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Jimmy Pardo: The Jazz Zinger

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From Comedy Clubs To Conan, This Comedian Is Never Not Funny

After studying for a year at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in Pasadena, California, Jimmy Pardo decided to go back to his home state of Illinois and entered the comedy scene during the halcyon days of the eighties. Coming up through the ranks, Jimmy went on to become a headliner, appearing in his own Comedy Central half-hour special and making guest appearances on television shows like That Seventies Show and Becker. Always casting a nervous eye on the future, Jimmy has taken a practical approach to his career, creating opportunities for himself instead of waiting for that ephemeral big break. By doing so, Jimmy has created several shows of his own, such as Running Your Trap, You Bet Your Life and a very successful one man show, understatedly titled Attention Must Be Paid: The Jimmy Pardo Story. Not satisfied with becoming stale or behind the times, Pardo hosts a critically acclaimed and wildly successful podcast, Never Not Funny, which is an unscripted talk with various guests from the world of comedy as well as Pardo’s unique humor.

What follows is an (almost) unedited transcript of my most recent interview with the acerbically witty comedian as he was in transit to the world’s best day job…

J.T.: How are you doing?
Jimmy: Good! Jimmy Pardo calling…but obviously you know that.

J.T.: See? I was editing pictures from a pole fitness class. That’s where you rate with me. ‘Pictures of hot, nubile women exercising on stripper poles…what? Jimmy Pardo is on the phone? Well, let me just put these away then!’
Jimmy: Well good for you! And those are ladies you know, right?

J.T.: Yeah.
Jimmy: That makes it hotter, doesn’t it?

J.T.: Yeah, it has that ‘girl next door’ quality to it.
Jimmy: Yeah! Right! I like it. I love the idea of it.

J.T.: Well, how is everything in your world?
Jimmy: Everything is good. As we speak, I am driving to go to work with Conan.

J.T.: That was going to be my first question. I was wondering where that was going to lead because you were there right when the Jay Leno hammer fell.
Jimmy: I was. I was there for the whole seven months of the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and, luckily, I got picked up to go to work again. Today is our first test show and, as I said, I’m heading there right now.

J.T.: That is just ultra-cool.
Jimmy: Yeah! I’m really excited about it. I don’t…and if I’m repeating myself, I apologize… this is a great group of people to work with and Conan is just a terrific guy and I’m honored to be part of such a terrific team. I know that sounds like a press release, but I mean it.

J.T.: Oh, well yeah. You know, the way that Conan has handled this whole situation, from beginning to end, has just been classy and funny at the same time. I think that it has boosted his image in a  lot of people’s eyes.
Jimmy: It really has. It’s made him sort of like this underdog/folk hero too. People are like, here’s this guy who, for no reason, got shit on, basically. He was putting on and doing a great show, he was being funny and he was getting the ratings in the demographics that they had told him that they had wanted him to do, and then they went, ‘Yeah, you know what? That’s not what we want after all *click*’ It’s just ridiculous.

J.T.: Yeah, and things went the other way for Leno as well.
Jimmy: Oh, absolutely.

J.T.: On many different levels.
Jimmy: You know, (Leno) didn’t come off well in any of those interviews that he gave, during and post, in my opinion.

J.T.: Well, switching gears, Never Not Funny is doing really well…
Jimmy: We are doing very well and I’m proud to be a part of that as well. I’ve never been prouder of anything than I am about the podcast.

J.T.: Well, I read a while back that it even got a write up in GQ Magazine…
Jimmy: Yeah! They were nice enough to mention us as their Number One Relatively Obscure Thing To be Paid Attention To and hopefully that got us a few more listeners.

J.T.: Well, that’s kind of a left handed compliment, isn’t it?
Jimmy: (Laughing) Yeah, right! Well, you know how everything needs to be snarky, right?

J.T.: Yeah, but it’s like, ‘Should I say thank you or smack the fuck out of someone?’
Jimmy: Yeah, well, you read Entertainment Weekly and everything has to be some backhanded compliment. It just can’t be, ‘Hey! This is great!’ Everything just has to have that subtext of snarkiness to it.

J.T.: Right! You know, when people have asked me to describe your show, I always say…and you might disagree with this…but there seems to be different styles of stage presence and types of delivery, so I put it into musical terms which is to say that there are those whose performance is more like grunge and some that are more like classical jazz. I’ve always describe your act as being like watching classical jazz. It’s almost got that Catskills quality to it.
Jimmy: I don’t, uh…I don’t disagree with anything you have said. In fact, I’m very flattered when people refer to my delivery as jazz because I do think it has some of those elements, if you are trying to compare it to music because it’s got that rhythm and it can take off into another rhythm. No, I one hundred percent agree with you and I appreciate the compliment and I take it as such.

J.T.: Well, how would you describe your act to someone who hasn’t seen you perform?
Jimmy: You know what? I’ve been trying to figure that out for twenty years. How do you put into words the nonsense I do? You know, I used to call it ‘high energy sarcasm,’ or somebody once described it as that in a review of my show and, at the time, I thought it summed up what I do. I still think it does, but when people think of sarcasm, they picture some dour guy, like a guy that just stands there and is mean, bitter and angry…and that is certainly not what I am. But when they said ‘high energy sarcasm’ I thought, ‘Well, that makes sense because I’m also not Dane Cook or Steve Byrne, who are both fine comics. I’m not one of these guys that shits on those guys. But, they are these high energy kind of guys, but they aren’t really sarcastic. So, for me, high energy sarcasm worked, but I do so much improvisation on stage these days that if there was a way to figure out something like, ‘high energy improvisational sarcasm’…but boy, doesn’t that sound like a shit show? (laughing) I don’t know. I really don’t know how to describe it.

J.T.: That’s what I mean. I have a hard time describing your show because you can go from an egocentric dictator at one point directly into some self deprecating rant about yourself.
Jimmy: It’s, uh…you know what? I mean, that’s exactly it too.

J.T.: Maybe highly energetic schizophrenia.
Jimmy: You know, I want to say that somebody used that term to describe my show once before too. A woman in Ann Arbor called me that. But, I don’t disagree with that either. You’re right…I mean the egocentric dictator is kind of rough…but yeah, I turn it around and then I’m the stooge, which I think is necessary because if you’re just up there yelling, you’re just an a-hole, don’t you think? I mean, you have to turn it on yourself at some point. I think some of these young comics don’t realize that part of it. I apologize J.T., but at zero with this question. It’s odd to try and describe what it is that I do. It’s just funny and…I don’t know. I’m a failure. (laughs)

J.T.: Let’s talk about the Never Not Funny podcasts for a minute then. What do you have coming up with that? Any interesting interviews slated?
Jimmy: You know, we have Scott Aukerman makes his return (October 27th) and next week my beautiful wife Danielle Koenig will be on the show. We’re coming to the end of this season, and we’ve had a lot of new guests this season and added some new faces to the show and I already have a lot of new faces lined up for season eight, but I don’t want to give those away because it won’t be a surprise when we do it.

J.T.: That and you’ll jinx yourself and they’ll pull out at the last minute the moment you utter their names.
Jimmy: Oh, of course. The minute you printed their name, that guy would cancel. We also have the Podcast-o-thon coming up the day after Thanksgiving. This year we’re going to go for twelve hours where last year we only went for nine. We raised over twenty-one thousand bucks last year. We’re hoping to best that, but I don’t see that being possible, but I would should love it if it happened. Starting today, as a matter of fact, we began to book the people for that event. I sent out a bunch of invitations to appear for it and hopefully soon they will start to come back to me, so there will be that as well as well as the regulars from the show and we will have a great twelve hour marathon.

J.T.: What is the charity that you are raising money for?
Jimmy: It goes to Smile Train. That’s the charity that goes to Third World countries and fixes cleft palates.

J.T.: Oh yeah!
Jimmy: Yeah, you’ve probably seen the ads like in the back of Parade Magazine.

J.T.: Yeah, some of the most horrific pictures in those ads.
Jimmy: They really are. I picked up Parade Magazine and I saw this ad and it says, ‘Each surgery only costs $250.’ So, I immediately donated…not because I’m this big money guy…I don’t have money to donate, but I was so moved by those horrific pictures that I thought, ‘Jesus Christ! For $250 bucks you can fix this kid’s face? Why not donate?’ Then when it came time last year for the end of the season, we said, ‘Hey, let’s do a marathon podcast just for the fun of it!’ and then I thought, ‘You know what? Let’s do it for this charity.’ So, when we raised this much money…I never…I never felt like I had done something better for the world in my life than giving this much money to save this many kids. It really felt great and hopefully we can do the same this year.

J.T.: Well, I sincerely hope it does as well. With the podcasts getting more popular, are people seeking you out asking to be a guest instead of visa versa?
Jimmy: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! People…uh…not so much calling, but if I’m like out at a show, (comedians) are like, ‘Yeah, I’d sure like to show up on that podcast!’ Nine times out of ten, I go, ‘Yeah!’ and walk away and hope they never bring it up again. With the one out of ten, I’ll go back to my co-host producer Matt (Belknap) and tell him, ‘Hey! Kevin Pollak wants to do our show!’ and so it’s like, ‘Great! Let’s book him!’ and we definitely get him on as quickly as we can. But, with all of the requests, sadly, there’s a reason you haven’t been asked my friend. By the way, some of those are really funny people, but not funny in conversation. You know, I used to hear Steve Dahl and Garry Meier do radio out of Chicago and they interviewed Jerry Seinfeld who, at the time my…you know…and man, he was awful!

J.T.: Oh yeah, I’ve seen a ton of interviews where you would have gotten better reactions out of coma patients.
Jimmy: Don’t you think?

J.T.: Yeah, he always just gave really short, deadpan answers.
Jimmy: Just horrible! Not even funny! You’re not promoting your show! You just…showed up! So, again, it’s not an insult to these people when I don’t want to have them on, it’s just I know that they are not going to be right for that format.

J.T.: I’ve always thought that about some of these morning radio shows. There are some absolutely hysterical people that have been on there, but the format kills them.
Jimmy: Right!

J.T.: Ron Shock is a perfect example because he is a brilliantly funny man, but his long drawling type of storytelling does not survive on that ADHD programming format. I mean, before he is 1/16th through a story, someone has already interrupted him and derailed the whole thing…
Jimmy: Exactly! Boy! You’re not kidding either. You’re just derailed and, like in Ron’s case, with that Southern drawl, how do you go back like, ‘Anyhow, what Ah wuz sayin’ wuz…’ It would make you sound like a dick, so you drop it and you’re done. So, instead of coming off with this really funny story, people listening are like, ‘Well, that made no sense! Thank God someone interrupted it!’ Yeah, I agree with you. I one hundred percent agree.

J.T.: By the same token, there are people that are absolutely hysterical on radio, and you would think that their stage show would utilize that improvisation, but after four or five years, it’s the same routine.
Jimmy: (laughing) Right!

J.T.: Well, that’s like that air bass thing you do on Bob and Tom. At least since their program has been picked up for television broadcast by WGN, you can get the more subtle nuances of the air bass performance.
Jimmy: Definitely. You know, as much as I want exposure, the downside is that anytime I go to a Bob and Tom market, there’s always at least one guy that yells out, ‘Air bass!’ It’s like, ‘Okay, there’s no music playing sir. It doesn’t apply to what we are doing currently.’ And by the way, and you know this: They don’t yell out when it’s quiet…they yell it out one word before the punchline. ‘Air bass!’ Yeah, thanks.

J.T.: Well, have you picked up any other air instruments like the accordion?
Jimmy: I have not. I stick strictly with the bass. You know, when you perfect an instrument like that, you don’t want to take away from its uniqueness. How’s that for a ridiculous answer (laughing).

J.T.: What you should do is if someone yells out for air bass, you should just stop what you’re doing and do like a three minute solo without any music or noise whatsoever and then, when you’re done, remind everyone to thank the gentleman after the show for suggesting that encore performance.
Jimmy: Right! I mean, obviously I do other nonsense, like I tap dance for no reason…you know, I’m doing this Cajun character who just shows up out of nowhere now, for no reason.

J.T.: (laughing) I haven’t seen that yet.
Jimmy: Oh, it is the dumbest thing you will see in your entire life. I’m not going to lie to you: I’ve never, in my entire career in comedy, I’ve never heard an audience laugh harder than when I do this dumb Cajun guy. It doesn’t last more than two minutes, because it can’t because it is so ridiculous, but when I do it, I still get spit-takes. I mean, Jesus Christ, I’ve worked my ass off for twenty years and, as it turns out, I do this dumb Cajun guy and he gets the biggest laugh. Fair enough.

J.T.: You caught the Larry the Cable Guy syndrome.
Jimmy: Yeah, right. But I never go more than two minutes because I don’t want to be that guy…you know, with all of his billions of dollars. I don’t want that. No.

J.T.: That’s funny because I just watched the roast of Larry the Cable Guy and Greg Giraldo just tore into him.
Jimmy: He was great, Greg. Everybody says Jeff Ross, they call him the ‘master of the roast,’ but I think Greg was. Don’t you think?

J.T.: Greg’s stuff was brilliant.
Jimmy: Nobody was writing sharper material than Greg.

J.T.: Oh, I mean, Greg Giraldo doing the Flavor Flav roast with, ‘You look like Idi Amin after a three year crack binge on the sun!’ That is an elegant reference.
Jimmy: (laughing) Gorgeous!

J.T.: I got to meet Greg once when he middled for Colin Quinn. I was very surprised. He was a very subdued guy off stage.
Jimmy: You know, it surprised me to. I met him a couple of times at the Montreal Comedy Festival and he’s one of those guys that, like when you see him, with what he does on stage, which is so quick and sarcastic, but off stage, it’s like, ‘Hey man, I’m Greg.’ And it’s like, ‘Oh! Oh good! We’re just people.’

J.T.: If you ever get a chance to, look up Greg’s interview in Psychology Today…it definitely gives some insight into what happened.
Jimmy: Okay. I will definitely look that up when I get home tonight.

J.T.: So, your role on Conan: are you doing the warm up only or are you going to be getting into the writing as well?
Jimmy: You know, I’ll still be just the opening act, but I’m hoping to get in some more sketches this go-round. I did a few for the Tonight Show (with Conan O’Brien) that, due to time constraints, never aired. I am hoping to get in some more sketches and to be a little more involved, but for the most part right now, I’m happy to just go out and be the warm up act and have, quite frankly, the greatest day job in the world.

J.T.: That would be fantastic. Have you been told to keep things in check?
Jimmy: You know what, the only notes that I was ever given, to be honest with you, is just ‘don’t swear.’ That was it.

J.T.: I interviewed Archbishop Schnurr and the whole way to the interview, I’m smoking like a freight train telling myself, ‘Don’t say fuck, don’t say fuck and for fuck’s sake, don’t say goddamn.’ Then I got worried that I had hyped myself up so much that the first words out of my mouth were going to be, ‘Fuck, fuck, fucking, fuckity fuck!’…and then I would go straight to hell.
Jimmy: (laughing) Of course! You know, it’s funny, I did a private gig once, which I can’t stand doing, by the way, and before I went on, the guy goes, ‘The only thing I ask is just  don’t say fuck.’ So I said, ‘Oh, okay.’ So I decided to replace every ‘fuck’ in my act with ‘goddamn.’ As it turns out, that might be a little more offensive to some people. Turns out that saying, ‘This goddamn thing and that goddamn thing’…some people truly get offended by that. Okay, good enough.

J.T.: Now, you’ve played Wiley’s a few times…
Jimmy: This will be my third time there. I used to play Joker’s way back in the day, so when that kind of went down, Rob (Haney) was kind enough to call me up, so I went over there and I love it.

J.T.: Do you think it’s a good room for you?
Jimmy: You know what? I’m a guy that speaks so positively about comedy clubs as opposed to venues, and you have one of each in Dayton. I love Wiley’s and while he might not get the numbers that the other club gets, in my opinion, you’re getting comedy fans as opposed to people who just want a night out. I like a nice 150-200 seat room with the stage right there and the people are right there with you, so you can communicate as opposed to perform. That’s the problem…well, I guess it’s not a problem…well, I kind of think it’s a problem…I think that having the stage and the audience so separated has made some comedians go in the direction of, ‘I should perform! I need to kill!’ as opposed to just worrying about being funny. That’s what I love about Wiley’s…even back in the day when Joker’s was there. There were many years when Joker’s drew tremendous crowds. Then, sadly, it became a place for bachelorette parties and you end up wanting to slam your head against a wall.

J.T.: There’s no competing with a bachelorette party.
Jimmy: The day that someone puts a rule out across the country that bachelorette parties are not allowed at comedy clubs, that guy will be my hero.

J.T.: Speaking of Rob, when he told me he sent you an email warning you that I wanted an interview, he said, ‘Oh, I told him that a local writer wanted to interview him and that you were a big fan of his iPod.’ Rob and technology equals a bad mix.
Jimmy: You know, Rob will send me an email and if it takes me more than one word to respond, he’ll write back, ‘Can you just pick up the phone!’ He’s like a dad in that way. Like a dad…if you picture the stereotypical dad…that’s Rob. ‘I don’t understand this future!’

J.T.: When he said I loved your iPod instead of Podcast, I was like, ‘Yeah, I love how Jimmy’s playlist jumps from Marilyn Manson to Air Supply…it’s such an eclectic mix.’
Jimmy: You know, there’s a good chance that might happen. Yeah, you’ve seen my iPod. You like the way I handle it. You like the case and the clear plastic I put over it to prevent scratches.

J.T.: Well, let’s wrap this up. Is there anything that you want out there that we haven’t covered?
Jimmy: Nah, I think that covers it. In fact, I’m going to be pulling into a garage and I’m probably going to lose you. I sure do appreciate you taking the time to do a story.

J.T.: And I surely appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. I will definitely see you when you get to Wiley’s then.
Jimmy: Fantastic! I look forward to it. Thank you so much and I appreciate it J.T.

You can catch the sweetly sardonic humor of Jimmy Pardo for a limited engagement at Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub (101 Pine St. in the Oregon District) on Friday November 5th at 9:00 pm and for two shows on Saturday, November 6th at 8:00 pm and 10:30 pm. Tickets range from $10 to $12 and, since this is a special show, no coupons, passes or offers can be accepted. Call (937) 224-JOKE to make reservations and for more information, check out Wiley’s website at www.wileyscomedyclub.com or become friends with them on Facebook.

Heywood Holds A Hootenanny

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The Insane Genius Of Heywood Banks

The first time I saw Heywood Banks (aka Stuart Mitchell), it was in the late eighties at Wiley’s Comedy Club at it’s original location on Patterson Rd. right next to The Pony Keg. I had no clue who he was…I just had free tickets. I can’t remember anything about the opening act, but when Heywood appeared on the stage, I knew that things were going to be different. Not different as in “life changing” or radically cutting edge. More like the way one might describe that weird cousin that never leaves his room, is continually clothed in dirty sweatpants and a Transformers T-shirt and keeps a collection of flies that he has caught because they’re his “friends.”

Heywood bounded up onstage in a glaringly mismatched outfit that would make a 1970’s used car salesman jealous. His horn rimmed glasses glinted in the spotlight and across his iridescent green and yellow plaid sport coat. He held within his hand a well worn, yet shiny guitar and a moment of mild trepidation filled my soul as I wondered what form of musical yodeling I would have to endure. Remember; this was the time of Weird Al and Dr. Gonzo and everyone that could play four chords and did not possess the sex appeal and/or impenetrable liver needed to become a rock star fancied themselves a comedian instead.

Luckily, my fears quickly melted away as Heywood launched into a blurred performance that was absolutely relentless. The comedic hits rained down so fast that your brain couldn’t keep up. You found yourself laughing at a subtle play on words or a particularly astute cultural reference from two songs back and ended up kicking your brain and ears into overdrive, feverishly attempting to catch up with Heywood’s maniacal pace.

Heywood Banks and Emmi Rehmert ~ May 2010

Years later, at Wiley’s new location in the Oregon District, I was standing outside smoking when I noticed a disheveled man extricating himself from behind the wheel of his car, which was loaded floor to ceiling with boxes, junk and a precariously placed toaster that was inexplicably jammed against the back window. The man fumbled about with this box and then that one, his hair a wild, untamed gray banner blowing in the wind. As he stood up and pulled at his goatee, I was struck by the fact that if you slammed a Confederate uniform onto his thin frame, he would make a perfect performer for a Civil War reenactment. I felt a pang of shame as I stood there, entertaining such thoughts about someone who clearly had to be homeless. I looked on with pity as he dove into the car, burrowing towards the back to retrieve, of all things, the toaster!

All things became clear as he wrenched his way out of the car and yelled to Rob Haney, the current owner of Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub, “Do you have two forks?”

A musical genius does require his instrument.

Heywood’s last tenure at Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub was a largely sold out affair, with night after night of wall to wall people crowding Wiley’s walls laughing hysterically at Heywood’s musical musings and quick comedic wit. Offstage, Heywood possesses a very amiable personality and has an interest in a wide variety of subjects, including history and prognostications of future events. Night after night, throngs of fans would line up to get an autograph or just to get their picture taken with the uniquely clothed comedian, taking with them a token of a perfect evening of comedy.

To be able to witness for yourself the frenzied freestyle comedy of Heywood Banks, Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub will be hosting a series of special shows featuring the comedian on  Thursday October 28th at 7:30 pm  and for two shows on Friday October 29th at 7:00 pm and 9:30 pm. Admission is $15 on Thursday and $20 for Friday’s shows. Since this is a special show, no passes, coupons or offers will be accpted. Heywood is best known for his songs Toast!, Big Butter Jesus as well as a score of other tunes, which you can check out on his website at www.heywoodbanks.com .

Queer As Funny

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Poppy Champlin Brings The Queer Queens Of Qomedy To Wiley’s

The Queer Queens Of Qomedy are Qumming! Not only is that poor grammar, but it sounds more than a bit dirty as well. Poppy Champlin, creator of the Queer Queens of Qomedy, has been a staple of the comedy scene, appearing on Comic’s Unleashed with Byron Allen, Rosie O’Donnell’s Stand-up Spotlight and has recently unveiled a new show on Showtime called Pride: The Gay and Lesbian Comedy Slam. Having spoken with Poppy several times over the years, one thing that she has stated over and over was that the show was not strictly geared towards the LGBT crowd as well as her love of Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub itself.

Appearing with Poppy this time around are comedians Dana Austin, who hails from Cleveland, and Shann Carr, who has published a hilarious book called, You’re Going To Be Gay! The Queer Queens will reign over Wiley’s on Thursday September 9th at 8:00 pm, Friday at 9:00 pm, Saturday at 8:00 pm and 10:30 pm and then on Sunday at 8:00 pm. Tickets range from $10 to $20, so either call (937) 224-JOKE (5653) for more information or to make reservations or go to Wiley’s website at www.wileyscomedyclub.com.

J.T.: Since the name of the tour is The Queer Queens of Qomedy, I’m going let you give me an overview of what people can expect.
Poppy: Well, this is something new that we’re doing in Dayton that we’ve never done before, which I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes. Usually we just do one night wherever we go. Like in Chicago, we did one night and we had a good show. Now, this will be different because we’ll be at Wiley’s from Thursday through Sunday. The two other comics that I’m bringing are really, really, really good and they’re really well known in the queer comedy world, so it’s giving people more of an opportunity to see them over a longer amount of time. These two comics…Shann Carr is a story teller comedian and weaves a story and then slams you with a great punchline. Dana Austin is a African American comic who tells it like it is, so pay attention. They’re more mainstream, so hopefully the people in the area that are used to great comedy, because I know Wiley’s gets great comics, they can also come and enjoy this without feeling like they’re going to be inundated with gay this and gay that. It’s really more great comedy than it is queer comedy…but, it is queer. We are all gay.

J.T.: You have made Wiley’s a regular stop on your yearly tours. What is it about the club that you like?
Poppy: I like Wileys because it is an old comedy club and there is plenty of comedy chi in the room and I am a part of the old guard of comics and belong in that room.

J.T.: Are you going to have to change up the act a little bit to accommodate playing at Wiley’s?
Poppy: Yeah, I’ll change it a little. I mean, I used to play there all the time. I used to do Wiley’s back in 92’-93’…and I think even 91’…and I used to have a blast!

J.T.: …and you will find that it hasn’t changed since then.
Poppy: (Laughs) Yeah, it was a blast and I always used to just have so much fun there. I remember that I was the one who had broken the record there for being the longest on stage. I mean, since then, it’s been broken many times, but I remember being up there for like two hours one time. You know, I was just sitting up there just drinking and buying people shots and they’re buying me shots and we were just having a good time. I just know that Wiley’s is a fun place and when people go there, they always have a good time. This time around, I would probably bring out more of my drinking material versus some feminist material or something like that, so, more towards blue collar material and whatever works in the area.
J.T.: Do you feel that your shows kind of bridge the gap between the LGBT communities and “mainstream” communities?
Poppy: They sure could bridge the gap if the straight community would be daring enough to check us out…

J.T.: Do you think that the Queer Queens of Qomedy Tour challenges people’s perceptions?
Poppy: Yes it is tough to get past the name sometimes and those that are scared by the name do not show up and those that are not scared by the name come out and don’t even consider the name for the next one or one like it.

J.T.: Do you have a large following of fans in the Dayton and Miami Valley area?
Poppy: This is the 3rd year so when the word goes out that we are coming the LGBT community rallies and puts it out on the net and since it is a relatively small community, so the peeps should come out to support and enjoy!

“So A Dyslexic Walks Into A Bra…”

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…and Other Tales From the Fringe of Dayton’s Comedy Scene.

The only sound cutting through the sea of silence is a slight feedback whine as the flop sweat pours from your forehead, reflecting chromatic prisms from the glaring, white-hot spotlight. You clench the microphone with sweat-slicked hands, as your mind becomes an echoing chamber of panic. You can’t even make out the faces in the crowd, the piercing light obliterates their features, changing the warmth of humanity into an amorphous blob of judgment. How could this have happened? Your mom told you that you were funny. The clerk at UDF always laughed at your jokes. Your shadow, nailed against the faux brick wall by the merciless spotlight, seems to shrink as your confidence bids you a fond adieu, leaving you for climes that are more hospitable. You either recover quickly, raining down a torrent of bon mots to cover your previous gaffe, or you walk the longest walk ever made under the glaring reproach of the unamused.
Stand up comedy is one of the least understood and surely one of the most minimally regarded of the performing arts, yet it is one of the most difficult crafts to hone, execute and endure. The constant pressure to produce and perform is unrelenting. Development of a single joke’s precision, synthesis and rhythm is always evolving. The eternal search for material, the sharpening of lines, the shaping of words and the final development of delivery is exhaustive. Ironically, just as perfection is almost within reach, the material is usually scrapped because it is no longer topical or has become tired and mawkish and now, all new material must be captured and crafted.
In an attempt to check out the local comedy scene with an eye for how they all got started, I interviewed several local comics. Some of them are fairly new to the landscape, appearing at open mic nights for very little or no compensation, while others are national road veterans, having amassed quite an impressive resume’. The first question that arises would have to be why anyone would want to pursue a career in comedy in the first place.
A seasoned comedian, Mark Fradl, started his career in 1992 and ran hard until 1999, before abruptly leaving the stage completely for various reasons, including being burnt out on the road and its day to day hustle. He returned to stand up several years ago because the desire for performing live was re-ignited within him. When I asked him recently why anyone would get into comedy, he said, “I think you’ll find most comics have the same story: people told them they were funny. They somehow got up the courage to go up that first time at an open mic night (still the hardest thing I’ve ever done) and they just kept doing it. The dream starts huge – Tonight Show, Letterman, sitcom – but quickly narrows down to more immediate goals – get a strong five minutes, get a strong fifteen minutes, get ANY work, get good work, and then the Holy Grail of goals: quit the day job. I think that’s what keeps people in it, there’s always another little rung to climb. Step-by-step you’re deeper into the life.”
Ryan Singer, who used to be a schoolteacher for Dayton Public Schools and is now on national tours stated candidly, “I just had to. It is that simple. As a kid I remember seeing standup comedians on television and thinking to myself, ‘that is the best job ever!'”
A recent college graduate as well as a fairly current addition to the local comedy scene, Mat Thornburg took a slightly different route to the stage. “I was really involved in theater in high school” he wrote me, “and I always ended up getting cast as the comic relief. People kept telling me that I should try standup comedy, but I had no idea how to get started. Then when I was in college they had a comedy contest to win tickets to see Dane Cook. So I guess you could say the reason I got on stage the first time was because I wanted to see Dane Cook, but really it was something that I was going to do sooner or later and the contest was just an easy way to make that first step.”
Jeff Bang, nicknamed, quite unimaginatively ‘Banger’, is a butcher by day and does stand up locally as well as working at Wiley’s comedy club as a…well…I’m not really sure what Banger does, keeping me company while I stand outside and smoke, I guess. Anyway, when I asked him why he kept doing stand up, he answered my question with a question.
“Why do I keep doing it? Do you know what it’s like to get a good high? A big rush?” To which I replied that not only had I never imbibed in any illicit drugs in the past, I would eschew all illegal substances in the future if in fact any illegal substances were presented to me. He did not believe me, informing me that I was full of bovine fecal matter and continued onto his point. “There is no bigger rush than standing on a stage and making people laugh. There is no bigger rush. You get up there and do it and you have however many people are there, a hundred, a thousand, however many, and they’re in the palm of your hand and they are just hanging on every word. There is no bigger rush than that.”
Mark Fradl echoed Banger’s reasoning with, “…the good shows are great enough to get you through the bad ones. There’s still the insane rush of coming up with an idea and doing it on stage that night and honing it show after show. And there’s still a thrill in seeing how you’re bringing some pure laughter into someone’s life.”
“You’ve got to have that burning desire like 24/7 that makes you want to go out… just want to go out. You’re scared and nervous, but you want to go out there.” remarks James Earl Tompkins from Springfield. Originally from the East Side of Chicago, he landed at Wilberforce and Central State in his mid-twenties. His inspiration actually came from a speech class where he learned how to debate and discuss topics. He saw that he could apply those concepts to comedy and began trying to hone the mechanics at open mic events. His first forays did not always go as planned. “I felt so small on a lot of those days. I just wanted to hide. Hide out for weeks.” He sought solace in books that showed him the pitfalls of failure and how to strike back and overcome over adversity.
Egyptian born Sherif Hedeyat, who lives in a three-bedroom sleeper cell in Centerville and is one of the members of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour, started in much the same way. While attending Wright State University, he tried out an open mic night at the now defunct Joker’s Comedy Café.
“I remember I was in the lounge at Wright State,” Sherif recalls, “and I remember somebody saying, ‘Hey, you’re pretty funny. You should try doing comedy at Joker’s.’ I went in there one night and just ate it bad. Literally it was like a year between my first and second time on stage because I was sitting there going, ‘Man! That was a painful experience!’ Then the second time on stage…well, it’s kind of like a drug. You start once, then you go back a while later and then you start to want it and you get better and you want it more, and it progressed.”
With ego crushing moments, little or no pay and the constant reworking of material, why would some partially sane person keep subjecting themselves to this potentially abusive mistress? The rush and the possibility of fame and fortune are motivating forces, but definitely not one that ranks the highest in most of the comedians’ minds that I interviewed.
“I keep doing it because there’s nothing else that provides the same thrill or satisfaction.” says Mat Thornburg. “Standup is great because you know instantly how you’re doing. That can be bad when you’re not doing well, but when you are doing well it’s great to hear it in the audience’s laughter. I think another reason I keep doing it is that there’s always room for improvement. There’s always something I can get better at or something I can make funnier and every performance is an opportunity to learn something new about standup and what works for you as a performer.”
I wondered if the national headliners looked down upon the aspiring comedian with disdain. Having already slogged up the mountain, did they view the local comics as untalented plebes or would they remember the arduous journey that they themselves had made and offer some assistance. I asked Banger this question, because he has a unique perspective, hanging out at Wiley’s, doing whatever it is he does there.
“A good headliner will look at an open mic guy that’s ‘got it’, especially the ones who’ve ‘got it’, and encourage them and they’ll give them little tips here and there.” Jeff said, “The ones (headliners) who are stuck on themselves, and they’re not usually the best headliner in the world, those are the ones that look down on the open mic guys.”
Ryan Singer had a slightly differing view, stating, “I think headliners don’t spend much time thinking about the local comedians one way or the other. I think headliners have their own careers to worry about and especially in the business nowadays, it can be brutal because there are so many comedians out there trying to work the same rooms. It is a tough business and when you do find a headliner that wants to help you, it is truly a random act of kindness. There are those that enjoy seeing the local comedians and offer good advice about building a career. Most young comedians don’t want to hear the advice because is all about patience and hard work. It takes a long time to become an overnight success in comedy.”
The Dayton and surrounding area has nurtured many nationally known humorists and comedians. Jonathan Winters, Erma Bombeck, Dave Chappelle, Drew Hastings, Dave Zage, Kenny Smith, Jesse Joyce, Gary Owen, Rob Haney…the list goes on and on. Is the Dayton comedy scene still a vibrant and living player on the national stage?
“Actually, I see a lot of good, up and coming comedians.” said Sherif. “There was a time for several years when we (local comedians) weren’t working ‘together’. I mean, when I came up, Cincinnati had Josh Sneed, Greg Warren and those guys, they were all hanging out together, they were writing together, they were in the clubs hanging out, they were creating that scene. In Dayton, it was almost like everyone was just doing their own thing or they were going to Cincinnati or Columbus to hang out. It seems like ever since the Funnybone opened (in Beavercreek) we got a whole new clientele and audience and we’ve got a whole new crop of comedians.”
To stand at a microphone alone, captured by the spotlight in front of a group of strangers with the intent of making them laugh is a daunting task unto itself. A classically trained actor performing a one man show does not have to carefully gauge the spectators and change up lines in midstream or alter the dialogue to please his audience. If an audience came to see Hamlet, then Hamlet they shall see. Yet how do you please a group that just shows up with the expectation of being made to laugh? Everyone’s sensibilities and sense of humor are truly not the same. The ability to have a rural farmer sitting next to a office worker who is seated near a college student and having them all succumbing to the least understood of all human reactions, that of laughter…well, one is truly encountering art at its most refined.
You can check out some of the best that the area has to offer almost any given Sunday at Wiley’s Comedy Niteclub (check website for details). This coming month, from July 1st through the 4th, Wiley’s will be holding a comedy contest, which I would like to think of as a Comedic Thunderdome-esque Cage Match of Epic Proportions, but Rob Haney just tells me to shut up when I say things like that. Anyway, you can come down and watch the best of the best compete for comedic glory or, since there is enough time, stand in front of a mirror, your dog and your family for a month, spitting the best anecdotes and one liners you can think of, honing your skills for the Big Time! The winner will receive $1,000 in American currency and forever secure their place in the Dayton’s Hall of Humor…well, if we had one of those here in Dayton, I’m sure that you would be secured there. Check out the open mic nights, and especially come out and support the local talent for the Wiley’s Comedy Contest on Thursday, July 1st at 8:30 pm, Friday, July 2nd at 9:00 pm, Saturday July 3rd at 8:00 pm and 10:30 pm and Sunday, July 4th at 8:30 pm. Tickets are a mere $2. To enter the contest yourself, contact via e-mail Jack Wilson [email protected].

Droopy Drew Donisi: El Dago Diablo

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“Droopy” Drew Discusses Donnie Baker, Motor Boatin’ And Fun

Hailing from the deep south (somewhere around the Franklin, Ohio area), “Droopy” Drew Donisi takes the stage brandishing a guitar to play his own originally warped southern rock tinged tunes. Drew’s approach to comedy is open, engaging the audience with his sincere bouts of storytelling interspersed with original melodies.

“I don’t want to complain and I don’t want to get on stage and bitch about anything.” Drew said during a recent interview. “I just want to tell a story that I may have made up, but it’s going to be a funny ass story.”

Headlining at Wiley’s brings this local comedian full circle as he had originally started his comedic career performing open mic sessions there.

“I did the open mic thing there on Sunday nights, trying out new material and ideas that I had and that’s where I came up with all my songs.” Drew reflected. “You know those open mic nights were just having fun.”

Fun seems to be the watchword of Drew’s performances. He seems to be more concerned about giving the audience a brief respite from their daily concerns and allow them the just let loose, have fun and possibly sing along to one of his many original songs. Some of his could be seen as purely sophomoric, but again, they are purely just for fun. I asked him about the process of writing the songs, whether the melody comes first and the words are hung upon it or if the tune is written around the words…and where did he come up with the ideas for the songs?

            “Well, like that Motor Boatin’ song.” he said. “I saw somebody with big (globular mounds of flesh found on the chests of females)…I know you can’t write that in the article, but…and I was like, ‘Holy smokes!’ and I just started thinking that there are a lot of things that I like to do, but that is one of the things that I love to do, so I just made the whole song about things that I like to do, but the one thing I love to do is motor boatin’.”

And no, if you don’t know what motor boating is, I’m not going to tell you. That’s what the Internet is for. While this and some of Drew’s other songs are riddled with sexual innuendos, a lot of his material is extremely accessible by all audiences. His humor and prowess with the guitar even caught the eye of the Bob and Tom camp. Drew has opened for Donnie Baker on several occasion (the most recently being in Indianapolis in April) and has appeared on the Bob and Tom Show. I asked Drew to fill in the details on how he came to meet Donnie Baker.

“I featured for Dwight York at Wiley’s last year and Donnie came in and did two shows. Dwight moved down to feature and I moved down to opener.” he related, “which, as you know, when they bring somebody big in, the opener usually gets dropped. So Rob (Haney, owner of Wiley’s) kept me in the rotation. So, I hit it off with the band and Donnie was really easy to work with.”

            Drew’s direct approach and unpretentious acceptance of what he wants his comedy to convey has made him a favorite son of not only Wiley’s, but many other venues around the country. His good natured demeanor reflects in the honest answer that he gave me pertaining to what he wanted audiences to take away from his shows:

“All I’m trying to do when I’m doing my comedy is to give the audience the chance to forget about the crap outside the doors.” he said. “When they come in, it’s just stupid humor. It’s nothing that you have to think about. It’s nothing that you really have to know any politics. It’s just a good time out with your friends and a guy that will make you laugh.”

(Writer’s Note: Sadly, Drew passed away suddenly on March 10th, 2012. You will be missed by many “Droopy.”)

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The Dichotomy Of Comedy

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Mark Fradl Brings Clever Comedy To Wiley’s

            Throughout the history of mankind, smiling, laughter and humor have become noted as an integral part of our genetic makeup, as evidenced in the rudimentary, usually obscene, hieroglyphs of the Egyptians, the crudely drawn doggerel of the Greeks and Romans and on through to the laborious treatises written by philosophers, psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors over the ages. Although the impetus for laughter varies wildly from individual to individual, the reaction itself is one of the most universally accepted, yet least understood in the lexicon of human responses.

Plato examined the negative aspects of humor in his exposition entitled The Republic, and concluded that the inherent “psychopathic laughter” was indicative of one’s envy and malice against his fellow man or an egocentric method to secure one’s superiority through the brutal ridiculing of others shortcomings, circumstances or lower social status. Arthur Schopenhauer later developed his “theory of the absurd,” which, simply stated, says that laughter is the reaction to the realization that a person’s expectations have been been misdirected by an incongruous element that, in the final analysis, is absolutely ridiculous. Theorists and scholars have postulated wildly divergent theories as to the origin of laughter and humor, yet have been shown to be debatable at best.

The reason I am expounding on the theories of humor in this rather long winded intro is that it reminded me of a series of correspondences I began with comedian Mark Fradl sometime back in late 2007, a dialogue that has been maintained into the present. When I first corresponded with Fradle, a Dayton native who splits his time  between here and Austin, TX, he was just getting back into the comedy scene after taking a six year hiatus after becoming somewhat disillusioned with the world of comedy. Even after reemerging on stage around 2005, Fradl still remained somewhat nihilistic with regards to the direction mainstream comedy was heading in as well as the broad cross section of audiences who are less interested in clever comedy as they are in being entertained. One of the reoccurring themes of lie within the definition and decisive nature of a certain type of comedian.

“There’s the dark breed that want to connect with the audience…but only on their terms.  As I write that, I’m realizing that this is really where the difference lies between the good comics and the hacks; Are you trying to put yourself where they are or are you trying to bring them over to where you are?” Fradl went on, referencing some previous discussions that we had had on the topic. “So that goes back to something we ended on yesterday; The difference between trying to bring the crowd onto your way of thinking, or pandering down to meet their way of thinking. Are you making them say, ‘Yeah, that’s what I always say too!’ or are you making them say ‘Hey, I never looked at it that way – he’s right!’”

The universal appeal of comedy is almost as illusive as it is accepted. While on the one hand, almost everyone needs the release that laughter offers, while at the same time, what one person may find as patently offensive another may find absolutely hilarious.

            “Again it comes back to the unique nature of comedy. It has to have more universality than almost any other art form I can think of. Gore Vidal is a legend, yet most people have never read one of his books. Leonard Cohen or Tom Waits are never played on the radio and yet they’ve had immensely influential careers; but you really can’t be in a niche in comedy. The comic equivalent of Tom Waits or Leonard Cohen or Elvis Costello would die a miserable death in the average club. Even legends like Bill Hicks, Mitch Hedburg and Doug Stanhope were banned by more clubs than they worked, and only through years of persistence did they build their followings and move from clubs to theaters.”

At one point, Fradl was able to clarify, somewhat, was the nature of comedy for the masses with a rather apropos metaphor.

“Ranch dressing is bland, inoffensive (except to those who are offended by it’s inoffensiveness), and sells by the bucket load.  No one’s ever sold a bucket of Sesame Ginger Wasabi Vinaigrette.  You can’t get Roast Raspberry Chipotle dressing in a 64 ounce squeeze bottle.  Likewise, comedy has to appeal to the broadest possible market.  In most cities there are only one or two clubs, and those clubs survive only by attracting the largest cross section of the population – suburban couples, urban hipsters, a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, a bachelorette party, the trucker, the lawyer, the graphic artist, the cashier and the fry cook. Imagine coming up with anything that group can agree on.  Best to just put out the ranch dressing – a lot of people will love it, most will like it, and even those who hate it won’t be surprised to see it.  Welcome to comedy.”

As an example of the seemingly incongruous separation between brilliance and mass acceptance, Fradl related a personal experience he had.

“Bill Hicks is a legend of comedy, right up there with Lenny Bruce or young Woody Allen, but I don’t think most people know that when he was alive, his career was struggling. Even with numerous Letterman appearances and several HBO solo specials, he was having a hard time getting work because he wasn’t for everyone. I saw him live in 1992 in Cleveland and he ate it.” Fradl recollects that, “We were sitting in the second row in a room filled with 500 people just dying at his dark rantings, and I remember turning around at one point and seeing 495 faces staring at us, trying to figure out what the hell we thought was so funny.”

Comedy is the act of walking a thin tightrope in the dark, always at the mercy of the prevailing winds of public opinion and never really sure how far the fall might be, especially for a comedian who is just starting out or struggling to get ahead. Even road veterans are sometimes tripped up by the seemingly arbitrary change in social mores or the pressure of honing their material to appeal to the largest swath of the populace.

“But that argument misses an important point, one I’m only just now realizing as I think about this. Comedians are not weakened by this limitation, this need to create within a box. It is, in fact, our greatest asset, because it forces us to communicate our ideas with people who might not otherwise entertain such thoughts. This is our advantage over avant-garde performance artists, or fringe theater, or the protest singer touring the Unitarian Church basement circuit. The problem with deeply controversial art is that it never gets outside its own bubble.”

Fradl’s comedic appeal is one that is fast and intelligent while still being accessible to virtually every audience. It’s a hard course to chart, but one that Fradl has navigated through many times over. While Fradl has no problem with the the comedic form being used as simple, straightforward entertainment, it is just not the type of comedy that he is striving for. While mainstream comedy definitely has its place within the pantheon of comic legends, some of the clubs across the nation actually contribute to the dilution of the color of comedy, sometimes to the point where it becomes translucent. Clubs whose main audiences are drawn from a rather large, arbitrary swath of folks who may just be looking for some mild entertainment in between dinner and dancing at the club, people who may or may not even care about the actually artistic nature of comedy.

Over the course of years, I was easily able to discern a marked difference in the tone of Fradl’s recent emails and I wondered if current world events had changed people’s acceptance of comedy and, if so, were these changes good or bad.

“I’ll tell you one thing that has changed very much for me in the last five months is that my bit of cynicism about comedy has evaporated. In all the years of doing comedy, I’ve never seen people so appreciative and receptive to comedy.” Fradl went on to say, “Not to sound trite, but there’s this almost tangible need for relief. People have always come up after a show and told me they had a great time or they thought I was funny, but lately it’s been more about them expressing how much they needed to have this good time and how grateful they are to hear something that connects with them.”

On a parting note, Fradl imparted an insight into the misconception that plagues those of us that don’t live in one of the magical meccas of entertainment.

“A quick clarification of terms – when I’m talking about comedy here, I’m not talking about the stand up that happens at some experimental theater in Los Angeles or in a basement open mic in New York City.  I’m talking about the comedy that takes place in strip mall clubs and bar one-niters (Comedy Thursday Night!  Mechanical Bull Friday Night!) in the artistically unappreciated part of the country, which is to say most of it. A comic I worked with last week in Cleveland said ‘So, what do people do here in Cleveland?  I grew up in NYC and live in LA, I always figured everything in between was Kansas.’   Nice of him to bestow upon us his august insights.”

You can check out some of Fradl’s clips and commentaries on his website, www.markcomedy.com or follow his schedule to see when he will next be appearing at one of the many venues in around the country.

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The Aug Man Cometh

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Auggie Smith and the Subtle Dangers of Censorship

There are comedians who carpet bomb the audience in the statistical hope that most of their hurled bon mots and humorous bits land on target with an explosion and not a fizzle. Auggie Smith does not succumb to this temptation, instead relying on his rapid-fire delivery, spewed forth in a breathless scream of consciousness that leaves the audience no quarter. Aug is more of a consummate storyteller, weaving reality with the absurd so flawlessly as to draw the audience into a world of his own design. There are no “jokes” or “bits”, just an unpretentiously intelligent torrent of guttural humor and angst that rises and falls, peaking at precisely the right moments. The reaction from the audience range from apoplectic laughter to a shocked indignation, as if they had just received a Cheney scatter shot to the face. One walks away from the performance not remembering a single line verbatim, just a different viewpoint and an afterglow of a cathartic release.

His comedic fodder is comprised of broad political satire and a repertoire of staccato rants ranging from the oppressive fear being foisted on the American public to Barbie getting raw dogged by G.I. Joe while he suffers a ‘Nam flashback. He draws from the world at large, but he doesn’t feel the need to use the stage for his own political agenda.

“Personally, I may have particular views and vote for particular people and I don’t

care, you know, that I don’t expect people to have my political opinions when I’m on stage.” Auggie said during a recent phone interview. “I’m not trying to change minds, I’m trying to make people laugh.”

Freedom of speech is of paramount importance to Auggie, as it is the structure on which his craft is based, but also on a personal level that all people should be attuned to.

“Yeah, well, people’s view of what freedom of speech is completely messed up now.” he said. “Freedom of speech means that you might get your feelings hurt, and that’s exactly what it means. It doesn’t mean we don’t offend anybody. Freedom of speech is that people will be offended and that’s the point of it, and when you take that away, we’re, we’re done.”

The political and social sensitivity welling in this country and the ease in which people in general have the uncanny knack of finding offenses where none truly exist, seems to make the comedic landscape a minefield waiting for a big ol’ clown shoe to come along.

“Yeah, yeah….maybe they shouldn’t leave the house if they’re going to be offended by other people’s words. It’s probably best that you never come into contact with anybody else.” Auggie stated, somewhat perturbed. “That’s probably the best game plan for them…and what it is, is people have to be morally superior over others and they decide ‘Well, morally, I’m better than you so I can decide what you can and cannot say and what’s morally objectionable’ and here’s the thing; it doesn’t offend me. So is there something wrong with me? Am I a bad person for not being offended by that? You know, because that’s the way the logic has to go.”

It seems that the current political atmosphere is so devoid of humor that one is loath to joke about the powers that be for fear of risking a heated confrontation. It used to be that anyone could make a joke about Clinton’s indiscretions or Dan Quayle’s complete ineptitude, and there would be a laugh, regardless of any affiliations. Now it is like a simple satirical jest can get you labeled as being anti-American.

“The problem, you…you’re talking about a couple of different issues here. If you’re talking specifically about the current administration here, yeah. I think there are people who have forgotten that it is our job to be anti-establishment.” Auggie went on to state that, “It is the comedian’s job to, uh, comment on the government and it is a comedian’s job to have a problem with the powers that be. We’ve become so aligned with our various political parties, uh, that we do not see the humor in them anymore. That is true. Um, and the fact that this, this turf war that we have going between Democrats and Republicans, and so one political party has your best interest at heart, yeah, right, for Christ’s sake! Like they’re not just a collection of millionaires that are designed to further people’s political careers, and instead are… for you, the common man. That bothers me, that people are under that assumption.”

When Auggie Smith takes the stage, he is not there to entertain you; he is not there to tell you a couple of amusing little jokes. He shall rise to become your personal, self-proclaimed Sherpa, shepherding you through life’s mysterious and often frightening landscape. Give your life over to the Aug Man and he will guide and protect you from all of the sharks, senior citizen NASCAR drivers and violently voracious vending machines that besiege you on your chosen path. Praise be to Aug.

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