Top Ten Things I Love About Summer

Some Like It Hot

1. I can go to any pool or beach and see women wearing what are essentially bra and panties without the inconvenience of standing in the bushes outside their window.
2. My melanoma is hungry after its winter hibernation.
3. I absolutely love putting on SPF 5000 sunscreen all over my body, some zinc oxide on my nose and making sure that my hat creates a five foot circumference swath of shade around me so that I can go outside to enjoy the sun.
4. I’ve never lost the tips of my toes to “heatbite”.
5. Women + Thin T-Shirts + Air Conditioning = Eye Popping Event.
6. You can urinate in the woods without the fear of shrinkage, frostbite, hungry squirrels seeking “nuts” or the potentially life threatening mistake of getting “it” frozen to a metal fence post.
7. There is no better experience than hitting a swarm of cicadas on a motorcycle at 60 mph.
8. It’s great to be able to turn the air conditioning on, lowering the temperature of the house to the same level that you were freezing at during the winter.
9. Watching a bleach blonde’s hair turn green after she’s been in the pool for a while.
10. Finding out exactly how hot the change in your car is after roasting in the car all day. I still have the imprint of a 1978 quarter on my hand. I felt just like the German guy in the first Indiana Jones movie.