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humor

The Theater Of The Strange

December 15, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Comedian Dow Thomas Reminisces About The Dayton Comedy Scene

12/15/10

            It’s very rare for someone to be able to meet any of the people that were instrumental in warping the needle on their moral compass. For example, in the future, the odds are astronomically against my kids ever meeting up with Snooki, the creator of Grand Theft Auto or any or the Real Housewives of Poughkeepsie. I, however, was able to talk with one of the people who were instrumental in changing my vision and giving me the ability to see the world through laughing eyes: Dow Thomas. Dow is a musician, comedian and actor, who was, at one time, a script writer and musician for the notoriously wonderful local program shown on channel 22 and hosted by Dr. Creep called Shock Theater…a show that I was an avid fan of when I was a kid.

I was able to speak with Dow recently from his Floridahome. The first question I asked was whether or not Shock Theater was his introduction into the world of comedy.

“No. I was actually doing comedy in 1972, but at that time there weren’t any comedy clubs, so I was just doing comedy along with my music. I got with Dr. Creep in the late seventies when it was called Saturday Night Dead because they had him on after Saturday Night Live, so it was kind of a neat spot.” Dow reflected on the first time he was on Dr. Creep’s show, saying, “I wrote The Ballad of Dr. Creep and went on there with my girlfriend at the time, Astrid Socrates. I remember some of the early stuff. It was juvenile jokes and stuff, but that was what they (the television station) wanted because they wanted everything clean, stupid and quick.”

If there were no comedy clubs, what venues did he perform in? Dow told me that he would just play in the local bars, places like the Trolley Stop, The Bar and The Iron Boar.

“I would get hired as a musician/entertainer and just add in the comedy in between songs. I would always put on masks and stuff…I just can’t help myself from clowning around. I’d have the gig and eventually I had bands, but when I clowned around, everyone clowned around with me. What was always part of the show was me being stupid.” Dow said. “Sailcats was one of the early comedy songs I wrote which got people to throwing plates at me and that just started it all. We used to sing The Wonderful World of Toilet Paper and we used to TP all the clubs like Clancy’s and the old Wiley’s, which was The Iron Boar originally. But comedy was always a thing with me.”

Since this was predating the eighties comedy boom, I wondered how the comedy scene evolved inDayton. After talking with Dow over an hour, I got a sense of how paradoxically brutal and liberating the process was.

“I was doing The Iron Boar only on Sundays and Wiley had hired me to do it by myself and so I basically got rid of the band…but I still had jam sessions. I was primarily a single act and that’s when I went almost strictly comedy. Back then, I had to do five hours, like from nine to two in the morning, so you had to have a lot of material.” Dow added a couple of memories from the early days ofDaytoncomedy, saying, “We had a comedy night on Tuesdays…and people still bitched about the dollar door charge! It was just crazy. I remember D.L. Stewart came in and did a little bit one night and then wrote an article about the experience.”

Since he had seen the whole evolution of the comedy scene, I wondered whether he felt that it had become too rigid, too structured.

“Yeah…yeah I do. Back then I could have Emo Philips come in and do twenty minutes and then I’d get a chance to go to the bathroom. Then maybe Judy Tenuta would come in and do twenty to thirty minutes…and then I’d get a chance to go to the bathroom.” Dow related that, “For me, I thought it should go on all night because I had been out to the Comedy Store and all of these places. I mean, I had moved out toL.A.in 1983 and I spent a couple of years out there going to different clubs. Back then, nobody closed their bar after the show. A lot of times, we’d all be up doing improv.”

Dow was not a native resident of Dayton, having moved here to attend Wright State, but he quickly adopted the city as his own. He became a habitué of the Arcade, the local bars and the dinner clubs ofDayton. I asked when he had moved from Dayton to his current residence inFlorida.

“Uh…let’s see (yelling to his wife)…Kay! When did we move down here? What year was that? 1997.” Dow the related a funny anecdote. “After we moved, aDaytonnewspaper im

 

mediately voted me the funniest man inDayton…then they did it again the next year. They voted me the funniest man inDaytonfor two straight years and I wasn’t even living there!”

The paper in question used to be called The Dayton Voice…then Impact Weekly…and now it is known as the Dayton City Paper. Maybe we were just still pretending that our Uncle Dow hadn’t left our fair city.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llpMWbmXDY0&list=PLC369CAD7BFD06170&index=1&feature=plpp_video’]

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: comedian, Comedy, comic, Dayton, Dayton Music, Dow Thomas, funny, guitar, humor, humorous, J.T. Ryder, memorial, musician, ohio, Sailcats, song, songwriter, Tribute, Wiley's Comedy Niteclub

Top Ten Lessons I Learned The Hard Way

March 21, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

There Is No Learning Curve In Life

  1. Don’t laugh when a woman asks you if you have ever thought about marrying them.
  2. Don’t eat any food that the aforementioned woman might serve to you if in fact you did laugh.
  3. Even though it is sometimes referred to as the “Muscle Of Love,” Ben-Gay should never be used on it.
  4. Never assume that your friend turned off the correct breaker before you start working on the electric.
  5. You will always hear the click of the lock at the exact moment you realize that your keys are still inside.
  6. All fat people are not jolly.
  7. Zippers are not forgiving…they play for keeps.
  8. If an African-American man is using the urinal next to you, don’t say, “So! It’s not true what they say about you guys!” He will not find it amusing at all.
  9. Don’t assume that a woman holding an iron skillet just wants to cook you something.
  10. Never ask a random stranger on the street, “Hey! Do you know where I can cash a winning lottery ticket at?”

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, top ten list

Top Ten Reasons Why I Am Not Working

March 21, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

I Will Tell You Why I Procrastinate…Later 

  1. The Conan/Leno debacle has me all verklempt. At least Conan got custody of Andy Richter, so I can sleep a little better tonight.
  2. While doing research for an article, I accidentally misspelled Hadron Collider on Google Search and now my computer inundated with pop ups for gay porn.
  3. After the aforementioned disaster, I have also inadvertently found a new meaning for “teabaggers,” which has not allowed me to stop simultaneously vomiting and laughing at the same time.
  4. While cleaning up the vomit, I noticed a rust stain in the sink, which I scrubbed out using an SOS pad. Not wanting to waste a whole pad on such a small job, I looked for something else to clean. Three and a half hours later, the oven is clean, the windows are washed, the kitchen floor is swept and mopped and for reasons I don’t feel I need to explain, I shaved the cat.
  5. A really attractive Jehovah’s Witness knocked at the door and it became a battle of wills as to which one of us would convert who.
  6. I had to sob on the couch for some time, realizing that I am older and extremely off my game and have now been corralled into passing out Watchtowers.
  7. I noticed that it was around noon, which meant that I only had two hours before I had to leave to pick up my kids, and anyone knows that is not enough time to actually get anything done, so why start something that you’re not going to finish.
  8. I notice that the cat was cold after being shaved and decided to cut five holes in a sweat sock for her to wear as a coat. Making the coat took no time at all, but cats are pointy at four of their five ends and don’t take kindly to being shoved inside a sweat sock.
  9. I had to rest after the above-mentioned ordeals, so I sat down and contemplated how I was going to meet my publisher’s deadlines. I came to the conclusion that all I needed to do was outsource the work, but since I don’t know anyone inBangladesh, I had to settle for a local crackhead.
  10. The crackhead said that he needed ten bucks for supplies, so I’m just waiting for him to get back and then we’ll be on a roll! He should be back any minute now…anytime now…

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, procrastination, top ten list

Top Ten Things I Love About Summer

January 22, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Some Like It Hot

  1. I can go to any pool or beach and see women wearing what are essentially bra and panties without the inconvenience of standing in the bushes outside their window.
  2. My melanoma is hungry after its winter hibernation.
  3. I absolutely love putting on SPF 5000 sunscreen all over my body, some zinc oxide on my nose and making sure that my hat creates a five foot circumference swath of shade around me so that I can go outside to enjoy the sun.
  4. I’ve never lost the tips of my toes to “heatbite”.
  5. Women + Thin T-Shirts + Air Conditioning = Eye Popping Event.
  6. You can urinate in the woods without the fear of shrinkage, frostbite, hungry squirrels seeking “nuts” or the potentially life threatening mistake of getting “it” frozen to a metal fence post.
  7. There is no better experience than hitting a swarm of cicadas on a motorcycle at 60 mph.
  8. It’s great to be able to turn the air conditioning on, lowering the temperature of the house to the same level that you were freezing at during the winter.
  9. Watching a bleach blonde’s hair turn green after she’s been in the pool for a while.
  10. Finding out exactly how hot the change in your car is after roasting in the car all day. I still have the imprint of a 1978 quarter on my hand. I felt just like the German guy in the first Indiana Jones movie.

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, summer, top ten list

Top Ten Things I Want To Do Before I Die

January 17, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Better Start To Work On This List Now

  1. Hopefully find a cure for what’s going to kill me.
  2. If it is a malignant type of illness, like a brain tumor, I’ll purchase a large tow truck with push bars on the front and teach retroactive driver’s education to those moronic motorists who so desperately need it.
  3. With my last breath, I hope I have the presence of mind to call my family close to me and whisper, “I’ve been stashing money in the house. There’s about $80,000 in the…aaaggghh!” and then die. It will be hilarious to look on from the afterlife as they destroy the house searching for it.
  4. A three-way with Jessica Alba and Jessica Tandy. Yes, I know Jessica Tandy is dead.
  5. I want to have an animatronics alien surgically implanted into my chest that monitors my heartbeat. When my heartbeat stops, a countdown clock will begin that will send the alien bursting through my chest, hopefully during my viewing.
  6. I want to rack up $100,000 in credit card debt so that I have something to leave to my kids.
  7. To bitch slap the creators of the Lifetime network for forcing me to suffer through an endless barrage of bile inducing “real life dramas” that seem to unify the female populace into believing that even if something horribly tragic hasn’t happened to them, it probably will during the commercial break.
  8. To split an infinitive…or to divide by zero…whichever.
  9. I would like to translate some of the Dead Sea Scrolls to prove that Angela and Brad are adopting another child from Bora Bora so that their twin hell spawns have something to feed on after they are birthed unto the world, thus breaking the seventh seal, bringing about the time of darkness.
  10. To have hot monkey lovin’ with the cast of Planet of the Apes: The Musical!


Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, top ten list

Top Ten Reasons I Question My Masculinity

January 17, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

I Am Secure In Carrying My Man Purse

  1. I know the lyrics to most of Lady Gaga’s songs.
  2. I know that my woman is an Autumn and not a Winter, as she so erroneously believes.
  3. I can tell the difference between a green, a pink or a yellow based beige.
  4. I have been referred to as being “snarky.”
  5. I misunderstood and brought a tube of lube when some guys asked if I wanted to play cornhole.
  6. I’m the one who decorates the house and picks the color schemes. It’s only because if my better half were allowed to do it, it would look as if a Serbian whore had eaten a Family Dollar store, washed it down with a blueberry Slurpee and then vomited the whole mess up in our living room.
  7. I won’t watch football, baseball, hockey or basketball…but I will watch figure skating and gymnastics.
  8. My mom calls to discuss her plans on interior decorating.
  9. On that point, and not to cast any blame or anything, my mom wanted me to become a hairdresser. My grandmother wanted me to become a priest, so either way…
  10. I pick out fabulous greeting cards!

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, masculinity, top ten list

Top Ten List Of People I’d Like To Meet

January 6, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

First Thought

I am not sure whether I understand the question or the phrasing of the question at all. Does it mean that I get to have an encounter with a dead person? I believe that the interaction that I might have in mind is illegal in most of the Continental United States, if not most of the world. Why would somebody want to meet a dead person anyway? It’s not like they have great conversational skills or many activities that they are into besides rapid decomposition. I mean, we could pretend that either the person in mind miraculously came back to life or that I was magically transported back in time to meet them before they died, but what is the point? This is just an exercise in futility, really.

 

On Second Thought…

  1.  Jessica Alba after she partook of one of Woody’s Wondrous Roofie Coladas.
  2. The guy that looks like my kids.
  3. Orville Redenbacher
  4. Jim Morrison
  5. Nikolai Tesla
  6. Bob Newhart
  7. The jackass that parked next to me at the Dip N’ Sip so I can dent the shit out of his car door.
  8. Whoever invented Mountain Dew.
  9. T.S. Eliot
  10. The man who created the concept of money so that I can show him the inherent greed and evil his brainchild begat…then smack him around a bit before he goes back to the seventh concentric ring of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk too loud in public on their cell phones.

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, Jessica Alba, Jim Morrison, list, Top Ten

Top Ten Songs I Want Played At My Funeral

March 6, 2009 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Compositions For Decomposition

  1. Your Time Is Gonna Come – Led Zeppelin
  2. Man In The Box – Alice In Chains
  3. 6 Underground – Sneaker Pimps
  4. Close My Eyes Forever – Lita Ford & Ozzy Osbourne
  5. Dress Sexy At My Funeral – Smog
  6. People Who Died – Jim Carroll Band
  7. Electric Funeral – Black Sabbath
  8. Happy Phantom – Tori Amos
  9. Down In A Hole – Alice In Chains
  10. The End – The Doors

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: death, funeral, humor, J.T. Ryder, top ten list

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