can almost see a child, clothed in his Superman jammies or wrapped protectively in his Batman cape as chaos ensued all around him, taking it all in, unadulterated, through wide shining eyes. The impressions remain until the age when understanding comes and, at that time, the feelings and images are pored over: the child’s perceptions being viewed by the analytical mind.

Nathan Timmel’s book, I Was A White Knight…Once is a memoir that, while not filled with famous names or events, tells the simple story of growing up in the midst of social and familial dysfunction and coming out the other side. It paints a poignant vignette of an era and an epoch that, while not necessarily relatable to all of our lives, still resonates with the reader. The exemplary writing and moving mood of the narrative is compelling without being bombastic or unbelievable. It is just a story of a child becoming the man who, until recently, was unable to see the forest for the trees of his own existence.

Purchase the book in paperback or Kindle edition here.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIqkeIeb7xc’]

 

“You’re A Jittery Little Thing, Aren’t You?” (an interview with Carrie Fisher)

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A.)     Quote From Princess Leia In Return Of The Jedi

or

B.)     The First Thing Carrie Fisher Said To Bill Pote

 

Bill Pote, Carrie Fisher And J.T. Ryder

The oddly arranged living room held treasures and memorabilia that competed for attention so ferociously that it was difficult to focus in on one particular item. Celebrities smiled forth, frozen in frames strewn about shelves and tables. R2D2 sat on top of an old suitcase, peeking out from behind a leather couch as I walk in and a lone coffee table cascaded with various items, including cans of Coke Zero and a prescription bottle filled with M&Ms. The only thing that shattered the illusion of entering an eccentrically rich crazy cat-woman’s home was the glaring spotlights…and the 1,300 or so seats that were lurking out in the darkness. Of course, this was not someone’s home: this was the set of Carrie Fisher’s one woman show, Wishful Drinking.

Bill Pote (the über brain of Dayton Most Metro) and I were granted an audience with the princess and she did not keep her diligent followers waiting. She breezed onto the stage as naturally as most of us cross through our living room. Bill tried to ply Miss Fisher with cookies from Ghostlight Coffee & Thistle Confections, the fantasies of his youth playing through his head. Luckily, Miss Fisher was not aware that he had worn his favorite Star Wars underwear for the occasion…you know…the ones that have Yoda saying, “Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?”

Anyway, after Bill presented her with the cookies and a list of things to do in Dayton while she was here, we dove right into the interview rather quickly…

Bill: So, J.T. here interviewed you on the phone a couple of weeks ago…

J.T.: Yeah, you had just gotten back from overseas. You sounded sleepy.

Carrie: Yeah, I had just gotten back from Asia. It was very exciting. Which part of Asia was I getting back from?

J.T.: Japan.

Carrie: Oh, Japan!

J.T.: Coming back from the ‘celebrity lap dance,’  is, I think, the way you put it. I was talking with someone, another writer, last night about you and one of the things he brought up was something that I hadn’t noticed.  I had to go back and reread some of your fictionalized work. He was amazed with your dialogues and the natural way in which it flows. Is it so natural because it is based on real conversations?

Carrie: Well, a lot of it is, but I also think it’s a self consciousnesses, like you are sort of watching yourself or listening to yourself. I would also say that I write some of the stuff that I wish I had said or something that I didn’t say in that context and so I drag it over.

J.T.: That is probably the more fun part of writing. Well, he was just talking about the natural flow and the way that you craft your writing. Is all that natural or something that you have been honing?

Carrie: Well, I fell in love with words as a kid and I used to go through books and underline things. Really, I like wordplay more, but that’s also how I talk. I talk in wordplay. I once saw a line of mine, although I don’t know that they knew that it was mine, that said, “Start putting the ‘fun’ in ‘funeral.’” I hear words and they break down automatically.

J.T.: Right. Bill can attest to this: I don’t speak in the same way that I write. Most people who have read something I have written before meeting me don’t believe that I wrote it when they do meet me.

Carrie: Some of my writing isn’t how I talk.

J.T.: Well, with the show, the connectivity that you have with the audience is amazing. How do you get that when most of the events that you’re talking about are so disparate from most people’s experiences?

Carrie: Well, I don’t think that they are necessarily. Also, it’s not so much what your experiences are, it’s how it hits you. I mean, everyone has had, from a certain slant, a weird childhood. It may not be exactly like mine and it probably isn’t, but from a certain slant, you’re going to have funny stories.

J.T.: So it’s based off of the emotion rather than the event.

Carrie: Definitely!

J.T.: So how are you finding the Dayton audience’s responding?

Carrie: They are fantastic!

J.T.: Just as receptive?

Carrie: Beyond receptive! Last night they were talking back! A lot!

Bill: I know that we have a thing about sex and nakedness here in Dayton, Ohio…

Carrie: Apparently! That was what was hilarious about it. The questions that they asked like, “Was he naked?”, “Were you naked?” That’s where you mind goes. If you find a dead body, they’re usually not naked. (Writer’s Note: A reference to Carrie waking up next to the lifeless body of Republican Party media adviser R. Gregory Stevens who died from a OxyContin/cocaine overdose in her bed)

Bill: That’s a great way to start the show too. It kind of lets you know that…

Carrie: Yeah, “This is where we are at and it’s going to get more normal from here…but not much.”

I know this probably isn't the time nor the place, but looking at these pictures, I believe I am going bald.

J.T.: Well, Daytonians aren’t the only nudity focused people. Look at George Lucas’ No Underwear In Space Theory… (Writer’s Note: According to Lucasian Physics, one would face many different pressure changes while tooling around in space and with all the expansion and contraction of the human body under these conditions, you would be strangled by your underwear. I think that this is based upon twisted yet justified fantasies and not on any kind of scientific protocols.)

Carrie: That’s what he said. I think it just destroyed the line of that stupid white dress and then if people were aware that you were wearing a bra, they wouldn’t accept that you were Darth Vader’s daughter. No, I think not.

J.T.: True. With Shockaholic, is that kind of a stepping stone to the next memoir?

Carrie: God no! I think that I’ve said about all I can say.

J.T.: Really?

Carrie: Well, about…the stuff that I’ve written about that was the toughest is that I exposed my daughter to any kind of drug abuse and it would be something that you would figure would happen, (whispering) but I didn’t do a lot. The fact that it happened at all is probably the thing that is most shameful about my life. But most of it was already out. They (the tabloids) wrote about me being in a mental hospital, so then I’m going to write my version and I’m going to say my version. Then they (the tabloids) write stuff saying that I’ve had a facelift and that just kills me because this would be the worst facelift ever! I’ve seen online…go online and I read that I’ve had a facelift and it’s not that good and there’s like three doctors commenting how it looks pulled here and pulled there (Carrie demonstrates by tugging at her face). I’m like, no, but I’ve been thinking about having one…

J.T.: Ryder: That’s another thing about the show, since you kind of brought it up: Somehow you have managed to avoid it seeming tabloid-ish. It’s not sensationalized.

Carrie: It’s not sensational. If you were in the situation, it’s just people. I mean, they might wear more make-up or they might have gotten where they are because they have…(pause)…more well ordered features, but they are just humans. It’s not…now I’m intimidated by the ‘good looking’ people, but you shouldn’t treat ‘good looking’ like it’s an accomplishment. It’s kind of valued that high, like you did something amazing and it was just that they were born with really nice features. Those are the people inHollywoodwho…I don’t know how to talk to them and I’m not really curious about them either. ‘How did you get those eyes? Oh! Your mom had them?’ Those are the people who got where they are purely on their features.

J.T.: That is across the board. People being ‘proud’ of genetics. A lot of people equate that with celebrity…

Carrie: It would have been a bigger trick to stay out of show business than to go in. I didn’t go in. It was…I had to tiptoe out. No. I wouldn’t have picked it, because I was sort of introverted, watching all those people.

J.T.: Which is hard to believe when one sees your stage show.

Carrie: Well, now I’m older and it’s now it’s acceptance run riot. Self acceptance. I mean, you get to a certain age…

J.T.: ..and you say to yourself, ‘Ah, screw it!’

Carrie: Right! ‘What the fuck!’

Bill: So if you weren’t thrown into that at an early age…

Carrie: I might not have chosen it.

Bill: What would you be doing?

Carrie: Well, I might have been a writer because of the whole word thing. It killed me, the word thing. I would have liked to have been Beethoven….not for his whole life, but just the part where he wrote his music. I want to be someone who can hear music like theat. Where does that come from? There are those people like that that have that kind of gift, but I do have a thing with words and I am grateful that I’ve got it because it a distraction for me and I listen to people better  so it makes me enjoy reading and listening  to people’s points of view and the way people say things.

Bill: You mentioned last night (during the opening night performance) that poetry was is something that you started at an early age and it actually helped you.

Carrie: I started writing, but you wouldn’t call what I wrote ‘poetry.’ It would be more like lyrics. But, I like some of what I wrote and I remember getting into states where I would be kind of taking dictation from somewhere that had nothing to do with me, but it did have to do with my emotional state. The way that it organized itself into…it’s an intense experience, then your way of managing it is basically to photograph it verbally so that you’re not just at the effect of it then, so you’re not saying, ‘Okay, now what is this like?’ It’s finding some way to say it. Otherwise, I’m just an incredibly emotional person, which I am.

J.T.: Well, at least when you’re performing, you have the ability to emote and convey a tone or meaning more than writing.

Carrie: Well, I’ve also gotten to the point where I’m also able to receive it. You just kind of get out of the way, so it isn’t me. I’ve been given something where impressions come to me and I can say, ‘Oh, that’s what that feels like!’ If I just wait, I let this thing in me that does that anyway…I can’t ignite it, I can just get out of the way of it.

Bill: Well, that leads me to this then: after watching your show last night, which I enjoyed a lot by the way…

Carrie: Thank you.

Bill Pote And J.T. Ryder Double Teaming Carrie Fisher...Wait...That's Doesn't Sound Right....

Bill: How much…I know it’s mostly scripted, if not all scripted, so how often do you go off script?

Carrie: A lot! I open it up for questions and the because the people that you (the audience) are talking with, I’ve never met them before…

Bill: Well, not even talking about audience members, but even with bringing up stories from your life, how often do you just think of something like, ‘I haven’t even told anybody this.’

Carrie: I said something the other night and…I say things by accident and it is sort of leaving it open to mess with, so there is a lot more I could say about any of the things I talk about and sometimes I will go off into it…and it’s more fun if I do. You really have to be alert…hyper-vigilant and hyper-alert, and that’s exhausting, but it’s interesting.

J.T.: Yeah, it’s great fun when you shut off all the filters.

Carrie: Yeah! And you’re in front of a lot of people and that can be very interesting.

 

(Photographs by Blush Boudoir, then heavily edited by J.T. without permission nor any sense of artistic content.)

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvVUMW_iUlw’]

 

Shocking Stories From Beyond The Stars With Carrie Fisher

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An Interview With Actress Carrie Fisher

Debbie Reynolds, Carrie, Todd and Eddie Fisher

(see details on our ticket give-away to Carrie Fisher’s show “Wishful Drinking” below the article)

It seems apropos that the daughter of Hollywood’s Royalty would eventually take up her predestined mantle as a Princess. Yet, for whatever charms that galaxy far, far away might hold,  Carrie Fisher’s real life is more of an epic tale than anything Lucas could ever deem to dream. From awakening to Republican Party media adviser R. Gregory Stevens’ lifeless body lying next to her (a victim of an OxyContin/cocaine overdose), to having the father of her daughter leave her for another man, Carrie Fisher’s life make the cantina scene in Star Wars look about as interesting as a seminar on new accounting techniques.

Carrie was born on October 21st, 1956 in Beverly Hills,California to America’s Sweethearts, singer Eddie Fisher and actress Debbie Reynolds. When Carrie was only two, Eddie Fisher left the house to console Elizabeth Taylor after the death of her husband Mike Todd (who was also Eddie’s best friend and whom he named his son after) and he never came back. The next year, Carrie’s mother Debbie married shoe magnate Harry Karl, whose penchant for roaming about without pajama bottoms and an acute case of chronic flatulence added yet another odd character in Carrie’s galactic menagerie.

            Sometimes, there are those born into celebrity who, through no fault of their own, do not realize that their lives are much different than that of the average person. During a recent telephone interview, I asked Carrie when she became aware that her life was vastly unlike the lives of others and what her perception of her early years were.

“Obviously it’s nice to live comfortably and I really didn’t know that there was another way to live until I was like ten. People would say, ‘You think you’re so great because you’re Debbie Reynolds’ daughter!’ I was embarrassed of that.” Carrie paused, rolling over in bed as she had just returned from a celebrity meet and greet in Japan. She went on to say that, “I did know that other people didn’t live like this and I didn’t like it because that separated me from being like everyone and I couldn’t fit in. I wanted to fit in, and none of this stuff makes you fit in. I wanted to have the option to join up. Anything that made me different…I don’t know…I lived mostly in my head, so I don’t know that I was very aware of my surroundings. I was extremely introverted.”

At seventeen, Carrie landed a role in Shampoo with Warren Beatty and Goldie Hawn. In 1973, as Carrie puts it, “George Lucas ruined my life” by casting her in the iconic role of Princess Leia Organa in his upcoming sci-fi movie, Star Wars – released in 1977. In reflecting on the deal that was made at the time, Carrie has been quoted as saying that, “We signed away our likeness, so when I look in the mirror, I have to pay George a couple of bucks.” Following Empire Strikes Back (1981) was Return of the Jedi (1983) in which Carrie once again reprised her role as Princess Leia, becoming the gold plated bikini babe – slave to and amorphous arm candy of the gelatinous villain Jabba the Hutt. It was this revealing representation that launched Carrie into the stratosphere as a sex symbol, a position that she was uncomfortable with and an image that she unwittingly didn’t realize at the time would follow her throughout her whole career.

Having been inundated and interrogated throughout the years pertaining to her experiences with George Lucas and the Star Wars empire, I wanted to only briefly touch on that topic. I asked if she felt that there was a weight from living under the legacy of such an iconic movie so early in her career, to which she replied:

“I mean, I never really wanted…I was never much of an actress. It was never really what I wanted to do. If I had wanted to be an actress, it would have been bad.”

Click On Image...It's Animated

Carrie has been oft quoted as saying she never really wanted to become a celebrity as she had seen firsthand what fame such as that had wrought. The ensuing years after Star Wars were fraught with drug addiction and psychological problems, becoming overly apparent both on and off the screen, as evidenced in her appearance on the Star Wars Holiday Special in 1978. Her erratic behavior and rampant drug use even led to her almost getting fired from the set of The Blues Brothers, where she was unable to turn in a decent performance due to her intoxication.

After entering rehab and cleaning herself up (with a few admitted slips here and there) it seemed that Carrie eventually returned to the refuge that she had found in her teenage years: writing. I asked Carrie if she found that writing became a part of her self-therapy.

“Well, I never did it for that reason, but when I was young, I guess I did.” After a slight pause, she went on to say that, “My thoughts would get all kind of crowded, so it kind of became a way of kind of organizing the crowd.”

I Always Suspected This...

I was curious as to whether Carrie felt more comfortable writing about her life veiled behind the safety net of fiction or if it was easier to just write it all down without having to think up scenarios and plots to introduce one event or another.

“Fictionalized!” Carrie said, without hesitation. “Well, it’s a different kind of writing. Your tone with first person prose is much more conversational, so it’s hard to get more descriptive. There’s a certain kind of way that I like to write that doesn’t suit itself to a first person narrative.”

Was it easier to tell the whole truth about something that happened to herself and the people involved in a situation when it was couched behind the shroud of fiction?

“I don’t know about myself, but I would never say anything that would make anyone uncomfortable that was obvious, no. I don’t want to do anything like that.” Carrie said. “I have probably made people uncomfortable with certain things, but I do my best not to do that. It’s easier in fiction because you make up stuff and you use stuff and you disguise stuff.”

While still appearing in acting roles (When Harry Met Sally, Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery, Scream 3), a large portion of her creative energy seemed to go into her writing, whether it be fictional (Postcards From The Edge, Surrender The Pink, Delusions Of Grandma), screenwriting (These Old Broads, The Young Indian Jones Chronicles) or non-fiction (Wishful Drinking, Shockaholic). In 2006, Carrie debuted her screenplay of Wishful Drinking as a one woman show, replete with videos, photos and more anecdotes that you could shake a light saber at.

In a world saturated with reality entertainment, it seems as if celebrities’ bad behavior is sometimes an intentional ploy for attention or a casting call for the next Lifetime Network show, yet in Carrie’s case this is not so. Most of her life was not lived out in front of the camera lens, like most other celebrities bent on revealing their day to day lives. When you read or watch Wishful Drinking, you are left with the impression of a woman coming to the realization of what the events in her life meant and accepting the repercussions that her decisions and actions have produced. It is also not a ‘woe is me’ pity fest, yearning for the audience’s sympathy in a desperate maneuver to gain forgiveness and acceptance. I did wonder if performing her own life out night after night desensitized and somewhat separated her from the integral epochs of her past.

“God I wish! What it does is, it makes me own it and I’m not ashamed of it. It makes you feel brave. It certainly makes you feel not ashamed and sometimes it can make you feel like, ‘Look at me motherfucker! I used to not even be able to talk about this!’” Carrie went on to define what she meant by saying, “Well, I mean, if I’ve gotten through the stuff I’ve gotten through, you can get through anything. I look for the ordinary in the extraordinary, whether it being bi-polar or a celebrity or the child of a celebrity or any of that.”

At the age of forty, Carrie had a full blown breakdown which required her to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital. Over the course of time, medications were tried and therapies instituted, but the real breakthrough came when electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) was applied. In Carrie’s words, it was as if there was cement obstructing her mind and the ECT treatment seemed to break all of that away. There has been some short term memory loss, indicated by her answering machine, which asks callers to leave their name, number and how they know Carrie. She has some problems with remembering names or some events, but she highly recommends ECT, stating that it is not how it is depicted in movies like One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.

“I would recommend it to other people if they were in a massive depression, but the way it’s depicted” She paused before going on, “…I saw it on a preview of that show Homeland, and it’s not like that! I mean, maybe they do it like that in some places, but from my experience, they put you out and…it’s just weird. Anyway, I would recommend it or any measure you needed to take to deal with a massive depression, but of course, I tried everything else first.”

For a taste of what it’s like living life on the edge, collecting the postcard and coming back, check out Carrie Fisher’s one woman show, Wishful Drinking. Also, read her short follow up book, Shockoholic, which details some of the funnier anecdotes from her life. AS we wrapped up our interview, I asked Carrie what I should tell Daytonians about the show and what to expect. She stated that there was a lot of audience interaction, making each show a unique experience. Carrie signed off by simply saying…

“I do involve the audience, so come and see me and tell me some stories!”

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_TF3f6S2nA’]

Ticket Giveaway

We have a pair of tickets to see Carrie Fisher’s Wishful Drinking on Tuesday April 10, courtesy of the Victoria Theatre Association!  Simply this article, On Stage Dayton and then in the comment section below, tell us your favorite Carrie Fisher role and why (make sure it posts to your FB page as well).  We will randomly draw one winner on Monday 4/9 at 3pm.  GOOD LUCK!

Fail Or Slop – The Unfortunate Fate Of The Sinclair Library

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The Unfortunate Fate Of The Sinclair Library

            Sinclair Community College, whose sprawling campus takes up much of the Western portion of Downtown Dayton, began as a two roomed bookkeeping and mechanical drawing class located at the local YMCA in 1887. Many in the region have grown up with the legacy of Sinclair Community College and are well versed in its history and influence within the area, but few are aware of the bizarre feat of engineering that had to be undertaken shortly before the original seven buildings were set to be opened to students in September of 1972.

The board of regents signed on New York architect Edward Durell Stone and the Dayton architectural firm of Sullivan, Lecklider and Jay to make reality the vision of John Vernon Wormer, the dean of Sinclair at the time. Wormer envisioned a campus that would be an oasis of education in the midst of Downtown Dayton.

Since the campus would not be facilitating dorms, the architectural group decided it would be best to eschew some of the traditional areas found on most college campuses, most notably, a quad for students to gather. Since all of the students would be living off campus and many were natives of the Miami Valley region, it was concluded that the campus would be constructed with a more utilitarian layout, concentrating more with the ease of going back and forth between classes rather than superfluous areas for the students to congregate in.

Originally, the Learning Resource Center (LRC) Library was set directly in between the other original seven buildings, connecting them all together with awning covered sidewalks, which, viewed from above, gave the library the symbolic look of holding the whole campus together with outstretched arms. That was until, through a series of miscalculations and oversights, the library would become the focus of a year long excavation and engineering feat that would not only change its location dramatically, but would also make it an invisible orphan, buried under the shadows of the rest of the college grounds.

In early 1972, the bulk  of the eight main structures were already built and were being fitted with HVAC equipment and state of the art communications and technological apparatus. Carpets were being laid, tiles set, fixtures mounted and paint applied. The library was the first structure to be fully completed, which was fitting for the building that was the to be the focal point of the campus. Through grants and donations, the library had a massive array of shelving units erected and shipments of books were arriving daily to be placed thereupon. This library, in the eyes of the regents and Dean Wormer, was to be the envy of all the colleges in the area and would become a repository of the written word far surpassing even the whole of the local county libraries collections. It was barely a month after the library was finished and stocked that a severe problem arose.

“At first, there was a portion of the Northeastern wall that showed signs of stress, cracking in portions.” said Dwayne Schnieder, superintendent of maintenance for Sinclair at the time. “You could tell something was shifting. The masonry around the window frames was pulling away towards the corners. From the inside, you could tell that the building shifted towards that corner of the building.”

Structural engineers were called in and consulted. After taking innumerable measurements and comparing them to the original blueprints, it was quickly determined that the building was sinking. Emergency meetings between the architects, county agencies, engineering consultants and the board of regents were called. The first rounds of meeting were rather heated with different groups laying blame for the structural defect on the other. The core questions, however were, ‘What caused the problem in the first place?’, ‘How bad would it get?’ and ‘What could be done to fix it?’

The answer to the first question came rather quickly and stunned everyone involved. A mathematician, Leonard Hofstadter, who was hired on to aid the structural engineering consultants, found that, after poring through all of the preliminary plans and blueprints, that no one had adjusted the soil compaction and amount and depth of the footers to compensate for the weight of the books. By Hofstadter’s calculations, he determined that, within the year, the building as a whole, would sink a full forty-three inches on the Northeastern corner of the building and thirty-eight inches on the Southwestern corner, giving the building a -7° tilt. Over a three year projection, factoring in average rainfall and such, it was established that the building would sink yet another fifty-two inches on the Northeastern side and forty-nine inches on the Southwestern side giving the building an almost 15° list. Along with this, the building would also shear laterally at least one and a half feet towards the Northeastern corner. Taking all this into account and by using algorithms to determine the load stresses of the building, it became apparent that the flooring would crack and separate, creating schisms several inches wide at some points, and that the walls and roof would suffer similar fates as well.

Jones Excavation of Indiana was tapped to head up the project, which was to turn out to be a monumental task indeed. It was agreed upon that the best, and most cost effective option, would be to excavate under the building, tamp the ground to a higher compaction rate, pour new footers and moorings and, as the final step, the building, as a whole, would be lowered into the ground onto its new foundation. Above and beyond the logistical nightmares that this project would entail, there were many municipality laws that would have to be bent or outright ignored to meet these ends.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, project manger Lisa Froprol said, “So many laws and safety regulations were flouted in order for the project to be seen to its completion. Not only was the act of excavating under the building in the manner in which it was done a hazard in of itself, everything was kept in place inside the building to give the illusion that nothing was wrong.”

After a Herculean effort, the plan was completed in late August, after a marathon construction process that defies belief. Beginning on a Saturday night, the building was lowered and moored into its newly dug vault and large concrete pavers were placed on top of the roof, with glass bricks aligned with the original skylights. Visitors gave blanks stares when they looked about and wondered aloud as to the location of the library that they clearly remembered being in the center of the complex. They were told that the library was part of an underground labyrinth of hallways and tunnels that connected the buildings together, as the blueprints had called for all along. Visitors were left scratching their heads and questioning their sanity up until the time of the school’s grand ribbon cutting ceremony, whereupon, the commotion and congratulations overshadowed any seemingly disparate recollections of the hidden library.

 

 

 

 

 

Life Is So Strange When It’s Changin’ – A Look At Life, Liberty And Lucidity With Lynyrd Skynyd

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A Look At Life, Liberty And Lucidity With Lynyrd Skynyd

We may view our lives as a linear passage of time, as if we were tiredly gazing through a car window as the lackluster landscape as our lives flew by, a vista of relatively repetitive sameness that is only occasionally broken by the intermittent roadside sign or mildly interesting landmark or two. We make stops along the way, from mildly significant sojourns to epochal events that change the course of our lives. There are very few things that can bring back the memories from the past with any clarity. It’s like trying to remember the innocence of your first kiss and, the more desperately you try to bring it into focus, the quicker is blurs and skitters away into an aching sense of loss.

Conversely, the wafting scent of perfume, a distantly echoed giggle or the chorded melody from a long lost song can drag you backwards in time, suddenly forcing you to relive that moment. Most of our lives are lived with a barely audible soundtrack, a constant companion that etches itself within the furrows of our minds and, when a song from our past comes on the radio, we remember with utter clarity the first time we heard it, maybe coiled beneath the covers with a transistor radio drawn close to our ears allowing a world bigger than our own to enter our consciousness.

I remember the fist time I heard Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Free Bird. I was sitting on the porch of an abandoned farmhouse near my home with a Realistic AM/FM radio echoing past the nonexistent front door and inside the vacant structure. I had previously been occupied with doing a good amount of nothing and had planned on extending that agenda far into the afternoon. The sun was high and the day’s warm breeze caused the chest high (to me…I was like nine years old) bearded grass to brush against the rusted remnants of discarded washers and dryers that had been unceremoniously dumped in the overgrown driveway, resulting in a sound not unlike a brushed high hat…nature was accompanying my musical selections. Free Bird came on with no announcements or warnings: just a stark, churchlike organ slicing through the midday haze, sounding ominous and comforting all at once. The building of sporadic percussion and straying strums of the guitar ended suddenly with the moaning slide of a Coricidin cough medicine bottle along the neck of a guitar. I was hooked. I listened raptly, through the pining lyrics, past the pressure cooker build up and all the way through the violent release of triple lead guitars, all the way to the fade and into the hissing open dead air of real radio. I sat through an interminable amount of commercials, waiting for the DJ to come back on and tell me what I had just experienced. Of course he didn’t and I was left clueless until I sat in a friend’s basement and he handed over the still glossy cover of an album mysteriously titled Pronounced ‘Lĕh-‘nérd ‘Skin-‘nérd, which I still managed to mispronounce because I suck at phonetics.

Over the years, that song will come on the radio and, regardless of what I am doing, I will crank it up and listen to it until the fade out (unless some industrious DJ manages to put on the version from Skynyrd’s Innyrds, which has a more bombastic ending altogether). The keening wail of the guitars, the simplicity of the message and the organic way in which it all fits together seems to take me back to a time of innocence. Not necessarily my own, but a more overall innocence. A time before record companies created cookie cutter hit makers and allowed their artists to create. A time when AOR (Album Oriented Rock) radio stations ruled the airwaves and would allow the DJ’s and the listeners to dictate what was played, as opposed to being spoon fed the latest popular pabulum. It was a time of originality and exploration, instead of following a format or a formula to dispense with the next grandstanding standard.

I was able to talk to Rickey Medlocke (one of the original drummers for Lynyrd Skynyrd, guitarist in the current line-up as well as creator, guitarist and lead singer of yet another monster Southern rock group, Blackfoot) several times over the years, which has been both daunting and exhilarating. One of the things that I wanted to ask him was whether or not I was romanticizing the era, extrapolating my own innocence onto a whole decade or if there has been a shift within the music industry.

“You gotta realize I was there for some of the stuff because I was one of the original drummers, so I was there and saw how stuff went down, and it went down so innocently and so pure. We just wrote songs, and had a magic about ourselves.” Expounding on the music scene now, Medlocke said, “Nowadays you’d be hard-pressed even find a band that even practices their instruments on their own. I’m a guitar player and I’ve had a love affair with my instrument ever since day one, and that’s what it’s all about. I didn’t get into this business to become a rock star; it just happened because we had great music, you know what I mean?”

Running with that line of thought, Medlocke went on to say that:

“Well, you’ve gotta understand, when we decided to do what we did for a living, it was two-fold. Record companies signed bands to create two careers; the record company’s and the band’s. They signed bands to build us up, which in turn built the record company’s career.” Comparitively, Medlocke said, “Nowadays, it’s not about that anymore. First of all, you don’t have near as many record labels as you used to;  everything is Internet. People want self-satisfaction right away. I look at it like this, back when I got signed and the band was formed, we looked forward to a good record company.  Now, the only thing that you sell records for anymore is for tickets and merchandising.”

In speaking with people worldwide, it has surprised me somewhat that Lynyrd Skynyrd is regarded as the definitive American sound, along with other genres created by the surf groups and country and western. Lynyrd Skynyrd has always had a prideful side when it came to their roots and country of origin, which comes out not only in their music, but in the core beliefs. Like the lyrics in their songs, Medlocke’s views on the country he loves are very direct and to the point.

“I mean, the one thing that I do know that’s going on in this world today is everything is so polarized, you know? It’s a damn shame, you know? It seems like our country is being pulled completely apart and, for Lynyrd Skynyrd, we’ve been the American band for all these years and it’s really sad for us to see how this country is being so polarized and pulled apart. When in reality a few short years ago, you couldn’t break this country apart…I mean, it’s interesting. Now, it’s like everybody’s losing their damn balls man, and nobody wants to stand up and do anything. So, you know, that’s the whole thing about it; instead of getting stronger, instead of having some damn balls about ourselves, the country’s getting softer, being weaker.” Medlocke went on to say that, “Myself, I don’t like to use the band as a platform to talk about politics, because I think that entertainers should definitely stay the hell out of politics. You know what I mean? Because, entertainers…we got our own kind of gig and a lot ofHollywood… those people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about when they get into politics. But the point of what I’m getting at is instead of pulling this nation apart, we should be pulling it together, you know? Whether you’re a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent or whatever, we’ve got one of the best countries in the damn world, and guess what? It seems like the damn thing’s being ripped in two.”

Paradoxically, the image of an airplane factors into the separation of bothAmericaand Lynyrd Skynyrd: a division of time wherein there is that hardscrabble climb out of the rubble to rebuild the icon that once was. In Lynyrd Skynyrd’s case, this epochal event came in the form of a Convair 240 passenger airplane ill-fatedly nicknamed Free Bird, which plummeted out of the Mississippi skies in 1977, killing Ronnie Van Zant, Steve Gaines, Cassie Gaines, assistant road manager Dean Kilpatrick, pilot Walter McCreary and co-pilot William Gray. The remaining street survivors of Lynyrd Skynyrd chose to stay the course in spite of their grave losses. For a long period of time after the death of lead singer Ronnie Van Zant, a lone, empty microphone stood, speared in the spotlights as the rest of the band played an instrumental version of Free Bird. This tradition lasted until 1989 when Ronnie Van Zant’s brother, Johnny stepped in to quell a near riot almost caused by fans needing the words to be sung, for the role of a leader to be filled.  Since then, arenas have been filled, records recorded and an homage paid to the creators of the most emblematic music to be pressed into vinyl and into the public’s consciousness. At the end of each concert, Lynyrd Skynyrd plays Free Bird and the audience erupts in unity. Lighters (or cell phones) are held aloft and one wonders if it is to pay tribute to the musicians, to guide those who are lost or who we have lost, or perhaps to try and light the image of our innocence, so that we may see it in utter clarity one more time.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX3cbFJ3lYU’]

Goes To The Edge…And Folds It Neatly (with Tim Bedore)

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Tim Bedore: Standing Up Against The Animal Conspiracy

Comedian Tim Bedore, who hails from Minnesota is a philosopher, a writer, a comedian; He is a man who once had the urge to kiss a wombat full on the lips. He has made numerous television appearances and his Vague But True weekly series can be heard on NPR’s Marketplace weekly program. The last time I spoke to Bedore, it was to gain his wisdom pertaining to his area of expertise: the animal conspiracy theory.

Bedore’s theory is rather alarming in its utter simplicity: Animals hate us and want us dead so that they may rule the Earth and inherent all of the fine Hostess products that will be left in our wake. I decided that the animal conspiracy theory was a great jumping off point for our most recent conversation, so that is where I began…

J.T.: Are we all still in imminent danger from the animals?

Tim: The animal conspiracy thing still looms large, and let me tell you why: Because I love my country. I want Americato continue to be at the top of the economic food chain as well as the literal food chain, so I constantly bear witness and am on the case at all times. At Wiley’s, I’m going to do the animal conspiracy slideshow, of course, and there is a lot of new stuff. I’ve got some amazing video of some elk that have taken over a town to the point where if you want to golf, you pretty much have to golf around the elk and play out of the divots that they make with their horns. They are literally coming into town and chasing after hunters before the hunters get out into the woods to hunt them. I’ve got video of it that’s just incredible.

J.T.: Do you think that the animals are acting independently or might they be lobbied by certain special interest groups and instructed to go after specific targets?

Tim: Boy, that’s an ugly thought! Are you saying that this might be political? Man! So even this is a partisan thing! Anything is possible. Things have changed so much that I expect that, one day, you will see wolves and elk working together to drive keepers and tourists out ofYellowstone. Natural enemies joined together.

J.T.: Are the squirrels still the central part of the conspiracy?

Tim: Oh yes! Squirrels are literally the smartest animal on the planet, other than humans. I mean, they’re rats, but we allow them to live in our cities and we allow them in our yards and people think they’re cute….it’s that damn fuzzy tail. Unbelievable when you think about it. It’s just that fuzzy tail and – bang! – they’re not a rat anymore.

J.T.: Well, since the last time I spoke with you, I started homeschooling my eleven year old son. It makes you yearn for the days when you could hand a kid a sack and send him to a coal mine to earn his keep. I didn’t think teachers made enough money before…

Tim: …and now you’re certain of it. Yeah, that’s a big commitment.

J.T.: Yep. But, I think the problem with the schools now is that all they are concerned about is the State testing and not about cognitive reasoning or problem solving.

Tim: No they don’t.

J.T.: But I think it is becoming apparent because kids are coming out of school and unable to do the jobs because all they know is the answer to question 1-A.

Tim: We had a teacher in college that taught us to think like critical thinkers by saying, “Men do not have to wash their hands after they use a urinal in a public restroom…

J.T.:…but before…

Tim: Right! Wash your hands before! His point was that the penis is the cleanest part of a guy’s body. If you take a ten minute shower, nine minutes is spent cleaning the penis. You get that very, very clean. It’s the hands that are filthy when you think about it. You ride busses with your hands. You touch coins and pick your nose…clean your hands first so you won’t get your penis dirty because it is already clean and, unless you have a spastic fit at the urinal, you don’t have to soap up afterwards. Now, that’s a very interesting way to think, but you can’t make a living with this information, really. I tried. You hang out in bathrooms and try to point this out and…well, the tips were very low.

J.T.: Yeah…well, I don’t know if I would use that phrasing…

Tim: No! “Hey ‘big’ fella! Can I talk to you a second?”

J.T.: So what do you want people to know about you?

Tim: You know what you can tell people? You can tell them that I do not lie on stage. Most comics lie. Most comics make stuff up and I only talk about truthfully honest things because I think that there are too many lies in the world and I really believe that I am going to be the force for truth and honesty. You hear lies all the time and we’ve become just too used to hearing them. How many times have you flown and the pilot gets on the intercom after pulling in three hours late and says, “We apologize for any inconvenience and we really hope to serve you better in the future,” which is just a lie. They know they are not going to serve you better in the future: It’s the nature of their business. If they were honest, they would say, “Yeah, we’re sorry about the inconvenience and all, but hey! This airline sucks, but so does walking fromMinneapolistoDetroitwith a golf bag, so…see you next time!” Like Home Depot…”You can do it, we can help!” That’s a lie. It should be, “You can do it, we can help…but it will look like hell and you’ll probably kill yourself.” That’s the honest way to say it. That’s the truth.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ExpQC6zs9s’]

Turn Of The Fraze

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The History Of A Dream

The Australian Aborigines believe in two interconnected worlds. One is the world in which they live in; a world of the physical. The other is the world of Dreamtime, where their reality is created. In essence, the Dreamtime follows no linear rules of time; all times exists at once and folds in on one another. The Dreamtime is where creation takes place and, when one comes back to reality, the thoughts become a tangible reality. There are rare occasions where everything aligns and certain groups of people gather together, envisioning a concept or a direction and their dreams become a reality. The Fraze Pavilion seems to be one of these places conceived during this Dreamtime.

In October of 1983, a tract of land that abutted the City of Kettering’s governmental buildings was purchased from the heirs of the original landowner, W.D. ‘Doc’ Johnson, for $1.5 million…yet the story goes back much farther back than that.

“Actually, the area had been platted right before the Depression into single family plots, but it had never been developed except maybe one or two parcels.” said Peter Horan, former City of Kettering Planner and Assistant City Manager. He went on to talk about the Johnson property itself. “‘Doc’ Johnson’s place had been quite a controversial property for a while. Right after Kettering was incorporated in the early fifties, ‘Doc’ wanted to build a downtown Kettering there. The City Council back then said, ‘We’re not rezoning it for that. We just approved Town & Country Shopping Center.’ ‘Doc’ was mad about that for years. He kept coming in with proposals to build something on it, but nothing ever worked out. So, when ‘Doc’ died, that’s when the family wanted to do some things with the property and that’s also the same time that the City started putting together a concept plan about a multi-use area that would become Lincoln Park. We took that concept to the neighborhood, the City Planning Commission and the City Council and the concept was very well received.”

Jerry Busch, Mayor of Kettering from 1981 through 1989 echoed Horan’s description, saying, “It pretty much started with a vacant piece of land that we got from ‘Doc’ Johnson and developed it from there. The planning department came up with the sketched plan for Lincoln Park Commons and we came up with it from that basis, the Fraze was brought in about halfway through. Originally, we talked about having a kind of bandstand with some wooden benches…and it grew from there. With the help of Pete Horan, we talked to some of the performing arts people in town and got an idea of what their requirements were.”

The creation of the park, the office park, the residential concept and the Fraze Pavilion itself was a multi-tiered project that seemingly advanced hand in hand, developing and maturing with each additional facet that was added.

“Originally, we did all the park design, and that was before the Pavilion was even in, and then once the park was finished, we began the effort of trying to get the Fraze Pavilion itself built.” James Garges, City of Kettering Parks, Recreation and Cultural Arts Director said about the planning process. “So, for a while, almost a year or two years, all you really had there was a grassy knoll in the park and we had a little programming in the park and so forth, but the plan to have an amphitheater was there from the start. When we went into actual park design and that whole hundred acres there became developed. It’s a pretty interesting project from that perspective.”

Many times, we see public facilities in a constant state of construction, wherein the structure is being changed, augmented, repaired or completely redesigned due to lack of planning or poor oversight. With the Lincoln Park project, one gets the sense that there was a fully operational plan in place that took into account the various elements and how they would work together, not only at that moment, but also on into the future.

“When you do it right, everything flows together right. If we tried to take the Fraze and plop it down into the existing park, it wouldn’t be the same facility, so that’s why it flows so well. Again, if you have the foresight to do really good design and planning for a park and you have a good idea of what is going to be in the park in the future, you may not be able to do everything at once, but whatever you do as the first phase just fits right in with the second phase.” Said Garges. “So, the master planning from the park perspective becomes a very, very critical element to the success of everything that will eventually be in the park. The Fraze Pavilion itself was actually the last piece of the park that fit and that last piece of the puzzle fit perfectly. We had a very good team. At that time, it was NBBJ, which was an architectural firm out of Columbus and Al (Alfred E. Berthold) was the lead architect of the project. It was myself, Pete Horan and Al Berthold; we were three of the key folks that worked together on it from a facility/design perspective. Al did a great job, he really did. Joe Roller was another landscape architect that was on board with the Parks and Recreation department and the planning department forKettering. Joe, from an in-house perspective, working with Al Berthold, was also very helpful. So, you see, we had a really nice team of landscape architects, park folk and Pete Horan, who I would call almost like the Minister of Taste. Pete’s good at that stuff!”

Many municipalities have taken on a major undertaking only to have the process drag on, hampered by constant infighting, indecisiveness and a general sense of poor planning. With the whole of the Lincoln Park project, it seemed as if all the key elements worked together in unison to realize a shared vision.

“From my personal point of view, it was a really unique opportunity, and it was a challenge, but it was also extremely gratifying to see it all come together and work.” Said then City Manager Bob Walker, before adding, “Like anything, it was a team effort. A lot of people put in a lot of effort, and it paid off. The whole City Council, if you think about it, it was courageous on their part too. They were all sticking their neck out a little bit, and I’ve always given them tremendous credit, particularly Jerry Busch the Mayor. He just provided that political leadership that’s very necessary to see something like that through. He did an absolutely marvelous job.”

This is not to say that the project itself did not have a few people that were uncertain or unable to make this leap of faith…

“I will never forget…there were a few Council members that were still a little nervous and Jerry Busch had this huge banner in the council chambers that said, ‘If We Build It, They Will Come!’” Pete Horan said before complimenting Busch’s unwavering belief in the project. “Jerry was a driving force, politically and in getting support from the community and the Council. Right after it was built, Dick Hartmann was the Mayor and he was a strong supporter as well.”

The one striking thing that is almost imperceptible to most is the layout of the facility. While other entertainment venues take on a ‘cattle herding’ mentality, trying to get customers in and out of the facility as quickly as possible, the Fraze takes the exact opposite approach, forcing the patrons to meander lazily past beautifully landscaped flower beds, statuaries and ponds. This adds to the relaxed atmosphere of the evening.

“The beauty of the Fraze is actually the beauty of the Fraze, not only with the programming that comes out of the facility, but also the environment in which it’s located.” said Mary Beth Thaman, current City Parks, Recreation and Cultural Arts Director. “The grand vision of Fraze was to put the Pavilion in an incredible environment, which is a park and that the way that you access the Pavilion is so pedestrian friendly. The landscaping enhances your experience. I think the beauty of the project, holistically, is really how it is treated and the experience that you have there, even outside of the music.”

It is easy to take for granted the beauty of the Lincoln Park project as a whole when one is focused on the overshadowing prospects of stars and nationally known entertainers. It is just as easy to stop for a moment to take in the subtle grandeur of the grounds. To appreciate the maintained and manicured grounds and flora. To see the still water that reflect the public sculptures. So what is the most important aspect of the project?

“I would say that it is using the park to walk, to sit, to relax, to play your guitar and it’s WiFi, so they can bring their computer if they want. The park has a lot of walkers and a lot of people that use the park as an activity for themselves.” Alluding to the calm before the storm, Thaman went on to say that, “Again, within three hours, it is transformed into a music venue. So, I think that it offers, in terms of an outdoor summer experience, such a variety. It really is a focal point for Kettering because we don’t have a downtown area per se, but it is the place, when you have concerts and festivals, to be and be seen.”

Having travelled down all of the paths, from concept to creation, from landscaping, developing, construction and landscaping, there is still one facet left to be discovered; programming. Without the music and the arts that make the facility such a vibrant destination, it would still be a beautiful facility…but a very empty beautiful facility.

“You know, anytime you tackle something like that, you can do surveys and all kinds of things, and we did some of those, trying to figure out what people would be interested in.” Bob Walker said. “Then, of course, sometimes, it works out a little bit better than what you thought.”

The person who was placed in charge of building the foundation of Fraze eclectic programming was found through a national search for a suitable General Manager. Rudi Schlegel seemed to fit the bill, having worked at Boston’s Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts (now the Tweeter Center). Schlegel’s long list of credentials and longer list of contacts would prove to be a deciding factor in how well the Fraze would succeed. With the building only half completed when he arrived, Schlegel’s work was cut out for him.

“Actually, the initial challenge was the balance of programming, which, at the time, skewed heavily towards community events and Dayton Arts events, which engendered substantial losses.” Schlegel revealed. “That idealism is great for driving a lofty vision, but there was a fundamental disconnect between the scope of the programming and the design of the building and what, in fact, was going to be viable financially. So, that had to be reconciled.”

Another thing that had to be reconciled was the seating capacity of the venue, which had to be increased to handle four thousand patrons in order to accommodate pop acts. Schlegel was able to attract the attention of some of the best popular entertainers, culled from his previously held connections, drawing in such diverse acts as Ray Charles, Gallagher and Yanni, among others. Such success is no accident though and much is owed to the foundation that was created during those early years.

“Opening a venue is comparable to putting a satellite into orbit. You have to have the trajectory right and you have to have the thrust right. To get it into orbit, you really only get one shot.” Schlegel added to the metaphor by saying, “The worst thing that could happen is you don’t hit the trajectory right or you don’t aim high enough.”

In other organizations, associations and venues, when a new director is appointed, they usually set out immediately to eradicate their predecessors work to make their own mark. The Fraze faculty seems to have the wisdom to build upon the strong foundation that was originally built, replacing only those key elements that have become worn or outdated, replacing them with more functionally sturdy materials. This approach has made the Fraze a nationally recognized amphitheater and one that artists and concertgoers alike feel a comfortable relationship with. While there have been changes over the years, the current General Manager, Karen Durham, has been lauded with bringing the Fraze into a new age, creating a season filled with national acts balanced with local artists as well, without sacrificing the traditions that people have come to expect.

“As we saw audiences change, we also tried new things and, over the past ten years, we’ve really clicked on some hot trends, like the five dollar shows, the two dollar shows.” Karen Durham, current General Manager of the Fraze said. “Our festivals have grown and we’ve gotten to the point that we’ve gotten some solid, signature festivals. Swamp Romp, is what Mark (the facility’s second General Manager) started and that kind of laid the groundwork for the blues and the wine and jazz festivals.”

With all the well known acts and beloved artists that have graced the Fraze’s stage, I wondered if Durham had her own personal favorite…a memorable moment…

“Oh! Well, I don’t know why I would have even hesitated. Ringo! Without a doubt! Having a former Beatle on our stage was just…” Karen ended, at a loss for words. She went on by saying, “Having Sheryl Crow record her DVD here is 2003 is another great memory. Whatever happens in the next twenty years, we will always have this moment of time immortalized, recorded with her music.”

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6PLrDXkMAQ’]

Free Bird At The Fraze With Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Rickey Medlocke

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An Interview With Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Rickey Medlocke

“Well every time that I come home nobody wants to let me be
It seems that all the friends I got just got to come interrogate me
Well, I appreciate your feelings and I don’t want to pass you by
But I don’t ask you about your business, don’t ask me about mine”

~Gary Rossington/Ronnie VanZant

Don’t Ask Me No Questions

 

The iconic band that is Lynyrd Skynyrd is at once an ever changing amalgam of talent as well as a indestructible thread holding together the roots of American rock. From their auspicious beginnings, practicing in a carport in the summer of ’64 in Alabama, to their , upcoming performance at the Fraze Pavilion, Lynyrd Skynyrd has remained true to their origins, playing the type of music that has made their name synonymous with ‘Southern rock’. The history of Lynyrd Skynyrd is one of tragedy, turmoil and triumph. Yet, throughout it all, their music plays a testament to the undying appeal of their sound and words.

I was able to speak with Rickey Medlocke who began his career with Lynyrd Skynyrd as a drummer before forming his own iconic Southern rock band, Blackfoot. He has since rejoined Lynyrd Skynyrd, becoming one of the three lead guitarists, which is the linchpin in what has become Skynyrd’s signature sound. Since the last time I had interviewed him in 2007, there have been a few people from Europe that have expressed interest in reprinting my interview and short biographical piece I had done on the band for various fanzines and one hardcover book to be published in Italy. In speaking with these various people, an image emerged of how some other countries and cultures perceived American music and how some of them saw Lynyrd Skynyrd as being distinctly an American sound. I asked Rickey what his view was, having toured extensively through various countries not only with Skynyrd, but with Blackfoot as well.

“Well, you know, what’s interesting is that being with this band for as long as I’ve been in this band…they just love American music, and Skynyrd, being the well-known southern rock band that it is, it’s been pretty well accepted since day one of the band’s inception. They still think of it in terms as Southern rock, or rebel rock, or whatever they want to call it. It’s never changed; it’s always been that way. They love American music over there.” Rickey stated. “I know that touring over there as much as I did back in the late 70s, early 80s, all the way through into the 90s, they’ve just never stopped loving the Southern rock bands or rock bands, period.  It’s kind of a different thing over there than it is here in the fact that when they love you, boy, they never quit loving you.”

In interviewing other bands, I have found that singles and albums are released in other countries long after they are released here in the States, sometimes a decade later. Some bands who have seen their songs chart in the USA are surprised when, years later, their song or album is number one in Holland or some other country. It is also true that songs that never see the light of day in the United States are found to be wildly popular when bands tour overseas.

“Oh absolutely, absolutely! You can go over there and find such a diverse song selection. Of course, they’re going to like Sweet Home Alabama and Free Bird, we all know that…” Rickey said, “…but the deal is, you might go over there and they might like some off the wall song like Cry For The Bad Man or Don’t Ask Me No Questions or whatever, and when you play them they’re just like in awe…they’re thrilled…and they have a very different way and it’s very diverse, without a doubt.”

In dealing with the arena rock supergroups from years past, there are those that want to question their relevance in the world of modern music, flippantly dubbing them as ‘has-beens’. It seems ironic that someone would make these statements when all you have to do is flip on any new rock station and hear the influences from bands of the past carried through the music of the current chart toppers. It is also odd that these groups from the past can still pack a huge arena while many of the newer groups are unable to fill the seats in more modest venues. Why haven’t we seen the stellar songwriting and extravagant performances that was the hallmark of the arena rock era? Is it the groups? Is it the recording industry?

“Well, you gotta look at one thing. You gotta look at bands such as ourselves, The Stones, AC/DC, Aerosmith and all these classic bands who have had songs that stand the test of time. They’ve got songs that’ll be here ‘til the end of the world. Lots of new bands…show me one song out of one of these new bands that is gonna stand the test of time like that. A lot of the songs coming through…they’re gone so quick that you go, ‘Whoa…what the hell was that?’” In reference to the term ‘has-beens,’ Rickey had this to say; “I’ve heard DJ’s say that we were ‘has-beens’ before and I’ve had people say it blatantly, right to my face, but my comeback is ‘Look, if you’re insinuating that we are a ‘has-been’, it’s better to have been a has-been than a never-was.’ With Blackfoot and Skynyrd collectively, I’ve sold somewhere between 45 and 50 million records, so, when I get somebody that says things like that, I just kinda feel a lot of them sometimes have a big giant chip on their shoulder. ‘I’m a frustrated musician that never was and I can’t figure out why the hell I can’t do it!’ Well, there’s gotta be a reason. Either you didn’t write great songs, or you weren’t that talented, or you didn’t persevere and you gave it up …so there’s a lot of reasons for it.”

Rickey then alluded to the fact that it also had a lot to do with the record industry and that there were a lot of talented people out there who are ignored or don’t receive the attention of the record industry.

“Well, you’ve gotta understand, when we decided to do what we did for a living, it was two-fold; Record companies signed bands to create two careers; the record company’s and the band’s. They signed bands to build them up, which in turn built the record company’s career. Nowadays, it’s not about that anymore. First of all, you don’t have near as many record labels as you used to; everything is on the internet. People want self-satisfaction right away. Back when I got signed and the band was formed, we looked forward to a good record company.” In  relating how the industry had changed, Rickey went on to say that, “Now, the only thing that you sell records for anymore is for tickets and merchandising. Really, that’s really true, to be honest with you, because the artists don’t make anything off of record sales anymore, especially publishing. A lot of these young artists are even giving their songs away, and they don’t realize how much they’re hurting themselves, you know what I mean? Like now these young bands will get into it and if they haven’t made it within a year to a year and a half, they’re like, ‘Oh God! I’m giving it up and going into something else!’ and not realizing that, being a band and being together for as long as we have, and a lot of the other classic artists…that’s what it’s all about.”

I wondered if Rickey ever looked back on all the iconic music that Lynyrd Skynyrd produced and sat in amazement, wondering how they had ever conceived such layered orchestration and captured the essence of living on vinyl.

“You gotta realize I was there for some of the stuff because I was one of the original drummers, so I was there and seeing how stuff went down, and it went down so innocently and so pure.” Rickey went on, saying, “We just wrote songs, and had a magic about ourselves. I’m a guitar player and I’ve had a love affair with my instrument ever since day one, and that’s what it’s all about. I didn’t get into this business to become a rock star; it just happened because we had great music, you know what I mean?”

Since they are coming off of a world tour in support of their God And Guns album, I was curious if going from huge arenas and stadiums to a smaller ampitheater like the Fraze would offer Skynyrd fans a more intimate view of the band..and visa versa.

“Well, it will be and it’s kind of a conscious thing by us right now. The band loves to do smaller stuff every once in a while.” Rickey paused before going on. “What it does…it brings you back to the basics, you know what I mean? And, that’s cool…that’s a great thing to do. The Lynyrd Skynrd band, as with a lot of other artists, we don’t mind doing whatever we need to…we just love to play!”

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX3cbFJ3lYU’]

The Ice Of Wrath

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Dear You...Wish You Were Here!

Premise of column…the abridged version: The theory behind this column is that, unlike most advice columns, I will not be dispensing advice. I have more issues than a magazine stand, so I feel that it would be rather disingenuous (as well as mildly dangerous) for me to offer anyone advice. So what I am doing is offering up my problems to you, the constant reader, so that you may share with me, and the world at large, your sage advice and wisdom. Who knows? You may even actually help me with one of my problems or even become the next Dr. Phil, which would entail an outpatient surgical procedure to have you welded to the megalomaniacal monster that is Oprah Winfrey’s ego.

Well, my debut column kind of went astray rather quickly. I began it with all good intentions, but that damned dog was just preying on my mind, so there wasn’t too much in the way of advice that anyone could offer beside “train it,” “give it away” or “play fetch with it on the roof of Kettering Tower.” This column, I assure you, will give you an opportunity to not so much give advice, but lecture me about what kind of horrible person I am.

There is nothing like a good ice storm to bring things into perspective. As evening draws night and I see the steel grey daylight fade from the vines hanging off my office’s window (the vines I meant to remove this past summer before they manage to pull the window out of it’s frame). I ponder the imponderables, such as what color does a Smurf turn if you choke him, how does the guy that runs the snow plow get to work and, while watching back to back reruns of Full House, how did two bug eyed girls, who resembled my vision of what trolls must look like, turn into two skanky globe trotting trollops in such a short time? I never seek the answers to these questions as then they would cease being imponderable and I would have nothing to do while sitting in my house, snowed in.

From Innocent Gremlins To International Slut-Butts

Another thought flits through my head as I sit here with three kids annoying the living crap out of me, the youngest talking while I am trying to write, the middle one going through all the drawers in my office, borrowing whatever his little adolescent fingers fall on…without asking, of course. The third kid isn’t even mine, but one of my older son’s friends. He just stands there laughing like a mook, knowing that his mere presence makes me yearn for a time when adults were allowed to clout a kid upside the head for irritating them. The thought that careens through my cranium is, “How many people who espouse the wonders and sanctity of family have actually been forced into close quarters with them?” I don’t think they ever have. They are too busy making speeches across the country, dictating their familial beliefs to others, then going back to a Holiday Inn, getting room service and then settling down for an evening of in-room porn.

Careful With That Axe Eugene

I believe that most people who are trapped with their family all day turn into Jack Nicolson’s character from the Shining before Oprah even airs in the afternoon. There are only so many times that your better half can pop awake from their almost continuous catnap to berate you for not spending enough time with them (and then dropping back into a blessed catatonia) before your thoughts cast themselves towards the garage, wondering where you put the axe this past fall and was it sharp enough?

I love my family. My kids are the absolute beginning and end for me and I would do anything for them…except watch four hours of mind melting Japanimation cartoons while my eleven year old does color commentary. It’s not that I don’t like spending time with them…but dear God, small doses please! My kids and I have a great time when we are out and about, but that is when I am safe in the knowledge that sometime soon, they will go back to school, allowing me to sit in my office, lulled by the sounds of silence as I look up at pictures of them…pictures that don’t ask questions like, “Can a Jedi lightsaber cut through Superman?”

Do you have a spouse that begs you to stop working and sit down with her to watch some television…and then proceeds to flip back and forth between RuPaul’s Drag Race and Bizarre Foods until you get confused and start wondering which thing fluttering by on the screen would be worse to have in your mouth? She single handedly will turn your television into a RGB colored strobe light if you give her the controller. Either that or you’ll be locked onto the TLC or the Oxygen network watching some graphic retelling of some “based on a true story” made for TV movie that makes you consider how lucky Hellen Keller was.

Perhaps the problem lies with me. I have always been somewhat of a loner and not really able to relate to people, so maybe I should be able to open myself up to the experience of domesticated living. I should embrace the Snuggie and kick back in the Laz-E-Boy, quaffing down a six pack of beer while watching and laughing through the American Idol audition shows…

Who Could Be A Meaner To A Face Like That?

…see? I can’t write more than a sentence on certain subjects without seeming to be a mean spirited, smarmy a-hole. It’s not that I dislike my family. It’s just that I believe there should be a separation, like there is between Creationism and logic. For example, in the short time that I have been writing this, my kids have interrupted me innumerable times and my wife has been in here three times. Once to use my lighter, even though her lighter was concealed in her other hand. The second time was to…I’m not making this up…talk to me about our relationship because she feels that I need to spend more time with her. The third time was so she could have me look up how to make hand made soap which, while an admirable aspiration and hobby, she only seems interested in because I am on the computer. This has been interspersed with random yelling matches between the kids and her and her and the kids, peppered with random observations yelled out to no one in particular.

Now that the ice is melting away, everyone is breathing easier, knowing that, if worse comes to worse, they can run screaming from the house if the youngest child wants to play charades for the millionth time (a game which, after having the instructions told to him a billion times, he still cannot truly grasp) or if their mom wants to go into one of her long winded stories about her youth, stories which a.) have no end or meaning and b.) grow in breadth and depth exponentially with each telling. As I sit here at the computer as my wife begins a tirade about missing hair ties, I wonder if it’s the forced confinement that creates these feelings or if society has played up the importance of “family time” so much so that you feel guilty if all you want to do is have a moment of silence and eschew yet another discussion with your children about how is it possible for a squirrel to live in Bikini Bottom with Spongebob…a discussion that invariably ends with me screaming, “Because it’s f#$%ing cartoon!” and my son throwing something at me and calling me a meaner.

So, I guess what the question is, buried within this convoluted rant, is how do you balance family time and personal time? What is the basis for time spent with the family/children/spouses? Is it based on the factor of quality or quantity?

The Adventures Of Vaccinium Person From Finland

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Might As Well Rewrite The Title As Well…

            To understand my position on this debate, I must first tell you a story. When my middle son was in 5th grade, he was harassed mercilessly by several black students in his class. Among those, there was one in particular that would constantly bother him, poking him with a pencil in the back, pulling his hair and calling him things like beaner, spic, camel jockey, sand nigger and towel-head. I had spoken with the teacher on many occasions and, while sympathetic, he was overrun by his classroom and, after taking up the matter with the school’s principal at the time, he found that he was alone in dealing with the problem.

One day, I received a call from the school saying that I was to pick up my son from school because he was being suspended for two weeks. Why? Because my son, in retaliation to the constant harassment, both verbal and physical, had finally had enough, turned around and hit the boy and called him a nigger. Oddly enough, the physicality of the altercation was swept aside as a negligible offense, but the racial slur was what was treated as the major transgression. I arrived at the school and met with the principal, who was a demurely petite black woman. She must have had a degree in psychology because the first thing she did was move a table that was in front of me out of the way so, “that there wouldn’t be anything standing between us.” Knowing that my wife was coming up, I thought that this was a foolish idea, as that table would at least buy the principal a few seconds for escape. As it turns out, I was right.

In speaking with the principal before my wife arrived, I brought up the fact that my son had been harassed by several children in the classroom and ran down the list of racial slurs that had been lobbed at him and that I had entreated the school to intercede to no avail. She stated that since he was not of that specific ethnicity, neither Arabic nor Mexican, then the racial slurs did not apply to him. She then made an allusion to the fact that he probably picked up his racism from me, since I was white, which is, in of itself, a prejudicial remark…and an incorrect assumption at that.

            Now, look up at my picture. Now back here. I am a white male. My wife, however, happens to be female (which is a good quality in a mother) and also happens to be black. In all honesty, she’s a Haitian/Cuban/Native American-American, but that just sounds confusing and stupid. So, that being the case, all of our children are multiracial, which makes this incident as interesting as it is convoluted. I brought up to the principal the fact that the school had a zero tolerance policy for racism, yet they had allowed my son to be called all sorts of names of a racist nature. She repeated her stance that since he was not of those ethnic origins, the racist epithets did not apply. So, by this logic, since the children were racist as well as ignorant of someone’s nationality, it made their slurs acceptable. I went on to say that I had heard children in the hallway call each other nigger on innumerable occasions, to which she explained that, in the African-American culture, that was a term of greeting and endearment. Well, what if, for the sake of argument, the black half of my son used the word, trying to be endearing, while the white half was appalled at the racist transaction? Would that make it acceptable? Shortly thereafter, my wife arrived and the whole conversation devolved rather quickly, especially when she called the principal a nigger and all the children involved “little nigglets.” As I predicted, the principal should have kept that table in front of her.

            I bring this up, not as a means to air my disgruntlement with the school system (although there is a cathartic quality to it), but as an example of how complicated the nuances of this argument are. On the one hand, we have black entertainers using the word ad nauseum, especially in rap lyrics, so much so that, if there weren’t so many words that rhymed with “nigger,” the rap genre would have died a quick death shortly after Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five’s first album. Walking along the street or standing in a store, I am constantly accosted by the dreaded “N” word, usually strung together with other expletives, with a complete disregard as to who is within earshot. It’s become a game, much like the one played by woman who wears exceptionally revealing clothes, just daring any male to look at them so they can unleash a hate filled tirade against the “sexist pigs.” It becomes a trap as to who can legitimately use The Word That Shall Remain Nameless, and woe to you if you use it and are not licensed to do so.

As with any other word, it is the intent behind the word and not the word itself that carries the weight. I can watch Richard Pryor’s Live On The Sunset Strip and never have a derogatory thought about the word nigger, even though it’s used roughly a thousand times during the show. If I watch Mississippi Burning and hear some white redneck use the word, you can feel the hatred drip off of each syllable. He could be calling the guy a “maraschino cherry”, and the sense of malice would be the same. By the same token, any word, regardless of how innocuous or funny that it may sound (such as peckerwood, which just cracks me up), should be treated equally as a pejorative term and not be relegated as having a lesser impact. I have seen innumerable black comedians, musicians, actors, etcetera, rail against the racism that blacks must endure, and then launch into bits denigrating other races without any thought of hypocrisy crossing their minds. You cannot claim a specific sensitivity to a word, then be insensitive about the language that flows from your own mouth.

            The argument against removing the word nigger from Mark Twain’s works is simple: don’t. It reflects the mores of that time period, regardless of whether it is right or wrong. It shows how people were viewed and treated, and not just black people, but Native Americans and different classes of people as well. If you green light sanitizing works of literature, how soon will it be before we rewrite The Dairy of Anne Frank to depict the young girl taunting the Nazi’s à la Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone? Using the same logic that NewSouth Publishing Company is using, the book should be changed so that it will make it easier for teachers to discuss the book without having to deal with the horrific nature of the holocaust. We need to change Steinbeck’s Of Mice And Men while we’re at it to depict handicapable people in a better light. Those poems of Paul Laurence Dunbar will have to be rewritten, because some of the dialect smacks of ignorance. After we’re done with that, we’ll be able to tackle that violently racist and sexist book, The Bible…

I am not downplaying the use of the word nigger. In it’s truest form, the word embodies the hatred and detestation of one race for another. It unfairly depicts a whole race of people under an inapplicable blanket definition and, to a large degree, holds them to it against their will. That’s one of the important reasons to keep the word alive in it’s original context in Huckleberry Finn, as a benchmark for what the word applied to a people of a certain era and what the word symbolizes now. A word, however, is a word and, even if you sanitize it and give it a more palatable appearance, unless you are willing to change the behavior that allows this hatred and the insufferable intent behind the word, this cleansing is all for naught. By way of example, George Carlin used to do a bit about the term “shell shocked”, which turned into “battle fatigue” and eventually ended up as “post traumatic stress disorder”. Through all its permutations, the actual devastating trauma and its cause remained the same, but the terms were more pleasant for people to deal with, allowing people to ignore the tragic nature of what the words entailed.

Even though Huckleberry Finn is a work of fiction, it is still a window into a historical era. To shut this window and draw the blinds is the surest way to cloud our vision and allow us to forget things that, while uncomfortable or upsetting, are important to remember so that we do not forget, as a people, where we have come from and the atrocities that we, as a people, have endured. It gives us a point with which we can juxtapose the past with the present so as to give us a clearer line of sight to where we need to be. To tamper with literary works in the name of appeasement or comfort is yet just another form of revisionist history, allowing for a Pollyanna perspective that will surely allow us to forget past transgressions…and eventually to repeat them.

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