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30 Days Positive – Children Caring for Children

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The global HIV/AIDS epidemic is an unprecedented crisis that requires an unprecedented response. In particular it requires solidarity — between the healthy and the sick, between rich and poor, and above all, between richer and poorer nations. We have 30 million orphans already. How many more do we have to get, to wake up?”
— Kofi Annan – 2001

Are We Awake Yet?

This week I had an opportunity to investigate AIDS “now” on more of a global level.  An estimated 40,000 children in South Africa are infected with HIV each year reflecting an impoverished region lacking in both awareness and prevention. 40,000 Children…and the number of premature deaths due to HIV/AIDS has risen significantly over the last decade from 39 percent to 75 percent in 2010 in South Africa. It is estimated there are 1.9 million AIDS orphans where one or both parents are deceased in South Africa and that the HIV/AIDS epidemic is responsible for half of the country’s orphans.

Left Behind.

In some cases orphaned, often HIV infected, children are cared for by institutions but with an overwhelming amount of children and lack of resources it is seemingly impossible to help them all, let alone stop the cycle from continuing.

This week I met with Felito Utuie,  who is here in Dayton, OH visiting from Mozambique.  At 29 years old, he has spent a majority of his life focused on outreach and missions to improve the quality of life for 1000s of people.  Felito, explained the devastating numbers of children who are left with no one to care for them because of  the still growing AIDS epidemic. His regions lack of educational resources forces many fathers to leave their families for work in other cities because they don’t have adequate training, being gone for years at time. He describes, infidelity as being fairly common and husbands succumbing to temptation from prostitutes while being away from their wives for long periods of time. This has lead to the rise of infection being spread and when they return to their villages, so does the HIV virus; infecting their wives and increasing mother-to-child infection.  This cycle has lead to some over 380,000 orphans in Gaza, a region where Felito has ventured upon his next outreach. One of which, he believes will have a remarkable impact.

“Children caring of children” is how Felito explained the devastating numbers of those with no one to care for them. We know that the loss of a parent  has an immense emotional impact on child but to be without any else to care for them once their gone is a far worse tragedy. An estimated 70 percent of those orphaned are the result of losing their parent to the AIDS virus in South Africa.

A New Village

I felt chills listening to the stories and watching Felito as he talked about his journey and how for most of his life his path has been to help others.  I referred to his vision as being a new village as he laid out the blueprints of what he was planning because calling it an orphanage really does it no justice.  A center of stability, education, empowerment and most importantly one which will provide the family dynamic these children so desperately need is what Felito is getting ready to create.  While his focus is to help with the short term needs of the orphans the home will be residence to,  he has also considered heavily what he can do to stop the cycle by working with adults and caretakers as well as educating the young.

I asked Felito for a ballpark figure of the costs associated with his plan thinking he was going to have to raise some unfathomable amount and was floored when he said, ” Only $50,000 to build the orphanage.” Individual homes for both the children and their caretakers, recreational programs, education and career centers, land for farming  and livestock  are among several other offerings including health and wellness all on 73 Acres of Lands will cost $2 million to complete however which he will rely on donation partly for.

Despite awareness campaigns, accurate knowledge about HIV and AIDS is still poor amongst the people and children Felito has come across on his missions and he would also like to focus more on educating on prevention. I had to sit back and take a breath because I couldn’t really put my hands around one person taking on such mission, but he his and I was in awe.

I asked about  government barriers and if there were anything hindering him from moving forward. Felito described his efforts as being met with little resistance but that most officials (Chiefs) wanted something for themselves in return for “allowing his efforts which was of no real surprise to him or myself.  Politics are the same no matter what side of the world you are on.

Could one person really be so selfless to embark on such a journey? The answer was clearly yes, but Felito also explained his personal connection to the AIDS virus. Having a brother who had died from the disease, Felito understood first hand the devasting affects the disease has on both the infected and their loved ones.  Healthcare and AIDS resources in South African Countries are substantially different then that of other countries, though minimal improvements have been made. It is evident that awareness and prevention are measurable efforts that these countries will rely on more in years to come.

More on AIDS and South Africa

While AIDS continues to be a global concern, almost all those living with HIV (97%) reside in low- and middle-income countries, particularly in sub-Saharan Africa approximately 22.4 million people. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), most people living with HIV or at risk for HIV do not have access to prevention, care, and treatment in these countries affected. South Africa’s HIV and AIDS epidemic has had a devastating effect on children in a number of ways. There were an estimated 330,000 under 15 years old living with HIV in 2009. Other infectious diseases, food insecurity, and economic instability plague these regions and though an astounding amount of funds and programs have been given to create new programs for awareness and prevention, the fight still continues.

How You Can Help.

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30 Days Positive – Follow the Journey

I commend Felito on his efforts and I am honored to have had the chance to sit down with him. I am once again reminded of the magnitude of  AIDS and how it is affecting the world around me. I look forward to following him on his journey, our continued friendship and one day visiting his village and partaking on his mission.

AIDS is a global problem and there should be a global solution found by the entire international community. It is really scary to see and imagine our world fall into pieces because we refuse to share and put in the common vestiges of our civilizations.
Sarah Polley

30 Days Positive – A Love Story

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Follow the Journey

Have you ever considered that many contract the HIV virus on accident, through no fault of their own? It is something I personally never really thought about until recently, that there are people out there who are responsible and take precautions but still can be exposed and infected. Both tragic and somewhat scary to think about, I sat down this week with a person who had that very thing happen.

Due to the confidential nature of this person’s story I have left a lot of the personal details out to protect their anonymity.

A Life Well Planned Out

We all have plans for our lives and what we want to accomplish both professionally and personally is something we often think about far in advance of  those “life happenings” that set us off our track. Seldom do we think about the “what-ifs” and often we are not prepared.   For the purpose of telling this story I will refer to him as John.

John always knew that he wanted to serve his country and that the military was where he saw himself having the most impact on the world he lived in.  At a very young age he believed that joining the service was his purpose and giving back was something he had passion for.  For years he did just that.  As many soldiers do, come time for reenlistment, John’s passion to serve remained and without pause made the decision to continue after his duty had been complete.  In the process, it was discovered that all of John’s medical records had been lost and that in order to reenlist he would have to go through all of the standard testing he did when he first joined.  John believes that was a sign.  Life was about to change.

A call was placed to John shortly after his results had come in and he was notified by administration that he would have to come in for further evaluation.  Frightened and confused he agreed and after further evaluation he was informed that he was HIV Positive.

Positive

John had been married and committed to both his wife and family throughout his service.  He knew that there was nothing he had done to compromise them or his own health.  While in service and overseas, John had emergency dental work performed under what he described as unsanitary and not of standard procedural conditions.  It was the one and only time that he  could think of  that he was at risk, and that one time was enough in the 90’s.  John was diagnosed in 1999. No longer able to serve his country in the way he had desired his entire life and faced with the fear of losing everything he’d worked for, John was lost.  

Though his marriage survived for quite some time it eventually came to an end because of other reasons which he explained.  He maintains that his wife was supportive but the relationship was no longer working and they both decided to move on.  Alone for the first time, John faced the fear that it would be impossible to find love again, to find someone who would understand and support him. I myself wondered that very thing as we was talking.  Emotional wreck that I am, I’ve often wondered who would love me with all of my tattoos and baggage but this just made my worries seem so ridiculous.

A New Life

Though he struggled with not being able to return to active duty, John remained positive that life did exist post diagnosis.  He persisted and held on to his passion and ultimately found another way to do what he loved doing and be part of something bigger than himself and has been successful in doing so.  “Treatment and living with the virus has changed substantially over the decade”, he explained. Once a 12 pill a day regimen to now just 1, John explained that it wasn’t something he even thought about much anymore. With great energy he exclaimed that, “he was the healthiest and happiest that he had ever been in life.”  Sitting next to him during the interview, was his quiet and bashful now wife, a woman who I found to be both admirable and genuine.  Throughout the interview they were holding hands and smiling at one another and all I kept thinking was if I am ever to be in successful relationship this is probably what it’s supposed to be like.

Though John struggled for a long time thinking that he would never find love again, through initially a strong  friendship he was able to find the person who if you sat across from you’d come to the same conclusion as I did;  these two were meant to find one another. Their story about when John broke the news to his now wife about being HIV Positive oddly enough, brought laughter to both as they discussed the evening it took place. John remembered being more nervous than at any point in his life and let’s call her Jane, was laughing when she described her response as less than concerned and relieved that it wasn’t “something major”.  Is this a sign that true love sees past black and white or that society as a whole has become more comfortable and truly understands the disease?  The optimist in me would like to believe both.

AIDS in 2011

33.4 million are currently living with HIV/AIDS globally, more than one million people are living with HIV in the U.S. One in five living with HIV is unaware of their infection and though a small percentage has been through accidental infection the fact remains that those cases do exist.

Graph of Men/Women living with AIDS in the USA

“It is what it is. I don’t think about it really anymore..in fact, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been .. even before being diagnosed. I don’t let the fact that I am HIV positive rule my life..I’m successful and happy.” In closing, John offered me one thought which I pondered for hours after the interview. That things in life will happen, things which no matter how hard we try we will never be prepared for but with conviction and hope, life will continue as it was meant to be. Part of this series was to bring to light that there is world around us with people who are facing real problems and often we get caught up in things that really don’t matter. Remember that today is today and tomorrow brings opportunity for new.  Help those in need and live a meaningful life respecting and appreciating what you’ve been given because out there is someone who has less. Just something to think about.

Meeting John and his wife has evolved my thinking of this disease  as well as how I view my own life.

30 Days Positive – TESTED “A Moment of Clarity”

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Follow the Journey

With cold, clammy hands and a lump in my throat I dialed from the lobby phone at ARC, Dayton OH – “I’m here to be tested.”  I’m 32 years old, why was this my first time here?  Getting tested for the HIV virus is something I had thought about many times but actually doing it has been something that frightened me and for one reason alone.  Doing so would force me to face the reality of some poor decision making and uncover and bring to light, my internal and self confidence issues that ultimately lead to making those decisions.

Above All, Love Yourself

In life we love.  In fact, finding love and being with someone for the rest of our lives is something each of us desire at one time or another.  We often say that with love comes hurt and though at times it does, love can certainly have other consequences. Often we get caught up in the emotions and happiness of finding someone that we neglect not only our own needs but also tend to lose the relationship between ourselves and that inner feeling that keeps us from making well thought out decisions. We focus on protecting our hearts and fade out that inner voice that helps to protect what’s more important – our lives. I am willing to bet that I am not alone on this one.

The Ghost of Sexual Past

One of the things in the past that I have not always considered is that though I may have been somewhat responsible throughout my life, I’d rarely question a partner, a boyfriend that is, on their responsible decision making. Naïve as it may sound I never once second guessed what I’ve been told with regard to the sexual past of my partners.  I’ll question their commitment to me, where they’ve been late at night and who they’ve been hanging out with but not who they’ve slept with? Strange.  Over the last two years I have determined that in love I become a total ass. I get caught up in a fairy tale and lose sight of what is important.   Only over the last year of my life do I fully understand what it means to respect not only yourself but your body and how important it is that your value of yourself take precedent over all else.

Have You Ever?

Those who know me know the things I’ve had to overcome in the last two years.  Admittedly, I have chosen to have a good time rather than face the issues at hand from one time or another.  As I sat there in the testing room with the Counselor answering the standard questions and my answering no to most, I had flashbacks of several occasions when I was in no position to make any kind of decision let alone go home with someone which probably would have lead to more answers being yes. Luckily, my friends have kept me out of harm’s way on numerous occasions but what if they hadn’t been  there? One stupid mistake and life as I knew it could have changed in an instant. I thank God every day that because of the support I have in my life that I now value myself more and do my best to keep out of sticky situations but there is always that chance when you are feeling down to succumb to behavior that will aid in making the wrong decision. View your life as the miracle it is and never forget that.

 

 

Negative.

Was I surprised? Not in the least yet waiting for the Counselor to turn the swab around was the longest 15 minutes of my life.  The experience was eye wakening and the conversation was life changing. If you are one of the people that still thinks of AIDS as being a GAY or Drug User disease, you’re wrong and that thinking is detrimental to awareness being raised amongst all. I assure you ALL of us need to be more aware.  Think back through your life and understanding the risks, there may have been a time that you too once put yourself into the red zone. Though you may not think that your behavior is risky if you think back to every sexual encounter you’ve had I’m positive there was a time when you weren’t always of sound mind…more than likely there was a spontaneous moment or two. If not, keep up the good work. I commend you but always consider all the factors because remember it isn’t just where you have been but where your partner has been.  Know and understand all of the risks. I don’t think after going through the testing that I will put myself at risk again. A negative read had a positive impact.

The Correlation

I share my above experiences only because I know many of us have been there. I would never criticize anyone for how they choose to live their life but I would encourage that from time to time you think about how much you really respect your own life. If at times your behavior or actions indicate that you’ve not fully considered the impact on your life those actions may have, then it may be time to rethink how you’re living your life.  Respect yourself and the lives of others.  AIDS is not one dimensional. It is a disease of mothers, fathers, grandparents, children, men and women whether not by fault or by one mistake this disease is affecting millions and no one “type” in particular.

Never violate the sacredness of your individual self-respect.  – Theodore Parker

More Stats

Know the Risks

Get Tested

AIDS Resource Center Ohio is proud to offer an orally administered, rapid result HIV test.  The test is free, painless, and quick!  The test is administered confidentially and anonymously by request and requires only a swab of cheek cells from inside your mouth.  Twenty minutes later and under normal circumstances, you will be presented with preliminary positive results about your current HIV status.

30 Days Positive – A Journey Towards Change.

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30 Days Positive – AIDS …Then and Now. – Follow the Journey on Facebook

Last week I dropped a hint that I had been working on a story and this week I have a little more to tell. This isn’t about dating, my life of chaos or anything most who know me would expect me to write about.  What I am about to embark on will challenge me emotionally and force me to face a fear that I admittedly have had for my entire life and am not proud of.

AIDS

The very thought of AIDS, contracting, being around people with the disease even just hearing the disease mentioned is something that has always triggered a myriad of emotions that frighten me to my core. Though there have been advances in medicine, treatments and research towards finding a cure, still to this day for me it’s something I’d rather not know about,  something I’ve just closed my eyes to.  That is about to change and for many reasons.  Facing my fear is a huge part of why I am about to do what I am but another reason is to help people out there who share my fear, and I know you’re out there.

30 Days Positive

Every 9½ minutes, someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV. The impact of the HIV epidemic continues to span the nation with HIV diagnoses, since the first cases of what later became known as AIDS were reported in the United States in June of 1981. Globally, more than 25 million people have died of AIDS since the first cases were reported in 1981.  AIDS has become one of the world’s most serious health and development challenges. Despite being a growing epidemic, awareness has lead to prevention and helped to reduce HIV prevalence rates in a small but growing number.  The fight still continues.

Admittedly, I know very little about the disease and what it means to be a person then and now battling the virus that has killed 25 million people. What I do know or feel now, is that my problems and those of many others are nothing in comparison to what those diagnosed and living with the disease face on a daily basis.  For the next 30 days, I will walk in their shoes.

Over the next 30 Days I will open my life up entirely to candid and heartfelt discussions with those newly diagnosed and those who have been living with the disease for years. I will learn about the risks today compared to then and what awareness has done to impact prevention both in our region, across the nation and globally. I will experience what it means to be a person in 2011 with the disease through partaking in all of the daily routines. I will learn and share what is being done to educate and prevent the spread. This ongoing series will capture not only the emotions but the struggles faced by a person living with AIDS in 2011.  It will also identify what we as humans can do to help with those struggling today both here in Dayton and around the world because out of sight is NOT out of mind.

Why Do This?

Those who know me know that I am often caught saying, “Get a real problem to complain about.” To explain, I feel that there are many of us who walk through this life baffled and stressed by such trivial matters and nothing will change in the world until we realize there is much more going on around us that deserves those emotions and acknowledgement.  As human beings, it is OUR responsibility to reach out and help those around us, with whatever they are dealing with when we have the opportunity to do so.  For a very long time, I lived my life in a bubble very narrow in my mindset about the purpose of  my life and what it means to be a good person.  My profession has opened my eyes to a world around me with people whom are in desperate need of help, of caring and understanding but most importantly for a world of people around THEM to wake up and take action.  It’s time to take action.

I would like to thank ARC and Lisa Grisby in advance for agreeing to let me be a part of what they are doing and allowing me to take part on what is not just a story but a chapter of my life that will forever change who I am. Thank you also to Daytonmostmetro.com for letting me stray away from my rants and do something  more meaningful. I encourage you to follow me on this journey.  There will be columns, video as well as an opportunity to participate in conversations on social channels but I will adhere to confidentially and respect to all who participate. Throughout this series I will also identify and capture ways in which you too can get involved.  My only goal in doing this is to open eyes and use what little influence I have for good because I know in my  heart that hundreds, thousands maybe even millions still know as little as I do.  Whether because of fear or just lack of awareness it has to change.

“I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”  – Edward Everett Hale

One Big Status Update

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I am working on a major story, my organization is growing rapidly, my dating life is a smashing hit (sorta), I have great friends, a supportive family and life is generally good. What does this mean? I really have nothing to write about this week and I was struggling for days on what I could share with my fellow Daytonians.  I recently quit Facebook so perhaps one big status update would make a nice column? Who knows but it’s what you’re getting this week.

Introspective lately, I’ve started to weigh in on why life is so good and I attribute it ALL to positive thinking.  You know..not giving up, making the best out of what your given, never backing down and always moving forward.  What I’ve realized during my Facebook Lenten Pause is that hanging out on the real time web all day exposes a person to a great deal of negativity.  Some days still, I find myself wanting to log off just to not have to read it.  However since I absolutely  insist on living a life overly exposed to information, logging off just isn’t an option.  I’ve also realized that people, friends included have suddenly forgot the original purpose of having a phone which is to talk.  It’s as if conversations can’t find their way off the social network wall, have we really become less interested in real human interaction? I no longer think privacy is the only concern with regard to social media. Now, I am more concerned about this shift in our culture that is changing the dynamic of our relationships and  not always for the better.

2 Weeks In

Before I continue, in no way am I blaming a social network for these good things in my life  not happening prior to my pause.  I blame myself for allowing Facebook to become such a distraction from real life, although I am starting to firmly believe that by design, Facebook is meant and purposed with being the ultimate distraction. In any case, in the last couple of weeks I have eliminated that distraction and much to my surprise I’ve progressed both professionally and personally… noticeably.

With all this free time on my hands (not really) I have managed to put a great deal of focus into several projects thereby resulting in completion of many.  I have identified several personal weaknesses (flaws) directly related to my time being consumed by playing around on the internets, having my nose lodged in a news feed, checking comments and “likes” as if I needed them to get by in life.  All great qualities let me tell you.  I had issues and I was starting to develop a complex. Signing off changed things though, dramatically and in a short time. What about Twitter? People keep asking me about this and all I can say is that my Twitter community is supportive and informative,  two things I need in life.  Doesn’t everyone?  Translate that however you want but Twitter not now nor ever distracted me from living a meaningful life.  It’s done the exact opposite truthfully and connected me with real people, doing great things and sharing those things in an openly freely friendly manner. That’s a lot of .ly’s, no pun. Whether the people around me what to admit that or not, I know they see it too. I’ve noticed more people in my circle Tweeting more than Facebooking, as well as a lot of new comers finally jumping into the stream. I’m such a trend setter. That was a joke. Rock on though Klout trouts.

I can’t help but laugh lately when people come to me and say, “Did you see what so and so said on Facebook.” It brings me great pleasure in life to say, “no..I didn’t.”

Back to what I’ve been up to. I’ve really put a great deal of energy into CultureMASH and helping the organizations both myself and my organization have committed to. I’ve also been able to implement some new initiatives at my “real job” that I am really excited about. I’ve had more one on ones in two weeks then I had in the last 4 months preceding the Lenten Pause.  I am getting ready to partake on a real in-depth journalism / documentary series that I am very excited about.  Lastly, I left my cell phone in my purse long enough to notice a few really cool dudes. Holler.

What was my problem?

If I were any more digital I’d be bionic.  The internet is highly addictive. Especially for a person with an obsessive need to learn as much as time allows in a 24 hour period. The information, the people, the communities .. the world .. are  all talking now and I can’t help but listen. I’ve been nosy since conception, Twitter suits that flaw but in a good way.  I am still not entirely sure why Facebook had me so withdrawn but at the end of 40 Days, I hope to figure it out.  I was too connected.  So I had to cut back and Facebook made perfect sense as a starting point. Clearly, I made the right choice.  In a previous column, I addressed our society becoming so obsessed with social network sites and how it was changing our culture…good and bad. Taking a step back has allowed me to see that neglecting my life off the wall and out of the stream was leading me down a lonely path.

Debbie Downer.

No, I am not. No one appreciates the value of online communities and sharing information and stories daily, better than I. I get it and more than most. However, there has to be a balance.  I don’t think too many people will read this and not second guess their overuse and self indulgence level of social networking, at least in my circle. We are all internet junkies but when your life starts to suffer or lack real human interaction because you are so plugged in, maybe a rest would be beneficial. Try it. You may like it. If not, the nurturing and co-dependent webernets will be there with open arms for your return. I promise.

Update Complete.

To all those who have messaged me and asked me to return to the Book, you’re sweet. I’ve not been silenced I just moved entirely to a different location to express myself. There are bets going on whether or not I will return, at this point..I don’t believe so..but who knows. Thanks for reading.

Define Leader?

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Taking a break from dating debacles and reverting back to some real pressing matters I bring to you a column on leadership.  Inspired by a great many things, this column is a hommage to all things community and what I feel is the true definition of leadership. This article in no way suggests that I believe there to be a distinct crisis in meaning, or translation rather, of the word leadership. I swear.

The first thing that comes to mind is that to lead one must eliminate the desire for recognition and move forward leaving their egos behind and narrowing in on building community, whether organizational or neighborhood.   Leadership is visionary and while coincidentally that may result in becoming an iconic public figure, these two characteristics are not so reliant upon one another.  Case and point?  A leader doesn’t require a great deal of exposure to lead. Those who embrace this ideology,  in my opinion are the individuals who truly lead with passion, both selflessly and successfully.

What the Hell is she Babbling About?

Being the Founder of an organization whose mission is to support and help build community through true advocacy and volunteerism, I have had the pleasure of meeting and working with some remarkable people.  Daily, I am astounded by the initiatives and work of those who are leading this region into a vast and flourishing future.  So much so, that I no longer question Dayton’s bright horizon.  While recognition is warranted seldom do I hear their names mentioned.  Humble and focused on the bigger picture, these people don’t feel it necessary to be rewarded by public attention, however I believe the city and its people would be inspired by hearing more about their stories.

The Leaders (My Inspiration)

Scott Sliver – The Hope Foundation of Greater Dayton

Rosemary Dannin – The Foodbank Dayton

Shondale Atkinson – The Mustard Seed Foundation Home

There was a reason I chose these three people to speak at the launch of my organization last winter. It may sound entirely strange, but I don’t think that I really understood what it meant to build community and cultivate all the good there is in a region to form an alliance and do great things, until I met these three individuals. Their stories and deep personal connection to their organizations’ missions is something out of the ordinary to me.  Their passion and focus on the big picture “Dayton”, is something to be commended.

It is because of these three people I know that each day, I think about what I can do to make a difference in someone else’s life. Why I challenge myself to be great and to lead with vision not personal gain.  Most of my adolescent life I struggled with wanting to be part of the in crowd, with wanting my name known and in the last few years of my life I have let go of such superficial ideals and focused on what I was put here to do and that is … change lives. Surrounding myself with people like Scott, Shondale and Rosemary is what keeps me grounded.  By definition, these three people are leaders and both selflessly and successfully. They are the “We”, the “Us”, and the “Our” in this region who every day of their lives put the well being of others and their city before their own. That is leadership and that is what will ultimately shift and shape “a new” in our region. They are GEMS of Dayton and there are many more.

The spotlight is a great place to be but can distract and poison at times, a leader’s vision. If you’re struggling because you feel unrecognized think more about the lives you have  already touched rather than getting attention from those you for whatever reason have not yet.  Remember that there is no finish line in leadership, certainly not an award or medal.

The other day I asked my Twitter community to define leadership and the recurring theme was putting your ego aside. So I leave you with a quote of encouragement to back that theme.

“Recognition may stroke the ego, but touching lives will stroke the soul” – Shana Douglas

If you’ve been given an opportunity to lead…there is a reason. Never doubt yourself.

The Day Pigs Flew (I Quit Facebook)

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Last night I announced that I would be giving up all text communication for 40 Days, a sacrifice unheard of in this day and technical age. I wasn’t surprised by all the comments of utter shock that I would choose to do so. Over lunch today, I started to rethink text communication and how texting just doesn’t cover this instantaneous messaging madness and actually provokes more digital communication by way of email and direct messages. So, instead of just texting…I’ve decided to give up Facebook for 40 Days. Go ahead and say, “She’s nuts.” No, I am really not.

For months I’ve been struggled with being condemned for being happy about all of the exciting things happening in my life. Can you imagine being told by your supposed friends that “your success is hard to watch.” The fact is, I am always happy, even when I was working retail at Macy’s at 16, because I find the joys in every aspect of my life big or small and when something major happens it’s becomes an emotional overload, my bad. Being in the spotlight isn’t easy and had I decided to argue about my happiness, I might have said for all the work that I do I kind of deserve it. I don’t however because in the great scheme of things what people think really doesn’t matter. Frankly, the sadness and lack of gratitude and appreciation for life in general is what’s hard to watch on Facebook and I find joy in seeing people who are happy. If you don’t, you should probably re-evaluation your life.

Am I quitting Facebook because of haters? Nope.  I am taking a sabbatical in an effort to stimulate real conversation verse real time web conversations and building more solid relationships with my network, family and friends. I plan on having more one on ones and really getting to know the people that matter so that I can continue to use my God given talents to help them; without broadcasting it on Facebook all day.  Given my profession, this will be difficult for me to do.   However, I think focusing all of my energy on my job, my projects, writing and growing my organization will present more direct and positive results in my life.

Whether you’re religious or not the purpose of Lent is to acknowledge the ultimate sacrifice and realize that in our lives, there are things that are more of a convenience than a need. I am also reminded that persecution will never cease, motives will always be questioned but if you are determined to do good then nothing anyone says or does will change that. As transparent as you think you are those around you will always question you.

The best way to live a meaningful life and make a difference, is to do so with little fuss.  The difference I make can be seen in the lives of those whom I touch, not a news feed on Facebook.

40 Days from now…I will be a better person.

Booze, Coffee…Love

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I’m sure my parents will be happy that I left out cigars or cigarettes.  After my last column I am trying to avoid a comment war, I hope you’ve all recovered from that by the way.  Well, I guess you could consider this column a delightful little follow up or at best an attempt to explain why I think I am still single.  Frankly, I get a lot of mixed reviews from all the people in my life and really I think it’s because I choose to be and that’s what has so many baffled.

Clean-Up on Aisle……..Me.

It’s taken me a really long time to look at myself and accept the things I needed to change and looking back I’d guarantee those things were the demise of most of my relationships.  Self-confidence was always questionable no matter how many told me the potential I had.  Love or life, I’ve always had it in me to turn crap to gold.  We all do.  The title of this week’s column reads wrong, pardon me but we are going to go backwards a bit.  Fixing me was the easy part, understanding love not so much.  I recently asked the question on Facebook, “What does love mean to you?”, because frankly I think part of my problem is that I have no idea what the hell it is.  I know the movie and tv version…even the Vampire Novel version but when it comes to the real world I got nothing.

Here are some of my favorite answers from last night though.

“Real love is a decision to share a life and be in relationship someone, in spite of personal faults or failings (ours or theirs)”.

“Comfort”

100% honesty, no matter how hard…

”Putting someone else’s well being first — and never feeling resentful for doing it.”

Favorites yes,  frightening to me however, even more.  Why?  Because if these statements are true well then I know for sure that I’ve never been there entirely.  Whether myself or my partners, the above mentioned notions seem almost grandiose from where I stand. Though I’ve said the words and have thought I’d felt that way, only recently do I realize that I didn’t and more than likely I was just going along with the motions.

If you’re curious what MY answer was…”being able to hang out in jammies and a Family Guy Tshirt eating ice cream and not worrying about what I look like.”  I’m guessing that’s what one of my friends meant by comfort.  I do love people.  I love plenty of people but being in love is an entirely different schtick one I’ve yet to master.  I also love things…guess where I am headed next in this fine writing specimen?  Why am I single?

Shaken Not Stirred.  

I enjoy going out and spending time with friends yet I am always apologizing for it, as if it’s some law that I’ve got to settle down and play house just because I am in my 30s.  I enjoy meeting new people, hearing their stories and just not caring about whether or not I have someone on my arm.  Either way I’m a good time, not “party plates” fun or anything, don’t get the wrong idea.  For my readers on the East Coast, in Ohio they don’t suspend driving privileges they just give repeat offenders yellow license plates to identify their habits to the public.  That’s a whole other column in the future on when I feel bold enough to start attacking legislation, not there just quite yet.  Anyway, going out on occasion is something I do.  So, “you gotta quit that partying, and settle down” is not the answer.  I bet there’s a fella out there who’d enjoy a few dirty martinis with me occasionally, it’s no sin.

Java Jonesing

If you think I have an addictive personality after reading this you’ve read it all wrong,  I promise you.  My constant need for coffee just equates to the fact that I am busy.  I don’t half ass anything and being involved in so many things it’s pretty rare to find me available to go out on a date.  I’ve even joked about wanting a “Sunday Boyfriend” and the one guy I’ve had a crush on for years told me that’s his busiest day. That’s my luck.  You read right, years.  My friends and I joke that I am being punished for mental cheating years ago, that it’s some sort of Karma.  The guy is a like some magical male version of myself and a good friend and after just a few conversations with him these strange thoughts entered my mind.  Good news is he’s even busier than me, so hopefully I can figure it out before he realizes what a dork I really am.  I’ve already said too much on that. Back to coffee and my schedule, people keep telling me that the right person will make finding a balance easy.  Well Mr. Balance wherever you are I’d gladly welcome your attendance in to my normally chaotic and unbalanced life.  Bring it.  Maybe there is no Mr. Right maybe it’s Mr. Balance I’ve been waiting for all my whole life?

Or maybe it’s just really that I am too focused on other areas of my life to think about it. I’m busy, is really putting it lightly. Instead of finding happiness with just one other, I am trying to find happiness with thousands, millions..even more by doing something positive and meaningful with my life only in a different way.  I want to make a difference in other people’s lives because at the present time, I am finally confident and happy about my own life, single or not.  When will this be enough?  Yes I want to be dazzled and in love..yes, settling down and the family is what I want.  I think I’d make a kickass wife one day but when the time is right it will happen.  So what I am saying is layoff us single gals and let us ride the wave at our own pace. Love happens when it’s meant to.  Just like everything else in life.

On Tv Love.

Speaking of making a difference, if there are any ladies out there who feel the pressure I do hopefully this rant has helped you in some way. Screw Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big  join me for a martini and we can discuss finding this Mr. Balance.  Maybe the reason we are single is because it’s our choice .. for the time being anyway.  Just enjoy life and be happy.

Till next week <3

No You’re Not the Good Kind

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No you’re Not the Good Kind

June 6th, 2009 driving home from work stuck on Rt. 35 in miserable traffic, The Good Kind by the Wreckers was playing and I was a wreck myself. I still, to this day tell friends who know what happened, that my ride home that day was some sort of an omen. I probably knew for a very a long time but just didn’t want to come to terms with what was really happening.

Ohio Was For Lovers

I’m sure I hinted at this in my grand entrance article back in January and despite what I’d love to tell people, it was not my career that brought me here to the great state of Ohio.  There was a time when I was less jaded and a hopeless romantic that believed in fairy tale endings.  Part of me now, still does but I would be lying if I said my outlook on love, relationships and the true meaning of happiness hasn’t changed a slight bit.

Not sure entirely how it happened, but a few years back I found myself wrapped up in a long distance relationship, literally from New Jersey to Ohio with love. It was one of those random things that you never expect in life but are so great while you’re in them.  I remember everyone around me telling me it was like a movie, and while most of the time it was, towards the end it was more of a Lifetime movie rather than a Nicholas Sparks film. I reference Big Nick a lot in my writing and it’s purely because as unrealistic as his stories are, many of us still cling to his version of happily ever after, as if it were the only definition of true happiness. Though the ending is still undetermined, my movie has been very different.

After about a year of traveling back and forth, the happiness I felt when being in Ohio was unmatched by anything else I’d felt in any other place and so I decided, “we decided” that we’d take a leap of faith. In a very short time, I packed up my life and left the Garden State behind. I remember thinking, I’d never felt such a sense of hope and belief that true happiness was right across state lines. Was it about the relationship or was it more? In retrospect, I believe that the relationship was merely a gateway to so much more that was in store for me, yet I, like many, had to stumble through tragedy to find my way.

Reality Kicked In

Every relationship has its honeymoon phase and over time things change, not always for the bad, but things become how shall I say, less intense. I wouldn’t say that the love faded but feelings certainly changed.  Moving away from everything one knows does something to a person. It leaves you feeling like you could do anything in the world if you really put your heart and soul into it. For a long time, I felt like I was playing a role rather than living to my full potential.  I was working from home and seriously lacking in social fulfillment. My life became all about the relationship and nothing about me, or my dreams, what I wanted out of life and in some respects I started to sabotage my own happiness .  Whether by an act of God or some force of nature, in the Spring of 2009 I was laid off. It didn’t take long to secure a new job, but it meant having to leave the home and back to a 9 to 5 gig.  I adjusted to the role change fine, however, the relationship did not.

I believe for the most part, despite my not being entirely happy that I did everything in my power to make it work but after a while you start to think, a relationship shouldn’t require that much work. Still, in my heart this person was the first and only person I could imagine spending my life with. So, I compromised a great deal of myself to make it work but I think after a while my subconscious gave in and I just stopped trying…I still struggle at times trying to understand where we went wrong but some things are just not meant to be and when you accept that, it becomes easier to understand.

About a week prior to the end, we had a conversation about the future and what we both wanted. That talk to me, was a new hope and even though there were things we still needed to work out, with nothing but sincerity or so I thought, he assured me that he wanted us to be together forever.  Then the lights went out.

The End

For no reason that day in my car driving home, I cried hysterically thinking that any day it was going to end.  All I could think of us was that I had picked up my life and left everything for nothing, that if it were to end it would kill me inside.  I happened to check my phone sitting at a light, Facebook of course and noticed that on my wall was silly gift ring from him with a message saying, “You said I’d never give you a ring, love you can’t wait for you to get home” a message that is still lingering out there in cyberspace waiting to be caught by some “memory algorithm” I’m sure.  Well, some things on Facebook are not so official and it was probably him just trying to make me feel better, as he often did.  Strung out and tired as usual, my mood was far from pleasant when I got home despite the gesture.  Instead of  leaving my day behind me when I walked into my home I picked a fight about something so trivial, something that I should have just let go but I didn’t. That was about an hour before he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore, that the relationship wasn’t working for him. I believe in my heart that it was that argument which was the last straw for him and it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, I just couldn’t find that balance to separate my work life and home life.  Pressure to be perfect in all aspects of my life weighed heavily in my mind, despite his endless effort to assure me I was perfect in his eyes. I know that it probably killed him to do that to me and though it was painful, he did what he had to do for his own happiness and I don’t blame him.

In the months to follow, he later told me that he had developed strong feelings for someone else and several months later they were together, despite some things that kept them apart early on. Today he his engaged to that person and they are to be married this summer. He describes her as the “one” and in some twisted way, they inspire me and give me hope that maybe second chances do exist.

What Happened Next

I listened to a whole lot of Rascal Flatts and drank a ton of wine. No sense in sugar coating it because I was an absolute mess.  There were other things that just pushed the knife deeper and deeper and all I could think was when is it going to end. Though my struggles continued, I shortly began to see one blessing after another bestowed upon me. He wasn’t a bad guy, we just weren’t meant to be and I started to realize that had I cared that much about the relationship,  I probably would have tried harder myself.  After a while, I started to see the reasoning behind all that had happened, you know that silver lining people are always ranting about. From where I stand now, all of my sadness might have been worth it. It’s shaped me in some respects and ignited what some probably think of as an obnoxious spirit within me I never knew existed, a spirit that now will not let me settle for anything less than extraordinary for my life.  All of it lead me here and not just to Dayton, but to my life, a life lived as it was intended to be lived. It may shock many to hear, but him and I still remain good friends even now after all that has happened, and that says a lot. He’s genuinely happy in his life and so I am. Many in my life are baffled by that, but such is life.

Why am I Sharing This?

Because frankly, shit happens and there’s no better way to put it. We all go through things in life that bring us down but we all have the power to pull through and make the best of any situation, if we allow ourselves too.  I could have easily packed my stuff up and went crying home to New Jersey but I didn’t, I stayed.  Almost two years later, I am more successful then I’d ever imagined I’d be and it’s not about my career it’s about how I view myself and feel about where I am headed in life. Happiness can be defined in so many ways and yeah,  I once clung to the idea of a fairy tale romance being it for me. It still may be, but for now I move forward each day making the most out of what I’m given.  Moral of the story is, never give up because you just never know what can happen if you just believe it will be ok.  I used to say that I’d never be that girl in her 30s still single, yet here I am…, successful, extremely happy and yeah I’m single but I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world. As young professionals we may struggle finding the balance, but that doesn’t mean you should settle because you think your time to find love will run out. Never stop trying to fulfill your dreams and be part of things larger than yourself. Happiness is all around and if we just let go of all we’ve been told maybe there’s a few surprises waiting around the corner. Just don’t give up.

Love may have brought me here, but faith is what has kept me here.

When was the last time, you “Updated” your life?

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Are we becoming too connected?

Before I continue, I’d like to just say that this is me being the pot who calls the kettle black. At the end, you can say to yourself “did that just happen.” Well, it’s about to, so you can either use some of the advice in this article or not.

It is part of my profession to be connected on social networks daily, to post updates, to keep people informed and to have interactive conversations, in a nutshell it’s what I do to keep a roof over my head.  However,  in January I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to cut back on “personal” use because I had started to feel like I had a relationship with the internet rather than with myself and my life. It’s now almost the end of February and I’m still plugged in tighter than a wine cork but I am not throwing in the towel just yet. On the plus side, the weather is getting warmer which is a distraction from the shiny things that have a hold of me right now. Logging off will get easier as the grass gets greener.  By the way, in this case it is greener on the other side.

A Digital Society

There is no doubt that what we are witnessing here, with regard to how we communicate and share,  is a revolutionary and exciting time for so many reasons, from consumer empowerment to social change and ignited advocacy. In the same token, we’ve become completely enveloped in our cyber lives that for some of us, our real life is suffering.  I would never say to do anything so drastic as to unplug entirely but I do believe there exists a balance, or at least that is what they tell me. It’s difficult for to personally disconnect with the temptation of being connected for work.  However, the rest of you (77.4% of the population) on the internet, yeah you, what the hell is your excuse? I think we’re doing ourselves a serious injustice by spending a majority of our free time online rather than out in the real world experiencing life.

Relationships

I know many people will cling to the fact that social networks and the internet keep their families and friends easily accessible.  To me, however, there is a certain level of true connectivity that is lacking when we communicate online daily rather than making time to do things together and spend real time (not real time web) with one another.  There is no replacement for face to face conversation and I fear we are losing the desire for it, some of us that is.  Remember the days when we just called each other on the phone, made plans and just stuck to that? Nowadays we text or email each other constantly just to finalize one plan and though we may create events on Facebook and end up getting together,  we end up on Facebook the entire time giving our friends and family a play by play of what we’re doing. When did we become so audience obsessed?

About a month ago, in conversation (face to face) with a good friend of mine I was looking down at my phone, answering emails and texts, not thinking for a second that what I was doing was rude. It’s just become so “normal.” Well, to her it was not normal. In fact, she was so offended by what I was doing and how rude it truly was that she expressed it and not in a “hey, you’re being rude” kind of way. Instead, it was more of genuine concern for me and what she felt, was becoming borderline unhealthy. In that moment, I think I hit some sort of interweb rock bottom. “Things have to change.”

Cause and Effect

Well we covered the cause. Now let’s discuss some of the effects. Our work is suffering because of constant distractions. Our relationships suffer because we commit more to telling a stupid box what’s on our minds ten or more times a day, rather than just telling each other face to face. Our privacy and intimate details of our lives have now become a sitcom for the world to see. We’ve become some sick breed of egocentric wannabe celebrities that are constantly looking for reassurance in the form of a “like.” If this seems harsh, well imagine what I felt when I was faced with the harsh reality of what I am starting to become.  It’s no wonder Zombies have become such a fad, we’re all becoming them.

Everything in Moderation

Like your meats, fruits, veggies and grains..ingest the internet in moderation.  Instead of sharing every one of the most exciting events of your life on the web, pick up the phone and share that excitement with friends and family. If you’re feeling like no one cares it’s because you’ve become so accustomed to that “like” button, a button that in the great scheme of the things means nothing other than an impression or view, big deal. Congratulations you were lucky enough to catch some other zombie’s attention at that given moment.  I hear people complain daily about how they don’t understand why no one comments or likes their updates on Facebook and I am always like, heh? “How do you get so many comments on your posts Shana?”, I hear.  There’s a difference between a personal user and professional doing personal branding or a business trying to grow.  You’re not a brand trying to create awareness and boost revenue, you’re not a cause that needs activism, you’re not a band looking to build their fan base.  You’re just another average Joe or Jane who created a profile on Facebook or Twitter or wherever to have a little fun and keep in contact with friends, stop taking it so seriously. Is it really that important how many “likes” you get?

Om. Relax. Find Balance.

Take a few moments and rethink how you spend your free time in life. Are you fulfilled? If you even think for a second, that you may potentially spend too much time online, odds are you do. I do, I know I do. However, gradually I am making changes necessary to get back to simplicity and enjoy my free time, offline. Start thinking about those hobbies you once loved and start getting back into them. Remember what life was like before all of this. I blame damn beepers, they changed everything.   Back to my point, being connected is great but you need time for yourself in the real world. Not only for your health but for your emotional stability, for your sanity! Be emotionally charged by the life you have off of the social network wall. Give someone a real hug, instead of a poke. Ask someone for feedback over lunch rather than a blog post. Turn your mobile phones and log off your computers for a few or more hours a day if you can, and see what’s happening in the world around you. Today, I told someone I needed a vacation and his response was, “How are you going to get away from yourself?”. He’s right, only we have control over what we do and if we need a break it’s up to us to take one.

Update your life, not your status. Log  into yourself instead of the internet.

Just something to think about.. Yeah, that really did just happen.

Table for…One.

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In the spirit of all things Valentine’s, I felt the need to write a little something about my fabulous dating life.  If you didn’t sense the sarcasm in that first statement, please read further.   Being 30 something and single is fairly common and as ridiculous as dating can sometimes be, Dayton on top of all its other perks is very single friendly, more on that later.  First, let’s talk about dating.

As a professional in marketing who dabbles in interactive media, a good majority of my life is digitized.  While I enjoy being able to connect and engage with people on the regular,  it’s a very hard habit  break when off the clock and there are just certain things in life that do not need to be so “digital”.   However, taking the natural course of action with regard to dating, seems to have lost its appeal and many are looking for love on the world wide web.  Online dating, yeah, let’s talk about that.   In all honesty, I view my participation on these sites as more of a social experiment rather than a means to find that “one true love”.  It’s been more entertaining than successful.   Here is what I’ve learned.

The Perks


Online dating definitely allows you to focus more on initial conversations rather than the physical   attraction aspect of dating, which I am hoping is still important.  Communication is paramount to the success of any relationship and we all know this.  Dating sites encourage and provide a comfortable setting to get to know one another over time without the pressure of spontaneous meetings that lead to awkward conversations and having to come up with things to say at random.  Witty as I am, I’m seriously challenged in the art of conversation sometimes when it comes to dating.

The Flaws

Or risk factors should I say. False advertising.  You never really know what you’re getting.  People can say whatever they want in a profile and though I’m not shallow with much concern about looks,  pictures are easily edited these days and there’s really no telling who will show up on your first date,  in comparison to what you saw on Match.com or wherever.  You’ve been warned.

My Experience

I’ve had several dates from several different sites and guess what, I’m still single.  Am I datable? Sure I am. Then what went wrong? In most cases, the flaw I mentioned earlier was the issue. The men I agreed to meet were digitally pleasing but not so much in person.  My standards and expectations aren’t anything out of the norm but if a guy says he’s 6 ft tall and all 5’ 5” of him shows up for dinner..yeah, I have a problem with that. Or the guy who calls himself an “entrepreneur” who’s really just not employed and lacking in anything remotely close to having ambition. There’s also the guy who say’s he’s single but is in a relationship just testing the waters or weighing his options. Oh and the guy who doesn’t date girls with tattoos and is really careful about who he brings around his colleagues but wasn’t able to fully read a profile that clearly indicates “has a few tattoos”.  Hopefully he meets with those colleagues on how to read thoroughly, maybe they can help him. I won’t bore you further with more stories but let’s just say it’s not been all candy and roses, more like “To Catch a Predator”.

Single in the City

While I continue on the quest for love, I’m still having a grand ole time in this city.  I’d like to share a few things that make this city so “single friendly” especially for those of you who are Valentine’s challenged this year.   Here are a few things you can do solo that are great time and don’t leave you feeling like a social outcast because you’re alone.  These are a few of my favorite spots, but there is so much to do in this city to keep busy.

Get Your Culture On.

The Dayton Art Institute

Dayton Opera

Dayton Philharmonic

Stuff Your Face..But Be Healthy About It. (You want to look good when you do get a date)

Dayton Dining

Have a Cocktail.

SideBar

Now Disconnect.

Like any woman, ideally a relationship is something that I want  but I am not entirely sure I’m into the online dating scene.  In life there are so many opportunities to meet people. Get off your damn computer,  get out and enjoy life.  Then, be surprised by those you encounter in the process because who knows who can meet! I find that some of our greatest pleasures in life are those that happen when  we least expect them. If you insist on digital dating, be safe and smart about it. Invest time to really get to know someone before agreeing to meet in public. Let your friends or family know when and where you’re meeting prior to and then enjoy your date.

Oh and by the way, thanks to Lisa Grisgby and WDTN, I know that when I do find love, I’m in one of the most romantic cities there is! Something to look forward to, eh?  But if you are alone this Valentine’s Day, don’t worry yourself about it.  It’s a dumb holiday that makes people feel down on themselves if they’re not in a relationship. It’s a day to boast about love and frankly when its real there’s no need to make a big fuss about it.  Go out and pamper yourself, do something fun and enjoy you.  It’s 24 hours and it will be over before you’ve eaten that entire box of chocolates or pint of ice cream while watching a bunch of movies by Nicholas Sparks. Just smile and be happy, it will be over before you know it.

Oh and if you have an interesting story about dating, being single in Dayton or anything related…I encourage you to share your story!

Bizually Stimulating and YP Friendly. Dayton. That. Is.

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This is the first in a series of articles geared towards promoting that young people start thinking out of the “help me” box.  Help yourself by believing in your ideas and moving forward with your venture.  I’m not flipping the bird on your desire to keep existing businesses here in Dayton as well as young professionals in the area, but waiting on some big government push is not the answer. Take a realistic approach and social responsibility for what’s happening in YOUR region. Be the force that drives attention our way and a catalyst for growth our innovative city.

In the midst of being involved with several organizations that are trying to either keep or bring businesses (or both) to the Dayton region, it dawned on me that with all this talent in this region how about a young professional push to START more businesses in Dayton?  Event after event, committee meeting after committee meeting a common gripe I hear is often related to what the government is doing to help rebuild Dayton. My point is, why are we waiting on big gov to save the day and is there a slight possibility that with a little belief in our own ideas and concepts along with a little entrepreneurial spirit, resources and creative funding, can we (we the people) make Dayton even more bizually stimulating to the eyes, mind and wallet. Organizations are working aggressively to bring and keep, who’s starting?

Before I continue with the reason on why starting a business in Dayton is great idea, I will first address some of the reservations a younger generation of entrepreneurial minds may have.  What are some of the most difficult challenges faced in entrepreneurship? Let’s go with the obvious.

“How in the world will I fund this?” It’s a valid question, guess what? Funds are available.

If you want to ask the government for anything; How about taking advantage of some of what they’re already offering to help with? Funding programs for business startup are becoming more readily available in an effort by the government to boost job creation. Grants aside, the U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) has a variety of loan programs designed for different tiers of entrepreneurship. In Dayton specifically there are several programs available to assist new business ventures. Our region is on the brink of becoming one of the nation’s leaders in technology and if your idea or concept is “techlike” right here in Dayton, The Entrepreneur Center or TEC Dayton has been helping technology based concepts at all levels of development. In fact, 38 out of 51 businesses fostered by this  initiative are still in existence today. That’s positive news, eh?  Also here in Dayton, The Ohio Small Business Development Center (SBDC) helping people start, sustain and grow their businesses right here in our region. The SBDC, with more than 40 partnerships that contribute over $10 million in cash to small business initiatives obviously has your financial back.

Questionable Concept. Why does Dayton need your idea?

One of the most common things people face is lack of confidence in their concept, product or service. There is no guarantee that anything we create will be a huge success, but does that mean we shouldn’t give it a shot? I would never suggest going in blind. Believe in your idea but also do the research required prior to unveiling. What do I mean when I say research? Well, ask the important questions:

Is there a need for what I’m cooking up? Always remember that your strategy should be market driven. Do your homework and don’t be unrealistic. You’ll have a better chance at success if your idea provides a solution or serves some need.

What’s my differentiator? You should identify early on “who you are” in the marketplace and focus on the key differentiators especially when your idea or concept is not overly unique. Don’t let the fact that you are doing something that has been done stop you however, there are no new ideas only ideas done better…can you do it better?

So you have a great idea and money, now what? Listen, nothing in life happens over night and while I am encouraging that you take a chance and do something remarkable, you have to be ready to put your all in. Taking advantage of all the groups and associations that will allow you to network and grow your business is imperative. There is no neutral in entrepreneurship, only drive.


Get Involved.

Young professional groups  like Generation Dayton are a great place to start. Not only will you have a chance to meet new people but you also open the door to what every YP needs on occasion needs and that is support. I know there are great companies in the region but when faced with a lack of new job opportunities within them, sometimes taking the road less traveled proves to be more fruitful…why wait for an opportunity when you can create one? Within YP groups you will meet others who have started their own businesses and have been successful in doing so.

If you still want to search for that dream job, more power to you, because I fully support such ambitions. This article is merely to point out that there are other options, there are people doing it, successfully; and if you wanted to, you could do it to.  As young professionals in the region, I believe that part of the region’s initiative to keep business alive in Dayton relies on us. Those looking afar will find us more bizually stimulating with a growth in startups, and successful ones at that. With affordable living and a slew of other key factors, this city is prime for attaining that “American Dream”. Redesign your thinking and take control of your future. Hey and if you’re looking for a location for your venture, start with downtown.

Hello, I’m Shana Douglas and I USED to Live in New Jersey.

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Who is Shana Douglas and Why Should We Care?

I’m a random mouthy kid from the great state of New Jersey and if you’re a fan of all things Dayton but still question the appeal this city has to young professionals (nationally) who are looking for permanent residence, you care what I have to say.

Who in the World Moves to Ohio?

If I had a nickel for every time this was said to me just 4 years ago before leaving New Jersey, I wouldn’t be rich but I’d have a change purse full.  Well, I am here now. I won’t go into all of the specifics or divulge the entire saga of what has lead me to Ohio. The important part is that I am planted firmly in the Dayton region.  It is however my inaugural article here at Daytonmostmetro.com , so I will give you a bit of my background before my first official feature in February.

Long before “Jersey Shore” and “Jerseylicious” was a girl who thought she’d never venture out of the Garden State.  If you enjoy those shows, I apologize. To each is own, but I can assure you that not all of the people who reside in New Jersey are like the fictional characters you watch on TV. I hope you don’t really believe it’s Reality TV?  Still it made me squirm to think of building a life there, I knew I wanted something more for my life and more of an opportunity to succeed.

Why Ohio?

I heard that “Ohio Was For Lovers” in a song by Hawthorne Heights. Right, well when love failed I decided my stay here had to become about something a bit more.  I decided to take my years of experience in my field and look for an opportunity to grow further, you know, focus on my career instead. The first city I researched oddly enough was Dayton. I can’t really tell you my reasoning then, but I can tell you now, that almost two years later I am confident in my decision.

Why Dayton?

My question is why the hell not? I think if people put down the sour news they’re reading that possesses this region and actually spent some time here, they would understand why. I grew up minutes away from THE “Big City” and I would never argue that’s its one of the most remarkable cities I’ve been to. The art, the culture, the people – it definitely has a unique and almost magical allure to it. However, so does Dayton.  Let’s start with the people.

When I decided to stick around I considered my life a blank slate. It didn’t take long however, before an overwhelming amount of color was in my life.  I’ve always been very passionate about volunteer work and one of the first things I sought out was opportunities in the region to get involved. Back on the East Coast I never found it easy to locate groups of people with the same passion, here in Dayton that is certainly not the case. Within weeks I had identified amazing groups doing wildly impactful things for the region. It was inspiring to see such a grassroots effort by several groups and organizations with essentially the same mission, to rebuild the reputation of such a great city. I say “reputation” because opportunity never really ceased, it just needs to be uncovered.

On Arts and Culture

The creative energy in this city far surpasses anything I have ever witnessed and when coupled with the amazing talent that resides in the region, I haven’t once felt in a rut in terms of my own need for being stimulated creatively.  Art centers and galleries, museums, performing arts, music festivals and events..there’s always something going on, and affordable to attend. The city of Dayton makes it easy for young professionals to really feel like they are “socially” fulfilled.  Here, life can be enjoyed without emptying your bank account and I think that factor alone is lot of the reason why I stay. If you live an active lifestyle you want to be out meeting people, learning new things and living life as if it were an adventure. Dayton has much potential for adventure. If you doubt me, you can certainly peruse DaytonMostMetro.com further for what’s happening around town.

Professional Growth

I don’t believe I would have had the same opportunities on the East Coast that I have had here, in fact I know it. The openness to listen and value the ideas of a younger generation of professionals who are up and coming was something I never really experienced before moving here.  I think that’s why many like myself do stay, because we’re being heard and are given the opportunity to work collaboratively with professionals in all career stages. You can’t beat that learning experience.

So There it is, My Grand Entrance

Consider this a teaser, because what I plan on covering for Daytonmostmetro.com is everything a Young Professional faces in a time within our lives when self discovery is so important. Choosing a path to pursue is a shaky period in one’s life and there are so many things we face that lead us to the decisions we make.  I have some advice based on my experiences and hopefully together we can get some definitive answers on how to deal with all the gems and duds life presents us with. I’ll be covering topics that may be considered taboo and offering my opinions on a great many things, which I apologize for in advance but welcome rigorous debate. I’ll try to keep the Jersey attitude to a minimum, but make no promises.

Thanks to Daytonmostmetro.com for having me and look for my first feature in my column “From Jersey, to Dayton With Love” coming this February!