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Community

Volunteers Needed to Resurrect Arts Comimission

February 10, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby Leave a Comment

hhtsResidents of Huber Heights with an interest in the performing and visual arts are being encouraged to apply for 9 openings for the Arts Commission Board. This board has been inactive in recent years and is currently being reconstituted!

Applications will be accepted until March 1, 2010 and can be obtained at City Hall, 6131 Taylorsville Road or from the City of Huber Heights website, www.hhoh.org. (Click on the city “Employment Job Openings” link, then look under “Volunteer Opportunities”

Applicants must be a resident and elector of Huber Heights (registered to vote). Boards and commissions advise the City Council on issues important to the city of Huber Heights. Most positions do not require extensive expertise, just an eagerness to serve. The Arts Commission has nine (9) vacancies with staggered terms expiring from 2011 through 2014.

The Arts Commission is charged with studying and developing a program for the development and encouragement of all forms of art within the City, including the fine arts; performing arts; historical arts and interests in community heritage; folk arts; and cultural arts. The Arts Commission will make recommendations to the City Council on the implementation and operation of a City arts program. The Arts Commission will also have planning and operational responsibilities related to City-sponsored festivals, events, parades, etc.

It will meet once a month at a date and time yet to be determined.
Applications should be sent to the Huber Heights City Council, c/o Anthony Rodgers, Clerk of Council, 6131 Taylorsville Road, Huber Heights, OH 45424.

Filed Under: Getting Involved Tagged With: Arts Commision, Huber Heights

Help Create Xenia’s future!

February 10, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby Leave a Comment

xenia_logo_02There is a vacancy on the Xenia Planning and Zoning Commission! If you would like to be a part of planning for Xenia’s future and are interested in serving, keep reading:

The Planning and Zoning Commission is established by Xenia City Charter Article VIII, §8.01, and governed by Xenia Codified Ordinance Chapter 1220: Xenia Planning and Zoning Commission. The Planning and Zoning Commission shall be an advisory commission to the City Council. In the interest of public health, safety, convenience, comfort, prosperity or general welfare of the public, the Planning and Zoning Commission shall make recommendations to City Council upon the following: a Xenia Urban Service Area Land Use Plan for dividing the city or any portion thereof into zones or districts; limitations and regulations as to the height, bulk and location of structures; percentage of lot and dwelling unit occupancy; setback building lines; area and dimensions of yards, courts and other open spaces; uses of land, buildings and other structures in zones and districts; appropriate zoning for land surrounding the city; and such other things as City Council may deem appropriate. In addition, the Planning and Zoning Commission may make recommendations as to amend the Planning and Zoning Code and the zoning map. The commission consists of five volunteers who are residents of the City and are appointed by the City Council to staggered terms of four years each. One Council member serves as chair as appointed by the Council President at their second regular session in January of each year. Staff representatives include the City Planner ([email protected]) and/or the City Engineer ([email protected]).

Frequency of Meetings: Regular sessions are held once per month on the first Thursday, with occasional special sessions on the third Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. The public is invited to attend. Those who would like to relay a question, comment or concern to the Planning and Zoning Commission may do so at the meeting during Audience Break or by contacting the Chair of the Commission or the staff representatives through the links on this page. Citizens interested in placing an item on the agenda for discussion should submit their requests to the City Clerk, 101 N. Detroit Street, Xenia, OH 45385. Requests must be received no less than 10 days prior to the meeting date.

Meeting Location: Regular/Special Sessions are held in the City Council Chambers, 2nd Floor, City Hall, 101 N. Detroit Street, Xenia, unless otherwise noted on the published agenda.

Printable Meeting and Application Deadline Schedule: [click here]

Xenia Planning and Zoning Commission Application: To view and/or print the XPZC application, click here. To view and/or print the instructions, click here.  The Planning and Zoning Department staff is available to assist applicants during every phase of the application process. Applicants are strongly encouraged to schedule a pre-submittal meeting during which the applicant can learn about the Board and Commission process. A pre-submittal meeting also affords the applicant and staff the opportunity to address any initial concerns with the application. For more information or to schedule a meeting, please call the City Planner at (937) 376-7285 or e-mail [email protected].

For information on Planning and Zoning Commission Agendas and Meeting Minutes: Please call the City Clerk at (937) 376-7235 or e-mail [email protected].

Your current Planning and Zoning Commissioners are as follows:

  • Joshua Long, Vice Chair
  • Jim Kennedy
  • Sarah Amend
  • (vacancy)
  • Everett Ross

The Planning and Zoning Commission is chaired by Councilman John G. Caupp ([email protected]).

Vacancy Information: Thank you for your interest. There is currently a vacancy on the Planning and Zoning Commission.  If you are interested in serving, please contact Michelle Johnson, City Clerk, at (937) 376-7235.

Filed Under: Getting Involved

When to Take a Dump at the Elevator

February 8, 2010 By Dayton937 1 Comment

All the farmers flock to the elevator for Poop Day!Agricultural Terminology 101

Hello, I’m Holly Michael – farm wife, mother, blogger , DMM crazy headline writer and communications professional who has worked at some of Dayton’s largest companies. I straddle the sometimes equally stinky worlds of agriculture and corporate life, so you don’t have to.

Every industry has its own lingo. Let me take you behind the scenes of agriculture to better understand our language and culture. This way, you’ll have something to say to that guy who shows up on the undeveloped edge of your cul de sac with a tractor.

Livestock:
Cattle – cow (female that has had a calf), heifer (virgin cow), steer (future steaks), bull (big daddy with all his parts intact), also bovine

Sheep – ewe (female), weather (future gyro), ram (see bull), also dumbest animals ever

Pigs/hogs – sow (female that has had a litter of pigs), gilt (virgin pig), barrow (future sausage), boar (see bull), also swine

Crops:
Corn – grown in fields to be used as livestock feed and for commercial products. Field corn is vastly different from sweet corn grown in gardens.

Soybeans – short bushy green plants that produce pods. Harvested in the fall for livestock feed. Endamame is the name of the fresh green soybeans eaten in Asian cooking – they are a separate plant, not commonly raised in greater Dayton.

Wheat – grain harvested on the hottest day of the summer when the term “amber waves of grain” starts to apply. Straw is the stem of the wheat plant, commonly baled and used as livestock bedding or to keep your grass seed from blowing away.

Hay – grasses and clover grown in fields and mowed and baled multiple times over the summer. Each harvest is referred to as a “cutting.”

Equipment:
Livestock Trailer – used to haul farm animals. Farmers are contractually obligated to peer inside trailers they pass on the highway to see what’s inside.

Combine – harvester used for corn, soybeans and wheat. Uses different heads, depending on the crop. Some combines are so large that they haul their head behind them on a trailer when they use the roads.

Gravity wagon – tall-sided wagon built wide at the top and narrow on the bottom—uses gravity to dump its cargo of grain at the elevator.

Where to find a farmer:
Grain elevator – easily located facility, the hub of small town America, where farmers bring their grain to be stored in giant bins. The elevator usually sells feed and serves as a local hangout for farmers, offering free pancake breakfasts and celebrating “poop day.” (A real event I did not make up.)

County Fair – A weeklong celebration of all things agriculture. Farm families don’t visit the fair—they live it. An important time for farm families to celebrate their heritage and show off their livestock, crops and gardens. The Montgomery County Fair is always on Labor Day weekend.

4-H Meeting – Most farm kids are involved in 4-H, a national youth organization founded in Ohio more than 100 years ago. The four H’s are head, heart, hands and health – part of the 4-H pledge. 4-H’ers are not only farmers these days, including kids who take a variety of projects like art, cooking, sewing, and science to be evaluated at the fair.

You might not be ready for the Farm Science Review but this guide should help you converse with any farmers you run into while waiting in line to buy organic couscous at Dorothy Lane Market.

So just remember, during harvest you can dump your gravity wagon at the elevator, but follow this advice: never stay for the pancake breakfast when it falls on poop day.

Filed Under: Rural Living

Put Your Dirty Thoughts To Good Use

February 6, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby Leave a Comment

EF_WOhio_weblogoThe Epilepsy Foundation of Western Ohio is hosting the 20th annual Mud Volleyball for Epilepsy tournament on Saturday, July 10, 2010 in Dayton, Ohio.

You can help name this year’s tournament!  Generally, they switch themes every two years. Past themes inlcude MUDSTOCK, MUDARITAVILLE, MUD WHITE & BLUES etc.

You can see they like the word “Mud” to be used in the name.  If your name is chosen, they will thank you with special Mud Volleyball perks!  Even though they’re playing in the MUD, please keep it CLEAN! Submit your suggestions by clicking here.

Thanks, and LET THE MUD START FLYING!!!

Filed Under: Charity Events Tagged With: epilepsy foundation, Mud volleyball, Mudaritaville, Mudstock

Boonshoft Museum’s Pub Science Series Explores Nanotechonolgy

February 5, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro 1 Comment

nanotech

Concept of micro-bug repairing red blood cells

Imagine a world where microscopic organisms roam the human body, devouring harmful cholesterol and fats within the bloodstream.

Now envision a scenario in which  super-small enzymes are deployed to quickly and safely consume hazardous materials like oil spills or nuclear wastes.

Sounds like something out of a movie or a sci-fi novel, right?

Well, science fiction is rapidly becoming science fact as nanotechnology is poised to transform the worlds of medicine, health care and consumer electronics.

MurrayTerry

P. Terry Murray, Ph.D

Explore the technology that will make this possible with nanotech expert P. Terry Murray, Ph.D.  Murray, a scientist at the University of Dayton Research Institute.  He will be the guest speaker for the next “Pub Science” presentation, a monthly series of informal learning programs sponsored by the Boonshoft Museum of Discovery.

The series, which kicked off last December, was created as a fun way for anyone to learn about science and technology in a relaxed, informal setting. Previous topics discussed were cryopreservation and forensic science.

Pub Science-Nanotechnology is Feb. 9 UPDATE Feb. 16 , at  Blind Bob’s in the Oregon District. The lecture begins at 7 p.m. and will continue until all audience questions are answered.

Admission is free, though donations are encouraged.

Come out and discover why bigger is not always better!

Pub Science Series – Nantotechnology

Feb. 9 @ 7p.m.

UPDATE: Feb. 16 @ 7p.m.

Blind Bob’s, 430 East 5th Street
Dayton, OH 45402-2912
(937) 938-6405

Pub Science is held on the second Tuesday of every month.

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: Blind Bob's Tavern, boonshoft, pub science

Super Refund Saturday aims to ease the tax filing process

February 1, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro Leave a Comment

foreclosure-tax-credit

“Show me the money!” – Rod Tidwell, Jerry Maguire.

After giving Uncle Sam his monetary due for a full year, it’s time for a little payback.

Literally.

I always viewed tax season as a way of “sticking it to the man.”  The federal tax return was my way to wrangle back my money from the hands of the carnivorous entity known as the federal government. [Cue Darth Vader’s theme music here.]

All jokes aside, tax season can elicit  a certain level of anxiety for some. Changes in tax legislation, which took effect in 2009, may add to that frustration. It can be difficult to know what should be itemized, deducted, withheld or just plain not mentioned at all.

The good news is that the new laws, intended to help stimulate the lagging economy, may assist economically ailing individuals and families by returning more of your hard-earned bling to your bank account.

Even better news is that there are a host of local resources available to guide preparers through the process of filing a return.

One of those resources is “Super Refund Saturday” at the Montgomery County Job Center on Feb. 26, sponsored by Key Bank. The event will provide free tax preperation and filing services for attendees, who are suggested to bring the following documentation(if applicable):

  • W-2 forms.
  • 1099 forms.
  • Unemployment forms.
  • Proof of childcare payments.
  • Social security cards for dependants.
  • Last year’s tax return.
  • Bank account and routing number for direct deposit.

“Super Refund Saturday” takes place at the Montgomery County Job Center on 1111 S. Edwin C. Moses Blvd. from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Appointments are recommended.

For additional information about the upcoming event, call the Job Center at 937-913-2000.

Filed Under: Community

South Park Sculptor’s Work on Permanent Display at Airport

January 29, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby 1 Comment

stokerrailingLocal metal sculptor, Hamilton Dixon, recently unveiled his latest public railing installation in the new Boston Stoker Coffee shop, located in the lobby of the Dayton International Airport.

Dixon, creator of the Dayton Art Institute railing, explored a new dimension with this railing fabrication, producing an outcome that is both fluid and multi-dimensional. The railing itself runs 30 feet in length, and it swoops and bows at a variety of heights and depths, complete with hand-forged interior components that seem to reflect an “Earth meets Sky” theme.

According to Dixon, the inspiration for this design came primarily from Don Dean of Boston Stoker, who makes a point of celebrating the local artists community. “I appreciate the opportunity that Boston Stoker has given me to have my work seen by so many people arriving to and departing from the Dayton airport, “ said Dixon.

HamiltonsculptsThe forging process used by Dixon is similar to that of an old-world blacksmith.  He begins his process with sticks of mild steel bar, either squared or round, then places them in a forge until they are red-hot.  He then manually removes the heated stick, and with hammer and anvil, hand-forges the steel into its intended shape.  Each and every element of this one-of-a-kind railing was hand-forged by the artist.

Dixon has been sculpting steel as an art form for 20 years. He began working with metal as a welder on an offshore oilrig in the 1980’s. He then attended Turley Forge School in Santa Fe, New Mexico where he learned basic techniques in forging steel, and in 1991 he relocated to Dayton, were he lives with his family in the historic South Park neighborhood.

He has produced a wide range of public art, installed throughout the Miami Valley; Dayton Art Institute Rotunda, Serenity Pines (University of Dayton), Aids Resource Center Kuntz Building, Cooper Loft Lobby, Kettering Delco Park, as well as private installations around Dayton and throughout the U.S.  For additional information about the artist and his other installations in the Dayton area, go to www.hamiltondixon.com.

ham'sbracletTo celebrate this most recent installation, Dixon has produced a line of limited edition, commemorative bracelet, which is currently on display at the Airport Boston Stoker. Bracelet is made of pure, solid, sterling silver,
hand-hammered by artist himself, numbered and signed for $180.  Purchase inquiries can be made by calling the  artists’s studio 228-3555.

The railing at the Dayton International Airport is a permanent installation and can be seen anytime, preferably with a hot latte in hand.

Filed Under: Downtown Dayton, The Featured Articles Tagged With: Boston Stoker, Hamilton Dixon, sculptor

Dorothy Lane Market Lets You Choose Who They Support

January 29, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby Leave a Comment

dlmDorothy Lane Market has been supporting our community since 1948 and even include this support as part of their mission statement.  Their Good Neighbor Program is the main ways they do this. Now with three locations, Dorothy Lane Market has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to numerous local non profit organizations over the past several years through this program.

In 2010, DLM will donate $40,000 back to the community. The fun part is that you choose how the money is distributed using your DLM Club Card! All you do is simply choose an organization from the over 400 on their list to have your purchases credited. The groups span the interests of the community, including  A Special Wish, Dayton Gay Men’s Chorus, the Humane Society, Stivers Seedling Fund and Project READ.  If your favorite charity isn’t included, just contact DLM to add it!

Every time you shop and scan your Club DLM card, your chosen nonprofit organization is “credited” with the purchase. At the end of the year participating charities will receive a pro-rated portion of the total $40,000, depending on the amount spent by participating customers with a Club DLM card. Sign up today and shop at Dorothy Lane Market to benefit the charity of your choice!  Neighbor Program for 2010!

Filed Under: Charity Events Tagged With: charity, DLM, Dorothy Lane Market, Good Neighbor

Raffle to win Brunch With Project Runway’s Althea Harper

January 27, 2010 By Lisa Grigsby Leave a Comment

altheahaprerOakwood’s own Althea Harper made it to Fashion Week last year in New York Ctiy!  TV Personality and fashion consultant  Tim Gunn made it to the Front Street Lofts here in Dayton to follow her progress.  And another Dayton Original got nationwide attention.

If you were enthralled watching  Althea’s weekly runway designs, sketches and Fashions on last year’s Project Runway, imagine the chance to talk about it all with her over brunch here in Dayton!

Purchase a $10 raffle ticket to help the Humane Society of Greater Dayton and you just might find yourself and 3 of your friends dining with Althea Harper and her mom this Sunday at Micheal’s Dining and Jazz for Brunch. Tickets still available, and the drawing will be Friday.

Filed Under: Charity Events

d8n virus 1.22

January 24, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Opinion Tagged With: Dayton Ohio News Culture Politics Entertainment Cityfolk Festival The Huffington Post Motel Beds

Top Ten Things I Love About Summer

January 22, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Some Like It Hot

  1. I can go to any pool or beach and see women wearing what are essentially bra and panties without the inconvenience of standing in the bushes outside their window.
  2. My melanoma is hungry after its winter hibernation.
  3. I absolutely love putting on SPF 5000 sunscreen all over my body, some zinc oxide on my nose and making sure that my hat creates a five foot circumference swath of shade around me so that I can go outside to enjoy the sun.
  4. I’ve never lost the tips of my toes to “heatbite”.
  5. Women + Thin T-Shirts + Air Conditioning = Eye Popping Event.
  6. You can urinate in the woods without the fear of shrinkage, frostbite, hungry squirrels seeking “nuts” or the potentially life threatening mistake of getting “it” frozen to a metal fence post.
  7. There is no better experience than hitting a swarm of cicadas on a motorcycle at 60 mph.
  8. It’s great to be able to turn the air conditioning on, lowering the temperature of the house to the same level that you were freezing at during the winter.
  9. Watching a bleach blonde’s hair turn green after she’s been in the pool for a while.
  10. Finding out exactly how hot the change in your car is after roasting in the car all day. I still have the imprint of a 1978 quarter on my hand. I felt just like the German guy in the first Indiana Jones movie.

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, summer, top ten list

A.R.I.S.E. After School Arts Program launched

January 21, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro 2 Comments

kids-paintingArtistic Resources in Social Empowerment (A.R.I.S.E.), an after-school arts program for youth ages 6 to 10, began a six-week schedule of classes on Monday, January 11. Week-long programs will be presented Monday through Friday from 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. at the Dayton Cultural Center, 40 S. Edwin C. Moses Blvd.

Instructors will guide students through projects designed to build self-esteem and inspire artistic awareness, using media such as clay, paint, mosaic and more. The fee is $25 per week.

For information call the Department of Recreation and YOUth Services at 333-2489.

From the City of Dayton, Recreation and Youth Services.

Filed Under: Schools/Education

the d8n virus 1.21 – R.I.P. Pop-N-Fresh; Plummer Apologizes, and more…

January 19, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Opinion Tagged With: Dayton Ohio Culture News Politics Drexel Dave Sparks

Economic Impact of Revitalizing Cooper Park

January 17, 2010 By Dayton Most Metro 2 Comments

The Trust for Public Land published a report in 2009 that measured the value of urban parks to the communities they serve.  The report identified seven measurable economic drivers of parks.

  • property value NEFromStatue
  • tourism
  • direct use
  • health
  • community cohesion
  • clean water
  • clean air

Not all of those factors are easily quantifiable with respect to Cooper Park, but property value, direct use and community cohesion can be measured.   The following estimated economic impacts for Cooper Park are based on applying the formulas sited in the report when used in other cities of similar regional make up.

Property Value/Hedonic Impact

Over 30 studies have been done on the impact of urban parks on property winter_cooperparkvalues.  Typically people are willing to pay more for a home that is near or overlooking a park due to the “hedonic value.”  This means that the value of a property is affected by the home’s proximity to the park and the quality of the park itself.  The report measures the value of a home within 500 feet of the park but states that the economic value of the park on property values has been measured at distances up to 2000 feet.

The Cooper Park neighborhood is generally understood to comprise of Cooper Place townhomes, Ice Avenue Lofts (aka Ice House), Cooper Lofts and the Litehouse townhomes on Canal Block.  These are the residences that are adjacent to the park and all fall within 500 feet.

Parks that are poorly maintained or unattractive are marginally valuable and dangerous parks can reduce property values.  Parkland adds 5% value to the assessed value of dwellings within 500 ft.  Excellent parks add 15% to the value of a dwelling while problematic parks reduce the assessed value by 5%.

The values of the Cooper Park neighborhood have been negatively impacted in recent years due to the housing collapse and the vacancy rates of downtown Dayton office buildings.  Quantifying that impact can be difficult due to the limited number of sales that have occurred in the neighborhood.  Generally, the real estate values peaked for the neighborhood in 2005-2006.  Based on research of home sales over the last four years

  • Cooper Place has lost approximately $6.80 per square foot from 2007 to 2009 (2009 average: $67)
  • Ice Avenue has lost approximately $21.00 per square foot from its peak in 2006 to 2009 (2009 average: $101)
  • Cooper Lofts has lost the most from its peak in 2006 to 2009 with $38.47 per square foot (2009 average is $92.17 with only one sale on record since 2006.)

The quality of the park currently is likely adding minimal value to the adjacent properties in its current state.  It is so under-whelming that most real estate listings do not even mention its proximity as an amenity and visitors to the area hardly even notice it, despite its large size.

Due to the currently depressed home values, at minimum developing the park will aid in the recovery of prices back to the peak price points of the Cooper Park neighborhood.  Hopefully the park will become an amenity that directly increases the values of the homes.  Since the neighborhood sits directly between the Riverscape expansion project and Cooper Park, the economic impact of having two urban parks within 1000 feet should be greater than the averaged 5% referenced in the study.   In addition to helping the home owners, the increased tax base would help the city.

Several apartment complexes also would be positively affected by the Cooper Park revitalization:

  • Jefferson Place Apartments: approximately 500 feet west of the park on Second Street
  • The Cannery: approximately 1000 feet from the park, east on Third street.
  • St. Clair Lofts & Lofts on St. Clair: approximately 1000 feet to the park, south on St. Clair.

Direct Use

The numbers for direct use of a park try to capture the value to the consumer.  These numbers are pulled from the same report and are a good basis for Dayton area urban parks.  To better quantify this we would need to determine in usage levels of Cooper Park throughout the year.

  • Direct use: $1.91 average value per visit to the park (walking the dog, sitting on a bench, playing on the playground, etc.)
  • $9.33 average value per use for programmed activities such as concerts, plays, festivals, gardening.

Social Capital

Social capital refers to the community cohesion economic development factor.  This puts a dollar value to a volunteer’s hours devoted to park improvements, education and development.   It also captures the donations and grants that are made to improve parks.  Finally, it assesses the value of creating a neighborhood within a city by having a unifying goal and community driven programming.  Hourly value of volunteerism for parks in the study was $18.17/hr. To determine the annual social capital figure for Cooper Park we will have to wait until next year when the volunteer hours contributed and fundraising campaign can be assessed.

A study done by the Wallace Foundation in 2004 discusses the broader value of programming in urban parks as a way to engage youth, provide entry level employment, improve residential health, and develop social capital.  All of these things can be broader goals of the Cooper Park revitalization effort.  The underlying point of all the studies was that urban parks are vital contributors to the achievement of wider urban policy objectives.

Filed Under: Downtown Dayton Tagged With: Cooper Park, Downtown Dayton, Economic Development

Top Ten Things I Want To Do Before I Die

January 17, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

Better Start To Work On This List Now

  1. Hopefully find a cure for what’s going to kill me.
  2. If it is a malignant type of illness, like a brain tumor, I’ll purchase a large tow truck with push bars on the front and teach retroactive driver’s education to those moronic motorists who so desperately need it.
  3. With my last breath, I hope I have the presence of mind to call my family close to me and whisper, “I’ve been stashing money in the house. There’s about $80,000 in the…aaaggghh!” and then die. It will be hilarious to look on from the afterlife as they destroy the house searching for it.
  4. A three-way with Jessica Alba and Jessica Tandy. Yes, I know Jessica Tandy is dead.
  5. I want to have an animatronics alien surgically implanted into my chest that monitors my heartbeat. When my heartbeat stops, a countdown clock will begin that will send the alien bursting through my chest, hopefully during my viewing.
  6. I want to rack up $100,000 in credit card debt so that I have something to leave to my kids.
  7. To bitch slap the creators of the Lifetime network for forcing me to suffer through an endless barrage of bile inducing “real life dramas” that seem to unify the female populace into believing that even if something horribly tragic hasn’t happened to them, it probably will during the commercial break.
  8. To split an infinitive…or to divide by zero…whichever.
  9. I would like to translate some of the Dead Sea Scrolls to prove that Angela and Brad are adopting another child from Bora Bora so that their twin hell spawns have something to feed on after they are birthed unto the world, thus breaking the seventh seal, bringing about the time of darkness.
  10. To have hot monkey lovin’ with the cast of Planet of the Apes: The Musical!


Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, top ten list

Top Ten Reasons I Question My Masculinity

January 17, 2010 By J.T. Ryder Leave a Comment

I Am Secure In Carrying My Man Purse

  1. I know the lyrics to most of Lady Gaga’s songs.
  2. I know that my woman is an Autumn and not a Winter, as she so erroneously believes.
  3. I can tell the difference between a green, a pink or a yellow based beige.
  4. I have been referred to as being “snarky.”
  5. I misunderstood and brought a tube of lube when some guys asked if I wanted to play cornhole.
  6. I’m the one who decorates the house and picks the color schemes. It’s only because if my better half were allowed to do it, it would look as if a Serbian whore had eaten a Family Dollar store, washed it down with a blueberry Slurpee and then vomited the whole mess up in our living room.
  7. I won’t watch football, baseball, hockey or basketball…but I will watch figure skating and gymnastics.
  8. My mom calls to discuss her plans on interior decorating.
  9. On that point, and not to cast any blame or anything, my mom wanted me to become a hairdresser. My grandmother wanted me to become a priest, so either way…
  10. I pick out fabulous greeting cards!

Filed Under: Community Tagged With: humor, J.T. Ryder, masculinity, top ten list

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