DMM Columns

Data Collecting, Dating and Relationships – Has the Internet Changed the Game?

May 19, 2011 By Shana Lloyd Leave a Comment

We see it in the headlines all the time, “Facebook Affecting Relationships.” For social utilities designed to bring people together there are many who have found themselves in relationship turmoil because of Facebook or things in general that they find on the internet and other sites. Dating is hard enough without the eruption of instantaneous data and information in our faces but is the internet to blame or is it us?

140 or 420 – Who Knew?

The characters that destroy. Seems a bit dramatic wouldn’t you say? Perhaps but with the ability to voice your emotions so freely and openly these days there is always the chance that what you say could hurt another. We all have our own ideas and perceptions and things said on social networks have a tendency to lack tonality but who’s at fault here? Social networks though seemingly appear as a platform to convey the trials and tribulations of our lives, where is the line? I don’t view Facebook as the diary I kept under my pillow and there are details of my life that I would never put out there but others do and I think that may be where the problem lies.

Offline Engagement – A Thing of the Past?

The great thing about social networking is conversation. This morning I asked a question on Facebook to gather the thoughts of others for this very column. It took less than a few minutes for me to really understand how several others felt about the topic of researching mates on the internet or pre-date screening on the web. I learned a lot and it was valuable, however it was planned and purposed to identify specific data. Meaning, I asked for it. Conversation is how we learn about one another and in the olden days offline conversation was the thing that carried us through the “getting to know you phase” in dating. Are people still embracing this or have we become a society that weighs what we learn on the internet more heavily than what we learn in the real world?

Data Collecting and Dating

Online dating is an interesting phenomenon, something I discuss often and not something I personally embrace. It has it’s perks and it’s dangers. I’ve recently starting wondering however that if essentially you are meeting someone online and those initial conversations are in text that you unintentionally may develop damaging patterns early on. I’m no psychologist, but based on my own experience in one relationship where I met the person online I can tell you that this theory of mine is spot on. We had absolutely no problem communicating in text, whether instant message or email or sms..it was all good. It’s how we started and how we went through 3 years. In person, however .. I had a strong discomfort with really saying what was on my mind, that was never the case until this relationship. I found myself more and more searching for things online rather than just asking him questions face to face. The assumptions made based on my perceptions of what I found, inevitably lead to turmoil in the relationship and it wasn’t Facebook it was me. Facebook and Myspace just became the catalyst for stalking or information gathering, which is a nice way to call myself a creep. That experience however changed me, I really don’t engage in personal conversations online when dating. I know that if there is anything I am curious about or want to know .. asking the questions in person allow for a better and more meaningful connection between myself and that person. Sure texting back and forth is great but it shouldn’t replace communication in a relationship. Neither should comments on a Facebook wall or other, replace offline affection. I’ve found that most of that we see is sometimes blanketing what’s going on real life. If you have a person right next to you, tell them how you feel right then and there..it’s a more valuable share.

Pre-Screening

Safety is always a concern when it comes to online dating. You never know what you’re going to get come face time. I think it’s natural to want to do a little pre-screening prior to but there is a line and crossing it could be damaging. Predators exist and being naive about that can be damaging as well, but unless you find something criminal in nature then it’s best to just rely on initial conversations and questions while on a date or in person meeting…a “non-date” they call these days. If you want to know something, ask and if the time isn’t right to ask, hold off and wait before searching on your own. Prejudging someone based on something you see on the internet could really lead to missed opportunities based on false assumptions you may make. Listen, just because it’s easy to do these days doesn’t make it right. I could sit on the internet all day looking for dirt on someone but again assumptions sometimes lead down a not so great path.

Remember Trust?

Last I checked it was the whole basis for any relationship. If you’re starting out in a relationship on an endless fishing expedition for dirt how is that trust? Things will happen no matter what and I firmly believe that no relationship or date is a waste, it’s all a learning experience so using the excuse that you’d rather know right away than later down the line is a cop out. Social Networks are intended to be fun, engaging and informative but should not be a threat to a relationship or your dating life. I don’t believe they were intended to be an analytic dating tool or a platform for dealing with your relationship issues.

“A spokesperson for Facebook said: “It’s ridiculous to suggest that Facebook leads to divorce. Whether you’re breaking up or just getting together, Facebook is just a way to communicate, like letters, phone calls and emails. Facebook doesn’t cause divorces, people do.” – I have to agree.

Open for Discussion..

This topic presented a lot of great thoughts online earlier and I’ve asked a few questions in this column that I would love to hear from you on. Has the internet changed the game for you? Are you more of a creep these days? Do we know more from keywords and search engines then we would after 5 or 6 dates now..and is that the problem?

Notes on Parenthood

May 16, 2011 By Dayton937 11 Comments

Barbara and her adopted baby girl.

I’m downloading photos of a baby from Facebook to email my mom and dad when I begin to cry.

I know why I’m weepy even though, to be honest, babies give me the heebie-jeebies with their tiny, fragile bodies and late-night cries. It’s because this baby is special. Already, even though we haven’t met, I love this baby in some instinctual way.

It’s because this baby is adopted. And because I’m adopted, too.

*****

There is a woman. A woman with a womb. A womb that once held me. Her baby. Stretching and breathing and squirming with a heart beating in a balloon under her belly. A woman. With a womb.

I do not know her.

*****

I am a little girl, sitting on top of the counter in my parents’ blue bathroom. I swing my legs and watch my mother at the mirror in her bra and panties squeeze her eyelashes and pat them into shape.

Adoption. I’ve always known the word. Somehow, as if whispered to me during my sleep. Uh. Dah. Puh. Shun. But now, here in the blue bathroom, I want my mother to tell me what it means.

It means God and destiny and some other woman. A woman. With a womb. It means I am wanted, I was chosen, I am divine. Literally an answer to prayers sent up to heaven like smoke signals.

Adopted. I wrap my tiny mouth around the word. I feel the way it creates a hollow space in the curve of my tongue.

*****

Little Kristen, spoiled rotten.

I have a playroom. My parents had it built on the back of their tri-level house in the suburbs on Pine Knott drive. To hold my dollhouses, crayons and paints, even a ’50s-style jukebox. The carpet is yellow, orange and brown. I transform its grid-like pattern into avenues for my Barbie vacation van. The playroom cabinets are filled with stacks of MAD magazines, old textbooks I use to play school and boxes of supplies for craft projects.

While I play, my mother sets up a TV tray, pushing the legs into the shag carpet in the living room. She brings down my lunch and a glass of milk. I sit, eat. Watch Three’s Company. On school days, my mom makes my lunch and puts stickers on the baggie that holds my sandwich: ghosts and pumpkins in the fall, bunnies and tulips in the spring.

I am spoiled. Divine, wanted, loved.

*****

So how is it, after all this, I turn on my parents? Betray the two people who sat up late at night, frantically praying for a baby to pop into their lives?

It happened when I was 13, riding home from school, staring at the C on my report card. In health, of all classes. I am a straight-A student. I don’t make Cs.

But this is back when report cards were hand-written, and my health teacher had even used a pencil to write in this disastrous grade. I look around the bus to see if anyone is watching. I erase the C. I write in: A.

My mother finds out. She confronts me two days later when I get home from school. I watch words fly like bullets out of her mouth, ringed in red lipstick. I create an elaborate lie in which I am innocent. But she knows.

*****

High school: When the angel baby transforms into a vile teenager who thinks it's fun to scare people at the Dayton Mall during the holiday shopping season.

I am 17 and I hate my mother. I have hated her for awhile now. We have been in fights ― big fights with scissors and heavy textbooks hurled through the air, fights my kid sister has had to break up, sticking her skinny body between the two demons we’ve become.

I run away from home. I get in my red Chevette with a plastic shopping bag full of cassette tapes by bands with names like Suicidal Tendencies and a gym bag full of polyester thrift store clothes, black tights and ripped T-shirts. My mother will not see me for three months.

She will have time to think about this woman. The woman with the womb and half my DNA, the man who also contributed his DNA. My mother will tell herself it is them, the mystery, that keeps me away. My mother will search for them, try to capture something about them and hold it in a jar, like fireflies, keep it to show me when I finally turn up again.

*****

I am back home, and my mother wants to discuss why I left. I’m sitting at the counter in her blue kitchen. I swing my l legs and listen to her tell me what she discovered. They were young, in college. She worked as a waitress. The Womb. He was studying architecture. The DNA.

My mother reaches in the pantry and takes out a roll of beige paper. She unrolls it across the counter as I reluctantly move the bowl of homemade minestrone I’ve been eating out of the way. The paper is filled with drawings I made as a child ― crude blueprints of an entire city: houses, schools, streets, libraries.

“See? Remember?” My mother draws in close. I can see the flecks in her red lipstick. “You drew all this. And he is an architect.”

Can I feel who I am now? Do I see it, written in pencil, on this paper?

*****

Holding my baby at my Grandpa Wicker's house, standing in front of framed photos of me and my parents when I was a baby.

I can feel when it happens. Like a pinch.

I know it as we hike the Grand Canyon, up steep trails carved in sheathes of limestone, across the Tapeats plateau peppered with brush and cacti. We stop for a break and eat crumbled Oreos, some of our last food from the backpacking trip for which we packed too lightly.

In a few weeks, I will pee on a plastic stick. I already know what the double pink line means. I also know I will keep this baby. This baby is mine.

What I don’t know is how hopelessly unprepared I am to be a mother. I also don’t know that the experience of motherhood will finally darn the frayed quilt that has become my relationship with my parents.

*****

My father had circled the ad for summer jobs in Grand Canyon in the Dayton Daily News. I’d gone for an interview at the Holiday Inn on Wagner Ford Road, was immediately hired as a housekeeper. Drove West. Decided to stay.

Now, it is fall. I am back in Dayton for a visit. And I need to tell my mother.

I sit on the white antique bed in my old bedroom. I’d had a mattress on the floor and painted the room a dark purple. Now the walls are covered in blue wallpaper. Stuffed teddy bears sit on a shelf above the bed.

My mother sits beside me. I chew my nails. She wants to know about my life thousands of miles away. I tell her about my job. I tell her I’m pregnant. I tell her I’m getting married. She can come to the wedding if she wants.

The next day, we go shopping. My mother buys me a white dress.

Hiking with my baby in the Grand Canyon.

She drives me to the airport a few days later. In the car, we talk. She apologizes for the flying objects, the punches, the big, big fights. I nod. I tell her ― and I really mean it ― I am sorry, too. On the plane, I look out the oval window at flat, green Ohio and cry.

When I get back to Arizona, I get a letter from my father. My mother has told him. He tells me he’s disappointed. He expected more. I am too smart. But we are a family. His love for me is what I see when I look up at the sparkling, never-ending Western sky. He will love his grandbaby fully in just the same way.

*****

I am filling out a medical form at Planned Parenthood. At the top of the “family history” section, there’s a small box. A box you check if you’re adopted.

I’m surprised. By now, I’m nearly 40 with my own baby grown up, graduated from high school ― and I’ve never seen this before. Usually, I write the following: “Adopted: Don’t know family medical history.” Instead, I check the box. How nice that I don’t have to explain!

Next to me is a stack of magazines. Red lettering on the cover of one reads, “Adventures With My Adopted Daughter.” I pick it up, turn to that page. The nurse calls my name. I cough and tear out the magazine pages. I must finish reading. I stuff the pages in my purse.

When I see the doctor, she asks about my family medical history. I tell her about the box I checked with a thick, black line.

She apologizes. She is embarrassed. Tells me she’s not used to looking at the box. Not many women check it.

Later, I will not be able to find the pages I ripped from the glossy magazine discovered in the office lobby. It’s as if they dissolved into the lining of my purse.

*****

My parents. Mom and Dad.

I am holding the special baby. Her mother glows like the moon and almost sizzles she is so happy. This special baby has a pacifier with her name embroidered on it and little tights with a Mary Jane shoe design sewn in the feet.

She already is spoiled. And loved, madly, just like my parents love me ― as deep and vast and intense as the Arizona sky. I hope it doesn’t take this little girl as long as it took me to realize how special she is.

Recently, my mother told me about a friend, also adopted, who searched out his birth parents. She thinks it’s strange, and I know she’s really asking if I’d ever do the same. I have parents, I tell her. The womb, the DNA: They are only those two words. They are not the ones who helped raise my son, taught me to cook and sew and ride a bike, sent me cards with notes of encouragement when I was distressed.

I imagine my parents, 40 years ago, as happy as my friend is while she holds her special baby. Then my friend says something that sticks to me like paste: “We don’t say, ‘Our daughter is adopted.’ It’s, ‘We adopted her.’”

What a beautiful way to arrange those words.

DAYting – A Look at Single Life in the City

May 11, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 7 Comments

In a recent conversation with a friend while preparing for an upcoming date, a topic surfaced that at the time was quite hilarious but later given some serious thought. The question that also comes up prior to a big date or going out in general is, “Where are you going for your date?” or “What are you in the mood for” yet never did it cross my mind that in dating sometimes location is everything. This is going to be one of those columns that either makes you laugh or ticks you off, either way I hope you’ll read it through.

Mostly focused on what I was going to wear, while searching the internet for ideas my friend says to me very seriously, “You should go to The Wine Loft in case you end up making out, the couches there are pretty comfy and it’s dim lit.” I sat in silence for all of two minutes before I agreed. It was a valid point. I’m always joking about the need for a strategic plan in my dating life and maybe there is some truth in that. Either way, it made an interesting idea for a post.

DAYting.

What if we predetermined our weekend and nightly activities based on what we are in the mood for that day or in general where the type of person we’d like to be with may frequent? Interesting thought isn’t it? With the help of friends I’ve put together a list of places in Dayton that may assist with finding that “one” person, or not. This post is meant to be taken with a grain of salt. Consider it a clever attempt by a girl who has been failed by fate, happily ever after and of course..online dating. I’m a bit of a pro with location marketing so now I am taking a stab at location dating. If you’ve reverted back to circumstantial dating like myself, it may help to get more strategic in your efforts. Or not, whatever.

Your Mood, Your Want, Your Location.

I Like Your Beard. – If you’re like me, you appreciate a good beard. I may be wrong but in general I think that Dayton is the beard Capital of the World and if that is not official it should be. Where does one go to find a guy sporting a nice beard in Dayton? Well, Blind Bob’s of course. Not only is the music great, selection of beer awesome and service superb but the place is swarming with BEARDS. Hipsters aside, it’s still one of my favorite go to’s in Dayton.

TShirt Time. – I miss New Jersey and often. Every once in a while I have the urge to feel not so far away from home. There are nights when a lot of hair product and muscles do it for me. The first time I went to Newcom’s in the Oregon District, I thought “this place is no tavern.” The place is high energy, smells like Joop and has a great mix of people and music. When I’m in the mood to fist pump with the best of them, that’s where I head. That was partly a joke. New on the scene is also Pulse. I don’t recommend either if you’re in search of some meaningful conversation but for a good time, sure why not.

GoodWill Hunting. – Some nights it’s ALL about the conversation. I can’t name a better place to have one and relax in a greater setting then the Dublin Pub. The Goodwill Hunting reference was something said last fall while there with a friend…I felt like I was in the movie, for a brief moment. It’s the kind of place you see in every television show that you say, “I wish there was a place like that in our city.” Isn’t Dayton lucky to have one? It’s casual and laughter friendly, a real good time.

Bourbon on the Rocks. – It’s no secret, that my favorite place in Dayton is the SideBar. I don’t remember the last weekend that I wasn’t there enjoying a signature cocktail in one of the most sophisticated lounge/bars in Dayton. Though, I haven’t had much luck in meeting anyone there..(pause so that my friends can laugh)..it’s still a great place to meet the who’s who in Dayton. So what if you can’t pick up a great catch, pick anything off of the menu and enjoy a good evening out. If nothing else, there are plenty to “just look” at. It’s on my “eye candy” location list.

Catch a Flick. I am strong advocate for going out alone. Trust me when I tell you that many do it and who knows while flying solo you may just meet someone else doing the same. The Neon is a great place to have a drink and watch a flick. It’s a great little theater in the heart of the city and if you have not been there yet, there may be something fundamentally wrong with you. Please check it out.

Comfy Couches. You had to know that I was going to test the theory. Yes, the couches at The Wine Loft are some of the comfiest. Not only that, their wine selection is unmatched. The ambiance is soothing and yes the lights are certainly dim. The staff are class act and so I have to suggest that though it is the perfect setting, keep the making out to minimum. If I’m not mistaken there are few hotels in the surrounding area. Get a room.

Fell in Love at the Coffee Shop. This would be the ultimate scenario for my coffee addiction. To find true love while sipping the one thing I love most? It doesn’t get better than that. I have high hopes still. If you’re coffee shop frequenter Boston Stoker on Brown St. and Press are my favorites. Starbucks in Oakwood is on the list too. Coming soon Ghostlight Coffee. A coffee shop guy is someone I could see myself with. It’s the perfect synergy.

Know Your Worth. – A friend once told me that a girl he was dating was not a “Carriage Ride” type of girl, meaning he didn’t like her enough to spend the money on one. I was sort of appalled but mostly amused. It brought up another interesting topic, does it matter where someone suggests taking you? If someone offers to take you to Coco’s Bistro odds are they think you’re worth it. Let them take you out and enjoy it. Should you question them if they offer to just take you to Panera? Not really, I personally just like Coco’s Bistro and wanted to plug them in this article.

These are some of my favorite places and though I don’t usually start out the night like a maneater out on a mission, it’s better to know exactly what I am getting into before going to a place. I really don’t leave the house with blueprints of the city or a scavenger hunt list, I’ve just identified my favorite places. Someone a while back said that it was difficult to meet people in Dayton and being single was hard in general here. I disagree. If you get out and are open to try new places and meet new people you may just be pleasantly surprised. Don’t limit yourself.

I would love to hear about your favorite first date location in Dayton or where you think is a great place to meet new people. Always looking for new ideas to better optimize the man hunt. Again, kidding. Maybe.

30 Days Positive – In Closing

May 4, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 1 Comment

I thought long and hard about to close this series. I’m not sure that any amount of words could really capture what I have learned over the last month and I don’t think this journey to raise awareness is even near completion. The experience has taught me that letting go of fear sometimes puts you in a remarkable position to help people. Being active in your local community and aware of the issues and causes around the world keeps you in touch with where help is needed…and I never really understood the amount of help truly needed until I let go of my fear in trying to understand the disease.

The goal of this series was to raise awareness through my experiences in learning about the AIDS/HIV virus. I remember growing up and it being a buzz topic, all over the news and media..people were just trying to understand the magnitude of the disease and as I child that couldn’t possibly understand. Time has passed and it’s not something ever really discussed in my circle and by those around me and I started to really wonder, had we forgotten about AIDS?

The stories below capture only some of the stories shared with me. There were many conversations and meetings that I have been asked to leave out of the series due to confidentiality concerns. I respect those wishes and still offer gratitude to all who came forward, it took courage to do so. If ever there is a need or want to reach out again, I encourage that you reach out to me to share your story. In hearing them, I have put to rest a lot of my own misconceptions and in sharing I have done the same for others.

On a personal note, I would like to again thank Lisa Grigsby and her staff at ARC and for the great people sharing things to do in Dayton at Daytonmostmetro.com for allowing me to steer away from my normal column material and work on this series. I will continue to share and connect people to resources on Facebook. Thank you again to all who helped in to spread the word about this series and AIDS.

The Stories

Are We Awake Yet?

This week I had an opportunity to investigate AIDS “now” on more of a global level. An estimated 40,000 children in South Africa are infected with HIV each year reflecting an impoverished region lacking in both awareness and prevention. 40,000 Children…and the number of premature deaths due to HIV/AIDS has risen significantly over the last decade from 39 percent to 75 percent in 2010 in South Africa. It is estimated there are 1.9 million AIDS orphans where one or both parents are deceased in South Africa and that the HIV/AIDS epidemic is responsible for half of the country’s orphans. Read More

A Love Story

Have you ever considered that many contract the HIV virus on accident, through no fault of their own? It is something I personally never really thought about until recently, that there are people out there who are responsible and take precautions but still can be exposed and infected. Both tragic and somewhat scary to think about, I sat down this week with a person who had that very thing happen. Read More

Tested – A Moment of Clarity

With cold, clammy hands and a lump in my throat I dialed from the lobby phone at ARC, Dayton OH – “I’m here to be tested.” I’m 32 years old, why was this my first time here? Getting tested for the HIV virus is something I had thought about many times but actually doing it has been something that frightened me and for one reason alone. Doing so would force me to face the reality of some poor decision making and uncover and bring to light, my internal and self confidence issues that ultimately lead to making those decisions. Read More

A Journey Towards Change

Last week I dropped a hint that I had been working on a story and this week I have a little more to tell. This isn’t about dating, my life of chaos or anything most who know me would expect me to write about. What I am about to embark on will challenge me emotionally and force me to face a fear that I admittedly have had for my entire life and am not proud of. Read More

How You Can Help.

AIDS.gov

Avert

ACT:s

ARC

WE>AIDS

30 Days Positive – Follow the Journey

Upcoming Fundraising Events

Fleurs Et Vin

The “Golden Child” Gets the Golden Ticket: Idol Dreams Becoming a Reality

April 26, 2011 By Dayton937 Leave a Comment

Could you imagine in your wildest dreams that every singing lesson you took, choir you sang in, musical you performed in, and talent show you placed in could lead up to one of the biggest moments of your life? For one local young man, his wildest dreams may be becoming a reality.

Michael Anthony Disney's Hollywood American Idol Experience Winner

Hoping to follow in the footsteps of past American Idol greats such as Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Ruben Studdard, and Jordin Sparks, is a 15-year- old Dayton prodigy Michael Anthony of Miami Valley High School. Michael has earned himself the Disney’s Hollywood Studios’ American Idol Experience Golden Ticket that could make the ambitious teen’s vocalist dreams come true.

Michael, who is also involved in theatre and choir at his high school, began expressing his talent as an infant, when he would hum Barney tunes in front of the television. At the tender age of 8 months, Michael’s mother, Miracle Monette Troutman, knew her son had something special from the very beginning, hence the name “Golden Child.”

Miracle said, “Not even in my wildest dreams, would I have been able to imagine that my son could be an audition away, from possibly becoming the next American Idol. No matter what happens, I am so proud of him. Michael receiving the Golden Ticket was a huge accomplishment in itself.”

Michael was able to win over the judges with his R&B, Pop and Acoustic musical sound, at the American Idol Experience audition in Florida; which landed him a Golden Ticket to audition for any upcoming season of the American Idol. Michael’s mature polished sound and remarkable vocal range is what will make him a contender for a top spot on Idol.

A major incentive for Michael winning the American Idol Golden Ticket is he gets front of the line access for an audition, which will guarantee him the opportunity to sing his heart out in front of the star studded American Idol judges.

Michael jokingly stated, “I hope my audition does not end up in the blooper section!”

Michael plans on auditioning this summer for his chance at stardom and would like to audition closer to home [i.e. Chicago] for the 2012 season of American Idol.

Michael added, “There was a man from last season [2010] that had the same golden ticket as I have and he made it to the top five. This is very encouraging to me and I can’t wait to give it my all.”

Michael is motivated and believes his chances at making it to Hollywood are great.

In order for the “Golden Child” to receive the American Idol Experience Golden Ticket, he had to beat out the competition at Disney’s Hollywood Studios’ in Orlando, Florida. Michael was then voted by an audience of his peers and onlookers as the winner by interactive key pad for the chance to sing his heart out for all of America.

Michael Canada may still be a kid, but the competition was not based on his age; rather, his talent and ability to wow the judges and prove that he deserved to go on to the next round. Michael stated, “I competed against people in their forties and was not even old enough to cash in my American Idol Golden Ticket at the time, you have to be at least fifteen to go on the show. Going up against adults and stiff competition was intimidating, but I gave it my best. I am so happy I won.”

Michael’s own personal idols are Sidney Poitier, Michael Jackson, Will Smith and his mentor Quentin Darrington [Broadway Musical Actor].

Canada is not only a singing sensation but also a scholar, obtaining a 3.8 Grade Point Average in his Honors courses at the Miami Valley School and attributes his scholastic success to super supportive mother.

Michael quoted, “Momma don’t play that!” referring to Miracle’s stern, but loving approach when it comes to his scholastic success.

Miracle stated, “The money put towards Michael’s education is well worth it, because he is such a good smart kid.”

, Mitchelle and Christian [Brothers]”]Michael is much like any other 15-year-old who likes to hang out with friends and participate in extracurricular activities at his school. When Michael is not somewhere performing or developing his musical talents, he enjoys being a big brother to his two younger siblings 11 year old Mitchell Canada, who plays quarterback for Trotwood Madison Middle School and five year old Christian Troutman, who loves playing video games. Michael also enjoys reading, acting and spending quiet time alone when he is able to.

Michael quoted, “I am a pretty easy going guy. I like to just chill by myself at home and read.”

Michael and his mother Miracle both had strong closing statements to share with the public. Miracle stated, “Don’t give up on your kids, be active in their lives. Your children can be your destiny. What I was not able to become, I know my sons would be.”

Michael added, “Don’t underestimate yourself. Stay humble and just go for it [your dreams].”

30 Days Positive – Children Caring for Children

April 20, 2011 By Shana Lloyd Leave a Comment

The global HIV/AIDS epidemic is an unprecedented crisis that requires an unprecedented response. In particular it requires solidarity — between the healthy and the sick, between rich and poor, and above all, between richer and poorer nations. We have 30 million orphans already. How many more do we have to get, to wake up?”
— Kofi Annan – 2001

Are We Awake Yet?

Left Behind.

In some cases orphaned, often HIV infected, children are cared for by institutions but with an overwhelming amount of children and lack of resources it is seemingly impossible to help them all, let alone stop the cycle from continuing.

This week I met with Felito Utuie, who is here in Dayton, OH visiting from Mozambique. At 29 years old, he has spent a majority of his life focused on outreach and missions to improve the quality of life for 1000s of people. Felito, explained the devastating numbers of children who are left with no one to care for them because of the still growing AIDS epidemic. His regions lack of educational resources forces many fathers to leave their families for work in other cities because they don’t have adequate training, being gone for years at time. He describes, infidelity as being fairly common and husbands succumbing to temptation from prostitutes while being away from their wives for long periods of time. This has lead to the rise of infection being spread and when they return to their villages, so does the HIV virus; infecting their wives and increasing mother-to-child infection. This cycle has lead to some over 380,000 orphans in Gaza, a region where Felito has ventured upon his next outreach. One of which, he believes will have a remarkable impact.

“Children caring of children” is how Felito explained the devastating numbers of those with no one to care for them. We know that the loss of a parent has an immense emotional impact on child but to be without any else to care for them once their gone is a far worse tragedy. An estimated 70 percent of those orphaned are the result of losing their parent to the AIDS virus in South Africa.

A New Village

I felt chills listening to the stories and watching Felito as he talked about his journey and how for most of his life his path has been to help others. I referred to his vision as being a new village as he laid out the blueprints of what he was planning because calling it an orphanage really does it no justice. A center of stability, education, empowerment and most importantly one which will provide the family dynamic these children so desperately need is what Felito is getting ready to create. While his focus is to help with the short term needs of the orphans the home will be residence to, he has also considered heavily what he can do to stop the cycle by working with adults and caretakers as well as educating the young.

I asked Felito for a ballpark figure of the costs associated with his plan thinking he was going to have to raise some unfathomable amount and was floored when he said, ” Only $50,000 to build the orphanage.” Individual homes for both the children and their caretakers, recreational programs, education and career centers, land for farming and livestock are among several other offerings including health and wellness all on 73 Acres of Lands will cost $2 million to complete however which he will rely on donation partly for.

Despite awareness campaigns, accurate knowledge about HIV and AIDS is still poor amongst the people and children Felito has come across on his missions and he would also like to focus more on educating on prevention. I had to sit back and take a breath because I couldn’t really put my hands around one person taking on such mission, but he his and I was in awe.

I asked about government barriers and if there were anything hindering him from moving forward. Felito described his efforts as being met with little resistance but that most officials (Chiefs) wanted something for themselves in return for “allowing his efforts which was of no real surprise to him or myself. Politics are the same no matter what side of the world you are on.

Could one person really be so selfless to embark on such a journey? The answer was clearly yes, but Felito also explained his personal connection to the AIDS virus. Having a brother who had died from the disease, Felito understood first hand the devasting affects the disease has on both the infected and their loved ones. Healthcare and AIDS resources in South African Countries are substantially different then that of other countries, though minimal improvements have been made. It is evident that awareness and prevention are measurable efforts that these countries will rely on more in years to come.

More on AIDS and South Africa

While AIDS continues to be a global concern, almost all those living with HIV (97%) reside in low- and middle-income countries, particularly in sub-Saharan Africa approximately 22.4 million people. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), most people living with HIV or at risk for HIV do not have access to prevention, care, and treatment in these countries affected. South Africa’s HIV and AIDS epidemic has had a devastating effect on children in a number of ways. There were an estimated 330,000 under 15 years old living with HIV in 2009. Other infectious diseases, food insecurity, and economic instability plague these regions and though an astounding amount of funds and programs have been given to create new programs for awareness and prevention, the fight still continues.

How You Can Help.

AIDS.gov

Avert

ACT:s

ARC

WE>AIDS

30 Days Positive – Follow the Journey

I commend Felito on his efforts and I am honored to have had the chance to sit down with him. I am once again reminded of the magnitude of AIDS and how it is affecting the world around me. I look forward to following him on his journey, our continued friendship and one day visiting his village and partaking on his mission.

AIDS is a global problem and there should be a global solution found by the entire international community. It is really scary to see and imagine our world fall into pieces because we refuse to share and put in the common vestiges of our civilizations.
Sarah Polley

30 Days Positive – A Love Story

April 13, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 2 Comments

Follow the Journey

Due to the confidential nature of this person’s story I have left a lot of the personal details out to protect their anonymity.

A Life Well Planned Out

We all have plans for our lives and what we want to accomplish both professionally and personally is something we often think about far in advance of those “life happenings” that set us off our track. Seldom do we think about the “what-ifs” and often we are not prepared. For the purpose of telling this story I will refer to him as John.

John always knew that he wanted to serve his country and that the military was where he saw himself having the most impact on the world he lived in. At a very young age he believed that joining the service was his purpose and giving back was something he had passion for. For years he did just that. As many soldiers do, come time for reenlistment, John’s passion to serve remained and without pause made the decision to continue after his duty had been complete. In the process, it was discovered that all of John’s medical records had been lost and that in order to reenlist he would have to go through all of the standard testing he did when he first joined. John believes that was a sign. Life was about to change.

A call was placed to John shortly after his results had come in and he was notified by administration that he would have to come in for further evaluation. Frightened and confused he agreed and after further evaluation he was informed that he was HIV Positive.

Positive

John had been married and committed to both his wife and family throughout his service. He knew that there was nothing he had done to compromise them or his own health. While in service and overseas, John had emergency dental work performed under what he described as unsanitary and not of standard procedural conditions. It was the one and only time that he could think of that he was at risk, and that one time was enough in the 90’s. John was diagnosed in 1999. No longer able to serve his country in the way he had desired his entire life and faced with the fear of losing everything he’d worked for, John was lost.

Though his marriage survived for quite some time it eventually came to an end because of other reasons which he explained. He maintains that his wife was supportive but the relationship was no longer working and they both decided to move on. Alone for the first time, John faced the fear that it would be impossible to find love again, to find someone who would understand and support him. I myself wondered that very thing as we was talking. Emotional wreck that I am, I’ve often wondered who would love me with all of my tattoos and baggage but this just made my worries seem so ridiculous.

A New Life

Though he struggled with not being able to return to active duty, John remained positive that life did exist post diagnosis. He persisted and held on to his passion and ultimately found another way to do what he loved doing and be part of something bigger than himself and has been successful in doing so. “Treatment and living with the virus has changed substantially over the decade”, he explained. Once a 12 pill a day regimen to now just 1, John explained that it wasn’t something he even thought about much anymore. With great energy he exclaimed that, “he was the healthiest and happiest that he had ever been in life.” Sitting next to him during the interview, was his quiet and bashful now wife, a woman who I found to be both admirable and genuine. Throughout the interview they were holding hands and smiling at one another and all I kept thinking was if I am ever to be in successful relationship this is probably what it’s supposed to be like.

Though John struggled for a long time thinking that he would never find love again, through initially a strong friendship he was able to find the person who if you sat across from you’d come to the same conclusion as I did; these two were meant to find one another. Their story about when John broke the news to his now wife about being HIV Positive oddly enough, brought laughter to both as they discussed the evening it took place. John remembered being more nervous than at any point in his life and let’s call her Jane, was laughing when she described her response as less than concerned and relieved that it wasn’t “something major”. Is this a sign that true love sees past black and white or that society as a whole has become more comfortable and truly understands the disease? The optimist in me would like to believe both.

AIDS in 2011

33.4 million are currently living with HIV/AIDS globally, more than one million people are living with HIV in the U.S. One in five living with HIV is unaware of their infection and though a small percentage has been through accidental infection the fact remains that those cases do exist.

Graph of Men/Women living with AIDS in the USA

“It is what it is. I don’t think about it really anymore..in fact, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been .. even before being diagnosed. I don’t let the fact that I am HIV positive rule my life..I’m successful and happy.” In closing, John offered me one thought which I pondered for hours after the interview. That things in life will happen, things which no matter how hard we try we will never be prepared for but with conviction and hope, life will continue as it was meant to be. Part of this series was to bring to light that there is world around us with people who are facing real problems and often we get caught up in things that really don’t matter. Remember that today is today and tomorrow brings opportunity for new. Help those in need and live a meaningful life respecting and appreciating what you’ve been given because out there is someone who has less. Just something to think about.

Meeting John and his wife has evolved my thinking of this disease as well as how I view my own life.

30 Days Positive – TESTED “A Moment of Clarity”

April 6, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 2 Comments

Follow the Journey

Above All, Love Yourself

In life we love. In fact, finding love and being with someone for the rest of our lives is something each of us desire at one time or another. We often say that with love comes hurt and though at times it does, love can certainly have other consequences. Often we get caught up in the emotions and happiness of finding someone that we neglect not only our own needs but also tend to lose the relationship between ourselves and that inner feeling that keeps us from making well thought out decisions. We focus on protecting our hearts and fade out that inner voice that helps to protect what’s more important – our lives. I am willing to bet that I am not alone on this one.

The Ghost of Sexual Past

One of the things in the past that I have not always considered is that though I may have been somewhat responsible throughout my life, I’d rarely question a partner, a boyfriend that is, on their responsible decision making. Naïve as it may sound I never once second guessed what I’ve been told with regard to the sexual past of my partners. I’ll question their commitment to me, where they’ve been late at night and who they’ve been hanging out with but not who they’ve slept with? Strange. Over the last two years I have determined that in love I become a total ass. I get caught up in a fairy tale and lose sight of what is important. Only over the last year of my life do I fully understand what it means to respect not only yourself but your body and how important it is that your value of yourself take precedent over all else.

Have You Ever?

Those who know me know the things I’ve had to overcome in the last two years. Admittedly, I have chosen to have a good time rather than face the issues at hand from one time or another. As I sat there in the testing room with the Counselor answering the standard questions and my answering no to most, I had flashbacks of several occasions when I was in no position to make any kind of decision let alone go home with someone which probably would have lead to more answers being yes. Luckily, my friends have kept me out of harm’s way on numerous occasions but what if they hadn’t been there? One stupid mistake and life as I knew it could have changed in an instant. I thank God every day that because of the support I have in my life that I now value myself more and do my best to keep out of sticky situations but there is always that chance when you are feeling down to succumb to behavior that will aid in making the wrong decision. View your life as the miracle it is and never forget that.

Negative.

Was I surprised? Not in the least yet waiting for the Counselor to turn the swab around was the longest 15 minutes of my life. The experience was eye wakening and the conversation was life changing. If you are one of the people that still thinks of AIDS as being a GAY or Drug User disease, you’re wrong and that thinking is detrimental to awareness being raised amongst all. I assure you ALL of us need to be more aware. Think back through your life and understanding the risks, there may have been a time that you too once put yourself into the red zone. Though you may not think that your behavior is risky if you think back to every sexual encounter you’ve had I’m positive there was a time when you weren’t always of sound mind…more than likely there was a spontaneous moment or two. If not, keep up the good work. I commend you but always consider all the factors because remember it isn’t just where you have been but where your partner has been. Know and understand all of the risks. I don’t think after going through the testing that I will put myself at risk again. A negative read had a positive impact.

The Correlation

I share my above experiences only because I know many of us have been there. I would never criticize anyone for how they choose to live their life but I would encourage that from time to time you think about how much you really respect your own life. If at times your behavior or actions indicate that you’ve not fully considered the impact on your life those actions may have, then it may be time to rethink how you’re living your life. Respect yourself and the lives of others. AIDS is not one dimensional. It is a disease of mothers, fathers, grandparents, children, men and women whether not by fault or by one mistake this disease is affecting millions and no one “type” in particular.

Never violate the sacredness of your individual self-respect. – Theodore Parker

More Stats

Know the Risks

Get Tested

AIDS Resource Center Ohio is proud to offer an orally administered, rapid result HIV test. The test is free, painless, and quick! The test is administered confidentially and anonymously by request and requires only a swab of cheek cells from inside your mouth. Twenty minutes later and under normal circumstances, you will be presented with preliminary positive results about your current HIV status.

30 Days Positive – A Journey Towards Change.

March 31, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 8 Comments

30 Days Positive – AIDS …Then and Now. – Follow the Journey on Facebook

AIDS

The very thought of AIDS, contracting, being around people with the disease even just hearing the disease mentioned is something that has always triggered a myriad of emotions that frighten me to my core. Though there have been advances in medicine, treatments and research towards finding a cure, still to this day for me it’s something I’d rather not know about, something I’ve just closed my eyes to. That is about to change and for many reasons. Facing my fear is a huge part of why I am about to do what I am but another reason is to help people out there who share my fear, and I know you’re out there.

30 Days Positive

Every 9½ minutes, someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV. The impact of the HIV epidemic continues to span the nation with HIV diagnoses, since the first cases of what later became known as AIDS were reported in the United States in June of 1981. Globally, more than 25 million people have died of AIDS since the first cases were reported in 1981. AIDS has become one of the world’s most serious health and development challenges. Despite being a growing epidemic, awareness has lead to prevention and helped to reduce HIV prevalence rates in a small but growing number. The fight still continues.

Admittedly, I know very little about the disease and what it means to be a person then and now battling the virus that has killed 25 million people. What I do know or feel now, is that my problems and those of many others are nothing in comparison to what those diagnosed and living with the disease face on a daily basis. For the next 30 days, I will walk in their shoes.

Over the next 30 Days I will open my life up entirely to candid and heartfelt discussions with those newly diagnosed and those who have been living with the disease for years. I will learn about the risks today compared to then and what awareness has done to impact prevention both in our region, across the nation and globally. I will experience what it means to be a person in 2011 with the disease through partaking in all of the daily routines. I will learn and share what is being done to educate and prevent the spread. This ongoing series will capture not only the emotions but the struggles faced by a person living with AIDS in 2011. It will also identify what we as humans can do to help with those struggling today both here in Dayton and around the world because out of sight is NOT out of mind.

Why Do This?

Those who know me know that I am often caught saying, “Get a real problem to complain about.” To explain, I feel that there are many of us who walk through this life baffled and stressed by such trivial matters and nothing will change in the world until we realize there is much more going on around us that deserves those emotions and acknowledgement. As human beings, it is OUR responsibility to reach out and help those around us, with whatever they are dealing with when we have the opportunity to do so. For a very long time, I lived my life in a bubble very narrow in my mindset about the purpose of my life and what it means to be a good person. My profession has opened my eyes to a world around me with people whom are in desperate need of help, of caring and understanding but most importantly for a world of people around THEM to wake up and take action. It’s time to take action.

I would like to thank ARC and Lisa Grisby in advance for agreeing to let me be a part of what they are doing and allowing me to take part on what is not just a story but a chapter of my life that will forever change who I am. Thank you also to Daytonmostmetro.com for letting me stray away from my rants and do something more meaningful. I encourage you to follow me on this journey. There will be columns, video as well as an opportunity to participate in conversations on social channels but I will adhere to confidentially and respect to all who participate. Throughout this series I will also identify and capture ways in which you too can get involved. My only goal in doing this is to open eyes and use what little influence I have for good because I know in my heart that hundreds, thousands maybe even millions still know as little as I do. Whether because of fear or just lack of awareness it has to change.

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.” – Edward Everett Hale

One Big Status Update

March 24, 2011 By Shana Lloyd Leave a Comment

I am working on a major story, my organization is growing rapidly, my dating life is a smashing hit (sorta), I have great friends, a supportive family and life is generally good. What does this mean? I really have nothing to write about this week and I was struggling for days on what I could share with my fellow Daytonians. I recently quit Facebook so perhaps one big status update would make a nice column? Who knows but it’s what you’re getting this week.

Introspective lately, I’ve started to weigh in on why life is so good and I attribute it ALL to positive thinking. You know..not giving up, making the best out of what your given, never backing down and always moving forward. What I’ve realized during my Facebook Lenten Pause is that hanging out on the real time web all day exposes a person to a great deal of negativity. Some days still, I find myself wanting to log off just to not have to read it. However since I absolutely insist on living a life overly exposed to information, logging off just isn’t an option. I’ve also realized that people, friends included have suddenly forgot the original purpose of having a phone which is to talk. It’s as if conversations can’t find their way off the social network wall, have we really become less interested in real human interaction? I no longer think privacy is the only concern with regard to social media. Now, I am more concerned about this shift in our culture that is changing the dynamic of our relationships and not always for the better.

2 Weeks In

Before I continue, in no way am I blaming a social network for these good things in my life not happening prior to my pause. I blame myself for allowing Facebook to become such a distraction from real life, although I am starting to firmly believe that by design, Facebook is meant and purposed with being the ultimate distraction. In any case, in the last couple of weeks I have eliminated that distraction and much to my surprise I’ve progressed both professionally and personally… noticeably.

With all this free time on my hands (not really) I have managed to put a great deal of focus into several projects thereby resulting in completion of many. I have identified several personal weaknesses (flaws) directly related to my time being consumed by playing around on the internets, having my nose lodged in a news feed, checking comments and “likes” as if I needed them to get by in life. All great qualities let me tell you. I had issues and I was starting to develop a complex. Signing off changed things though, dramatically and in a short time. What about Twitter? People keep asking me about this and all I can say is that my Twitter community is supportive and informative, two things I need in life. Doesn’t everyone? Translate that however you want but Twitter not now nor ever distracted me from living a meaningful life. It’s done the exact opposite truthfully and connected me with real people, doing great things and sharing those things in an openly freely friendly manner. That’s a lot of .ly’s, no pun. Whether the people around me what to admit that or not, I know they see it too. I’ve noticed more people in my circle Tweeting more than Facebooking, as well as a lot of new comers finally jumping into the stream. I’m such a trend setter. That was a joke. Rock on though Klout trouts.

I can’t help but laugh lately when people come to me and say, “Did you see what so and so said on Facebook.” It brings me great pleasure in life to say, “no..I didn’t.”

Back to what I’ve been up to. I’ve really put a great deal of energy into CultureMASH and helping the organizations both myself and my organization have committed to. I’ve also been able to implement some new initiatives at my “real job” that I am really excited about. I’ve had more one on ones in two weeks then I had in the last 4 months preceding the Lenten Pause. I am getting ready to partake on a real in-depth journalism / documentary series that I am very excited about. Lastly, I left my cell phone in my purse long enough to notice a few really cool dudes. Holler.

What was my problem?

If I were any more digital I’d be bionic. The internet is highly addictive. Especially for a person with an obsessive need to learn as much as time allows in a 24 hour period. The information, the people, the communities .. the world .. are all talking now and I can’t help but listen. I’ve been nosy since conception, Twitter suits that flaw but in a good way. I am still not entirely sure why Facebook had me so withdrawn but at the end of 40 Days, I hope to figure it out. I was too connected. So I had to cut back and Facebook made perfect sense as a starting point. Clearly, I made the right choice. In a previous column, I addressed our society becoming so obsessed with social network sites and how it was changing our culture…good and bad. Taking a step back has allowed me to see that neglecting my life off the wall and out of the stream was leading me down a lonely path.

Debbie Downer.

No, I am not. No one appreciates the value of online communities and sharing information and stories daily, better than I. I get it and more than most. However, there has to be a balance. I don’t think too many people will read this and not second guess their overuse and self indulgence level of social networking, at least in my circle. We are all internet junkies but when your life starts to suffer or lack real human interaction because you are so plugged in, maybe a rest would be beneficial. Try it. You may like it. If not, the nurturing and co-dependent webernets will be there with open arms for your return. I promise.

Update Complete.

To all those who have messaged me and asked me to return to the Book, you’re sweet. I’ve not been silenced I just moved entirely to a different location to express myself. There are bets going on whether or not I will return, at this point..I don’t believe so..but who knows. Thanks for reading.

Define Leader?

March 18, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 2 Comments

Taking a break from dating debacles and reverting back to some real pressing matters I bring to you a column on leadership. Inspired by a great many things, this column is a hommage to all things community and what I feel is the true definition of leadership. This article in no way suggests that I believe there to be a distinct crisis in meaning, or translation rather, of the word leadership. I swear.

The first thing that comes to mind is that to lead one must eliminate the desire for recognition and move forward leaving their egos behind and narrowing in on building community, whether organizational or neighborhood. Leadership is visionary and while coincidentally that may result in becoming an iconic public figure, these two characteristics are not so reliant upon one another. Case and point? A leader doesn’t require a great deal of exposure to lead. Those who embrace this ideology, in my opinion are the individuals who truly lead with passion, both selflessly and successfully.

What the Hell is she Babbling About?

Being the Founder of an organization whose mission is to support and help build community through true advocacy and volunteerism, I have had the pleasure of meeting and working with some remarkable people. Daily, I am astounded by the initiatives and work of those who are leading this region into a vast and flourishing future. So much so, that I no longer question Dayton’s bright horizon. While recognition is warranted seldom do I hear their names mentioned. Humble and focused on the bigger picture, these people don’t feel it necessary to be rewarded by public attention, however I believe the city and its people would be inspired by hearing more about their stories.

The Leaders (My Inspiration)

Scott Sliver – The Hope Foundation of Greater Dayton

Rosemary Dannin – The Foodbank Dayton

Shondale Atkinson – The Mustard Seed Foundation Home

There was a reason I chose these three people to speak at the launch of my organization last winter. It may sound entirely strange, but I don’t think that I really understood what it meant to build community and cultivate all the good there is in a region to form an alliance and do great things, until I met these three individuals. Their stories and deep personal connection to their organizations’ missions is something out of the ordinary to me. Their passion and focus on the big picture “Dayton”, is something to be commended.

It is because of these three people I know that each day, I think about what I can do to make a difference in someone else’s life. Why I challenge myself to be great and to lead with vision not personal gain. Most of my adolescent life I struggled with wanting to be part of the in crowd, with wanting my name known and in the last few years of my life I have let go of such superficial ideals and focused on what I was put here to do and that is … change lives. Surrounding myself with people like Scott, Shondale and Rosemary is what keeps me grounded. By definition, these three people are leaders and both selflessly and successfully. They are the “We”, the “Us”, and the “Our” in this region who every day of their lives put the well being of others and their city before their own. That is leadership and that is what will ultimately shift and shape “a new” in our region. They are GEMS of Dayton and there are many more.

The spotlight is a great place to be but can distract and poison at times, a leader’s vision. If you’re struggling because you feel unrecognized think more about the lives you have already touched rather than getting attention from those you for whatever reason have not yet. Remember that there is no finish line in leadership, certainly not an award or medal.

The other day I asked my Twitter community to define leadership and the recurring theme was putting your ego aside. So I leave you with a quote of encouragement to back that theme.

“Recognition may stroke the ego, but touching lives will stroke the soul” – Shana Douglas

If you’ve been given an opportunity to lead…there is a reason. Never doubt yourself.

The Day Pigs Flew (I Quit Facebook)

March 9, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 7 Comments

Last night I announced that I would be giving up all text communication for 40 Days, a sacrifice unheard of in this day and technical age. I wasn’t surprised by all the comments of utter shock that I would choose to do so. Over lunch today, I started to rethink text communication and how texting just doesn’t cover this instantaneous messaging madness and actually provokes more digital communication by way of email and direct messages. So, instead of just texting…I’ve decided to give up Facebook for 40 Days. Go ahead and say, “She’s nuts.” No, I am really not.

For months I’ve been struggled with being condemned for being happy about all of the exciting things happening in my life. Can you imagine being told by your supposed friends that “your success is hard to watch.” The fact is, I am always happy, even when I was working retail at Macy’s at 16, because I find the joys in every aspect of my life big or small and when something major happens it’s becomes an emotional overload, my bad. Being in the spotlight isn’t easy and had I decided to argue about my happiness, I might have said for all the work that I do I kind of deserve it. I don’t however because in the great scheme of things what people think really doesn’t matter. Frankly, the sadness and lack of gratitude and appreciation for life in general is what’s hard to watch on Facebook and I find joy in seeing people who are happy. If you don’t, you should probably re-evaluation your life.

Am I quitting Facebook because of haters? Nope. I am taking a sabbatical in an effort to stimulate real conversation verse real time web conversations and building more solid relationships with my network, family and friends. I plan on having more one on ones and really getting to know the people that matter so that I can continue to use my God given talents to help them; without broadcasting it on Facebook all day. Given my profession, this will be difficult for me to do. However, I think focusing all of my energy on my job, my projects, writing and growing my organization will present more direct and positive results in my life.

Whether you’re religious or not the purpose of Lent is to acknowledge the ultimate sacrifice and realize that in our lives, there are things that are more of a convenience than a need. I am also reminded that persecution will never cease, motives will always be questioned but if you are determined to do good then nothing anyone says or does will change that. As transparent as you think you are those around you will always question you.

The best way to live a meaningful life and make a difference, is to do so with little fuss. The difference I make can be seen in the lives of those whom I touch, not a news feed on Facebook.

40 Days from now…I will be a better person.

Booze, Coffee…Love

March 2, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 3 Comments

I’m sure my parents will be happy that I left out cigars or cigarettes. After my last column I am trying to avoid a comment war, I hope you’ve all recovered from that by the way. Well, I guess you could consider this column a delightful little follow up or at best an attempt to explain why I think I am still single. Frankly, I get a lot of mixed reviews from all the people in my life and really I think it’s because I choose to be and that’s what has so many baffled.

Clean-Up on Aisle……..Me.

It’s taken me a really long time to look at myself and accept the things I needed to change and looking back I’d guarantee those things were the demise of most of my relationships. Self-confidence was always questionable no matter how many told me the potential I had. Love or life, I’ve always had it in me to turn crap to gold. We all do. The title of this week’s column reads wrong, pardon me but we are going to go backwards a bit. Fixing me was the easy part, understanding love not so much. I recently asked the question on Facebook, “What does love mean to you?”, because frankly I think part of my problem is that I have no idea what the hell it is. I know the movie and tv version…even the Vampire Novel version but when it comes to the real world I got nothing.

Here are some of my favorite answers from last night though.

“Real love is a decision to share a life and be in relationship someone, in spite of personal faults or failings (ours or theirs)”.

“Comfort”

100% honesty, no matter how hard…

”Putting someone else’s well being first — and never feeling resentful for doing it.”

Favorites yes, frightening to me however, even more. Why? Because if these statements are true well then I know for sure that I’ve never been there entirely. Whether myself or my partners, the above mentioned notions seem almost grandiose from where I stand. Though I’ve said the words and have thought I’d felt that way, only recently do I realize that I didn’t and more than likely I was just going along with the motions.

If you’re curious what MY answer was…”being able to hang out in jammies and a Family Guy Tshirt eating ice cream and not worrying about what I look like.” I’m guessing that’s what one of my friends meant by comfort. I do love people. I love plenty of people but being in love is an entirely different schtick one I’ve yet to master. I also love things…guess where I am headed next in this fine writing specimen? Why am I single?

Shaken Not Stirred.

I enjoy going out and spending time with friends yet I am always apologizing for it, as if it’s some law that I’ve got to settle down and play house just because I am in my 30s. I enjoy meeting new people, hearing their stories and just not caring about whether or not I have someone on my arm. Either way I’m a good time, not “party plates” fun or anything, don’t get the wrong idea. For my readers on the East Coast, in Ohio they don’t suspend driving privileges they just give repeat offenders yellow license plates to identify their habits to the public. That’s a whole other column in the future on when I feel bold enough to start attacking legislation, not there just quite yet. Anyway, going out on occasion is something I do. So, “you gotta quit that partying, and settle down” is not the answer. I bet there’s a fella out there who’d enjoy a few dirty martinis with me occasionally, it’s no sin.

Java Jonesing

If you think I have an addictive personality after reading this you’ve read it all wrong, I promise you. My constant need for coffee just equates to the fact that I am busy. I don’t half ass anything and being involved in so many things it’s pretty rare to find me available to go out on a date. I’ve even joked about wanting a “Sunday Boyfriend” and the one guy I’ve had a crush on for years told me that’s his busiest day. That’s my luck. You read right, years. My friends and I joke that I am being punished for mental cheating years ago, that it’s some sort of Karma. The guy is a like some magical male version of myself and a good friend and after just a few conversations with him these strange thoughts entered my mind. Good news is he’s even busier than me, so hopefully I can figure it out before he realizes what a dork I really am. I’ve already said too much on that. Back to coffee and my schedule, people keep telling me that the right person will make finding a balance easy. Well Mr. Balance wherever you are I’d gladly welcome your attendance in to my normally chaotic and unbalanced life. Bring it. Maybe there is no Mr. Right maybe it’s Mr. Balance I’ve been waiting for all my whole life?

Or maybe it’s just really that I am too focused on other areas of my life to think about it. I’m busy, is really putting it lightly. Instead of finding happiness with just one other, I am trying to find happiness with thousands, millions..even more by doing something positive and meaningful with my life only in a different way. I want to make a difference in other people’s lives because at the present time, I am finally confident and happy about my own life, single or not. When will this be enough? Yes I want to be dazzled and in love..yes, settling down and the family is what I want. I think I’d make a kickass wife one day but when the time is right it will happen. So what I am saying is layoff us single gals and let us ride the wave at our own pace. Love happens when it’s meant to. Just like everything else in life.

On Tv Love.

Speaking of making a difference, if there are any ladies out there who feel the pressure I do hopefully this rant has helped you in some way. Screw Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big join me for a martini and we can discuss finding this Mr. Balance. Maybe the reason we are single is because it’s our choice .. for the time being anyway. Just enjoy life and be happy.

Till next week <3

Middle East Turmoil: View from an American Girl in Cairo

March 1, 2011 By Dayton937 1 Comment

The author, her father and sister by the Giza Pyramids outside Cairo, Egypt.

The author atop a camel as her father holds her sister by the Giza Pyramids outside Cairo, Egypt.

“If I’m going to die, I wanna have my combat boots on!”

It is March 1987, and I am standing in gym class with my fellow restless sophomores watching plumes of smoke twist through the sky just past the edges of the campus of our school, Cairo American College. Egyptian police recruits ― at that time, all young Egyptian men were drafted into mandatory service ― are rioting. Enraged about low pay and poor working conditions, they’re setting buildings on fire and releasing people from prisons, one of which is a few blocks from our school. As teenagers, our foremost concern, of course, is the morbid fear of being captured or set on fire dressed in lame nylon shorts and T-shirts rather than in our ultra cool ’80s punk rock/new wave/neon gear purchased in places like London and Brussels.

Turns out, we did get to change clothes. And I admit many of us were concerned for our siblings, friends and family. I fetched my kid sister from her elementary classroom and walked her to the theater building, where everyone on the K-12 campus populated by a crew of international students was gathering. Parents came to pick up their kids, rushing into cars with their heads ducked as if a bullet might land in their skulls at any moment. We were out of school for more than a week. It was mayhem, sure, but kind of like snow days in a country where having to wear a lightweight jacket meant it was “cold.” When we returned to school, work already had started on the construction of a new wall that wrapped around the campus, thick and tall.

The author and her high school friends standing in front of the gate of Cairo American College.

Kristen and her high school BFFs stand in front of the massive wall built around the Cairo American College campus following police riots in 1987.

I lived in Cairo, Egypt, from 1983-1987, compliments of my father, a civilian at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. So, of course, it is with great interest that I’ve been following the Egyptian revolution and its aftermath that’s been unfolding in the city I always will deeply love. After all, Mubarak was a newly minted president when we arrived. We actually were supposed to move to Cairo sooner, but plans were delayed after Anwar Sadat was assassinated in 1981. Mubarak is the man who took Sadat’s place.

The Egyptian police recruit riots weren’t the first live-action Middle Eastern upsets to which I’d had a front-row seat. Actually, the riots were like patty cake compared to the Iranian Revolution in 1979, which unfolded when I was a kid living in Iran (more on that in another column). We not only were pulled out of school but had to be evacuated from the country. Now, that is an uprising.

The bottom line: I’ve been spending so much time following the unrest melting across the Middle East like butter on toast I haven’t made time to finish writing about it. Naturally, I started with a precise, analytical and insightful commentary on my view about the recent events. Just. Like. Everyone. Else. Then I realized no one, including myself, cares what I think.

Instead, I’d like to tell just some of the stories that show what it was like ― an American girl in the 1980s ― to live in the ancient metropolis of Cairo. Because, really, it was as unfamiliar as being on a moonscape. Now, I haven’t visited Cairo since 1995, when it sure had changed since my last visit nearly 10 years prior, so it may be less unkempt and raucous these days. But let me give a few examples of the way things were ― those things that made it so different from the United States that it truly is remarkable ― and deeply inspiring ― that a revolution could bubble up from the streets and topple a long-standing, powerful, entrenched regime.

A boab wearing a galabaya steers a felucca on the Nile.

A boab wearing a traditional galabaya steers a small sailboat, called a felucca, on the Nile River.

First: the dead bodies. See, in Cairo traffic there was no such thing as “lanes.” Or even center lines. Just wide stretches of concrete, lots of dangerous traffic circles and maniac drivers with one hand on the car horn at all times. One stretch of “highway” even had large utility poles right in the middle of it. To get a driver’s license, you had your blood pressure checked. Then off you went! When accidents happened, the bodies were scooted to the side of the road and covered with newspapers. I had a summer job at the American Embassy in Cairo and rode with my dad to work. We passed a dead donkey by the side of the road and would remark on its decomposition ― Look, the dogs ate at its head! ― as banter during the commute.

Second: the people. Egyptians are a breed of easygoing mixed with impatient not often found in the United States. They’d use such words as ma’alesh ― whatever! ― and insha’allah ― If God be willing! ― 10 times in a sentence while laying on their horns, stopped in traffic that isn’t moving anywhere, anyhow, anytime soon. When we lived there, we had two drivers, a maid and even a man who came and did nothing but ironed clothes. We lived like royalty! And these Egyptians loved us so dearly! Our drivers would invite us to their apartments ― dusty, beige affairs that were the equivalent of living in a cinder block and inevitably up seven flights of stairs ― for dinners. Whole generations of their families lived there and, one by one, they’d all come out to nod and say hello, shaking our hands as if we were made of tissue paper that shouldn’t be crumpled. One time, as my mom, sister and I sat on the couch waiting for dinner, a man in a galabaya, a long dress-like garment worn by men, came in with a live sheep. He ceremoniously unrolled a piece of cloth containing a machete and various knives on the table in front of us and smiled. All the Egyptians clapped. Hooray! But not my mother. She was horrified. Apparently, the plan was to slaughter the animal there, in the living room, before us, which we then would enjoy at the dinner table not 10 feet away. It was a great honor. But not one my mother could handle taking place in front of her daughters.

An Egyptian man and his son hold a sheep in Cairo.

This sheep is lucky all it got was a photo shoot on this night in Cairo when it was supposed to end up on the dinner table.

Third: the customs. Upper and lower class Egyptians weren’t exactly buddies. My mother made the cultural faux pas one day of introducing her friend, a professor at the American University in Cairo, to our boab, the man who maintained our apartment complex, in the elevator. The boab’s face flushed and he stared at his sandaled feet as the professor watched the elevator buttons light up as we ascended to the fourth floor. Safe in our apartment, she then explained to my mother it’s inappropriate to introduce an Egyptian of a higher class to one of a lower stature. Who knew? And while most women in Cairo are Westernized, they’ve still got a long way to go, baby. My blonde hair ― severely lightened with Sun-In and peroxide in true ’80s style ― earned me more male attention than I’ve received in total during the years since. My family and I would be shopping at the bazaar and Egyptian men would offer my dad camels in trade for me. Men would randomly touch my head or even try brushing their fingers through my hair. And, oh!, the things I saw under some of those galabayas!

Fourth: the environment. In the summer, Cairo was a heatbox with temperatures soaring higher than 100 degrees. Much of the city went into hibernation mid-day, the parks and streets crowded starting about 11 p.m. (Try being a teenage American girl telling your strict parents you want to go dancing with your friends at a club at midnight and you’ll be home at 4 a.m. Not.) The air was so filled with dust, after being outside for 20 minutes you could scrape a finger along your jawbone and your nail would be filled with a black paste. Scores of people lived in a huge swath of Cairo called Garbage City, their homes made of cardboard and used water bottles. Others lived in a cemetery-turned-neighborhood, their living quarters situated among the tombs. Boabs on carts powered by donkeys and filled with trash would dump their loads by the side of the road. It was said drinking water from the Nile River would kill you on the spot.

A young girl stands outside the door of her home.

Today, I wonder if the things that made Cairo, Egypt, to me so exotic and beautiful and unlikely to pull off a revolution ― the disorganization, chaos, unfussy way of life ― no longer exist. I hope not. Regardless, I’m proud of what the Egyptians have accomplished. Is it silly to think of them as my people? I mean, they accomplished no easy task. See what they launched!

Here’s the remaining bit of my commentary: It’s obvious all this action in Tunisia, Egypt and elsewhere has been a wake-up call to the world. It should particularly be a wake-up call to Americans. Look what Middle Easterners are willing to endure (Libya, anyone?) to emulate the most revered form of government ever created: democracy. Made. In. America. It’s the Middle East, of all places, showing us here in happy, shiny America that such a thing, such an idea, such a life, is worth fighting for. Shouldn’t we listen more closely to the voices that forever will echo from Tahir ― Independence and liberation, baby! ― Square?

No You’re Not the Good Kind

February 23, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 9 Comments

No you’re Not the Good Kind

June 6^th, 2009 driving home from work stuck on Rt. 35 in miserable traffic, The Good Kind by the Wreckers was playing and I was a wreck myself. I still, to this day tell friends who know what happened, that my ride home that day was some sort of an omen. I probably knew for a very a long time but just didn’t want to come to terms with what was really happening.

Ohio Was For Lovers

I’m sure I hinted at this in my grand entrance article back in January and despite what I’d love to tell people, it was not my career that brought me here to the great state of Ohio. There was a time when I was less jaded and a hopeless romantic that believed in fairy tale endings. Part of me now, still does but I would be lying if I said my outlook on love, relationships and the true meaning of happiness hasn’t changed a slight bit.

Not sure entirely how it happened, but a few years back I found myself wrapped up in a long distance relationship, literally from New Jersey to Ohio with love. It was one of those random things that you never expect in life but are so great while you’re in them. I remember everyone around me telling me it was like a movie, and while most of the time it was, towards the end it was more of a Lifetime movie rather than a Nicholas Sparks film. I reference Big Nick a lot in my writing and it’s purely because as unrealistic as his stories are, many of us still cling to his version of happily ever after, as if it were the only definition of true happiness. Though the ending is still undetermined, my movie has been very different.

After about a year of traveling back and forth, the happiness I felt when being in Ohio was unmatched by anything else I’d felt in any other place and so I decided, “we decided” that we’d take a leap of faith. In a very short time, I packed up my life and left the Garden State behind. I remember thinking, I’d never felt such a sense of hope and belief that true happiness was right across state lines. Was it about the relationship or was it more? In retrospect, I believe that the relationship was merely a gateway to so much more that was in store for me, yet I, like many, had to stumble through tragedy to find my way.

Reality Kicked In

Every relationship has its honeymoon phase and over time things change, not always for the bad, but things become how shall I say, less intense. I wouldn’t say that the love faded but feelings certainly changed. Moving away from everything one knows does something to a person. It leaves you feeling like you could do anything in the world if you really put your heart and soul into it. For a long time, I felt like I was playing a role rather than living to my full potential. I was working from home and seriously lacking in social fulfillment. My life became all about the relationship and nothing about me, or my dreams, what I wanted out of life and in some respects I started to sabotage my own happiness . Whether by an act of God or some force of nature, in the Spring of 2009 I was laid off. It didn’t take long to secure a new job, but it meant having to leave the home and back to a 9 to 5 gig. I adjusted to the role change fine, however, the relationship did not.

I believe for the most part, despite my not being entirely happy that I did everything in my power to make it work but after a while you start to think, a relationship shouldn’t require that much work. Still, in my heart this person was the first and only person I could imagine spending my life with. So, I compromised a great deal of myself to make it work but I think after a while my subconscious gave in and I just stopped trying…I still struggle at times trying to understand where we went wrong but some things are just not meant to be and when you accept that, it becomes easier to understand.

About a week prior to the end, we had a conversation about the future and what we both wanted. That talk to me, was a new hope and even though there were things we still needed to work out, with nothing but sincerity or so I thought, he assured me that he wanted us to be together forever. Then the lights went out.

The End

For no reason that day in my car driving home, I cried hysterically thinking that any day it was going to end. All I could think of us was that I had picked up my life and left everything for nothing, that if it were to end it would kill me inside. I happened to check my phone sitting at a light, Facebook of course and noticed that on my wall was silly gift ring from him with a message saying, “You said I’d never give you a ring, love you can’t wait for you to get home” a message that is still lingering out there in cyberspace waiting to be caught by some “memory algorithm” I’m sure. Well, some things on Facebook are not so official and it was probably him just trying to make me feel better, as he often did. Strung out and tired as usual, my mood was far from pleasant when I got home despite the gesture. Instead of leaving my day behind me when I walked into my home I picked a fight about something so trivial, something that I should have just let go but I didn’t. That was about an hour before he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore, that the relationship wasn’t working for him. I believe in my heart that it was that argument which was the last straw for him and it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, I just couldn’t find that balance to separate my work life and home life. Pressure to be perfect in all aspects of my life weighed heavily in my mind, despite his endless effort to assure me I was perfect in his eyes. I know that it probably killed him to do that to me and though it was painful, he did what he had to do for his own happiness and I don’t blame him.

In the months to follow, he later told me that he had developed strong feelings for someone else and several months later they were together, despite some things that kept them apart early on. Today he his engaged to that person and they are to be married this summer. He describes her as the “one” and in some twisted way, they inspire me and give me hope that maybe second chances do exist.

What Happened Next

I listened to a whole lot of Rascal Flatts and drank a ton of wine. No sense in sugar coating it because I was an absolute mess. There were other things that just pushed the knife deeper and deeper and all I could think was when is it going to end. Though my struggles continued, I shortly began to see one blessing after another bestowed upon me. He wasn’t a bad guy, we just weren’t meant to be and I started to realize that had I cared that much about the relationship, I probably would have tried harder myself. After a while, I started to see the reasoning behind all that had happened, you know that silver lining people are always ranting about. From where I stand now, all of my sadness might have been worth it. It’s shaped me in some respects and ignited what some probably think of as an obnoxious spirit within me I never knew existed, a spirit that now will not let me settle for anything less than extraordinary for my life. All of it lead me here and not just to Dayton, but to my life, a life lived as it was intended to be lived. It may shock many to hear, but him and I still remain good friends even now after all that has happened, and that says a lot. He’s genuinely happy in his life and so I am. Many in my life are baffled by that, but such is life.

Why am I Sharing This?

Because frankly, shit happens and there’s no better way to put it. We all go through things in life that bring us down but we all have the power to pull through and make the best of any situation, if we allow ourselves too. I could have easily packed my stuff up and went crying home to New Jersey but I didn’t, I stayed. Almost two years later, I am more successful then I’d ever imagined I’d be and it’s not about my career it’s about how I view myself and feel about where I am headed in life. Happiness can be defined in so many ways and yeah, I once clung to the idea of a fairy tale romance being it for me. It still may be, but for now I move forward each day making the most out of what I’m given. Moral of the story is, never give up because you just never know what can happen if you just believe it will be ok. I used to say that I’d never be that girl in her 30s still single, yet here I am…, successful, extremely happy and yeah I’m single but I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world. As young professionals we may struggle finding the balance, but that doesn’t mean you should settle because you think your time to find love will run out. Never stop trying to fulfill your dreams and be part of things larger than yourself. Happiness is all around and if we just let go of all we’ve been told maybe there’s a few surprises waiting around the corner. Just don’t give up.

Love may have brought me here, but faith is what has kept me here.

When was the last time, you “Updated” your life?

February 16, 2011 By Shana Lloyd 1 Comment

Are we becoming too connected?

Before I continue, I’d like to just say that this is me being the pot who calls the kettle black. At the end, you can say to yourself “did that just happen.” Well, it’s about to, so you can either use some of the advice in this article or not.

It is part of my profession to be connected on social networks daily, to post updates, to keep people informed and to have interactive conversations, in a nutshell it’s what I do to keep a roof over my head. However, in January I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to cut back on “personal” use because I had started to feel like I had a relationship with the internet rather than with myself and my life. It’s now almost the end of February and I’m still plugged in tighter than a wine cork but I am not throwing in the towel just yet. On the plus side, the weather is getting warmer which is a distraction from the shiny things that have a hold of me right now. Logging off will get easier as the grass gets greener. By the way, in this case it is greener on the other side.

A Digital Society

There is no doubt that what we are witnessing here, with regard to how we communicate and share, is a revolutionary and exciting time for so many reasons, from consumer empowerment to social change and ignited advocacy. In the same token, we’ve become completely enveloped in our cyber lives that for some of us, our real life is suffering. I would never say to do anything so drastic as to unplug entirely but I do believe there exists a balance, or at least that is what they tell me. It’s difficult for to personally disconnect with the temptation of being connected for work. However, the rest of you (77.4% of the population) on the internet, yeah you, what the hell is your excuse? I think we’re doing ourselves a serious injustice by spending a majority of our free time online rather than out in the real world experiencing life.

Relationships

I know many people will cling to the fact that social networks and the internet keep their families and friends easily accessible. To me, however, there is a certain level of true connectivity that is lacking when we communicate online daily rather than making time to do things together and spend real time (not real time web) with one another. There is no replacement for face to face conversation and I fear we are losing the desire for it, some of us that is. Remember the days when we just called each other on the phone, made plans and just stuck to that? Nowadays we text or email each other constantly just to finalize one plan and though we may create events on Facebook and end up getting together, we end up on Facebook the entire time giving our friends and family a play by play of what we’re doing. When did we become so audience obsessed?

About a month ago, in conversation (face to face) with a good friend of mine I was looking down at my phone, answering emails and texts, not thinking for a second that what I was doing was rude. It’s just become so “normal.” Well, to her it was not normal. In fact, she was so offended by what I was doing and how rude it truly was that she expressed it and not in a “hey, you’re being rude” kind of way. Instead, it was more of genuine concern for me and what she felt, was becoming borderline unhealthy. In that moment, I think I hit some sort of interweb rock bottom. “Things have to change.”

Cause and Effect

Well we covered the cause. Now let’s discuss some of the effects. Our work is suffering because of constant distractions. Our relationships suffer because we commit more to telling a stupid box what’s on our minds ten or more times a day, rather than just telling each other face to face. Our privacy and intimate details of our lives have now become a sitcom for the world to see. We’ve become some sick breed of egocentric wannabe celebrities that are constantly looking for reassurance in the form of a “like.” If this seems harsh, well imagine what I felt when I was faced with the harsh reality of what I am starting to become. It’s no wonder Zombies have become such a fad, we’re all becoming them.

Everything in Moderation

Like your meats, fruits, veggies and grains..ingest the internet in moderation. Instead of sharing every one of the most exciting events of your life on the web, pick up the phone and share that excitement with friends and family. If you’re feeling like no one cares it’s because you’ve become so accustomed to that “like” button, a button that in the great scheme of the things means nothing other than an impression or view, big deal. Congratulations you were lucky enough to catch some other zombie’s attention at that given moment. I hear people complain daily about how they don’t understand why no one comments or likes their updates on Facebook and I am always like, heh? “How do you get so many comments on your posts Shana?”, I hear. There’s a difference between a personal user and professional doing personal branding or a business trying to grow. You’re not a brand trying to create awareness and boost revenue, you’re not a cause that needs activism, you’re not a band looking to build their fan base. You’re just another average Joe or Jane who created a profile on Facebook or Twitter or wherever to have a little fun and keep in contact with friends, stop taking it so seriously. Is it really that important how many “likes” you get?

Om. Relax. Find Balance.

Take a few moments and rethink how you spend your free time in life. Are you fulfilled? If you even think for a second, that you may potentially spend too much time online, odds are you do. I do, I know I do. However, gradually I am making changes necessary to get back to simplicity and enjoy my free time, offline. Start thinking about those hobbies you once loved and start getting back into them. Remember what life was like before all of this. I blame damn beepers, they changed everything. Back to my point, being connected is great but you need time for yourself in the real world. Not only for your health but for your emotional stability, for your sanity! Be emotionally charged by the life you have off of the social network wall. Give someone a real hug, instead of a poke. Ask someone for feedback over lunch rather than a blog post. Turn your mobile phones and log off your computers for a few or more hours a day if you can, and see what’s happening in the world around you. Today, I told someone I needed a vacation and his response was, “How are you going to get away from yourself?”. He’s right, only we have control over what we do and if we need a break it’s up to us to take one.

Update your life, not your status. Log into yourself instead of the internet.

Just something to think about.. Yeah, that really did just happen.