snobby beer

Beer puns: I can barley stand them

August 26, 2013 By Max Spang 1 Comment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwEqTbaFVXU

Big Pun was not a player, he just f****d a lot.

Remember Big Pun? Dude was a robust rapper whose biggest hit was about banging chicks. This was a simpler time back in 1998 when fat guys could get famous by talking about how much tail they got and nobody would question them. Anyway, in my half-assed attempt to try to segue into the actual article, I’d like to point out that I bet Big Pun could take down a few pints of beers without it even phasing him. Like the rapper himself, there are some pretty big puns in the beer world. This little article is going to explore (read: poke fun of) some of the most punishing puns out there. And yes, I’m going to try to cram as many puns in here as I can. Hopefully you will catch on to my rye wit. It’s the yeast I can do. (Bam, three puns right there).

Hop on the pun train

Head on over to Beeradvocate and check out their top beers for Imperial IPAs and look at some of the names. Hopslam, Hopsicle, Pure Hoppiness… Everyone has their own version of a hop pun, and that’s not just hop-perbole (eh..). The word “hop” is probably the easiest beer-related word that you can make puns with. Making an IPA with apricots? Boom, “Aprihop”. Releasing a hoppy red ale in the fall? Boom, “Red Hoptober”. Want to convey that the beer is so bitter that it will literally kill you? Boom, “Hopsecutioner”. The list is almost never ending, and frankly it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Homebrewers are getting in on the action as well; Brent Osborn from Osborn Brewing recently posted a label for a beer called Hopstitute. That’s a hop prostitute in case you didn’t catch it.

$1.99 per ounce, or $199 per hour.

Fermentationalism Sensationalism: Breweries grounded in puns

Patrick Rue started a brewery and called it The Bruery. Get it? Of course you do. But they don’t just stop at their name, they like to come up with all kinds of puns. “Rueuze” is their version of a gueuze. “Tart of Darkness” is their sour black ale. “Chocosaurus Rye” is their chocolate rye beer. “Loakal Red” is their red ale that is aged in oak and is only available to the locals near the brewery (how’s that for specific?). The list goes on and on. At least they aren’t rued about it. Another brewery located in Louisville called Against the Grain has an affinity for making beers that pack a PUNch: Judas Yeast, Tickle Me Ale-mo, Raucho Man Randy Beverage, My Hammy Weiss, Quiet RYE-it… I could seriously name any of their beers right now. Just look at all their beers and you’ll see what I mean. There are more breweries who have notoriously punbelievable beer names: Dogfish Head, Cigar City, Three Floyds, Oskar Blues, Surly, Great Lakes, and… well, pretty much every other brewery out there.

Imperial Entendre

I have a theory about why puns are so rampant in the beer world. You see, the truth about beer people is that they are all kind of dorks. I’m very much putting myself into this category. Being dorks, we like to make dorky jokes, and what’s dorkier than a good pun? Beer geeks like to come up with clever little puns to make their beer geek friends chuckle. I can speak from firsthand experience; I have made beers that only came about because I thought of a stupid name first. For example, I thought it would be funny to name a beer “Brett Michaels” and ferment it with Brettanomyces, so my next batch is going to be a beer with Brettanomyces. The name came before the beer. So now when people come over, they get to taste Brett Michaels. It’s stupid and dorky, but that’s who we are.

Just like bananas, these puns are appealing

I couldn’t be bothered to actually spend time researching this train wreck of an article, so I recently asked some of the local beer geeks what some of their favorite beer puns were. Here’s a few of the best:

Hoptimus Prime
Black Hops
Java the Hop
Cure what ales you
Hopstitute
Imperial stout trooper
Tricerahops
Hell Or High Watermelon
Hopportunity Knocks
Just the TIPA (one of my personal favorites)
Hoptical Illusion
Men in Bock
Genghis Pecan
Boom Shakalager
Groundskeeper Spilly
Mama’s Little Yella Pils
For Those About to Bock
There Will Be Black (I DRINK IT UP)
IBUsive
Stop, Hop and Roll
Alphaphylactic Hop
Dry Humpkin
Hoppy Seconds
Yippie Rye Aye
Citra Ass Down!
Spruce Willis
You Will Fail Ale
Goser the Gosarian
Apocalypse Cow
Pandora’s Bock
Me, My Spelt, and Rye
Wet Hop American Summer

These are all real names for beer. Seriously, google them. Want some more beer pun fun? Check out Bad Beer Puns on Twitter. I got a chuckle from “Lambic Pentameter”.

What’s your favorite beer pun? Hop on over to the comments section and let me know. Or don’t, I don’t care.

Berliner Weisse and everything nice

August 2, 2013 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

You know what I love? Drinking a whole bunch of beer all at once. I mean, I know beer geeks like to go on and on about sitting back and taking your time with a beer. “Sip the beer conservatively, letting it warm up and blossom in your glass like a fine port wine blah blah blah”. I’m a busy guy. Sometimes I want to take a couple of beers to the dome before driving my kids to their soccer game. (Just kidding. About having kids, that is.) But man, with all this Kraft Macaroni Beer or whatever it’s called being 7% and up, it’s tough to pound a six pack without falling on your donkey. Luckily, there’s the wonderful world of session beers, and my personal favorite is the Berliner Weisse. That’s why I usually grab a Berliner when I need to fill up my styrofoam Big Gulp and hit the road. (I’m kidding. Don’t drink and drive).

What the hell is a Berliner Weiss?

Berliners are little guys, usually around 3% ABV. They are are dry, tart, and refreshing. Sometimes, American brewers will get all fancy and make their “Imperial” Berliners upwards of 6%, but technically speaking they shouldn’t be anywhere near that high. Usually consisting of pilsner malt and wheat, the beer has no hop character whatsoever. In fact, sometimes hops aren’t added at all. The beer can be brewed a few different ways, but the most common is a no-boil and a little to no hop mashing process. The tartness comes from the wonderful bacteria Lactobacillus, which is the same stuff found in yogurt that gives it the twang. Occasionally Berliners will have Brettanomyces, a “wild” yeast that produces flavors that craft beer aficionados will refer to as “funky”. Don’t let that dissuade you, though, because even though Berliners feature bacteria and wild yeast, they usually taste quite clean. They are very approachable and kind of like the training wheels of sour beers.

The History of Berliners

You may have guessed that this beer comes from Berlin, Germany. It dates back to the 16th century, and was at one time the most popular alcoholic beverage in Berlin. There is a popular story that in 1809, Napoleon’s troops dubbed this beer the “Champagne of the North”. In recent years, the style has lost its market share and it is difficult to find examples outside of Berlin. In Germany, the beer is almost never served by itself but rather with fruit syrup, raspberry and Woodruff being the most common. While unblended Berliners are fairly common in the United States, you may get a strange look if you order this beer in Germany without the syrup addition. Americans are so cray-cray.

Commercial Examples

Unfortunately, there aren’t a whole lot of Berliners floating around compared to more popular styles like IPAs. Luckily, the ones that are available are pretty delicious. Hands down, my favorite is Professor Fritz 1809. This is pretty much the quintessential Berliner Weiss available around here (even though it’s a bit high at around 5% ABV). In my experience, there is some slight bottle variation; some are a bit more sour than others, but they are always fantastic. Another fine example is The Bruery’s Hottenroth, which features both Lactobacillus and Brettanomyces. As with all of The Bruery’s bottled beers, this one comes in a 750ml bottle so it’s perfect for sharing with a few friends. Though there is some debate as to whether or not it’s a true Berliner Weisse, Bell’s Oarsman Ale is a wonderful little beer that is very refreshing. They use a sour mash to produce the tartness, and I usually have a bottle or two in the fridge at all times. Want something a little fruitier? Dogfish Head’s Festina Peche is fermented with peaches, something that isn’t exactly traditional but gives some wonderful sweetness to balance the tartness.

Brewing a Berliner

Unlike pretty much any other sour beer, Berliner Weisse beers are fairly simple to brew and don’t take nearly as long. There are a lot of different techniques that brewers use to create the tart, lemony flavor. Some brewers use a sour mash, which is literally letting the grains partially ferment before adding any yeast. Malted grain is naturally covered in Lactobacillus, so letting the beer sit at around 120 degrees Fahrenheit for a day or two will produce sourness. Then, the brewer can sparge, heat the wort, cool it down, and add ale yeast like any other beer. Another technique is to add the Lacto to the wort before adding any ale yeast. This is the method I have done in the past and I’ve had good results. Giving the Lacto a day or two head start will ensure that there is enough sugar for the bacteria to eat rather than the ale yeast dominating. A third technique is to add the Lacto and ale yeast all at once, though sometimes the ale yeast will ferment the beer out before the bacteria has a chance to consume the sugar and produce acidity. Whatever method you use, you want to keep it warm (around 110-120 degrees) and make sure you don’t add very many hops to the beer as Lactobacillus won’t work in a hoppy environment. Keep your bacteria happy, not hoppy.

So there you have it. Berliner Weisse beers are the nectar of the gods. Very few beers are as both satisfying and refreshing at the same time. Sour beers aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but Berliners are pretty easy-going. I like to think of them as the alcoholic’s alternative to lemonade. Next time you cut the grass, consider reaching for a Berliner Weisse to cool off.

The Affligem Pouring Kit or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being a Sell Out

June 1, 2013 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

If you have a blog long enough, people will hit you up about all kinds of things: events, guest posts, “affordable marketing”, “long term SEO options”, and a whole bunch of other stuff that you will tend to ignore. However, I recently got an email that I didn’t ignore. It was from Affligem, a Belgian brewery that has apparently been making beer for 950 years, though I had never heard of them. They offered to send me one of their pouring kits free-of-charge. Me being the snob that I am, I am skeptical of any brand of beer that I haven’t heard of, much less one that has enough cash to send free stuff to me for my little dog-and-pony articles. But I’m not so snobby that I’d turn down a free Belgian Blond (or Blonde). Heck, most of the Belgian Blondes I’ve encountered charge by the half-hour. So, I decided to be a complete sell-out and write about their pouring kit. Street cred be damned.

I opened my package to find a large Belgian chalice, an adorable little glass, a wooden serving tray, and a bottle of their Blond. I ignored the fact that had zero verification to see if I was over 21 and decided to watch the video that explains what all this extra stuff was for. As it turns out, one is supposed to pour 90% of the beer into the big glass, then pour the remaining 10% (which has the yeast) into the little baby glass. The drinker can then decide whether to drink the beer without yeast, mix the yeast into the beer, or drink the yeast by itself. Admittedly, this gimmick is a pretty neat idea. You always hear about how you’re supposed to drink the yeast in some beers and leave it out in others, but why not have the option of both? Plus, it seems like it’s a good way to really understand what kind of flavors the yeast adds to bottle-conditioned beers. Sure, it’s not really practical to drink out of two glasses at the same time but who am I to judge? I’m drinking out of two right now (if you consider a flask and a mason jar to both be glasses, that is).

Affligem Blond is 7% ABV, and is classified as a Belgian Pale Ale. It is produced year round, and the company that produces it is owned by Heineken (which is probably why they have such a big budget and why I’ve never heard of it). And after hearing it pronounced 50 times in that video, I now know that it’s “Ah-Fleh-Ghem”, not “Ah-phlegm” like my brain kept wanting to say.

I did the whole shebang and poured the beer and yeast separately, smelled them both, tasted them both, then combined them. Here is my impression of the whole experience

Blond (sans yeast)

The Blond poured a clear deep straw color, almost like a Budweiser that is about twice as dark. It was visibly effervescent and had a rather large white head that left minimal lacing. The aroma was pretty typical of a Belgian Blond; it had a lot of banana and clove, as well as some slight citrus and other sweet spice character. The flavor followed the nose pretty closely, with banana and clove being the dominant flavors. There was some cereal flavors that reminded me of corn flakes. The 7% was very well hidden, and the carbonation level was high and left a prickly feeling on the tongue. Overall, it was kind of watered down and sort of average. Tasty, but average.

Yeast

The yeast was quite a bit cloudier than the regular beer for obvious reasons. It smelled almost the same, though it was a bit more muted overall and had some nice bread character that was missing from the base beer. The taste was, as you would expect, pretty much the same though it had a bit more bitterness and less citrus. It had a lingering flavor that hung around in the mouth that reminded me of bread dough. The flavors were somewhat muted compared to the regular Blond.

Blond/Yeast Mixed

This was pretty surprising – this was quite a bit different than the separated elements. It was similar to the Blond without yeast, though it had a fuller flavor and, oddly enough, a bigger perceived mouthfeel. The strong flavors of the regular Blond were there, and the added bitterness and bread flavors from the yeast added complexity. The mix was by far my favorite version of the Affligem. If you were to try this beer out of the bottle, I would recommend dumping it all in rather than excluding the yeast.

Overall

This was a mildly fun learning experience. The whole thing was pretty cute, but I wouldn’t go bang down the doors of your favorite beer shop to get your hands on the pouring kit. I guess it would be cool for a classy beer bar to have one or two of these on hand. Or, maybe you could whip it out at a tasting to show people what kind of flavors are produced by yeast. Or maybe you could show it off to someone you are trying to get in the sack. Or maybe you got it for free in the mail randomly and write a blog post about it. Whatever the case, I don’t think I’ll use it other than this one time. At the very least, I’ll use the little baby yeast glass more than anything else in the kit. It holds just about enough to get a good taste of something at a bottle share. Plus, look how stinkin’ cute it is. It’s adorable! It’s like a glass for fairies or something.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m sitting here bashing Affligem for this. In fact, I think they are doing a great job with their marketing. Almost everything about what they are doing with this pouring kit is pretty impressive. It’s just a little gimmicky, and frankly kind of faux snooty. But really, I guess my point for this whole thing is that I really love getting free stuff, especially beer. So if anyone wants to send me free beer, for the love of God get ahold of me. I might even write a stupid blog post about it.

How to be an awesome beer reviewer

April 11, 2013 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

This is what an awesome beer reviewer looks like

Please note that this article is not meant to be taken seriously.

So, you’ve stepped into the craft beer world. You’ve stopped drinking out of the bottle like a hobo, started letting your beer warm up a bit before drinking, and you now use words like “snifter” and twirl your beer around in the glass like an idiot on a regular basis. Now you’re telling me that you want to be a beer reviewer? Alright, tough guy (or gal), I am going to lend you my expertise into this lucrative and glamorous world of beer reviewing. Below is a guide that I have developed over the past two years of super professional beer reviews that should help you get your feet (and lips) wet. Just look at my friend Gus up there. That is what a professional beer reviewer looks like.

Know what the hell you are reviewing

What the hell is beer, anyway? What makes a stout different from an IPA? Why do I feel differently after downing an entire six pack alone in my house on a Monday night? Do my parents really love me? Most of these are questions you ought to be able to answer before you even think about going to Beer Review Town. I’m not saying you need to be the Rain Man of beer, but you have to have some familiarity with beer. Learn it. There’s a book on the subject: it’s available at the bar.

Be better than everyone

Now that you know your beer, who do you think you are? What makes you think your palate is so much better than Joey Sixpack’s? Why should I even bother with looking at your reviews in the first place? These are questions that you should expect, and you should have an answer; “Because I am better than everyone”. You think beer is a game? It’s serious business, and you should treat it as such. Beer isn’t about relaxing or having good times with friends. It’s about proving to everyone that you know more than they do. Bill Jobs and Steve Gates didn’t make thousands (literally, thousands) of dollars by trying to be #2. Know what I’m saying? Only you can pick up on the subtle flavors and aromas from beer.

Throw in a little pizazz

You gotta sprinkle a little glitter on your reviews. Maybe it’s a cute sign off like saying “Prost!” at the end of your review (though, only turds do that. Don’t be a turd.). Maybe you like to use flowery language like “The appearance of this beer is reminiscent of the final vestige of a memory from my youth; the crest of the sunrise on a brisk summer morning in the foothills of New Albany.” Whatever you do, just make it your own. Or don’t. I don’t care. Is anyone even reading this?

Things to review

Appearance

Above: an example of a beer that looks gross.

Probably the least important thing about a beer (there, I said it), the appearance is a factor of the beer-drinking experience. Your review should reflect that. First off, you have to pour it into something. Then, look at that beer. Just look at it. What makes it look good or bad? Does it look flat with no head (lololol)? Is it sparkling like champagne? Is it glowing neon green with chunks of oysters floating in it? Take time to get to know your beer’s beauty marks. Sometimes a beer looks OK until you realize it’s got something gross like toes for thumbs like that wretched Megan Fox. To put it in other terms, checking out how a beer looks is like scoping that fine shorty (read: shawty) at the end of the bar. You can’t just run in and start shouting “HEY GIRL!” with your eyes closed. That only leads to a black eye and a restraining order. Trust me. You gotta give her the eyes first. My personal opinion is that you don’t want to spend a whole bunch of time writing out the appearance part because, frankly, most people have a good idea about what beer should look like. Also, nobody reads that part. Or any other part.

Smell

Put your nose all up in that beer. Aww, yeah. Smell it. Keep in mind most of the “flavors” we perceive in beer come from smell, not taste. Pro tip – if you’ve never smelled beer so hard you got foam in your nose, you’re doing it wrong. Describe what you smell in familiar terms. If it smells like chocolate and raisins, say it smells like chocolate and raisins. Twirl your glass around to generate a little more head (lolololol), then bury your nose back into the beer. Some beers have more pronounced aromas than others. An IPA smell a lot different and stronger than a Hefeweizen, but all beer has some kind of aroma. It helps if you are familiar with the ingredients of beer. Take some time to smell some malted barley and hops sometime (I could smell hops all day long and be happy… OR SHOULD I SAY HOPPY HAHA). Read about the beer to find out what they put into it. Can’t figure out what a certain smell is? Maybe it’s a crazy ingredient that they added. Or maybe your nose just sucks, but it shouldn’t (see the “Be better than everyone” section).

Taste

Don’t drink beer like this.

After about two hours of smelling and looking at your beer, you’ll finally get to taste it. Do you know how to taste beer? Do you? Really? If not, you had better learn. Don’t just pour it into your gullet. Sip it, then let it explore your palate. Breathe after you swallow. Remember, you are going to awesome, so don’t be afraid to sit at a bar with your eyes shut while taking 20 minutes per sip and moaning quietly to yourself. People will know you mean business. They will respect you and probably love you. Trust me. You want to describe the beer in terms that are familiar to you. Or just copy and paste what someone else wrote, which is what I do most of the time.

Mouthfeel

This is where you talk about how the beer feels. Is it creamy? Is it dry? Is it chunky? If it’s chunky, you should probably not drink it. Mouthfeel is also hilarious to say out loud. Go ahead, say it. Describe whether or not it’s a party in your mouth, and whether or not everyone is invited. Some beers are refreshing, while others require you to slice it with a knife and serve it next to Thanksgiving turkey. This is also another section that nobody reads. Seriously, who cares about anything with a hilarious name like “mouthfeel”? Most of the time they just skim over that word, laugh a little, then move on to the next section.

Summary

The biggest thing to remember is that tastes are not subjective. You are right 100% of the time. If anyone disagrees with you, they are wrong. You are right. I am right. I am awesome. You are awesome. See how that works?

The other important factor is… uh. Hmm. I kinda forgot where I was going with this, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really hate Megan Fox. I know it’s sort of a roundabout way of saying it, but there it is. Her disgusting thumbs gross me out, and I think overall she’s just kind of a fake person. Your last name is Fox? Really, Megan? Pretty subtle pseudonym. Might as well just change your name to Boobs Boobs.

Prost!

Fantôme Saison, A Ghostly Brew

February 8, 2013 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

Man, you remember when saisons weren’t made by tiny breweries from Vermont and made up a good chunk of everyone’s best of list? It’s like you had to go to Belgium to get a good saison, and this one from Fantôme was (and still is) one of the most highly rated examples of the style. I got this bottle all the way from Belgium via the glorious internet, cracked it open, and did what every good beer geek does; took diligent notes. This fella clocks in at 8% ABV.

Appearance

The beer is getting its sais on (get it?). It pours a lovely hazy straw color with a huge white head. The lacing was ghostly throughout the whole session. It just hung around and stared at me while I wasn’t looking at it, then would turn away as soon as I faced it like those ghosts in Super Mario World. Nerdy ghost references? I got’em. [Read more…] about Fantôme Saison, A Ghostly Brew

Oskar Blues Ten Fidy: CAN you dig it?

October 22, 2012 By Max Spang 8 Comments

Oskar Blues Ten Fidy

So, to my fellow Ohioans, remember when Yuengling came rolling into town? It was chaos. People went absolutely bonkers for that beer. There were villagers with pitchforks, fires in the streets, and I can recall at least three riots just in the tiny cul de sac I live in… which is weird because I don’t even think my neighbors drink beer. I think a few people died. We are used to seeing Yuengling at every bar and gas station around here now, but at first it was nuts. Whatever, the point is that Ohioans love new beer. This week, a little brewery by the name of Oskar Blues came rolling in like they owned the place (and they totally do). Unlike with Yuengling, which caters to a wider audience (nothing wrong with that, I might add!), this time it was time for the beer geeks to take to the streets and rejoice. “Can it be true?” we shouted while lighting our torches. “Is Oskar Blues finally on our shelves?”. Yes, yes indeed they are. And holy crap I’m excited. Oskar Blues Ten Fidy

If you aren’t familiar (or if you haven’t been to pretty much any other state), Oskar Blues made all those delicious craft beers in cans before it was cool to put craft beers in cans. I’m talking ten years ago! Among their canned beauties is the massive imperial stout Ten Fidy, which is probably the most famous and delicious imperial stouts found inside of aluminum. It’s right up there with greats like Plead the Fifth, Expedition Stout, BORIS, and Blackout Stout… Except it comes in a flippin’ can! You crack it open like Natty Light, except it pours like motor oil and tastes good.

Ten Fidy is named so because the alcohol content is 10.50% ABV. Just FYI, “ten fidy” is how the cool kids say “ten point five”. Keep that in mind next time you go shoe shopping. It’s 98 IBUs (International Bittering Units), which helps balance the huge malt flavor. I don’t know how they make it, but I assume that it’s made with a stupid amount of malt and unicorn blood for added tasty magic. Admittedly, it’s a tad pricey at $13-$15 for a 4-pack, but trust me when I tell you that it’s a small price to pay considering how delicious it is. Did I mention it’s delicious? It’s delicious.

A few months ago, I grabbed some of this beer from some website and filmed a review of it. I’m sipping this beer as I type this, and let me tell you it probably holds up to whatever the hell I said in this video (I can’t be bothered to actually re-watch it). So check it out. Or don’t. I don’t care, just go grab some Ten Fidy and thank me later.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwkfWSf7WJk’]

Also make sure you keep your eyes peeled for all the other fantastic Oskar Blues cans like Dale’s Pale Ale, G’knight, Old Chub, and pretty much anything else that has the words “Oskar” and “Blues” on the label.

Stone Enjoy By 11/09/12 IPA – The Countdown to Irrelevancy

October 11, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

This beer has gotta be enjoyed fresh! I know because the bottle told me so. So fresh, in fact, that this very review is going to be irrelevant in a matter of weeks. Not only does the freshness factor come into play, but the fact that this beer has a very limited distribution (this batch only made it to Ohio and Colorado in small numbers) makes this review nearly pointless. However, as the ever-vigilant beer drinker that I am, I figure why the heck not? I mean come on, this beer was only bottled six days ago! You can’t get much fresher than that unless you feel like swimming around in fermenters… which really doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea now that I mention it…

Anyhow, this beer is 9.4% alcohol by volume and was designed to be consumed FRESH. Like, ridiculously fresh (did I mention it was only bottled six days ago?). They threw a bunch of hops in late into the boil (a technique called “hop bursting”) which contributes more hop flavor and aroma rather than bitterness. Check out more information about this beer here. To you Daytonians, this beer has pretty much sold out at most stores already (and thus more irrelevancy), but if you see it on the shelf at your favorite bottle shop then by all means pick it up. Let’s get to reviewin’.

APPEARANCE

This is what those in the advertising business call “Sex Appeal”. This beer just looks good. Crystal clear, yellow-orange-amber in color, resting under a slightly off-white head… Yeah, this is the kind of beer that makes mouths water. I love the look of a good IPA, and this beer has got that look. If this beer was a female, I would try my best to “holla”. If this beer was a painting in an art gallery, I would stare at it intensely and occasionally nod my head so everyone around me knew how much I knew about art or whatever. If this beer was a Big Mac, it would be the one in the picture and not the one you get when you order it. If this beer was a… Ok, you get my point.

SMELL

There are definitely some New Zealand hops in the nose. Notes of grapes, flowers, mango, citrus, earthiness, and a smidge of everyone’s favorite “cat pee” fill my nostrils. There is a deep, dank smell that reminds me of a quaint but “lived-in” basement which adds a bit of charm without being unpleasant. There’s even a bit of hop spice aroma to even things out. There is a good amount of sweet malt, but there’s no mistaking that this beer is all about the hops.

TASTE

Follows the nose very closely. Once again, the first thing I notice is the deep, dank, resiny hop character. There is a bit more pine on the tongue than on the nose, which at first I feared would be the dominating character. As I sip, however, more of the citrus and tropical fruit comes out. The New Zealand hops make another appearance and bring some earthy grape notes with them. As far as bitterness goes, this beer is on the medium side. Sure, it’s bitter, but it’s not a tongue splitter (I rhymed!). There is almost no alcohol flavor whatsoever. This beer has a ridiculous amount of hop character, and there is a slight muddling of flavors which is a tad disappointing. Overall, this beer is pretty tasty but nothing I’ll be craving.

MOUTHFEEL

The mouthfeel really is one of the highlights of this beer. The carbonation and body are both medium, and considering the ABV this beer is not a struggle to drink. The beer coats the mouth with hop resin – the kind that kind of makes you smack your tongue for no explicable reason.

OVERALL

You may have noticed that a word I didn’t use in this review was “bright”. Many IPAs have a bright, refreshing crispness that fellas like me go nuts over. This beer, however, has a somewhat muddled flavor that makes me feel like it’s more of an English IPA than an American IPA, which is crazy talk considering all the American hop flavors. That’s not to say this beer is bad, because it’s not at all! It’s really an excellently balanced IPA, and it drinks more like 6% than 9.4% ABV. That being said, I’m drinking this beer as fresh as possible and it still has a layer of “meh”. Is it worth buying? Yes, absolutely! Is it the IPA to end all IPAs? Not this time. Don’t feel too bad if you missed out on this one (or if you drank it on 11.10.12 or something).

Cheers!

SCORE: ★★★ 3/5

Wild Blackberry Beer – Rivertown Ojos Negros

September 9, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

Yesterday was apparently Sour Beer Day, so I decided to get all reviewy with a sour that’s been sitting in my fridge for a few weeks. Rivertown‘s Ojos Negros is an American Wilde Ale aged with Blackberries in oak wine barrels. This beer is brewed a stone’s throw away in Cincinnati.

From their website:

AVAILABLE IN 750ML BOTTLE ONLY, RELEASED ONCE YEARLY IN JULY. A WILD FERMENTED BREW AGED IN OAK WINE BARRELS WITH OVER 140 POUNDS OF WHOLE BLACKBERRIES FOR ONE YEAR. 6.3% ABV, 8 SRM, 6 IBU

APPEARANCE

The beer pours a surprisingly clear reddish-brown color with absolutely zero head. There isn’t a lot of visible “bubbliness”, which is somewhat surprising. It actually looks very much like a slightly carbonated wine. It definitely gained a lot of color from the blackberries, let’s find out if it gained any aroma/flavor from them. [Read more…] about Wild Blackberry Beer – Rivertown Ojos Negros

Troegs Java Head Stout – Video Review

June 20, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Es-_sJK7eA’]

This is the Snobby Beer review of Java Head Stout from Tröegs Brewing Co in Hershey, PA. This year-round beer features coffee that is added via the hopback vessel, where the hot wort passes through what is essentially a giant French Press on its way to fermentation. This is also one of the first stouts that got me into craft beer!

This beer is available year round in the Dayton area wherever quality beers are sold.

From the Troegs website:

“Alcohol by Volume: 7.5%
Hop Bitterness (IBUs): 60
Color (SRM): Black
Availability: Year Round
Malts: Pilsner, Crystal, Chocolate, Roast
JuJu: Oats, Blend of Coffee Beans
Hops: Cluster, Chinook, Cascade
Yeast: Unfiltered Ale

JavaHead Stout contains a blend of locally roasted espresso and Kenyan coffee beans by St. Thomas Roasters in Linglestown, PA.

JavaHead’s recipe is based off of our original oatmeal stout. After the boil, the hot wort passes through our hopback vessel on it’s way to fermentation. Packed full of whole leaf hops and a bed of ground coffee beans, the hopback vessel is similar to using a huge French press, intensifying the coffee nose and releasing subtle hints of coffee flavor. The result is a lush oatmeal mouthfeel balanced with cocoa, roasted barley and subtle coffee flavors.

FOOD COMPLIMENTS
Cheese (earthy; Camembert, Fontina) General (Chocolate, Dessert) Meat (Shellfish, Smoked Meat)

Serving Suggestions:
Temp: 50-55°F Glassware: Pint or Mug”

Questions? Suggestions? Let me know what you think! Grab a beer and leave a comment.

Insanity! A Beer Review

April 11, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5xwhn7Njg0′]

This is the Snobby Beer review of Insanity from Weyerbacher Brewing Company in Easton, Pennsylvania. This seasonal beer is a bourbon barrel aged version of their year-round English Barleywine, Blithering Idiot. Clocking in at a whopping 11.1% ABV, this beer is big and bold. You may have seen my text review of this beer, but this is a beer that I feel deserves a video review!

From the Weyerbacher website:

“Insanity is made by aging our perfectly balanced Blithering Idiot Barleywine in oak bourbon casks. This incredible combination creates a mélange of flavors from rich malts, raisons, and dates to oak, vanilla, and bourbon. Insanity will be yours this February!!!

Insanity is 11.1% ABV. It is best enjoyed in a brandy snifter and served at 45-55ºF.”

Here is the text review for this beer:

APPEARANCE

This beer is extremely murky. Reddish-brown with almost no light coming through. The head was about a finger and disappeared completely after a few moments. Admittedly it’s not the prettiest beer, but you can tell from the looks that it is good and hearty. It looks like a typical unfiltered barleywine.

SMELL

Lots of biscuit in the nose. The oak comes through, as do raisin and dark fruits such as plums and overly-ripe apricots. A very slight tinge of alcohol comes through, but not as much as one would expect from a 11.1% beer. As it warms, the alcohol becomes more pronounced yet it’s still fairly well hidden. There is a hint of spice such as cloves or nutmeg, albeit they are very mild.

TASTE

Ah – this is everything I like in a good barleywine. Tons and tons of dark fruits – dark overly-ripe cherries, plum, raisin, and apricot. I am reminded of cognac while I sip due to the wonderful fruit flavors. It’s very sweet, in fact it is almost syrupy which, in this case, is very pleasant.There’s a large amount of bread and biscuit flavors. The alcohol is extremely hidden in this beer, there’s only a slight taste of the alcohol after you swallow. The oak is sort of an afterthought, and I probably wouldn’t have noticed it if the smell didn’t come through. The aftertaste lasts and lasts, almost never quite leaving the mouth.

MOUTHFEEL

This one’s a sipper. It’s very thick and syrupy with almost no carbonation. It’s slightly warming, but not as much as you’d think for having such a high ABV. It’s not easy drinking by any means, but rather the type of beer you sit and enjoy over the course of an hour (or longer!).

OVERALL

Excellent, excellent English style Barleywine. It’s got all of the delicious dark fruits and biscuit notes, and the oak adds a really nice bit of complexity that makes you crave more. This almost reminds me of Dogfish Head’s 120 Minute IPA as far as the extreme fruit flavors. I don’t know how old my bottle was (couldn’t find a date anywhere), but I can tell this beer ages b-e-a-utifully. This is an awesome beer and is relatively easy to find (if you get Weyerbacher, that is) so I am definitely going to hold this beer in very high regards. Grab a few of these for the winter months, and enjoy in your favorite reading chair while snuggling up under some covers before bed.

Cheers.

SCORE: ★★★★ 4/5

Questions? Suggestions? Let me know what you think! Grab a beer and leave a comment.

This review is also available at Snobby Beer.

Sixpoint Bengali Tiger Video Review

March 21, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdS0CqRc3hs&’]

Brand new to Ohio! This is the Snobby Beer review of Bengali Tiger from Sixpoint Craft Ales in Brooklyn, New York. Sixpoint produces beers that are available in cans, and just recently became distributed in Ohio. The website claims that this beer is inspired by a homebrewed IPA.

From the Sixpoint website:

“What immortal hand or eye. Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
The Sixpoint homebrewed IPA interpretation. Blaze orange in color, with an abundance of citrus hop bitterness, and a full pine and grapefruit bouquet in the aroma.”

Questions? Suggestions? Let me know what you think! Grab a beer and leave a comment.

Beers of St. Patrick’s Day – Video Reviews

March 15, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

St. Patty’s day is just around the corner. As with most things having to do with Irish-Americans, this means a lot of alcohol consumption. I can attest to the validity of this statement due to my heritage, which is mostly Irish (though you’d never know that because of my German last name). While most people think of Guinness as the quintessential St. Patrick’s Day beer, there are other options out there – in fact, there are a TON of beers to satisfy your Celtic craving. I recently shot reviews of a few of these beers. Check out these videos

Murphy’s Irish Stout

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJOfKb75n4I’] This is the Snobby Beer review of Murphy’s Irish Stout from Cork, Ireland. Murphy’s is sort of known as the “other” Irish Dry Stout, and is available in cans and draught. The can features a nitrogen widget that produces smaller bubbles than carbon dioxide, which gives the impression of a smoother, creamier beer. This beer is only 4% Alcohol by Volume. Murphy’s was bought by Heineken in 1983.

Killian’s Irish Red

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkkk1_f1XMs’] This one is pretty much only “Irish” in name. Killian’s is an amber/red lager brewed by Coors Brewing Company, and is available year-round. According to the website, Killian’s started as a more traditional Irish Red Ale. George Killian supposedly wanted to share his beer so much that he brought it to America. Whether or not this story is true, nobody can deny the fact that this is one of the most widely available beers on the market in America today.

That’s it. No, seriously, there’s no more beer reviews. Were you expecting something else?

…Oh, what the heck, here’s the Guinness reviews I shot last year.

Guinness Draught

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upwI1ApnUnA’]Guinness Draught is made by Guinness Ltd, located in Dublin, Ireland. Guinness Draught is arguably the most famous stout on the planet. Unlike most stouts, which are generally on the heavier side, Guinness is actually lighter than some light beers! The perceived “heaviness” of Guinness comes from the nitrogen, which produces smaller bubbles.

Guinness Foreign Extra Stout

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRUOysHCoNM’] Guinness Foreign Extra Stout is the hoppiest stout made by Guinness. Many people say that this is better than Guinness Draught – is it? We find out in this video!

These reviews can also be found at Snobby Beer.

Cincinnati Sour Beer – Rivertown Pestilence Review

March 5, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

Rivertown Brewing Company recently released their first beer of their Brewmaster Reserve Limited Release Series, and the beer is Pestilence. Pestilence is a sour brown ale brewed with 7 varieties of malted barley and wheat. The beer also has has Hibiscus flower, and has gone through the process of sour mashing. You may remember that Rivertown has dabbled in sour beers before.

Rivertown is from the great state of Ohio, and are located in Cincinnati.

From the Rivertown press release:

Rivertown Brewing Co.’s Brewmasters Reserve Limited Release Series is set to kick off next month.

We are pleased to announce the 2012 Brewmasters limited release series starting with the introduction of “Pestilence”. Pestilence is a sour brown ale brewed with 7 varieties of malted barley and wheat, organic whole Hibiscus flower pedals and spicy hops from the Hallertau growing region of Bavaria. The name Pestilence is derived from the ancient biblical term for infection or plague. Through a natural process called sour mashing, we expose the mash to airborne elements for a period of 48 hours allowing for a natural infection to arise causing the beer to sour. After this process is complete, we collect the sweet, sour runnings and introduce the spicy hops. We then boil it for a period of 1 hour and steep it with fresh hibiscus flower pedals. The end result is a wonderfully aromatic blend of fresh botanical herbs and mouth puckering sourness.

Pestilence will be the first of four brews released in 2012 centered around the ancient Mayan apocalypse of 2012 which signifies the world’s end on December 21^st. Pestilence holds significance as being one of the Four Horseman set loose upon the world acting as a harbinger of the last judgment charging through at worlds end carrying wheat and a fist full of barley.

Release Date: Early February 2012
Alcohol by Volume: 5.4%
Color: 20 SRM (Brown)
Style Guideline: Wild/American Sour Ale/Brown Ale
Availability: 12 oz bottles 24-loose case/ 1/6bbl keg
Malts Used: Pilsner, Pale, Carabelge, White Wheat, Chocolate, Dark crystal, Munich
Hops: Hallertau Perle
Specialty Ingredients: Organic Hibiscus Flower Pedals
Serving Temp: 55F

P.S.- Save one bottle to enjoy as a vertical on December 21^st 2012

APPEARANCE

The beer pours a Coca-Cola brown, with just the slightest amount of deep red light poking through. There was a tiny white head when first poured, but it went away fast and left nothing remaining. There was little visible carbonation. Overall, it looks somewhat like a clear Belgian dark – nice looking beer.

SMELL

There’s some interesting aroma coming from this beer. There is some nice dark fruits, such as plum and raisin. There is a bit of Greek yogurt, which is followed by a bit of stomach acid… Not exactly unpleasant, but definitely different. There’s a good amount of sweetness on the nose as well, bringing some nice maltiness and maybe a bit of caramel. The hop character is on the spicy side, bringing some floral and honey-like aromas. Overall, pretty complex but not the most pleasant smelling brew.

TASTE

The taste is fairly different than the aroma. There is a surprising amount of cocoa in this beer, which I was not expecting. There’s a big amount of nutty flavor that reminds me a lot of cashews, which was also unexpected. There is a decent sour twang to it, but it’s not a jaw-locking sourness. More like a pretty solid tartness throughout. The first few sips brought that stomach acid flavor, which reminded me of… well, puke. As it warms up, though, that flavor is replaced with more of a Greek yogurt flavor. There’s a lot of dark fruits in here, as well as some hop spice and floral flavors. This is a pretty complex beer on the tongue!

MOUTHFEEL

This has a bit more body than I had anticipated. There is a nice, dry finish and the tartness creates a crisp mouthfeel. There is a lingering oily feeling that reminds me of the leftover oil from a cashew. It’s pretty easy drinking, but the sort of wild flavors keep this from being a beer you can chug. Nice mouthfeel on this brew.

OVERALL

An unusual beer to say the least. It’s not a sour to end all sours, but it is a unique experience to drink this beer. There’s some interesting funky things going on that makes you want to keep drinking, but it’s not so wild that it’s off putting. Admittedly, the stomach acid aroma and taste frightened me at first, but it smoothed out as the beer warmed. I would definitely recommend trying this beer. It’s fairly cheap for a sour ale, so grab a few bottles and age’em until after the end of the world.

Cheers.

This review can also be found at Snobby Beer.

SCORE: ★★★ 3/5

What The Hell is Beer? Presentation at Pecha Kucha Dayton

February 28, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jB6MIMSungI’]

On February 23, 2012, I was invited to present at Pecha Kucha Dayton Volume 10. Pecha Kucha ( also called PK Night ) is a series of presenters that are required to show 20 images each lasting 20 seconds long. This format allows for a rapid, fast-paced, and eclectic group of presentations.

For more information, please visit
http://www.pecha-kucha.org/
http://www.pecha-kucha.org/night/dayton/

This video can also be found at Snobby Beer.

Bell’s Black Note Stout Review

February 22, 2012 By Max Spang Leave a Comment

Black Note Stout from Bell’s Brewery, Inc. is a blend of their Expedition Stout and Double Cream stout. It is then aged in retired bourbon barrels for months. I was lucky enough to try this beer on tap at Chappy’s Taproom. This beer was recently released in bottles in extremely limited quantities for the first time.

From the Bell’s website:

One of the most sought-after stouts in Bell’s history, Black Note Stout blends the complex aromatics of Expedition Stout with the velvety smooth texture of Double Cream Stout and ages the combination in freshly retired oak bourbon barrels for months. The resulting harmony of flavors captures the finest features of all three components: malty notes of dark chocolate, espresso & dried fruits, all buoyed by the warmth and fragrance of the bourbon barrel. Aimed squarely at the stout and bourbon aficionados, Black Note makes a grand statement about the art of the dark.

Alcohol by Volume: 11.5%
Original Gravity: 1.112
Shelf Life: N/A

APPEARANCE

Well, what do you expect? It’s black as night, and sat under a mocha-colored head that dissipated quickly. There was no lacing, but the beer had some pretty apparent alcohol legs. There wasn’t any light coming through on this one. With a name like Black Note, would you expect anything else?

SMELL

This is heavy on the bourbon in the nose, which brings notes of vanilla and toasted coconut. There is a lot of nice complexity that ranges from sweet to slightly boozy. A hefty amount of chocolate and licorice comes through, and brings a bit of coffee and roasted malt with it. This is the type of beer that you get full from by just smelling – there is a LOT going on!

TASTE

First off, this beer is remarkably smooth. The bourbon is not as strong as it was on the nose, but it is definitely present. With it, the bourbon brings notes of vanilla, licorice, and toasted coconut come out. Surprisingly, the alcohol is very well hidden. The beer starts off milky sweet, with smooth caramel and toffee characteristics, then finishes with a nice hoppy bitterness. The bourbon lasts a long time after the swallow, making this beer have an absolutely amazing after taste.

MOUTHFEEL

This beer drinks like a pillow – it’s smooth! It has a velvet-creamy mouthfeel, sort of like melted chocolate. There isn’t much carbonation, which adds to the creaminess. The beer has a nice big body which makes it a sipper. The intense aftertaste lingers for an extremely long time.

OVERALL

This beer is incredible. It can hang with the big boy bourbon barrel aged brews and hold its ground. It’s a special beer from a brewery that is arguably one of the best brewers of stouts. I wouldn’t say that this is the barrel-aged stout to end all barrel-aged stouts, but it is absolutely incredible and worth seeking out.

Cheers.

SCORE: ★★★★ 4/5

This review can also be found at Snobby Beer.

Craft Beer Goes Gluten Free – Dogfish Head Tweason’ale Review

February 15, 2012 By Max Spang 1 Comment

Tweason’ale from Dogfish Head is a gluten free, sorghum based beer brewed with strawberries and honey. This is the first 4 pack in the Dogfish Head lineup in 5 years. Dogfish Head certainly isn’t the first brewery to make gluten free beer, but this is arguably the biggest release of a beer of this type.

From the Dogfish Head website:

The No. 1 thing Dogfish lovers ask for at our pub, in our brewery and on our website is a gluten-free beer. But not just any gluten-free beer — they want gluten-free with gusto.

“It seems as if lots of folks who have gluten-tolerance issues are pining for an interesting beer,” says Dogfish founder and president Sam Calagione. “While there are a few well-made examples that mirror traditional beer styles, there arent any off-centered offerings.”

Enter Tweason’ale.

For our first new 12-ounce 4-packs in nearly half a decade, we replaced the classic barley foundation of beer with a mild sorghum base. The hints of molasses and pit-fruit are balanced by vibrant strawberry notes and a unique complexity that comes with the addition of a malty buckwheat honey.

We believe health-conscious beer drinkers and the millions of Americans who suffer from Celiac disease can cut back on gluten while relishing the distinction and drinkability of this very special brew.

Tweasonale is a seasonal for between the seasons. It will first hit shelves in late January 2012 and will be released four times a year through our national network of distributors.

This beer was pretty labor-intensive to make, but it was a beautiful process. We invited our artist friends Jamie and Kevin to come document our brew with their ultra-cool Cinemagraph process. Check out the process here.

Original Release Date:

07/2011

Food Pairing Recommendations:

Fatty fish, dried fruit, salted nuts

Wine Comparable:

Rose

Here is my review for this beer.

APPEARANCE

Beautiful stuff – it’s a crystal clear honey-blonde color. The head was small and didn’t stick around for very long, but there was some nice visible carbonation in the glass sort of like champagne. In fact, this beer looks a lot like champagne due to its clarity. I must say it makes me thirsty just looking at it!

SMELL

The strawberry comes through and creates a nice, refreshing aroma. It’s on the border between smelling like fresh fruit and artificial fruit, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in this case. It’s followed by an unusual earthy aroma, and perhaps grassy notes and baker’s yeast. The honey is subtle, but present. Overall, this a nice smelling fruit beer.

TASTE

This beer has some interesting flavors! The strawberry comes out, bringing some nice sweetness and slight tartness. There’s sort of a spicey character, not quite like Belgian yeast notes (clove, banana, etc) but more like fresh or candied ginger. There’s some slight earthiness in there, but not as much as the nose. A yeast flavor comes through as it warms. It almost reminds me of sparkling grape juice in terms of flavor.

MOUTHFEEL

This is a really light beverage. There isn’t much body to it, which makes it extremely easy drinking. It’s nice and effervescent, and it doesn’t really feel like beer. It feels more like champagne or even soda due to the dryness and the high carbonation.

OVERALL

Not a bad brew in the least bit! I grabbed a whole 4 pack, and I’m glad that I did. It’s got some really nice flavors and is super easy to drink, so this is a beverage for both people who like beer as well as people who don’t. It’s nice to see a fairly large craft brewery like Dogfish Head produce a gluten-free beer that people with or without gluten allergies can appreciate. The lack of body makes the brew a little under-satisfying, but the complex flavors make up for it.

Cheers.

SCORE: ★★★ 3/5

This review can also be found at Snobby Beer.