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Tabari McCoy

McCoy On Movies: Life of the Party

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“Hi – I’m every Midwestern mom you’ve ever seen in a Hollywood movie where I get to smile!” Deanna (Melissa McCarthy) shows her school spirit in a scene from Warner Bros. new comedy LIFE OF THE PARTY. Credit: Hopper Stone. © 2018 Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 




KEY CAST MEMBERS: Melissa McCarthy, Molly Gordon, Maya Rudolph, Julie Bowen, Gillian Jacobs, Stephen Root, Debby Ryan, Jimmy O. Yang, Chris Parnell, Luke Benward, Adria Arjona, Sarah Baker, Matt Walsh, Heidi Gardner and Jessie Ennis


WRITER(S): Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone

DIRECTOR(S): Ben Falcone

WEB SITE: http://www.lifeoftheparty-movie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: Deanna (Melissa McCarthy) is having a great time; her daughter Maddie (Molly Gordon) is starting her final year of college and she is set to go on a dream vacation to Italy with her husband Dan (Matt Walsh). 


Then Dan tells her she wants a divorce and her world is turned completely upside down.


Buoyed by her best friend Christine (Maya Rudolph), Deanna decides to overcome her sadness about her marriage ending by righting the one thing she’s always regretted: Not finishing her college degree by going back to school with her daughter. But as she will soon find out, being a college student in her 40s is going to be even wilder than it was when she was in her 20s … Especially if her daughter’s friends have anything to say about it.  

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Melissa McCarthy fans; Mike & Molly fans; Lifetime movie fans

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People hoping for something more like McCarthy’s earlier work; many adult males who will have nothing to relate or latch on to; people who will be bored by the film’s cute but simplistic nature. 


SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? Released in time for Mother’s Day, Life of the Party could best be described as a simple but cute comedy, or, more descriptively, an inspirational comedy … If the Lifetime Network made comedies where some man didn’t murder a woman.


McCarthy, who co-wrote the movie with her husband and the film’s director Ben Falcone (who continues his short but effective cameo streak), must have had a very specific target audience in mind when creating Life of the Party: late 30s to early 50s age suburbanite women who have young daughters they want to bond with – because nearly every scene in the film feels like one big mother-daughter field trip with a few laughs here and there for good measure. Nothing like any of her previous efforts save for the forgettable Tammy, Life of the Party is cute, fun in parts … But lacks anything than its overt, sappy charm to make it last once you’ve left the theater. 


The side characters are fairly one-dimensional but somewhat fun sidekicks, the story is easily digestible and again, McCarthy makes her character relatable as she has a fairly common story. But there again lies the issue as the film itself feels rather common, right down to its cut-and-paste ending. Maya Rudolph gets to serve as most of the film’s comic relief, even though she doesn’t seem to be allowed to take it as far as she could.


And that’s the underlying tragedy of Life of the Party: Despite all the scenarios where McCarthy and company find themselves in that would lend to more outrageous, more comedic moments, much of the film feels restrained so it can stick to a PG-13 rating. There is a much funnier, much more heartfelt movie waiting to get out of Life of the Party, but since the film would be more accurately named “Life of the Afternoon Brunch Party,” it sadly never materialized.


Consider going to this party if you need a simple outing for your mom or middle-aged friend … Otherwise, this classic movie scene might sum up how this party may feel for anyone else. 

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 
 

McCoy on Movies: Rampage

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Rampage proves not all video games deserve to be movies … Especially when they’re this bad.

“Wait! Stop – I’ve got a better movie coming out soon!” Davis Okoye (Dwayne Johnson) and George (Jason Liles) in New Line Cinema’s and ASAP Entertainment’t action-adventure RAMPAGE. Credit: © 2018 Warner Bros. Entertainment.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 

 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Dwayne Johnson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Naomie Harris, Jake Lacy, Malin Akerman, P.J. Byrne, Marley Shelton, Breanne Hill, Jack Quaid, Matt Gerald, Jason Liles, Demetrius Grosse and Will Yun Lee

WRITER(S): Ryan Engle and Carlton Cuse & Ryan J. Condal and Adam Sztykiel (screenplay), Ryan Engle (story)

DIRECTOR(S): Brad Peyton

 
WEB SITE: www.RampageTheMovie.comHERE’S THE STORY: Davis Okoye (Dwayne Johnson) is a primatologist who loves working with his buddy George (an albino gorilla performed by Jason Liles) more than he does with people. But unbecknownst to him, the cunning and manipulative Claire Wyden (Malin Akerman) and her halfwit brother Brett (Jake Lacy) are the heads of a Chicago-based corporation that conducted an experiment that will soon change George’s life forever. You see, Claire and Brett have come up with a pathogen engineered by disgraced scientist Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris) that can weaponize anything that comes in contact with it.


So, when George starts to grow in size and aggression, Davis is understandably concerned since he doesn’t know or understand what is happening to his friend. But, once government cowboy Harvey Russell (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) tells him about the 30-foot wolf also on the loose, he starts to get an idea.


… Just wait till they all find out about what has started swimming off the coast of Florida …

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Children under 18; people who just need a few explosions, fight sequences and simple jokes to make them happy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan fans; people who like gorillas

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Dwayne Johnson and Jeffrey Dean Morgan fans; anyone paying attention

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? Two things I’m going to admit right off the top of this review: 


(1) As a professional wrestling sports entertainment fan, I have for the better part of going on 20+ years been a fan of the man once known as The Rock, Dwayne Johnson. As my all-time favorite in-ring performer, I’ve seen nearly every TV and film role the man has done, save for The Game Plan, San Andreas and The Tooth Fairy – the latter two of which are regarded as, while somewhat commercially successful, among his worst work. (I mean there’s always The Scorpion King, but everyone has to start somewhere.)


(2) I grew up as a child during the 1980s, when arcades were plentiful and rich, glorious after school haunts where hordes of children would congregate to play the latest in the still relatively new technology of video games – and oh, how glorious those days were! There was Punch-Out! (long before Mike Tyson came into the mix), Paperboy, Dragon’s Lair … And then there was Rampage. The inspiration for the video-game-within-the-video-game-movie Wreck-It Ralph, Rampage was a simple, side-scrolling beat-’em-up that had a simple concept: Three human beings had been mutated – George into a giant brown gorilla, Ralph into a huge werewolf … And a woman named Lizzie into a huge alligator – by a mega-vitamin, radioactive lake or food additive. As you fight off military forces trying to stop you, you eat people hiding in buildings while smashing buildings, clearing a level once you had finished obliterating the structures present to little more than rubble. And if your character’s rampage stopped, you were reduced to a very embarrassed human being walking off screen with your hands covering the parts a leaf would if this were the Garden of Eden.


And that was it. A game simple enough in its execution and enjoyment that seemed as basic as your could get for 1986. Problem is, someone decided that classic by Midway Games needed to be a nearly two hour movie. Wanna know what 40 year-old me learned that nearly 10 year-old me didn’t know back then?


Sometimes its best to leave childish things to children … because as much as I love Dwayne Johnson and the Rampage video game, Rampage the movie is a prime candidate for the 2018 Golden Raspberry Awards and deservingly so. For this movie is an absolute gorilla-sized horrible excuse of a B (or F) movie that thankfully Harambe will never see.


I almost don’t even know where to really start with Rampage. I mean, Johnson tries his absolute best to make the film anything close to salvageable, but given the downright cartoonish brother-sister villain combo played by Akerman and Lacy (who also deserve Razzies for their “work”), the “I’m Negan 24/7 now” smiling slickness that is Morgan’s performance, the fake “I’m a soldier – I can’t listen to anything close to reason!” colonel that is Demetrius Grosse (channeling his inner Thunderbolt Ross right down to the high-and-tight mustache) and the “here’s the answer for everything even though I seem clueless as hell” scientist played by Harris, there is no other option even close to choose. 


George might not only be the best character but best actor in the film, which is either a CGI triumph or a travesty for his human counterparts, if not both. (At least Joe Manganiello had the common sense to take a role that obscures his face so that most people won’t even notice.)


Of course, the bad acting is only possibly outdone by the film’s dialogue – which sounds like a 12 year-old wrote it with the help of his slightly smarter but still immature older brother. Of course, when you make every scene predictable so you can sit in the audience and deconstruct it as it unfolds on the screen Mystery Science Theater 3000-style with direction that feels copycatted from just about any other monster movie you’ve seen, you can’t be surprised at the “how is the hero surviving moments that should have killed him five times over?!” action sequences. (Seriously, for a man with no superpowers, even Bruce Willis’ John McClane would have said “C’mon man – you’d be dead by now!”)At the advance screening I attended, there were more than enough audience members who laughed at a few of the film’s borderline-level dad jokes, liked the monster fights and ignored the straight illogical (even for the world the film creates) actions of the film’s characters. Then again, plenty of people once thought the world was flat … And many people who are not scientists (or who have never paid attention to science) still think it is.Unfortunately, the only thing flat is Rampage – because this film is so corny/ridiculous, it might make smart audiences go on one back to the ticket office demanding their money back.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

McCoy on Movies: Blockers

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Blockers brings mature-but-raunchy-when-it-needs-to-be fun, positive mentality to teenage sexcapades

“Help – I don’t have an opponent for Wrestlemania yet … And if I don’t find one, they’re gonna make me star in The Marine 7! L to R: Ike Barinholtz, John Cena and Leslie Mann star in a scene from first-time director Kay Cannon’s comingof age comedy BLOCKERS. Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert © 2018 Universal Studios.
 

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 




KEY CAST MEMBERS: John Cena, Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz, Kathryn Newton, Gideon Adlon, Ramona Young, Sarayu Blue, Geraldine Viswanathan, Miles Robbins, Graham Phillips, Gary Cole, Gina Gershon and Jimmy Bellinger


WRITER(S): Brian and Jim Kehoe

DIRECTOR(S): Kay Cannon 

 
WEB SITE: https://www.blockersmovie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: The directorial debut of Kay Cannon (writer of the Pitch Perfect series), Blockers tells the story of two parents – Mitchell (John Cena) and Lisa (Leslie Mann) … And one they drag along for the ride in Hunter (Ike Barinholtz) – who accidentally discover their respective daughters Julie (Kathryn Aldon), Kayla (Geraldine Viswanathan) and Sam (Gideon Adlon) have made a pact to lose their virginity on prom night. And, as you might expect, the parents’ quest to stop their daughters from becoming women isn’t going to go quite as they would expect … But neither is the daughters’.


What ensues is a lesson in adolescence that might teach parents as much as it does their kids …

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? “Cool” parents who are open with their kids about sexual situations and how they relate to their overall life; teenagers who are coming into their own; people who enjoy raucous comedies with heart/a positive message like Bridesmaids, The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Trainwreck, Superbad and Girls Trip; the LGBTQ community

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Anyone who does not want to think about the LGBTQ community, teenagers having sex and/or feels movies like this normalize young people have sex by promoting it (even though the film does not); anyone who does not want to support anything that allows sex out of wedlock (or at least a committed relationship)


SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? A film that is not what it seems – in a very good way – Blockers is the perfect, anti-#metoo movement sex-related comedy that is more mature than you might believe. 


Blockers works for a very simple reason: It explores a very common subject with a funny-yet-mature honesty missing from many films of its ilk coupled with a sense of non-stupidity in its approach. Sure, there may be a few scenes involving body parts, bodily fluids and a way 99.9% of its audience will most likely NEVER want to think about beer, but there are plenty of moments that approach the film’s core topics – sex, growing up and growing apart, etc. – that are as poignant as they are comedically profane. 


The three young actresses of the film almost serve as a bit of the straight(wo)men for Blockers‘ hijinks, leaving most – but not all – of the heavy lifting to Cena, Barinholtz and Mann who expose all the various fears parents have about their children leaving the nest. Whereas Cena plays his seriously muscular presence for laughs as a man with a overly sensitive nature, Mann goes tiger mom with Barinholtz being the screw-up who may be more sensible than the quote-unquote sensible parents. You get well-developed characters that grow over the course of the story, those whose problems may be outrageous but relatable and jokes that pop, shock and make you laugh. 


Director Kay Cannon and writers Brian and Jim Kehoe deserve an equal amount of credit for delivering a body-positive, funny film that takes one of the most awkward things in life and trying to render it  part of growing up as it can. There are plenty of “OMG” moments, but they are all well-balanced by plenty of “wow – that makes a lot of sense” moments, too.


In other words, Blockers is a lot like sex itself the first time you have – only hopefully this experience is filled with more laughs.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

McCoy on Movies: READY PLAYER ONE

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Steven Spielberg delivers a visually stunning arcade experience long on
optical treats with his adaptation of Ready Player One

“This is probably not the right time to work on our Kid N’ Play kickstep dance moves, huh?!” Samantha (Olivia Cooke) and Wade Watts (Tye Sheridan) in a scene from Warner Bros. Pictures’, Amblin Entertainment’s and Village Roadshow Pictures’ action adventure READY PLAYER ONE, a Warner Bros. Pictures release. Credit: Jaap Buitendijk © 2018 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc., Village Roadshow Films North America, Inc. and Ratpac-Dune Entertainment, LLC. – U.S. Canada, Bahamas & Bermuda.


WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 

 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Tye Sheridan, Mark Rylance, Olivia Cooke, Ben Mendelsohn, T.J. Miller, Lena Waithe, Hannah John-Kamen, Simon Pegg, Philip Zao, Win Morisaki, Susan Lynch and Ralph Ineson

WRITER(S): Zak Penn and Ernest Cline (screenplay); Ernest Cline (based on the novel by)

DIRECTOR(S): Steven Spielberg 

 
WEB SITE: http://readyplayeronemovie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: Based on Ernest Cline’s immensely popular best-selling book of the same name, Ready Player One stars Tye Sheridan as Wade Watts, a young man living in 2045 Columbus, Ohio. With most of society in a state of dystopia for unknown reasons, Wade lives in a slum known simply as “The Stacks” with his aunt (Susan Lynch) and her less-than-stellar current boyfriend (Ralph Ineson). And like many people, Wade spends most of his time by playing in an online video game system known as “The Oasis.” The creation of the eccentric James Halliday (Mark Rylance), the Oasis is more than just an online video game network, it’s the escape from reality of choice for just about everyone. 


And then Halliday dies – leaving behind a challenge that prompts just about any and everyone to log on to the Oasis: Find three keys and unlock an Easter egg that will result in the winner being given all the rights to Oasis. 


Wade – better known by his online avatar of Parzival  – is determined to win the prize as is his online best friend Aech (Lena Waithe) and fellow gamers Daito (Win Morisaki) and Sho (Phillip Zhao). But he’s not counting on is the presence of Art3mis (Olivia Cooke) and Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn); for whereas Art3mis is hoping to find the egg for a positive purpose, Sorrento is hoping to win to give his company Innovative Online Industries (IOI for short) the ability to monetize the Oasis and basically run the world. And since Sorrento has the help of I-Rok (T.J. Miller) to help him, the odds are heavily stacked against Parzival.


But then again, what’s a good video game without some impossible odds to overcome?

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? People who love Spielberg’s 80s work; those who love video games; those who liked the book and will be excited to see it brought to life on the big screen; fans of The Shining; people who love seeing 80s and 90s pop culture hidden like video game Easter eggs throughout a film

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People hoping for more details from the book; those who have zero interest in gaming, especially online gaming; parents upset that you can have one f-bomb in a movie and still receive a PG-13 film rating

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? A film that feels visually built for generations of video game enthusiasts while blending in elements of classic Steven Spielberg films, Ready Player One is a visual masterpiece … With just enough acting behind it to back up that optical appeal.


Make no mistake about it, Ready Player One follows a lot of classic Spielberg young actor-led films to a “T,” just in a modern (or futuristic, if you will) setting with eye-popping visuals. Almost like the veteran director’s own Avatar, the digital scenes in One are amazing. The race and Shining sequences are nearly worth the price of admission alone, showcasing the type of imagery the creators of 4K Ultra HD must have dreamed of while perfecting the technology. 


Visuals aside, Ready Player One delivers an easily digestible story that, as mentioned above, has all the elements of a Spielberg young-actor driven story: 

  1. A young man who’s disconnected and/or has lost the adults in his life (√);
  2. A young girl that is going to make that young man come out of his comfort zone and/or mature once he gets over his own nerves (√);
  3. A group of fellow, young misfits that will assist our hero along the way (√);
  4. A villain with cartoonish qualities (note: this is ONLY in Spielberg films where the protagonist is young and not Indiana Jones style affairs) (√); AND
  5. A sympathetic, simple older character (a la Goonies) that seems out of place in the real world and needs the young protagonist(s) to understand him or her (√).
Sheridan proves himself capable in his human and avatar form of moving the story forward, but it’s really a team effort as he is at his best when interacting with his fellow gamers – especially when in avatar form. Of course, if you are not up on gamer culture or your 80s references, much of the fun of One will likely be lost on you as a lack of a frame of reference will severely hurt your understanding.
If it seems like I’m not saying too much about the story or the acting therein, there is a reason: While competent, the film is more an ensemble piece of technology and story held together by the compelling (if not “here’s my depiction of the ultimate sweetheart nerd’) performance of Rylance and the fascinating, engaging world of the Oasis. TJ Miller nearly steals the show as Sorrento’s avatar hitman I-Rok, delivering his trademark sarcastic quips with humorous fury whenever he gets a chance. That’s what ultimately makes the movie more of a great visual experience than an emotional one: One’s characters are better developed in the digital world than in its real one, even though that’s the one the film attempts to get you to embrace.
Then again, the film is fun enough to forgive those foibles and keep you plugged in from start to finish that Ready Player One will likely be a multi-player experience audiences will enjoy for years to come.

 

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Alicia Vinkander Shines in Tomb Raider

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“This … Was … NOT … What … I … Took … A … Crossfit … Class FOR!” Lara Croft (Alicia Vikander) hangs on for dear life in a scene from TOMB RAIDER. Photo credit: Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 

 

Alicia Vinkander shines in Tomb Raider, but does the movie match her effort?

(In a word, “no.”)


KEY CAST MEMBERS: Alicia Vikander, Walton Goggins, Dominic West, Daniel Wu, Kristin Scott Thomas and Nick Frost

WRITER(S): Geneva Robertson-Dworet and Alastair Siddons (screenplay by); Evan Daugherty and Geneva Robertson-Dworet (story by)

DIRECTOR(S): Roar Uthaug

 
WEB SITE: http://www.tombraidermovie.com/
HERE’S THE STORY: Taking elements from the 2013 reboot of the long-standing video game series, the 2018 Warner Bros.’ take on Tomb Raider stars Academy Award®-winner Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft. A different Lara than seen in the Angelina Jolie years, this Croft has traded in her high education for work as a courier with daddy issues since her rich father Richard (Dominic West) disappeared 7 years ago when she was a young woman. 


Finally ready to sign the papers that will give her control of the Croft empire (and declare her father officially dead), Lara drops everything when she discovers a clue in a box given to her right before she closes the deal – leading her to naturally head to Hong Kong. It is there she encounters Lu Ren (Daniel Wu), son of the man Lara’s dad tried to buy a boat from …


Fast-forward a few scenes later and Lara and Lu Ren find themselves on a remote island off the coast of Japan. But they are not alone. For while Lara (and an in-it-for-the-money Lu Ren) are there to find their fathers, it seems someone has found them first: Matthias (Walton Goggins), the on-island leader for a mysterious group known only as Trinity. And why is Trinity on this island that Lara’s father tried to go to in the first place? To find the lost tomb of Himiko, a.k.a. the Queen of Death. For as Richard would tell Lara – while instructed her to burn all of his research in the event of his death – it is believed that her supernatural powers will help Trinity take over the world. 


But not if Lara can stop them first …

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Alicia Vikander fans; those who enjoy movies where the heroine is the best thing about the movie; Nick Frost fans

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Angelina Jolie fans; fans of the Tomb Raider video games; those who hate action movies with familiar tropes

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? March, as many sports fans know, is college basketball season. One team that gathered attention this year is the Oklahoma Sooners men’s basketball team – not because the team itself was that great, but because it had one star by the name of Trae Young that was CLEARLY the best thing the team had going for it. Even when he made a bunch of turnovers, he could deliver one electric play that could seemingly make the audience forget about the previous mistakes as his play was just that dynamic, dazzling and must-see. But ultimately, while his team did make this year’s NCAA tournament, they exited quickly with a first round defeat – called by yours truly in the two bracket pools he entered, by the way – to the little-regarded Rhode Island Rams.


If you haven’t figured out where I’m going with this, you will should you choose to watch Trae Young Alicia Vikander take on the role of Lara Croft in Warner Bros.’ reboot of the Tomb Raider franchise – because she is far and wide the BEST thing about the entire experience.


If you were to take away the Tomb Raider name from the movie, what you would be left with is, for the most part, a basic action movie. Likewise, the story is told in such a easy-to-predict foretelling fashion that the story itself – save for some standard-yet-still-interesting Indiana Jones/Mummy movie-series style traps – is ONLY interesting because Vikander is compelling as Croft. Her male counterparts, however, not so much.


Goggins, who has played his share of great villains in his day, is pretty much a standard issue crime boss in Tomb Raider from snarl to actions alike. Likewise, West’s “loving” father routine plays out a bit too syrupy at times as Lara’s father – sometimes to an uncomfortable, near-incestuous level. Wu is somewhat the male standout as Lu Ren in his limited scenes, in which he fortunately strikes a good balance between bravado and common sense.


Then again, the actions of just about every other male character either (1) don’t make sense or (2) almost undo the motif of the story. Since this review stays spoiler-free, let’s just say some things require a grand suspension of disbelief even within the world the movie establishes, which is saying something. (The games have more believable storylines than the movie does, right down to the twist at the end I figured out 8 minutes before it was revealed to the rest of the audience.)

Don’t get me wrong, the movie is not bad; it’s just that in an age of movies where Wonder Woman and Black Panther have set a higher standard for female superhero characters, Tomb Raider makes progress in a bad way by putting a great woman in a mediocre movie. Then again, given that March is women’s history month, maybe it’s fitting Tomb Raider proves a strong woman can outdo her male counterparts.


It’s just a shame she has to in every scene to make her journey try to reach the heights it should have naturally.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 
 

Funny By Any Pronunciation

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Pronounced “Shall-Lee-Foo,” his last name – C–H–A–L–I–F–O–U–X – has given those taking those taking the stage before him trouble for years. Now, the Cincinnati-based comedian aims to make audiences remember not only his name, but how funny the man behind it is when Wiley’s Comedy Joint this Friday, Feb. 23 and Saturday, Feb. 24.

 

A regular at the world-famous Comic Strip Live during his time in New York City, Chalifoux’s accolades are those of a comedian that has worked to earn his keep at his craft. A featured past performer at both the Limestone Comedy Festival in Bloomington, Ind. and Laughing Skull Comedy Festival in Atlanta among others, Chalifoux has also been featured on The Bob & Tom Show as well as BBC Radio. Additionally, his jokes have been heard on Sirius/XM radio, featured in Reader’s Digest and he’s written for ESPN.com.

 

Now that he’s served his time in the trenches of the city he calls “comedy college,” Chalifoux is excited to be back home in the state where his career started years ago.

 

“I loved New York City. I loved living there and I loved doing standup there; the mix of audiences and venues is incredible and the amount of incredible talent you’re alongside in the trenches is inspiring,” Chalifoux says, speaking of the city he called his “comedy college.” “At the same time, there are certain lifestyle things NYC isn’t the best for and there are things outside of comedy I wanted in life, so moving back to Ohio once my family grew made the most sense.”

 

Chalifoux’s on-stage persona is much like his off-stage, a fact he knows sometimes comes as a shock to those who think of comedians as wild and crazy individuals that are always “on.” A married father of two daughters, Chalifoux credits his domesticated lifestyle for giving him a “wealth” of material seeing how “I’m home with the kids a lot and constantly failing in new and increasingly embarrassing ways.”

Saying stand-up has instilled “a deep love and respect for jokes in me,” Chalifoux says being a married stand-up comic that doesn’t party hard on the road does come with its share of pros and cons.

 

“It’s much worse to be the unbearably obnoxious guy trying to be funny in every conversation. I do it professionally, so I’m not trying to prove myself to people around a water cooler,” he says. “In terms of wild road stories, I do miss out on that a bit. When I’m gone for a weekend, I try to treat it professionally, and spend most of the days holed up in a coffee shop somewhere writing jokes … After spending a chunk of my 20s in a city with reliable public transportation and spending most nights in bars/nightclubs drinking for free, you have to get a handle on that.”

 

Now preparing to release his debut stand-up comedy album this year, Chalifoux promises to deliver a mix of entertaining stories and observations from the mind of a man trying to make people “laugh a lot and forget all their BS for a few hours.”

“I don’t do a ton of observational/topical stuff – there’s Twitter for that – so audiences can expect to see a lot of jokes at my expense. I’m also not going to be up there doing ‘Git-R-Done’ jokes or talking about my penis a lot (only a tasteful amount),” he says. “I’m also bringing two terrific comedians with me in Josh O’Neill and Molly Hartzell, who are both hilarious. So, audiences can expect a lot of jokes … And maybe cookies.”

 

THE DETAILS

 

WHO: Mark Chalifoux with opening acts Molly Hartzell and Josh O’Neill

WHERE: Wiley’s Comedy Joint, 101 Pine Street, Dayton, OH 45402
WHEN: 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 28; 7:15 and 9:30 p.m., Saturday Feb. 24

COST: $10

FOR MORE INFORMATION: (937) 224-5653 or  http://www.wileyscomedy.com/events/21783

Black Panther Delivers Definitive Superhero Experience That Transcends Race

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Director Ryan Coogler, cast deliver definitive superhero experience that transcends race in Black Panther

“Quit asking me if I know Catwoman … Or I will claw your face off!” T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) stares down a foe as his royal alter ego in a scene from BLACK PANTHER. Credit: Matt Kennedy © 2018 Marvel Studios. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 

 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Chadwick Boseman, Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira, Martin Freeman, Andy Serkis, Letitia Wright, Winston Duke, Forest Whitaker, John Kani, Sterling K. Brown, Florence Kasumba and Daniel Kaluuya

WRITER(S): Ryan Coogler, Joe Robert Cole (Screenplay); Stan Lee & Jack Kirby (based on the Marvel comic by)

DIRECTOR(S): Ryan Coogler

 
WEB SITE: http://movies.disney.com/black-pantherHERE’S THE STORY: Introduced to the Marvel Universe in Captain America: Civil War; Black Panther finds T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) still reeling from the loss of his father T’Chaka (John Kani) during a terrorist attack in Vienna. Now preparing to take the throne, T’Challa return home to his native Wakanda for the ceremony where he will officially become king over the most technologically advanced nation on Earth.


And the rest of the world believes Wakanda to be a third world nation, Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis) knows the truth. An arms dealer, Klaue wants to steal the rest of the vibranium – the fictional metal that is the rarest in the world in the Marvel Universe – on which Wakanda has built a marvelous empire. And since Klaue led a fatal attack against Wakanda many years ago during T’Chaka’s reign, T’Challa and many of his fellow Wakandans – including W’Kabi (Daniel Kaluuya), elder statesman Zuri (Forest Whitaker), T’Challa’s mother Ramonda (Angela Bassett), his technologically wiz kid sister Shuri (Letitia Wright), Wakandian spy/T’Challa’s former lover Nakia (Lupita Nyong’o) and Okoye, (Danai Gurira), the head of the Dora Miljae, Wakanda’s female military specialists who essentially serve as the king’s secret service. 


But while T’Challa and company are concerning their selves with protecting Wakanda and taking on Klaue, there is another threat brewing that they don’t even know about that is much bigger and much deadlier – and this threat has a personal connection to T’Challa no one knows.


Then again, with a nickname like “Killmonger” (Michael B. Jordan), what else would you expect? 

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? African-American comic book readers, Marvel Universe fans; people who really enjoyed Captain America: Civil War; those hoping to see a positive but not preachy African-American dominated superhero movie that is also consumable for all audiences

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? The alt-right/anyone who only gets their information from Breitbart/Fox News; people who hate the liberties taken with the backstories – which vary from their comic book origins – of Ulysses Klaue and Erik Killmonger; anyone who has their mind made up heading in what the movie is or should be.

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? Look, I don’t want to take a lot of time overly lauding Marvel Studios or its head Kevin Feige for making what The New York Times accurately called “a landmark event for Black America.” (Seriously – click the link; it sums up everything from why Blade and Hancock were superheroes whose blackness felt coincidental and how the forgotten Blankman and Meteor Man lack the combination of storytelling, poignance and for lack of a better word, coolness of Black Panther) has. 


So, instead, what cane someone say about Black Panther without getting into its larger fit into a culture where a reality TV star – who has been married multiple times and delivered one of the most crass sentences ever heard about women before being caught calling countries like the fictional one at the center of the film … you know – is president and the alt-right’s attempted boycott of the movie had thousands of supporters? It’s simple, really.


Black Panther is a solid superhero film with a fictional country and fictional metal that address very real modern socio-political issues in a way comic book fans – and people who just consider them selves movie lovers – can enjoy.


With Fruitvale Station and Creed under his belt, co-writer/director Ryan Coogler has proven he knows how to handle both socially conscious scripts and action sequences – and never have the two mixed together on screen than they do in Black Panther. From his examination of the ideas of the responsibilities of the haves to the have nots to how vital women can be to any man’s success, Black Panther is a showcase of how to tell a story where multiple characters are critical to its overall vibe – all within the context of the Marvel Universe. Of course, Coogler’s kudos wouldn’t exist without a phenomenal acting job by all the parties involved. 


Bozeman – in one might argue is his best on-screen performance yet – creates T’Challa from the ground up (yes, there are decades of comics to draw from, but there was no real-life person to research unlike his previous roles). Nothing feels like a parody of a man, let alone a superhero; T’Challa is man on a familiar mission but Bozeman makes his Wakandian warrior unique. This is why he plays extremely well against the former Johnny Storm Jordan in his second Marvel outing, as his Tupac-like Killmonger feels both menacing and yet, at the same time, justified in his destruction. You know what he’s doing is ultimately wrong – and T’Challa asserts as such – but you completely understand why, which makes his whole presence much more attention-grabbing. Serkis adds a ton of humor as Klaue in playing a more-traditional evil doer, but Jordan’s role is the one that takes over when it’s time.


The rest of the film’s supporting cast is just as strong in their work, the ladies especially. One could write an entire dissertation on how the performances of Wright, Gurira and Nyong’o are three best African-American female roles in a film not named Hidden Figures in terms of their reveals of strength, intelligence, humor and emotion (I would try but it would be a disservice as I am nowhere properly equipped to do so). That being said, Gurira makes sure all her Walking Dead-fans know she is as strong and lethal in Wakanda as she is Virginia as Michonne, Wright plays the Lisa Simpson-smart kid role better than anyone outside of Yeardley Smith herself and Nyong’o balances the two out perfectly. 


Non-leading man wise, Martin Freeman gets a chance to shine as CIA Agent Everett Ross who’s growing appreciation of Wakanda serves as a subtle appreciation for learning someone’s culture. Meanwhile, Winston Duke – who’s character’s comic book origins were a source of concern for the makers of the film – brings a nice sense of levity to his M’Baku character while the Oscar®-nominated Kaluuya and Bassett make the most of their limited yet functional roles. If my about-as-subtle-as-a-grenade-thrown-through-your-front-door rant above didn’t tip you off before, it is impossible as an adult to not think about Black Panther in the larger context of the world today and the points it does make in a very non-preachy manner. As opposed to discussing that, I will simply let you know Black Panther entertains and then, when the opportunity is ripe, seizes the moment in delivering some of the most common sense, pro-humanity messages while at the same time making us think about why some African-Americans could all be Erik Killmonger given recent, ongoing atrocities even if they want to be T’Challa. But make no mistake: You DON’T have to be black to enjoy Black Panther nor do you have to listen to or even pay attention to the larger implications, but it certainly will add to your experience if you are or discuss it with a black friend.

In adding the first true black superhero to the Marvel Universe, Black Panther‘s cast and crew have proven that judging a character’s content is much better than just the color of their costume.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Liam Neeson’s Latest Thriller “The Commuter” Reviewed

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Liam Neeson takes a familiar ticket to ride with latest action movie entry

“Hold on – this workout is phenomenal for your core!” Michael (Liam Neeson, in suit on right) tries to help a train conductor separate passenger cars in a scene from THE COMMUTER. Credit: Jay Maidment © 2018 Lionsgate Publicity. All rights reserved.

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WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Liam Neeson, Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Elizabeth McGovern, Andy Nyman, Sam Neill, Colin McFarlane, Shazad Latif and Ella-Rae Smith

WRITER(S): Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber (screenplay); Greg Sestero and Tom Bissell (book, The Disaster Artist: My Life Inside The Room, the Greatest Bad Movie Ever Made on which the film is based)

DIRECTOR(S): Jaume Collett-Serra

 
WEB SITE: https://www.thecommuter.movie/HERE’S THE STORY: Michael MacCauley (Liam Neeson) has had a very rough day at work. Sure, he did get to hang out with his old police partner Alex Murphy (Patrick Wilson) for a bit, but with the news he gave him, it wasn’t exactly a happy occasion. But at least it will all be over soon, for all he has to do is catch the train so he can get home.


There’s just one problem – a mysterious woman (Vera Farmiga) has just given him a curious hypothetical question to ponder: Would he help find a person on the train named Pryn in exchange for $100,000. There’s just one other little problem if he does – that person is likely going to be in a lot of trouble. 


Thus, once Michael realizes the question isn’t hypothetical and the mysterious woman has now threatened his family’s safety, is watching him at all times and already exited the train, he is left with no choice but to do what she says … Unless he can find a way out.

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Die-hard Liam Neeson or 80s/90s action movie fans; people who like whodunit movies 

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People who thought the messing with Liam Neeson’s family train (no pun intended) should have stopped with Taken 3

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? At this point in his career, you can watch about 30 seconds of a Liam Neeson trailer and nine times out of 10, you will come to the same conclusion: This is a Liam Neeson movie where Liam Neeson does Liam Neeson things – especially if someone has messed with his family. Don’t believe me? These guys immortalized Neeson before going they’re separate ways onto bigger and better things. 


And there you have just about everything you need to know about The Commuter – for it is simply the latest entry into the world of movies that prove illustrate the mantra “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” … Even if the formula may finally be at its breaking point as it the time may have come for Neeson to move on to something else. 


Neither Neeson nor director Jaume Collet-Serra try to reinvent the cinematic wheel at any point in The Commuter; instead, they just try to hit the usual beats in a movie of its ilk as best they can without being too insulting to the audience to try to keep most of its plausibility somewhat plausible. Neeson does his best to make Michael a classic put-upon figure forced into an impossible, damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t-situation. He’s in disbelief at first, then desperate before launching into eventual “now you’ve done it – I’m not playing your games!” mode. (He even says the line in the film, for goodness sake).


Essentially a paint-by-numbers action movie, The Commuter doesn’t make waves, it just rides along its familiar tracks for its in-and-out journey before arriving at a climax that is rather anti-climatic, all things considered. It’s not horrible by any means; it just is everything you’d expect it to be. It’s like riding a cinematic bike – even if there are times it feels like the training wheels need to come off. 


It’s one thing for Liam Neeson’s action movies to be immortalized in a Key & Peele sketch; it’s another thing for his movies to almost feel like they have become a parody of their selves. Thus, while the ride isn’t quite bumpy, it’s not quite that smooth, either … That is, unless, you’ve become so accustomed to it all you care about is getting home at the end of the day.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Mexican Culture & Music Come To Life in Coco

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Pixar Brings Mexican culture, music to life in animated smash Coco

“We have no Auto-Tune … I hope we’re good!” Aspiring musician Miguel (voice of Anthony Gonzalez) teams up with a charming trickster named Héctor (voice of Gael García Bernal) to unravel a generations-old family mystery. Their extraordinary journey through the Land of the Dead includes an unexpected talent show performance of “Un Poco Loco,” an original song in the son-jarocho style of Mexican music written by co-director Adrian Molina and Germaine Franco for the film. Credit: © 2017 Disney•Pixar. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 




KEY CAST MEMBERS: Anthony Gonzalez, Gael García Bernal, Benjamin Bratt, Alanna Ubach, Renee Victor and Jamie Camil

WRITER(S): Lee Unkrich, Jason Katz, Matthew Aldrich and Adrian Molina (original story by); Matthew Aldrich and Adrian Molina (screenplay)

DIRECTOR(S): Lee Unkrich & Adrian Molina

 
WEB SITE: http://movies.disney.com/cocoHERE’S THE STORY: Miguel (voiced by Anthony Gonzalez) is a boy who loves music … and that’s a problem because in his family – in the wake of his great grandfather Ernesto (Benjamin Bratt) who left them to become the greatest musician the world has ever known – music is seen as nothing short of pure evil that rips relatives apart. Miguel, however, is undeterred in his quest to become a musician himself, which is why on the Day of the Dead – in which families visit the graves of their lost loved ones – Miguel sneaks over to the mausoleum containing a guitar that once belonged to Ernesto. But once Miguel plays the guitar, he  – along with his faithful dog Dante – finds himself now in the land of the dead, which is where he sees several family members including his Mamá Imelda (Alanna Ubach), who will only give Miguel her blessing to return to the land of the living on one condition: He give up his dream of becoming a musician forever.


Of course, this makes Miguel hightail it away from Mamá Imelda and the rest of his family, which is how he runs into Hector (Gael García Bernal), a trickster desperate for Miguel to return to the land of the living and take his picture with him. Why you ask? All will be revealed throughout the course of the night.


All Miguel has to do is stay alive in the land of the dead long enough to bring our story full circle.

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Disney•Pixar fans; people who will find the story culturally respectful and enriching


WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Those who will see the film as somehow not following enough realities of Mexican culture

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? At this point, Disney•Pixar has pretty much proven anything they release is gold; Coco – a film that cleverly reveals its title’s significance late in the story – is just evidence that the company can make it regardless of what language/culture its character make speak or from which they come.  


Coco features superb visuals, an original story with enough twists to entertain adults while making children smile; then again, it wouldn’t quite be a Disney•Pixar movie without some testing of your tear ducts, so one should expect the heartfelt story to make having a box of Kleenex close by a good idea. The vocal cast – Gonzalez in particular – nails each of their roles to the point you forget you are watching an animated film as the exploration of the Land of the Dead is fantastically splayed across the screen. There is enough depth to each of the critical characters to keep the story moving along at a brisk pace, all while co-writers/directors Lee Unkrich & Adrian Molina provide a rich landscape of both music and humanity akin to Disney classics of yesteryear.


In short, if there is a flaw with the film, it may be that the film wraps up so succinctly you wonder how in the world its creative team will come up with a sequel worthy of Coco itself; for one will likely be heavily inclined to want to spend time with its characters again.


Who knew a journey to the Land of the Dead could be so life affirming?

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Uneven Superhero Mashup Justice League

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“Yo – you seen that dude Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons anywhere? We’ve got to talk to him!” (L-R) Aquaman (Jason Momoa) as Aquaman, Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), The Flash (Ezra Miller) and Cyborg (Ray Fisher) prepare for battle in a scene from Warner Bros. Pictures’ action adventure JUSTICE LEAGUE, a Warner Bros. Pictures release. Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights reserved.


WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 

 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Ben Affleck, Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Ezra Miller, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, J.K. Simmons, Billy Crudup, Jason Momoa, Jeremy Irons, Diane Lane, Joe Morton and Ciarán Hinds

WRITER(S): Chris Terrio and Joss Whedon (screenplay); Chris Terrio and Zack Snyder (story); Bob Kane, Bill Finger, William Moulton Marston, Joe Shuster and Joe Siegel (characters)

DIRECTOR(S): Zack Snyder

 
WEB SITE: http://www.justiceleaguethemovie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: Still reeling from the death of Superman (Henry Cavill), Bruce Wayne a.k.a. Batman (Ben Affleck) has been on the hunt to track down a group of “metahumans” he believes will be essential in helping him fight future threats to earth. And while he already has Amazonian “wonder woman” Diana Prince (Gal Gadot) on board and a very eager and speedy Barry Allen (Ezra Miller) on board, Arthur Curry a.k.a. “the man who talks to fish” (Jason Momoa) is not trying to hear Wayne’s pitch. Then again, at least Arthur knows who he is, because Victor Stone (Ray Fisher) is still coming to grips with what his scientist father (Joe Morton) has done to him in the wake of an accident that should have taken this life. 


But with a threat he’s yet to determine the origin of seemingly starting to become more and more prevalent around Gotham, Wayne knows he’s going to need to get them all on his side sooner than later if the earth if going to have any chance to survive.

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Batman Vs. Superman apologists; Gal Gadot fans; Jason Momoa fans; people who will appreciate the visuals and references to other DC properties

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People who hated Batman Vs. Superman; people who hate the idea/execution of Ben Affleck as the Dark Knight; those who will find the film’s main antagonist underwhelming; people who will find some sequences of the film very paint-by-numbers and/or uneven

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? “Diet Avengers … Diet Avengers … Diet Avengers” …


Sometimes, when a certain phrase goes through your head repeatedly, you have to stop and ask yourself “why?” To call Justice League “Diet Avengers” might at first seem like a cop out, but upon further contemplation, it may not be so much a cop out as much as it is a short yet accurate recapitulation of Warner Bros./DC Comics boldest attempt yet to compete head to head with the ebulliant force that is the Marvel Universe. 


A better term, however, might be “mixed bag” – because for a film where so many things are done right, so many others just feel out of place or wrong.


When Affleck was cast as Batman in the ill-received (or should that be, conceived?) Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice movie, he – despite his best efforts – really didn’t do anything wrong … But he also really didn’t do anything significant to quell the online backlash, either. In Justice League, Affleck finds himself once again, like his onscreen counterpart, of trying to do the right thing while knowing there are many who will just simply not forgive him for what he has done. Whereas he hits all the usual Bruce Wayne beats, he doesn’t do anything to make his character stand out. We get a kinder, gentler Batman, but one that seemingly only has any distinction in just how non-distinct he is. 


Likewise, Miller’s take on The Flash almost feels like an homage to another friendly, swinging neighborhood Marvel character, which, despite what surely is an attempt at bringing some levity to the situation, some are more often than not to find annoying (or at best, cheeky in an Austin Powers way) than genuinely humorous.


It is the film’s villain, however, that is an utter disappointment. Steppenwolf (voiced by Ciaran Hinds) feels like a low-rent villain, has low-rent villain dialogue and lacks the usual cool factor associated with most DC villains. There’s just nothing to him … Other than saying since he’s another Norse-style mythology creature he feels like a very low-rent, not entertaining version of another popular Marvel antagonist, right down to the horns.


On a positive note, Gadot once again shines and shines bright as the Amazon Diana Prince a.k.a. Wonder Woman while Fisher and Momoa make what – for all intents and purposes outside of Cyborg on Cartoon Network’s popular show Teen Titans Go! – have never been more than also-ran characters into viable parts of the franchise. Despite a rather lame origin explanation, Fisher makes sure his character balances a fine line between brooding and bruising while Momoa brings a rockstar cowboy flair that boosts the chances (and likely fans’ desire) for an Aquaman solo outing. (You’ll get your wish soon, Atlantis fans …) 


Then again, while there are great homages to past DC characters (Ryan Reynolds couldn’t even hate on how they show respect to his former green alter-ego) and the use of Henry Cavill is both great at its best moments and sappy at their worst, the film just feels OK – and that’s NOT what you want for major superhero team foray. Call it a bit of superhero fatigue, perhaps there’s a bit of wanting to appeal to the masses as opposed to just the die hard fans or the hard balancing act of fitting in a bunch of characters that haven’t previously come together before, but Justice League just feels like above average characters in an average superhero story. You’ll want to stick around through the end credits, of course, to see what may be next for the DC galaxy (using the term universe seems a bit redundant at this point), but you and your legion of friends can probably figure that out …


All in all, Justice League is not horrible, but it’s definitely not anything that’s going to make you feel like you need to rush out to see it again. Then again, if you didn’t like Batman Vs. Superman or the under-appreciated Suicide Squad, you might be better served catching a matinee. Because Justice League is definitely in a league of its own.


Whether audiences consider that league minor or major, however, remains to be seen. 

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Queen City Shines In A Movie That Is Cinematically Tarnished

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“Man, I know we decided to shoot this movie here in Cincinnati … But could someone have warned me what chili every day was gonna do to my system?!” Steven Murphy (Colin Farrell, left) listens to Martin (Barry Keoghan) in a scene from writer/director Yorgos Lanthimos’ THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER. Credit: Jima (Atsushi Nishijima), courtesy of A24. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 


KEY CAST MEMBERS:  Colin Farrell, Nicole Kidman, Barry Keoghan, Sunny Suljic, Raffey Cassidy and Alicia Silverstone

WRITER(S): Yorgos Lanthimos

DIRECTOR(S): Yorgos Lanthimos

 
WEB SITE: http://www.thesnowmanmovie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: Steven Murphy (Colin Farrell) is a surgeon – and a very good one. He lives in idyllic bliss with his wife Anna Murphy (Nicole Kidman) a fellow medical professional and their children Kim (Raffey Cassidy), an aspiring choir star and Bob (Sunny Suljic), who is nearing puberty. And for Steven, life as he knows it is good. Very, very good, in fact. 


But that’s where Martin (Barry Keoghan) comes into play. You see, Martin is a young teenager who dreams of one day following in Steven’s footsteps, which is why he’s spent the last 6 months or so mentoring the youngman. Or at least that’s what Steven is lead to believe. 


For what Martin is truly after is so sinister, so malicious, so … revenge-fueled that neither his mother (Alicia Silverstone), Steven nor the rest of the rest of the Murphy clan has any idea what he’s truly up to …


But trust and believe they will. And very, very soon …

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Creeps; people who enjoy the Saw franchise and all its sequels; people who will excuse an art house film that is well shot with a big name cast as something other than what it is; people you generally don’t hope to go on to have children

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Anyone who sees the lackluster plot for what it is; those who find the characters/scenario over-the-top ridiculous plot that lacks any of the supposed depth, thought and/or exploration of humanity you would otherwise be led to believe exist in this film

SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? About 2-3 times a year, I come across a movie that is supposed to be a uniquely interesting experience. A film that is supposed to perhaps provoke, maybe even titillate or make you question something on a deeper, how does humanity-and-our-most-base-instincts-affect-us level, The Killing of a Sacred Deer is the type of movie that once you watch it, you’ll never forget it.


And that’s a shame – because given that the film is the cinematic equivalent to a rough bowel movement, I truly, truly wish I could.


Shot on location in my native Cincinnati, Deer is essentially one of those “man faced with an impossible choice” movies that feels like the team behind it dares the audience to make a similar difficult decision of its own: Sit through the entire 2 hours of torture that is the film’s running time. Where does the film go oh so wrong? Oh let us now count the ways …


First, the acting in the film is absolutely, for lack of a better word, terrible. Farrell and his family play the perfect suburban, white upper class family so stiffly to the point it is comically bad and highly unbelievable. In short, you haven’t seen characters this upper crust since Winthorpe’s friends sang in Trading Places and even they had more soul/realism in them than these characters. Whereas Farrell portrays his doctor as a man for whom his entire world is controlled and clinical, Kidman – who steals the easy-for-the-taking show – is prim and proper for the film’s first half to the point that her character’s attitude switch almost feels misplaced even though it is the only performance that drives the story forward. 


Likewise, Cassidy’s terribly over-the-top Stockholm Syndrome completely overrides whatever writer/director Yorgos Lanthimos was attempting to achieve with it, again become ludicrous to the point the film’s attempt to take itself so seriously – or maybe it’s not at all, a target if which intended also misses the mark – that her character becomes annoying. The work done by Suljic is admirable as he also maintains a modicum of reality in the situation, despite the fact the is so devoid of anything that doesn’t feel like a parody of itself that it’s hard to care.


Then there’s the absolute insane use of Alicia Silverstone as Martin’s mother. The less said about it, the better. There have celebrity breakdowns more entertaining – and less maddening – than what she exhibits in Deer, and that includes her token white character in a predominantly black film role in the long forgotten Beauty Shop.


Then there is the most problematic character of the film of all: Barry Keoghan’s Martin. A character that is essentially the devil incarnate with more charm, his Rainman-like presence (as a character, not as an actor) is a hard pill to swallow, especially given the lack of explanation for what he is able to do to Steven’s family. (I stay spoiler free as I know some of you will still be foolish enough to see this movie no matter what I say.) Manipulative and apparently intelligent on the level of Tobin Bell’s Jigsaw character, his demeanor coupled with his desire to rationalize his actions is at the same time perplexing, comical, ridiculous and annoying. Martin is as much a caricature of a villain as Steven is of a man placed into an impossible situation, an undeniable fact which makes the entire film feel like an overacted, overwrought and nearly cartoonish 70s B-movie masquerading as a modern psychological thriller.


But trust and believe once the mask is off, The Killing of a Sacred Deer would be better as chopped venison on the bottom of a merciful editor’s floor.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

Familiar faces, fun return in Thor: Ragnarok

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The final theatrical release poster for THOR: RAGNAROK. Credit: © 2017 Marvel Studios.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 




KEY CAST MEMBERS: Chris Hemsworth, Cate Blanchett, Mark Ruffalo, Tom Hiddleston, Karl Urban, Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum and Sir Anthony Hopkins

WRITER(S): Eric Pearson, Craig Kyle, Christopher Yost (screenplay); Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and Larry Lieber (based on the comics by)

DIRECTOR(S): Taika Waititi

 
WEB SITE: http://marvel.com/movies/movie/222/thor_ragnarokHERE’S THE STORY: Thor (Chris Hemsworth), 2 years removed from the last time the Avengers got together to defeat Ultron, finds himself in a bit of an unexpected bind: Hela (Cate Blanchett), the goddess of death, is coming home to Asgard. But she is not coming home for a reunion; no, she is coming home to claim what she believes is rightfully hers: the throne of Odin (Sir Anthony Hopkins), so that she can rule over the nine realms. 


Unfortunately for Thor, he’s got a bigger problem on his hands: He’s imprisoned on the planet of Sakaar, a literal trash wasteland ruled by a figure known simply as The Grandmaster (Jeff Goldblum). And the Grandmaster is quite fond of his gladiator battle champion, who as Thor will find out is an old friend from work in the form of the Incredible Hulk … Who he hasn’t seen since his alter ego Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) disappeared after the events of the war in Sokovia (that’s the Avengers: Age of Ultron movie again for the uninitiated). 


So what is the god of thunder to do since he’s got to (1) battle a former brother-at-arms in the Hulk while (2) worrying about what his actual brother and (3) sister who is bent on bringing Ragnarok (a.k.a. destruction) to their home of Asgard? You’re about to find out! 

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Longstanding Marvel movie fans; Chris Hemsworth fans; Jeff Goldblum fans; people who like more accessible superhero movies; people who wish Marvel would make another Incredible Hulk movie


WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People who are hoping for a more serious Marvel movie in line with the Captain America series or with the emotional and comedic depth or say the Guardians of the Galaxy series; those who find the film a bit too comical in parts; those who look forward to the post-credit scenes more than the actual movies itself sometimes; those who feel the Planet Hulk storyline could have been explored better/more deeply


SO IS IT GOOD, BAD OR JUST AWFUL? A film that is does nothing really wrong but fails to yield something revelatory on its protagonist’s latest (mostly) solo mission, Thor: Ragnarok is a like a meal you’ve had before that you throw a new seasoning on and add a new garnish to on the side. In other words, it’s another win for Marvel Studios, even if it feels a bit familiar despite a few new tasty morsels being added to the mix. 


Thor: Ragnarok follows a bit of the Guardians 2 philosophy of (1) a lot of jokes plus (2) an emotional reveal for the lead character and (3) an emotional battle that leaves the hero forever changed. Hemsworth has his part down pat at this part given that it is his fifth go round as the Norse god, as does Hiddleston as Thor’s mischievous brother Loki. Blanchett does her best to make Hela a formidable force even if the crazy-female-family-member thing feels a bit, well, bland after watching it play out in two Guardians adventures (with a bit more teeth to it). Goldblum is a bit of whimsical fun and it’s clear the veteran actor is having fun in his role, which plays well off Ruffalo who portrays Dr. Bruce Banner as an über-nerdy scientist still coming to grips with both himself and his green alter ego to strong comedic effect. 


Don’t get me wrong: Thor has plenty of “lol” moments, there are a couple nice surprises along the way and director Taika Waititi – wonder if he’ll go by Taka Waita Flame if he ever decides to try a music career – brings some strong visuals in behind the camera while adding some great laughs as Korg (imagine if The Thing’s had a grey cousin). But whereas Iron Man‘s films always had some sort of cool reveal and the Captain America movies conveyed a serious sense of danger, Thor: Ragnarok instead feels like it just hits all of the necessary beats without one element that hits a hard solo that you’ll be talking about for years to come. But then again, that’s probably what next year’s Black Panther and Infinity War opus is for.


In the meantime, Thor: Ragnarok will serve to look to serve your superhero fix with a solid-if-not-comfortably familiar adventure to tide you over until 2018.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Déjá Vu Gets A Fun, Murderous Touch With Happy Death Day

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“Oh man, good thing I called for an Uber so I can escape this parking garage safely … Wait a minute, is THAT my Uber driver?!” Tree (Jessica Rothe) hides as her masked killer attempts to murder her again in a scene from HAPPY DEATH DAY. Credit: © 2017 Universal Pictures. All rights reserved.

WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 


 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Jessica Rothe, Israel Broussard, Ruby Modine, Charles Aitken, Rachel Matthews, Phi Vu, Rob Mello and Laura Clifton

WRITER(S): Scott Lobdell 

DIRECTOR(S): Christopher Landon

 
WEB SITE: http://www.happydeathdaymovie.com/HERE’S THE STORY: Theresa a.k.a. Tree (Jessica Rothe) is a college student at a typical university in Louisiana. What isn’t typical, however, is that today is a day that most girls her age can’t wait to celebrate, that being her birthday. And while her roommate Lori (Ruby Modine) might be excited about it, her favorite professor (Charles Aitken) might be a bit taken aback and Carter (Israel Broussard) – the co-ed in whose dorm room she unexpectedly awoke this morning – is simply happy to see her, there’s a bigger problem awaiting Tree later that night: Her death.


As it turns out, after being murdered by a figure dressed in all black save for a creepy baby mask of her school’s mascot, Tree awakens the next morning back in Carter’s room, only to experience 

déjà vu, reliving her entire day over. That includes getting murdered. Again. And again. And again.

 
Growing tired of being well, murdered, Tree starts to devise a plan: Figure out who is murdering her before they can do it again and maybe then she can escape her Halloween-meets-Groundhog Day existence. 

But given the list of potential suspects, Tree might have to get used to get stabbed, shot, clubbed and maimed for the foreseeable future … Even in the mounting injury list might mean her time is starting to run out.

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Fans of horror movies where the main characters are enjoyable people; fans of movies that mix humor into the thriller aspect; anyone who can appreciate a movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously but does at the right times; those who will appreciate the film’s concept and the competent execution of it

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Fans expecting a more serious/blood-filled experience; those who may figure out who is behind the mask early on; those who may not appreciate the simple nature of the story and its execution

SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? A film that’s more about the character’s story than it is a straight out horror experience, Happy Death Day works because of a lighthearted (if you can have that in a movie where a female character repeatedly gets murdered) tone and a strong, well-rounded performance by its lead and a competent group of co-stars.


Rothe is, for lack of a better word, fun to watch as Tree, a character that is well-developed and goes from being pretty terrible to pretty well, not terrible while Broussard is so naive and likable you can’t help but root for his character. The pair make for a great duo, one a very alpha female while the other plays the role of a good Samaritan with a proverbial platonic best friend twist to a “T.” It’s really a credit to her that she is able to take what could have been a disaster of a character in the wrong hands and make it into a viable, enjoyable character that drives the story. 


Whereas Rothe can be a word that rhymes with “witch” at times before switching her game up, Broussard is perfect as a Scooby-Doo-esque sidekick who just wants to get the girl, or, at the very least, help her from dying (after every time she explains what’s happening to her).


Throw in some nice cheesy-but-not-too-cheesy-to-be-enjoyable sequences with the baby face killer after Rothe’s character, some good ol’ fashioned disturbing music and a few nice, unexpected touches and Happy Death Day is a (well not perfect) mix of humor, horror movie tropes and an interesting story that will entertain you without draining you w/ silliness or gore. Whereas Blumhouse’s other big 2017 hit Get Out was a sharp, satirical that resonated due to its social commentary and exploration of the African-American psyche in modern America, Happy Death Day is more of a simple, gather with your friends/a full theater and take in the experience type of thriller that’s easy to digest but fun at the same time. 

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

Emma Stone serves up fitting tribute to Billie Jean King in Battle of the Sexes

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“You know, I never thought about this before but … How did your character seriously hook up with Jonah Hill in Superbad?!” Bobby Riggs (Steve Carell) talks things over with Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) in a scene from BATTLE OF THE SEXES. Credit: Melinda Sue Gordon © 2017 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved.


WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Emma Stone, Steve Carell, Andrea Riseborough, Sarah Silverman, Bill Pullman, Austin Stowell, Elisabeth Shue, Jessica McNamee and Fred Armisen 

WRITER(S): Simon Beaufoy

DIRECTOR(S): Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Feris

 
WEB SITE: http://www.foxsearchlight.com/battleofthesexes/HERE’S THE STORY: It was one of the most famous events in sports of the 1970s and eventually would become one of the most famous sporting events in history. But while the world saw a battle between a budding tennis star and a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, there was far more going on behind the scenes than meets the eye. For while Billie Jean King (Emma Stone) was battling what she saw as an unfair payscale for she and her fellow female players, she also was dealing with coming to terms with a budding “forbidden” love with hair dresser Marilyn Bennett (Andrea Riseborough) … Despite being married to her husband Larry (Austin Stowell).


Meanwhile, while living off the glory of his days as a former champion tennis player, 55 year-old Bobby Riggs (Steve Carell) is trying to be a good husband to his wife Priscilla (Elisabeth Shue). Unfortunately, his old gambling demons are quite alive and well as is his desire to regain the spotlight. This, of course, leads him to dream up an idea that will be as much spectacle as it is sport: a “battle of the sexes” between the top women’s player in the world and himself. 


What results, however, will be a battle that expands way beyond a simple tennis match. 

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Emma Stone fans; Sarah Silverman fans; tennis historians; the LGBTQ community; 

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? Trump supporters; anti-LGBTQ supporters and the religious right; people who wish the film would dive deeper into the aftermath of King’s life following the event and the struggles she faced  

SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? Some biopics go through painstaking detail to explore every aspect of its subjects’ lives; some present the most-glossed over, slapdash/mediocre puff pieces that fail to capture what made their subject matter.

Battle of the Sexes is neither of those things; instead, it is a film that simply attempts to showcase some aspects of its two lead characters in great stylish detail while at the same time, humanizing them while being very selective in displaying judgment of their actions. It’s really an ingenious trick on the part of co-directors Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Feris; there are no over-the-top dramatics, there are no true villains as much as there are people representing the ideals of the time from a very understandable (given the times) mindset. Then again, Margaret Court hasn’t exactly softened her stance on King’s life in her advance years, Bennett and King had a very public struggle that’s left out of the film and Stowell’s level-headed, let-me-do-what’s-best-for-the-woman-I-love-despite-our-own-turmoil may not exactly have been as it plays out on screen. 


Yes, the movie does take a few liberties with the actual facts, it does stick a mostly factual approach driven by a very up-to-the-task Stone. Stone captures King’s legendary competitiveness, shyness and desire to simply make things better for other women and Carell – who’s character almost becomes a tragic figure in a very Hollywood way before getting a very Hollywood moment at the end of the film – bring a great bit of levity to the whole scene as Riggs while Silverman is great as King’s tennis tour promoter/manager Gladys. (Think of a character fresh from The Carol Burnett Show or Rhoda living it up in sassy, glorious fashion while chain-smoking herself to death and you’ve got her character down pat.) Riseborough comes off as little more than a spacey, new-age chick that is everything King isn’t, but it plays well enough that it doesn’t feel as gimmicky/out-of-place as it might sound on paper. Throw in a “perfect for the current times even though the setting is the early 1970s” quote by a perfectly used Alan Cumming and the film hits enough beats to balance things out. 


Perhaps one day, the balance King fought for won’t need a movie to remind the world of how far it’s come. 

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

The Dark Tower: Generic Good-vs-Evil Storytelling

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“Who told me they didn’t like ‘Throw Ya Gunz’ by Onyx?! WHO SAID IT?!” Roland (Idris Elba) engages in a shootout in a scene in director Nikolaj Arcel’s adaptation of Stephen King’s THE DARK TOWER. Credit: Courtesy of Sony Pictures © 2017 CTMG, Inc. All rights reserved. 


WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 


KEY CAST MEMBERS: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Claudia Kim, Fran Kranz, Abbey Lee, Katheryn Winnick, Nicholas Paulding and Jackie Earle Haley

WRITER(S): Akiva Goldsman, Jeff Pinker, Anders Thomas Jensen and Nikolaj Arcel (screenplay); Stephen King (based on the novels by) 

DIRECTOR(S): Nikolaj Arcel 

 
WEB SITE: http://www.thedarktower-movie.com/site/HERE’S THE STORY: Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) keeps having nightmares of a world where a mysterious man in black looms in a threatening manner while a man styled like a Wild West gunslinger tries to stop him … All while a tall, dark tower stands constantly under attack.


While Jake’s mom (Claudia Kim) and stepdad (Nicholas Paulding) think whatever Jake is seeing is made up, Jake himself quickly learns that it is not once he sees people from his vision in his home that are supposedly from a clinic designed to help kids like him. Fast-forward a bit and Jake then realizes that the man in black is Walter (Matthew McConaughey), a sorcerer who is determined to collapse the dark tower from his dreams. Jake also discovers that the gunslinger is named Roland (Idris Elba), a man who is the last of his kind and determined to stop Walter. 

(On a personal note, Roland is also seeking revenge against Walter for what he did to his father – Dennis Haysbert – but you’ll learn more about that as the story goes on.) 


And as Jake is soon about to discover, his role in either saving or destroying not only his world but all of those in existence is a critical one indeed …

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? McConaughey fans; people who like basic sci-fi stories; anyone who will enjoy all of Easter eggs connecting the film to other works of Stephen King; those who want a Cliff Notes®-style overview of the book series

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? People who hate films that feel like Cliff Notes®/watered-down versions of larger, deeper stories; anyone who loves King’s books but feels that most of the film adaptations lose the spirit of the story; anyone looking for something with a definitive quality to the storytelling and/or its presentation; moviewatchers who, if they start pointing out flaws in a film, can’t stop once they do; Idris Elba fans 

SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? The cinematic equivalent to a frozen version of your favorite restaurant chain’s food in your local grocery store, The Dark Tower is a fast and loose adaptation of what is the introduction to what is the Stephen King Universe (literally) that needs to be slower, steadier and more serious than it is. 


The Dark Tower was once considered to be a project too arduous to possibly film in one take … Looking at the finished result, that coupled with reports of a troubled production make that idea seems to ring truer than ever as just about everything in the film feels truncated even if like (ADMISSION: yours truly) you’ve not read one page of the book. Plot points feel rushed, dialogue is boiled down to the most simplistic of exchanges and – at 91 minutes – and the film has an aforementioned Cliff Notes® feel to it. I can almost imagine this exchange at many offices across the country come next Monday:


Person 1: “I saw The Dark Tower this weekend.”


Person 2: “I read the books but was going to wait – how was it?”


Person 1, who has not read the books: “It was good. I liked how the made everything seem like one big world but didn’t overdo it with too many details to keep the story simple so that the Gunslinger’s final confrontation with The Man in Black was tense.”


Person 2: “What did you think of the connections to The Shining and 1408? How was Stephen King’s character in the movie versus how it was in the books? Did you catch all the high speech references?”


Person 1, feeling flop sweat forming: “Yeah … Oh man – I need coffee.”


Then again, even if you are Person 1 in this scenario, you might realize that the story feels a bit, well, dry, given its reputation as King’s magnum opus work given the generic feel of film. Instead of intense, gripping drama, you get paint-by-numbers “and the bad guy does this and the good guy reacts like this” storytelling with McConaughey playing the cool villain like Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall in the mid-90s and Elba as the straight-laced (a.k.a. borderline boring) man after him. It’s rare that you want a movie to be longer, but with The Dark Tower, save from Taylor’s pretty stellar turn as young Jake Chambers, you don’t care so much about the story other than seeing what you already just know has to be coming. (And if a Stephen King story feels predictable, that cannot be good, right?) 


Throw in scenes that feel thrown in just to exist, the fact McConaughey’s character seemingly could kill EVERYONE in EVERY universe simply by saying it into reality EXCEPT Roland apparently for reasons that are not clearly detailed and, most important of all, does NOTHING to make itself seem distinct (as so many other King stories have) other than being a distilled good-versus-evil Western and what do you have? 


A rather generic film made from what is supposed to be one of the most distinct stories in an acclaimed writer’s bibliography. The movie is OK, but it’s nothing special – and that’s a shame that when the goal should have clearly been for director Nikolaj Arcel and company to not have forgotten the face of their story’s father.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):

 

Ambivalent Sci-Fi in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

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“Now … To find the guy that told me A Cure for Wellness was gonna do big numbers earlier this year!” Valerian (Dane DeHaan)  patrols in a scene Luc Besson’s latest sci-fi adventure VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS. Credit:  Domitille Girard Photo courtesy of STX Entertainment Motion Picture Artwork © 2017 STX Financing, LLC. All rights reserved.


WATCH THE TRAILER(S) HERE: 

 


 



KEY CAST MEMBERS: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke, John Goodman, Herbie Hancock, Sam Spruell and Kris Wu

WRITER(S): Luc Besson (screenplay); Pierre Christin and artist Jean-Claude Mézières (French comic book/graphic novel on which the film is based) 

DIRECTOR(S): Luc Besson

 
WEB SITE: https://www.facebook.com/ValerianMovieHERE’S THE STORY: Years ago, species throughout the galaxy started joining forces on a structure very similar to the International Space Station and created a floating utopia called Alpha. Now, in the 28th Century, Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and his partner Loralei (Cara Delevingne) are police offers that work for the Human Federation, making sure to respond to any and all threats to that peace. So when a radioactive force is discovered at the center of Alpha, Valerian and Loralei are called in to figure out what is going on – a situation complicated by the nightmare Valerian had of a planet being wiped out. 


And as they begin their journey, Valerian and his partner (and girl of his dreams?) soon find out there’s a lot more to his vision – and what they’re investigating – than they ever dreamed. 

 

WHO WILL LIKE THIS FILM THE MOST? Die-hard sci-fi fans; people who love all of director Luc Besson’s works; Rihanna fans; people who thought the Star Wars prequels got a bad rap; Cara Delvingne fans;  

WHO WON’T (OR SHOULDN’T) LIKE THIS MOVIE? 



SO, IS IT GOOD, BAD OR ABSOLUTELY AWFUL? Given that the name of the film is Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, it is pretty easy to talk about how the film tries to do about 1,000 things in an attempt to be the ultimate sci-fi movie and only does maybe a tenth of them well. 


On the plus side, the film looks great in 3D as director Luc Besson and company actually use the technology well to immerse you into Valerian’s and Lorelei’s world. Additionally, Delevinge exudes a strong, silent sexy confidence as Lorelei and proves herself to be an intriguing character as does Rihanna, who’s performance is nuanced and should have no fears of being roasted the same way Ed Sheeran recently was for his Game of Thrones appearance. In fact, one might argue Rihanna’s character is the best thing about the movie, both in execution and significance to the story.


Unfortunately, that’s where the praise of Valerian ceases – for everything else about the movie seems to be a study in excess and how NOT to do a sci-fi movie from start to finish.


Complaining about something looking fake in a science fiction movie is kind of like going to a restaurant and complaining about not being able to come back to an all-you-can-eat buffet and complaining you can’t come back the next day to eat again without paying a second time: It’s dumb. That being said, the CGI in Valerian is a bit much at times as the inhabitants of Mul just look like the worst Avatar-inspired creatures ever. Next up, the story is a bit overly convoluted for a reason that is never explicitly explained in regards to why the bad guy (once the bad guy is revealed) is doing what he’s doing other than doing it for the sake of doing it. 


Adding to the problems is the fact that DeHaan’s character is just … flat … And shares as close to zero chemistry with Delevingne (show steals every scene they’re in together) as possible. Whereas his character is apparently supposed to be a cocky ladies man who has a soft spot for Lorelei but instead he just comes off as kind of a douche that she reluctantly cares about and is just waiting for him to learn his lesson. Seriously, out of all the performances in the film, Dehaan’s is about the least interesting of the entire batch – and that’s a problem. The advice Han Solo once famously gave advice to a young Luke Skywalker would seriously serve DeHaan’s character well in the movie. Sadly, that is not the case here. (Then again, it’s not quite as painful as watching Clive Owen and Ethan Hawke play the most over-the-top characters this side of John Turturro in those awful Transformers movies, complete with bad outfits to match.) Throw in Besson’s tendency to overindulge everything – be it cutesy characters in the form of the three Jar-Jar Binks-esque, platypus-inspired informations Lorelei deals or the über-cute little creatures that produce the pearls the Muls – a key species in the movie – value so dearly to the long-for-no-good-reason sequences that drone on, Valerian is an exercise in giving to every idea that sounds good without realizing how well they do or don’t fit together. It’s almost like he took everything people said they loved about The Fifth Element and forgot why people use editors (both video and script).

Likewise, the film wants to be funny when it should be trying to be taking serious and comes off as funny when it’s trying to be serious. Add in the fact it wants to be Star Wars (there a LOT of characters that look like they were hanging out at the Mos Einsley Cantina) and look like Avatar without achieving either well and throw in a bit of a preachy message (there’s one in there) and Valerian rolls out as an ambitious but overwrought mess.

Could be worse, though – at least it’s not Battlefield Earth.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):